By J. Marie
Warning!! This a lemon yaoi fanfiction starring Seifer Almasy and Squall Leonhart from Final Fantasy VIII. It is rated NC-17. Aaaahhhhh!!! Can't stop!!! Must write more!!!!
I woke up to the feel of something wet on my neck. I reached back to touch the wet spot, and discovered Zell's face. He had been drooling on my neck while he slept.
"Mmmrrrmmmph," was all he muttered, wrapping his arms around me and squeezing.
"Mmmm... Quistis......" he sighed in his sleep. I couldn't take it anymore.
"GET OFF ME, CHICKEN WUSS!!!"
"Wha-?? Seifer, I'm gonna beat your face in!!" He yelled as he sat bolt upright, punching the air.
I sat up next to him, wiping his saliva from my neck. "Goddammit, Zell," I sighed and got up to take a shower and wash Zell germs off my body.
"Whoa, boy!! Morning wood alert!! Did I get you off or something last night?" Zell asked, seeing my erection.
I blushed and adjusted my boxers. I had a vague remembrance of some sort of erotic dream, but it was fuzzy in my memory. "Actually, quite the opposite. If it weren't for you, I might have been able to bust my nuts," I sighed and locked myself in the bathroom.
Zell said something, but I didn't hear it. I turned on the shower and peeled off my boxers, and was surprised to see that I was leaking precum all over myself. I sighed and got under the hot water, stroking myself. I found my thoughts inadvertently turning to the glimpse of Seifer's body the night before, and immediately felt the tremors of orgasm overtake me. I gasped as I came, more in surprise than anything.
What was going on with me? I'd never thought about men sexually before, much less the guy who spent our childhood tormenting me. But then again, I'll admit it to myself that I didn't think of anyone sexually. I wasn't really a sexual person. I mean, sure, I'd had sex, but it wasn't anything that made the earth move, or caused me to sing about.
But the simple thought of Seifer..... Heat rose to my cheeks.
This was beyond wrong. If I had to be gay, why for Seifer? He hated me. What's more, he was probably dating Quistis. This was too sad. But the more I thought about it, the more my attraction to Seifer seemed real. I had no interest in Rinoa, until the fact that she was Seifer's girlfriend made me jealous. I certainly wasn't interested in either Quistis or Zell, but seeing them with Seifer was making me see green. And now I had to face the fact that I liked Seifer.
Now the question remained of what the hell I was going to do about the situation.
Breakfast was eggs and toast, and almost everyone ate more than they should have. I tried to eat normally, but my appetite was gone. I kept thinking of Seifer.
This was driving me even more crazy than being jealous. Which I still was.
Seifer and Quistis sat by each other, their conversation animated and apparently full of jokes. Irvine, Selphie, and Zell joined in soon enough, and the whole table got loud and frustrating. I finished half my plate, and wandered off to the sliding glass doors, to stare out at the sea. I caught Seifer glance at me with an almost concerned expression, especially when he looked at my half-eaten plate.
I was wearing my usual black attire, and my black-make-up. I didn't feel like swimming today, and I knew my skin was going to burn if I went out there in the daylight again. Matron and Cid were talking about some sort of seashell collection walk. I passed on their offer, saying I wasn't feeling well.
Everyone traipsed out with Matron and Cid, leaving me to my own devices. Quistis had given me another motherly glare for not joining in, but I ignored her. I needed to think and collect my thoughts. I still had the rest of the week here. I waited until everyone was out of site and headed off to some of the rocky outcroppings near the beach and sat there, shaded from the sun. I hit the bottom of my new clove cigarette pack, and pulled out one, lighting it up. I loved the smell of cloves in the air. Their taste was a million times better than normal cigarettes, almost sweet. I smoked a couple of them before setting them aside, enjoying the view of the waves and the ocean. I had come over here to think, but my thoughts felt blank all of a sudden. It was nice to be free of thoughts for a while.
I'm not sure how much time passed, but it must have been a few hours. I was sort of half-dozing, when a shadow covered me. I opened one eye, glancing up on my visitor. I felt the thump of something squishy on my chest and I sat up.
"Quistis told me to bring you lunch. She said you better eat it all, too, or I have her permission to beat you like a red-headed stepchild."
I sighed, realizing that a wrapped sandwich was on my chest. Seifer plopped down beside me, opening a huge bag of chips. He handed me a can of soda, which I took carefully. I was, to say the least, surprised. Seifer was sitting next to me? Bringing me food? I could almost hear the horse hooves of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
"So. Am I dying? Are you dying? What brings on this sudden bout of decency?" I asked him drolly, checking the sandwich for scorpions or poison.
"No, no one's dying. I just... I just came to say I was sorry," he sighed, hanging his head.
I blinked slowly. The Four Horsemen were definitely on their way. "Wha....?" I asked, not able to vocalize properly.
"Look, Squall, we never got along as kids. Nor as teenagers, or anything else. But I made some mistakes in the past.... When I became the Sorceress' Knight, for one. It was mostly brainwashing, but not all of it was. I wanted to be her servant, but not like that. Things were really screwed up back then. I've apologized to everyone, but you. I made it a point to visit everyone, but I just couldn't face you. I almost didn't come, because I knew you were going to be here. And when I saw you, well, old habits die hard, and I found myself turning into a jackass... So I wanted to say I'm sorry," Seifer sighed.
I blinked again. I half expected Jesus to show up and lead away all the good people to heaven. "Um... Are you feeling alright?" I asked.
"I'm not joking, Squall," he told me, narrowing his jade green eyes.
"Right. Sorry. You're, um, forgiven," I said, mostly into the sandwich I was eating.
"Thanks," he said, staring out at the ocean.
"So, um, isn't Quistis going to be missing you?" I asked tactfully, trying to probe him. Having him near me without anger felt so completely different than ever before. Before, when he sat by me, I would be worried about him kicking me, or hitting me. But without that threat, I realized that his presence was almost comforting.
Seifer gave me an odd look. "She's the one who sent me over here. She knows me too damn well, so she forced me to come. Would you like to see the bruise she gave me on my shin for it?" he asked with an odd edge to his voice.
"Well, I just thought she would want you near her...." I said, gulping down some of the soda.
"Why? It's not like we're dating. 'Sides, she's too busy fighting off Zell and Irvine right now. They stole her bikini top, and she was hiding in the water before I left," he shrugged.
"I'm surprised you didn't stay to watch," I muttered, digging into the bag of chips, finding myself hungry.
"Why would I want to?" he asked me, beginning to sound angry all of a sudden. Had he tried to date her, and she rebuffed him? I backed off.
"I'm sorry. I mean, she's really beautiful, so I just thought..." I started, hoping he wasn't going to get mad again.
"So? Look, let's just drop the subject," he said, looking away from me.
"Right, sorry," I sighed, allowing silence to fill up between us. I found myself staring at him, memorizing the lines of his muscles. He was almost perfect, beautiful, but still masculine. He looked like a Nordic god brought to life. His face was chiseled to a perfect profile, his hair sun-kissed and golden. His eyes were a hard green. And I was pathetic.
I shook myself to clear my thoughts. It was just a fleeting sexual attraction and would pass. I only felt this way because he was so unattainable. It was probably some weird manifestation of my alpha male desire to dominate him. But then I realized that I'd prefer him to dominate me. Well, then maybe it's some sort of masochistic desire I have. I tried to rationalize my feelings, but they refused to be put into nice little boxes. What was going on? Had I always liked Seifer, and hid my feelings, or was this a new development? I tried to think about how I felt about him in the past, but the GFs had stolen the memories of most of my adolescence away from me.
"You're talking to yourself in your head, aren't you? One of your silent monologues?" Seifer asked me, giving me his infamous smirk.
I blinked at him. "It's helps me work things out," I told him.
"Right. When I wanna work things out, I go looking for the source of my problem and solve it right then. Usually," Seifer said, his smirk on verge of a smile.
"Yes, well, beating up my problem would not solve it. In fact it would only make it worse," I sighed.
"Well, why don't you just go to whoever your problem is, or whatever it is, and deal with it?" he asked me, sounding serious.
I gave Seifer an odd look. "Not an option," I said, wondering if he had noticed the way I was looking at him, or something.
"Because you're my problem."
"Are you still pissed at me, then?"
"No. It's too complicated. Let's just leave it alone for now," I sighed, turning away. I wanted to tell him what I was thinking and feeling, but I knew how bad it would sound. Hey, Seifer, I realized this morning while I was beating off in the shower that I have the hots for you. Wanna fuck?
"Well, why don't you come and join the rest of us?"
"Not in the mood, right now. Maybe later. Tell everyone I'll go swimming when the sun goes down. I don't feel like getting burned today. And I'm not done talking to myself."
"Suit yourself," Seifer shrugged, getting up to leave. For a moment, I wished he would force me down into the sand, rip my clothes off, and fuck me. Hard. I can't say why the thought crossed my mind, but it did.
"See you after dusk," I sighed, laying back in the sand, hiding from the sun.
"Right. Sorry to disturb your sleep. Want I should bring the coffin up for you to rest in?" he asked sourly.
"That's alright. I'm incognito today," I said, giving him my best attempt at a smile, which wasn't very.
"Heh," was all he said as he left. I almost immediately missed his presence.
I curled back up in the shade, mulling over my thoughts and feelings. Little bits and pieces of myself became clearer the more I thought about it. I could suddenly place my desire for Seifer as definitively masochistic. I surprised myself with the want for him to dominate me. The thought of him being the boorish jackass he is, kinda turned me on. Only instead of defeating me in battle, I wanted him to defeat me sexually. I wanted him to force himself on me. I wanted to be tied up, and sexually degraded.
Christ, I'm a sick fuck.
I wondered if I wanted to be raped, and reflected that I didn't. I didn't want any real pain. And rape was only if I didn't want to have sex with him, but I obviously did. I wanted more B&D than S&M. I didn't want him to hurt me. I just wanted him to be rough. I wanted Seifer to be himself. I didn't want to change him and turn him to some fucking wishy-washy pansy. I wanted him to fuck me so hard my head would bang against the headboard. I wanted him to make me lick the cum off the tip of his dick. I wanted him to show up in the middle of the night, laughing with that cocky laugh of his, gag me, and then have his way with me.
I decided that I was definitely going crazy. But it all made sense the more I thought about it. Seifer had always been trying to dominate me, our whole lives. I didn't want to be dominated, but I did. I fought him off, but never too hard. I responded to every challenge he ever gave me. Out of all the people I ever met, Seifer was the only one stronger than me. I had to make sure he was strong enough. Who else would be worthy to conquer me but him?
Maybe it would be better if I was going crazy.
I left my rocks near dusk, heading back to the cottage to change into my swimming trunks and wipe my make-up off. Again, the persistent feeling of being naked without my make-up returned. I decided to ignore it and headed out the picnic tables, where Matron and Cid were barbecuing dinner. The rest of the group was there, and they all seemed pretty pleased to see me.
Matron looked up at me and smiled. "I'm glad you decided to join us, Squall. Did you work out whatever you needed to work out?" she asked.
"Not really. But at least I figured enough of it out, that I might be able to work it out," I said with more confidence than I felt, sitting down at the table across from Quistis.
Quistis was giggling, and nudged Seifer with her elbow. He scowled and brought something out, handing it to me. "Here. We made it for you," he sighed, giving Quistis the evil eye.
Seifer and everyone else made something for me? Jesus must have come and gone, and I missed him. Oh well. I had already figured out I wasn't going to go to Heaven anyways. I took the parcel, staring at the brown paper bag. "Gee, guys. A brown paper bag. Just what I always wanted. You shouldn't have," I remarked.
"Stop being such a goddam wiseass and open it, Dracula," he scowled. I shrugged and opened the parcel, and stared at what they had made me.
It was a piece of cardboard, with seashells glued to it. The shells were all nice looking and glued in such a fashion so as to spell out words. I read the shells, and chuckled. It was actually kind of funny. And kinda me, I guess. It said: I am lost. I have gone to go look for myself. Should I return before I get back, please tell me to wait for myself. Let me know that I should return shortly. With regards, Me, Myself, and I.
"It was Seifer's idea, but he kept giving himself blisters with the hot glue gun, so we took mercy on him and helped. Besides, he couldn't pick any decent shells, so we had to help with that, too. And then we had to cut the cardboard before he cut himself. But there it is. It was definitely you," Quistis giggled.
"She wouldn't let me beat you up, so I decided to be snide instead," Seifer said with a smirk.
"Your peace offering has been accepted. I promise not to put the sand snakes in your bed tonight," I said. Seifer grinned.
"Promise not to put the scorpions in either, and we could even be friends," Seifer offered.
"Let me think on that. It's a tough decision. How about just a few crabs?"
"I already got those from my last lay. I refuse to accept any crabs from anyone without sexual gratification. Make it a lobster and we'll be okay. I could cook him up and eat him."
"I'll put a lobster in your bed only if I could put two and you cook me up the second one."
"Question. Do you guys actually think you're funny?" Selphie piped up.
"Sure, Selphie. Almost as funny as you look," Seifer grinned.
"I am not funny looking!!!" Selphie screeched, throwing sand at Seifer. He threw some back at her, and next thing you know, we all had to get involved. By the time dinner was ready, we all had sand in our hair, on our faces, in our pants, and stuck to our hands.
"Sometimes I wonder if the lot of you ever intend on growing up," Matron sighed, smiling slightly.
"Can't. Peter Pan kidnapped all of us, and we all wound up in Never Never Land. Then he returned us so our bodies could age, but our minds are forever frozen at the age he took us. Unfortunately, he waited until we had all hit puberty, so we'll always act like horny teenagers. But at least Squall was spared. He still hasn't reached puberty," Selphie said sagely, before everyone began to snicker at me. I flipped her off.
We ate our dinner, and then the lot of us all ran off to the water, racing each other. Seifer, being the tallest, and thusly having the longest legs, won, but Selphie, being the fastest, was a close second.
I stood at the edge of the water for a moment, admiring the waves. I loved the sea best at night, with no sun glaring off things. I waded in to my knees, feeling the cool comfort of it around me. And then I was suddenly propelled about twenty feet into it's depths, by a rather large human force.
I came up sputtering, catching a glance of jade green eyes illuminated only by the moon, and that insufferable grin. Seifer. He grabbed me around the waist, pulling me under again. I kicked at him, freeing myself before my lungs burst. I rose to the surface of the water, coughing. I could hear Seifer laughing behind me. "C'mon, Squally Boy!! Can't handle a little horseplay? Have you gotten all soft on me?" he cried, swimming towards me like a fish. Seifer had always been a strong swimmer, and reached me in seconds, before I could recover from my coughing fits.
I managed to gasp for air before he yanked me under again, pulling me out farther from shore. I struggled against him, but Seifer has six inches and sixty pounds on me. We tumbled in the deep blue of the ocean, our bodies tangling. He had me by the waist, and was trying to pin my arms. The feel of him wrestling against me began to turn me on. After what seemed like hours, we were both forced to rise ot the surface for air.
I caught a glimpse of Irvine and Zell in the water, doing pretty much the same. The old alpha male routine. Trying to see who was better. Selphie and Quistis cheered us on from the shallow end, obviously enjoying the show. I wasn't sure, but I think they were betting on us with Matron and Cid. I had little time to do anything about it, before Seifer pulled me under again.
"C'mon, Squall!! What'cha got, boy??" Seifer hollered, rolling me over in the water. This time I had a better grip and kicked back at him, causing him to free me. I wasn't going to let him dominate me that easy. I swam away from him, but he grabbed my ankle and started pulling me back towards him. I tried to kick at him with my other foot, but we had reached a stalemate. He let me go again, to get a better grip.
I swam away quickly, giving him a good chase. I swam past Irvine and Zell, noting that Zell had Irvine in a headlock. Irvine, knowing that Zell was far stronger than he was, improvised a getaway maneuver by twisting around and licking Zell's nipple. The little blonde squealed, and I could hear the splash of Irvine trying to push Zell in the water. Unfortunately, my distraction with Irvine and Zell's horseplay caused me to get caught by my own stalker.
His strong arms were around me, pulling me back out from shore. I struggled, but his hold was unbreakable. I could feel his smooth, muscular chest against my back. His nipples were surprisingly hard, pressed against my shoulder blades. I arched myself back unconsciously as he rolled me, feeling the press of his washboard stomach against my ass. I struggled again, but not to get free as we rolled again and I caught my breath, but to be able to press my ass against his groin.
He was as hard as I was.
The fact that Seifer was aroused surprised me. Was I turning him on? Or was it just a natural reaction to our bodies wrestling against the other? I didn't really care at the moment, and pressed my backside into his groin, wiggling slightly. Seifer gasped underwater, letting me go. I took the advantage to swim away. I was turned on, but at the same time, we're talking about Seifer here. I wanted him to dominate me sexually, not to beat the holy living crap out of me.
I made it to shore, where I saw Quistis grump and hand Selphie some money. She grinned and cheered, winking at me. "I guess you won, Squall. You got away. But how?" she asked.
"Underhanded tactics. Leave it at that," I shrugged, taking a few of the dollars from her hand. My share of the money. I turned around to see what was going on, making sure my erection was well hidden by my swimming trunks.
Seifer was still in the water, and he looked pissed. I could tell he was cursing under his breath. I wondered if he was angry because I'd just made him blueball and hadn't stuck around to take care of the problem, or because I'd just made him blueball and I was me. Zell and Irvine were still at it.
"Looks like your boyfriend seems to be enjoying himself with Zell," I commented to Selphie.
"Christ, my boyfriend would be enjoying himself if he was wrestling Cid. Zell's human. That's all it takes to turn my little cowboy on," Selphie rolled her eyes. I suddenly noted that she didn't act like she was on drugs anymore, and was acting somewhat normal the past couple days.
"Hey, Selphie, did you decide to stop taking the amphetamines?" I asked idly. Quistis had binoculars to watch Zell and Irvine, and had a shit-eating grin on her face.
"Jackass. No, I was never on amphetamines!" she whined.
"Well, why do you act so normal now?"
"What? Give me a break, Squall. I'm twenty years old. Not seventeen. I'm not so hyper, Quistis ain't so self-conscious, Seifer's not so mean, Zell's not so stupid, Irvine's even hornier, and you turned into a reject from the last Marilyn Manson video," she quipped.
"Point taken," I shrugged.
Irvine finally managed to get away, but was pulled under by Zell at the last minute, who emerged victorious, by stepping on Irvine's back. He grinned and posed for us. Quistis giggled and snatched some money from Selphie's hand, who was now glaring at her boyfriend, who was just pulling his face out of the sand.
Seifer finally made it to shore after a few minutes, fuming. If looks could kill, I'd be dead and buried. I turned my face and decided to ignore him. If pretended it was nothing, then maybe he would believe it too. And then he wouldn't kill me. I glanced down at his crotch discreetly, and realized his erection was completely gone. I wondered if he'd spent his time in the water making it go away, or if he'd jacked off in the water.
Matron and Cid bid us good night, heading off to bed. The rest of us decided to watch a movie, and we wound up in the living room, watching Ninja Scroll. We had all grown up a bunch of anime freaks, and the movie was a classic. I sat on the couch, with Quistis next to me, and Seifer next to her. I wished he was sitting next to me, but moving would make everything a little obvious. Irvine and Selphie shared the loveseat, and I noticed that their hands were not visible at all times. Zell sat on the floor, and kept trying to rest his head against Quistis' legs, until Seifer grabbed him by the ear and made him lean against the armrest.
Everyone pretty much talked throughout the whole movie, and I think I was the only one paying attention to it. I just zoned them all out and focused on the movie. After it was over, everyone headed off to bed. I sat in the living room in the dark a long time, thinking about the day's events. Seifer had given me an undecipherable look before leaving for bed, and it stayed on my mind.
I had a feeling I was going to have another wet dream about Seifer tonight, provided Zell didn't ruin it for me.
I wondered if I had lost my mind.
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