By Scarlet Fever
I was in a strange room. It was just like any other room, but I was totally unaware of my surroundings. There was a cold breeze coming from somewhere. I looked around. I was in some sort of waiting room. There were some chairs and couches resting against the cream coloured walls. I was sitting in one of the chairs, which was covered in some sort of rich velvet. I looked around, wondering if anyone was around, wondering if Seifer was around. I stood, noticing the stained glass windows. I must have been in a church. There were also a couple of crosses, shining brightly against the walls. I noticed that one on the far wall, hanging on the door was glowing slightly. The light radiating from it was a gentle blue. I narrowed my eyes, studying it, wondering why it was doing that. There was some talking on the other side of the door, low, inaudible.
What’s going on?
The images in the stained glass were actually kind of beautiful, even for religious artifacts, which I usually just dismissed or turned my nose up at. There was one of the Virgin Mary, holding the baby Jesus, and some Saints that I didn’t know, which didn’t surprise me. Actually, this was only the second or third time I had ever even set foot in a church. I wasn’t exactly the religious type.
The voices on the other side of the door became louder, droning. They were chanting, probably praying. Then there was a small moan, which dragged out for a moment or two. It sounded agonizing, and reverberated in the room that I was in, despite it didn’t come from in here. The moan then changed to a loud grown of anger and pain. In that instant, my heart stopped.
"Seifer?" I whispered.
Squall… Help me….
I gasped as I heard his voice in my ears, as if he was standing right next to me.
"Seifer?!" I cried out, spinning around, wondering where his voice was coming from.
Squall…. I need you….
"Seifer…" I began weeping, not able to bear the thought of my lover in pain. I went to the door, practically stumbling over my own feet. I touched the knob, but found that it burned me. I reeled back. There weren’t any burn marks on my palm, but I could feel the heat coursing through my hand all the same.
I decided that the hot pain was meaningless, and opened the door quickly. I blinked, coming face to face with a dark hallway. The chanting had stopped, but there were still voices. One of them sounded like Irvine.
"What’s going on?" I asked myself quietly, following the hallway. There were some more crosses, and they all were glowing that strange blue hue, as well. It actually made me kind of dizzy, creating a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had to lean against the ivory, embossed wallpaper to stop my knees from shaking. I was also having a hard time breathing, exhaling noisily.
Squall…. Please, my love…
A few more tears trickled down my cheeks. For some reason, hearing Seifer call me ‘my love’ made me happier than I had been in a long time, filled me with some sort of relief. It washed away any mystery pain I was feeling. I breathed deeply, curling my fingers against the ornate wallpaper, cutting through it with my nails, leaving wood coloured gashes in the white sea. I staggered forward, using all my energy to do so. I figured that if I got out of this hallway, this nausea would pass, but it only intensified.
Squall, I need you…. I need you, my love…….
"Seifer, where are you?" I asked quietly, frantically.
I shivered, his whispering voice surrounding me like a winter breeze.
Are you alright? I asked mentally.
Hurry, La mer….
I tried to run, but still felt physically ill. I didn’t know what La mer meant, but it sounded sad, affectionate, personal. When I reached the end of the seemingly endless hallway, there was a door. It was partially open, some white light coming through. I practically fell through the door, falling on my knees in the pure light. I felt like I was going to vomit, and my skin was gently burning. I was looking at the ground, at my hands. They were sunken into a plush red carpet that lined the walkway. I knew there were pews around me, an altar in front. I slowly lifted my eyes, coming face to face with a large crucifix, life size. I blinked a couple of times. The crucifix looked alive, the blood from the stigmata wounds dripping onto the altar. I then noticed the face, the clothes.
"Seifer!!!!!" I screamed. His head was resting against his shoulder, lolling over weakly. The long black coat that he was wearing seemed impossibly dark compared to the white walls and his very pale flesh. I could never remember it being so pale. The wounds on his hands were dripping down onto the floor, making a loud splattering noise, which echoed throughout the entire room.
"Squall…" His voice was shaky, pleading.
I choked back a sob, standing, which was a tough job. His lips parted wearily, and I caught an unnatural flash of ivory. Long fangs glinted against the garish light. I cried out, feeling Seifer’s pain radiate throughout my entire body, and it was staggering. I couldn’t have ever imagined a more intense pain, and feeling it made me want to retch up anything I had ever eaten in the course of my life. I then noticed that the cross he was pegged to was glowing, the same blue as the one in the waiting room.
"Seifer…" I moaned, trying to stand.
The blue light was so intense, so bright that I had to shield my eyes. It was the source of the ghastly, white light emanating in this room. I then saw that it wasn’t any cross, it was the cross sword, the crest for the Almasy family. It wasn’t a normal church cross, so it must have been specially made for this specific purpose, a thought that made me sick with rage.
"Oh God…" I choked as the smell of burning flesh hit me. I knew it was Seifer’s. The strange glow must have been eating at him, burning him like the doorknob had burned me. I became blurry-eyed again, swooning on my feet.
I snapped back as Seifer mentally pleaded with me. I climbed up onto the altar, which was a daunting, taxing feat, due to the fact that I was on the verge of collapse. I reached out, wrapping my rapidly shaking fingers around one of his blood smeared wrists. The smell of the dripping blood began to replace the searing flesh in my nostrils. I had to actually resist the urge to run my tongue along the wound. When my palm grazed the glowing cross, I recoiled in agony. My flesh was actually smoking. I began to feel woozy again.
"Seifer…." I moaned, pitching forward, against his dying body, feeling totally useless.
"Squall." My name on his lips was barely a whisper, sounding so final. A goodbye.
"Don’t say it like that…." I was beginning to have trouble breathing.
"I love you…"
I made a wailing noise, slipping into darkness as I heard his heart beat for the last time…….
I opened my eyes with a start. For a moment, I expected to still be in that horrible church, surrounded by the smell of death and burning flesh. When I fully opened my eyes, I saw that I was still in Seifer’s bed, but was alone. I rubbed my eyes, sitting up. The black sheet fell around my hips, which made me realize that I was still naked. I blushed slightly as I thought of the feeling of Seifer’s body against me as we held each other. I looked around the room, faintly hoping that he would come through the door, but then I remembered the written exam.
I sighed and lay back down, trying to rid my mind of the dream that I had. I replaced the pained sound of Seifer’s voice with the warm wonderful sound of the way he said my name, the way he laughed. I looked at the clock.
"11:30? Jesus…." I sat up, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed. I then realized that I didn’t bring in any clean clothes. I began to hastily put on my clothes so I could go to my own room to shower and change.
"What’s this?" I asked myself, picking up a folded piece of paper. It was a note from Seifer, wrapped around a key.
Leave whenever you like. You can keep the extra key.
I couldn’t help but sigh. It was actually quite a committing gesture. I happily stuffed the key in my pocket, determined to put it on my key chain as soon as possible. I was whistling as I walked to my room. God, I was acting so happy…. When I got to my room, I quickly derobed and got into the shower. The hot spray felt good against my back and shoulders, massaging my tired muscles. I would have rather it been Seifer’s hands, but had to settle. When I got out, I combed my hair and brushed my teeth, paying careful attention to the way my hair looked. I just left it wet, not bothering to blow dry it.
I chose a black tank top with a camouflage print, short sleeve button-up shirt over top. As I dressed, I began to lazily hum the theme from Transformers, which caused me to groan. It had been in my head for three days. I slowly put on my black bondage pants, attaching the chains that crisscrossed just below my ass to the clips at the outer edge of my hips, zipping up the zippers on the legs after I had pulled on my boots. I checked myself in the mirror, surprised that I cared so much what I looked like. I never had before. Well, I had never made out with another man before, either, so I didn’t really feel like splitting hairs.
I was still whistling the theme song as I put on my Griever pendant and ring, but stopped when I reached for my watch. It wasn’t there.
"Damn." I sighed, leaving my room, locking the door behind me. As I walked to Seifer’s room, I wondered how he did on the exam, knowing that it was more than likely over by now. I used my new key, which made me flush slightly. I was actually getting excited over a key…
I raised my eyebrows when I heard someone in the bathroom, in the shower. A small smile crept across my features.
I won’t barge in on him, but I’m sure as hell not leaving….
I sat on the edge of the bed, waiting, both patiently and impatiently at the same time. I found my watch as I paced, aimlessly putting it on my wrist. My mischievous smile only grew wider as I heard the shower stop. After a few seconds, the door opened, some steam trickling out. Seifer wandered into the room, only a red towel loosely draped around his hips. When he looked up, he jumped back, yelping in surprise.
"Jesus!! Squall, you scared the shit out of me!" He grabbed the towel, which was rapidly falling down his hips, giving me ample view of his groin muscles.
"Hi," I stated simply, slowly sauntering over to him.
"I was actually going to go look for you aft…" He stopped as I ran my hands down his still damp chest.
"Yes?" I began lightly planting kisses on his throat as my fingers gently tugged at his nipple rings.
"….I forgot…" He tilted his head back, closing his eyes.
I looked up at him, using my finger to trace along a path that a drop of water had run down his cheek. Seifer’s hair was still wet, and looked like spun gold. He ran his fingers through my own damp hair.
"Oh, if I had come back earlier, we could have showered together…"
I just shrugged. "So, how was the exam….?" I gently pressed him against the wall.
"Oh, fine. It was actually a good challenge."
"Right now, I don’t actually care…" I slowly trailed my mouth down the center of his chest, sinking to my knees. I kissed his stomach, relishing when Seifer tightened up his abdominal muscles under my busy mouth. I gently pressed my tongue into the well of his navel, biting down as he sighed softly, wanting him to moan. He didn’t, but I could still tell that he enjoyed it greatly.
"I’m glad to see that…" He muttered sarcastically, his voice breathless.
I lowered myself further, until only the towel was separating me from his flesh. I removed it hastily, tossing it across the room with flourish. Now, I was face to face with his rather erect cock. I ran my palms down his hips, which were slick from his shower. I breathed across the head, which caused Seifer to roll his hips.
"Tell me if I’m not doing something right…" I trailed off. "I’ve never done this before."
Seifer chuckled softly. "I’m sure you’ll do fine. It’s not rocket science."
"Well…." I laughed.
He laughed as well, but stopped when I softly pressed my lips to the tip of his penis, just barely kissing it. It was still damp, which made it slick against my lips. I continued just to kiss it, leaving my lips on the hard surface for a little longer each time. I moved my tongue down the underside of his shaft, until I reached his scrotum. As I licked and kissed it, his hand reached into my hair, pulling gently. I felt his entire body shudder underneath both my mouth and my hands. He made a small noise in the back of his throat, the closest thing to a moan that Seifer seemed to make. I turned my attention back to his large dick, just kissing the head again, running the tip of my tongue across the opening.
I sighed. He tasted fantastic. I could have never imagined that a dick could taste so wonderful. I was even driving myself insane, so I brought the head of his dick into my mouth, sucking it gently at first, but more and more forcefully as time passed, sucking until my jaw hurt. Seifer gripped my hair roughly, pushing himself deeper into my mouth. I rolled and flicked my tongue around his shaft and head, using one of my hands to massage his testicles. At that moment, I so wanted more, all of his cock in my mouth. I swallowed, bypassing my gag reflex, and brought as much of his dick into my mouth as I possibly could, until it was actually kind of painful. I then used my free hand to encircle the portion of his shaft that wasn’t being devoured by me. I began to slowly rotate my tongue around the head and upper portion of his length, massaging the skin with my now more than busy tongue as I did. I didn’t know that I could do so many things at once with it.
Seifer made a small hitching gasp as I quickened the pace. I must have been doing something right. I let my mouth slide off his cock entirely, exposing it to the air. A disappointed look passed over Seifer’s face. I kissed the head again, letting Seifer begin to control things. I opened my mouth to him, letting the tall blonde bury himself in my mouth, thrusting against my face. I pulled off again, using all my strength to pin his hips against the wall. I then raked my tongue over the top of his length, then the sides, which caused his cock to rub against my cheek, leaving a wet trail of precum and my own saliva along the side of my face. I looked up as I heard a soft banging noise. Seifer had banged his head against the wall in pleasure and frustration, which I could clearly see written all over his face. I gave him what he wanted, covering his head with my mouth once again, sucking with such force that Seifer finally let out a soft moan, one that was quiet enough not to be heard from the next room. I slid my mouth down his shaft again, looking up as I did. Seifer looked like he was in absolute heaven, pure ecstasy all across his features. I would have smiled if my mouth weren’t full. Giving Seifer this much pleasure made me feel happy.
I closed my eyes, determined to make him come right then and there. I used one hand to continue to caress his scrotum, and the other to jerk off the part of his dick that wasn’t in my mouth. My hand began to move at a blinding pace, a pace that my tongue could barely keep up with. When I thought that my hand was about to fall off, I felt Seifer’s testicles contract under my palm. I pulled off slightly, so his head was the only part in my mouth, flicking my tongue rapidly to send him over the edge. He gripped my hair as he reached orgasm, coming with force in my mouth. I was somewhat surprised, the warm release filling my open mouth, rolling over my tongue. After I got over my initial surprise, I let it fall down my throat, swallowing eagerly, greedily, wishing that there was more, wondering why they didn’t bottle it.
Seifer let out his breath slowly, closing his eyes blissfully as he began to soften in my mouth. I continued to suck his cock, letting him get limp, but not wanting to stop. When he was completely soft, I finally pulled my mouth away, getting up slowly so I could let the blood flow back to my legs. He just remained where he was, leaning against the wall. I rested my forehead against his chest, licking my lips to try to taste him again.
"So, how was I?" I asked lazily, wrapping my arms around his hips.
"Uh, I’d say fairly decent…" He replied mirthfully, kissing my lips softly.
"So, how was the test?" I asked, letting him get dressed. He put on a pair of black boxer briefs, which caused me to frown slightly.
"Oh, so now you actually care…?"
"Yes. I don’t have your dick in my mouth right now."
I shrugged happily, running my fingertips along his spine. "So?"
"It was fine. I think I did alright. There were a couple that I had to guess on, but at least on this one, you don’t need 100." He smirked. "Irvine looked like he was having trouble."
"You were looking at him? You didn’t cheat off of him, did you?"
Seifer scoffed. "Fuck no! Besides, most of his answers would consist of the same thing. Like, "What is the primary food of a Snow Lion?" Answer: Pussy."
I laughed, smiling appreciatively as he put on a pair of black leather pants, which looked like they were made for him. "How was the prerequisite field test?"
He cocked his head as he opened his drawer. "The GF I had to obtain was harder than we thought, but not bad…. This afternoon is the actual field exam."
"Oh…" I couldn’t keep the disappointment out of my voice. More time apart.
He pulled a well-worn emerald green long sleeved shirt out of his drawer, pulling it on. "Aw… poor baby."
I rolled my eyes. "You don’t have to tease me."
He kissed me as he put on his watch, licking the seam of my lips, the tip of his tongue brushing my teeth. "Yes, I do." He looked at me, his eyes looking so green, so hypnotic.
I folded my arms, waiting for him to finish getting dressed.
"Have you seen Selphie today?" He asked.
He walked over to me, wrapping his arms tightly around me. "You look so cute when you’re pouty. But you always look cute." He slightly lifted me up, my feet dangling above the ground, kissing me.
"I’m not being pouty…." I rested my head against the crook of his neck as he set me back down on the ground. "Do we have to go anywhere?"
"Unfortunately." He slowly breathed in my ear, which caused me to noticeably shiver. I grumbled as he pulled away from me, heading to the door.
I crossed my arms across my chest as we walked towards the cafeteria. I was having a hard time trying to hide my disappointment about not getting fucked. Seifer noticed, cocking his head, giving me a wry smile. When we entered the airy eating area, we noticed Quistis sitting alone, reading a book. She looked over the edge of the pages, spotting us. She waved us over with one elegant hand.
"Hi, gentlemen," she greeted as I sat across from her, watching as Seifer went to get some food.
"Sooo, it’s been pretty interesting around here when I was gone…" She rolled her eyes.
"Oh, you heard…" I trailed off, not wanting to delve further into it, not knowing exactly what she knew.
"Yeah. So, you and Seifer, eh?" Quistis winked one of her sapphire eyes at me.
"Stop that!" I teased, smiling broadly, still tasting him on my lips.
"You never seemed this happy with Rinoa… do you think it will last?"
"It better. Speaking of Rinoa…. You obviously heard about her if you know about me and Seifer."
She nodded, a sad look passing through her intelligent eyes. "Poor Selphie. I should have said something sooner."
"She would have been just as hurt if you had told her sooner."
"I guess…. But still, I really feel bad…"
"Don’t blame yourself. Selphie doesn’t blame you. If you want to place that blame, place it on Irvine and Rinoa."
Quistis slowly closed her book. "I can see Irvine doing this, but Rinoa? What was she thinking?"
"She wasn’t," Seifer replied, sliding into the booth beside me, the length of his thigh pressed against mine. "That’s what makes it so stupid."
"I feel like we’re in some sort of bad teenybopper show. Like Dawson’s Creek or something…." I trailed off, smiling as Seifer set a coffee and a couple of plain, buttered croissants in front of me. I was amazed that he could remember all the stuff I liked without having to ask me.
"Yeah, that about sums up Rinoa. A high school drama…" Seifer muttered, opening a cup of blueberry yogurt.
"You guys are talking about the whore, aren’t you?" Selphie asked, plopping down beside Quistis.
"Selphie…." Quistis began, an apologetic tone to her voice.
"Please, don’t, Quisty. I don’t want any apologies. You didn’t do anything wrong."
"Have you talked to Irvine at all?"
Selphie rolled her green eyes at her former instructor. "Fuck no. I don’t even want to look at his horse face right now. Besides, he gave lousy head."
Seifer just looked at her, his spoon dangling from his lips. It was actually a very endearing gesture. "That’s something I didn’t really need to know or wanted to hear."
"At the time, I’m sure you didn’t really mind so much," I countered, shooting Seifer a sidelong glance.
"Well, hindsight is 20/20, isn’t it, Squall?" She muttered. "But I’m not going to worry about it…. I figure that I’m better without him, and Zell pointed out that it’s probably not the first time he’s cheated on me…"
"Where is Zell anyway?"
She shrugged. "I don’t know. We were hanging out for a long time after you guys left, but I think Ashla got kind of pissed."
"I see…." Seifer raised his eyebrows teasingly.
"What’s that for?" Selphie looked at him, innocence written on her child-like face.
"What’s going on?" Quistis asked, confused.
"I don’t know…" I was echoing her confusion.
"Nothing!" Selphie trailed off, shooting Seifer a look. "He’s just being a prick."
"I am not…" He just smiled, turning slightly to look at me. His eyes swept over my body and face, which caused a slight fire in my pants.
"Glad to see someone’s happy…"
"You just said that you were going to be fine." Quistis sighed, looking sadly at her friend.
"I will… I did. God, I wish he had been honest! He didn’t even have the fucking balls to tell me!" A large note of anger was creeping into Selphie’s voice.
"Okay, okay, calm down…" I mused.
She just grumbled incoherently, still fuming.
"So, Seifer… How was the exam?" Quistis asked, changing the subject.
He shrugged. "Whatever. It was fine, I don’t know. I still have the field exam after lunch."
"Where is it?"
He looked at his watch. "Centra. I better go…." He looked around, wondering if anyone was looking at us before quickly stroking my cheek. "See ya…"
I nodded dully, not thrilled that he was going to Centra, not thrilled that he wouldn’t be in my bed all day. My cheek felt warm from where his fingers had hastily grazed it. He got up, leaving quickly, giving me one last apologetic look before he disappeared in a sea of chatty students. I rested my chin on my fist, sighing in frustration.
"Awwww, poor Squall…" Selphie muttered sarcastically.
"So, what are you guys going to do?" Quistis asked of me.
"What do you mean?" I blinked at her.
"I mean about telling people…"
"Oh, you guys and Zell are the only ones who know. We kind of want to keep it that way. We know how society works."
Selphie moved a finger up to her small mouth. "My lips are sealed." Her eyes began to glint with her usual effervescence again.
"So, what the hell is going on with you and Zell….?" Quistis asked, tucking some honey blonde hair behind her ears.
"What the fuck are you talking about? Just because me and Zell spend some time alone doesn’t mean we’re fucking or anything…" Her voice began to take on a defensive tone. "I’m not Rinoa…" She trailed off, gauging my reaction to her badmouthing my former girlfriend.
I smirked. "You can insult her all you want. I’m not going to get upset. Actually, I hate the thought of her and Seifer fucking…" I narrowed my eyes slightly.
"Uh, you fucked Rinoa, too, you hypocrite…" Quistis rolled her eyes.
I sighed in exasperation. "I know that! I was there…"
Selphie groaned. "If I see her today…"
"You won’t do anything." Quistis finished for her, giving her a stern glare.
I just sighed, not really caring to rehash the "Rinoa is a fucking whore pig" conversation again. I drifted off, thinking about the dream I had, the terrible church, the smell of burning flesh, the utter feeling of uselessness, the agony on Seifer’s beautiful face….
"What?" I turned to Quistis when she said my name.
"Where did you go?"
"Oh, just thinking, I guess…." I didn’t really feel like talking about my dream to anyone, with the possible exception of my lover. Just thinking about being Seifer’s lover sent chills down my spine. I smiled, letting my mind wander.
"Hey, Zell!" Selphie cried, waving the muscular blonde over.
I scoffed. "I’m here, too."
"Yeah, I know."
Zell smirked. "You sound like Seifer."
I just shrugged.
"I guess it’s true what they say. Pets really do start to resemble their owners." Zell smirked at me.
I just stared at him. "You’re not funny."
Quistis turned to Selphie. "So, do you want to raise the level of this conversation to that of human intellect?"
"Nah. Zell would just lower it again," She gave him a look, running her fingers through the flipped up edges of her brown hair.
As Quistis and Selphie began to discuss something trivial, I leaned into Zell, whispering, "At least Seifer pets me."
Zell raised an eyebrow at me. "What does that mean?"
"Who’s petting you, Zell?"
He kind of flushed. "Uh, well…. Ah…"
"Why is Zell stammering?" Quistis asked, breaking her conversation with Selphie. "What did you say?"
"What’s going on, who are you, where am I, who’s that, what day is it?" Selphie mocked, sounding happy.
Zell just snorted. "Ha, ha, ha, motherfuckers. Laugh it up." He smirked. "Oh, guess what?"
"Uh, what?" Quistis asked, none of us in the mood to play a stupid guessing game with Zell.
Selphie groaned at the mere mention of her ex-boyfriend’s name. "This better be good to even mention him…" She threatened.
"No, no. It’s worthwhile." He smiled, settling back in the booth. "Irvine and Seifer are in the same squad for the field exam."
I choked on my coffee. "What?"
"I hope Seifer kills him." Selphie muttered.
"Uh, honey, I think he would fail…." I muttered, hoping that he actually wouldn’t do that. I wasn’t sure if he would or not.
"I imagine that he would fail…. Headmaster Cid deducts like mad for killing people."
"Twenty points off for manslaughter…" Selphie trailed off. "What if he just left Irvine in Centra?" Selphie pouted, a sloppy grin on her face.
"Why is manslaughter the least bad one? It sounds the worst…. Man-slaughter…" Zell pondered.
"I’ve never really considered it…" Quistis trailed off.
"I think Zell and every bad sitcom has considered it." Selphie settled back in the booth.
"I feel like we’re in Seinfeld or something…" I propped my head on my fist, staring longingly out the window, thinking about Seifer again. I really, really hoped that he could control his anger towards Irvine long enough to pass the field exam. If he failed again, it would crush him, and the thought of him becoming depressed somewhat frightened me, now that I knew about his Bipolar. It didn’t frighten me in the typical sense, but in the way that I couldn’t bear to know he was unhappy, hurting.
"Oh my fuck!" Selphie exclaimed under her breath. "We’ve got to get the fuck out of here…"
"What?" Zell asked, turning to look at the entryway. "Oh…."
I turned around, kneeling on the seat, and peaking over the back of the booth, seeing Rinoa coming in. "Oh, shit."
"I think we should leave…" Selphie muttered, obviously fuming.
"She’s coming over." Quistis’s voice was quiet.
"Hi, guys." Rinoa was trying to sound cheery. Selphie glared at her, Quistis fiddled with her napkin, Zell just stared, and I looked away, wanting to be anywhere but here. I almost wanted to hold up a tray as a shield to prevent any blood splatter from getting on me.
"Look, I know you’re not all pleased with me right now, but I really, really want to apologize…."
"Apologize?!" Selphie sputtered, a little too loudly, causing a few people to look over.
"Yes. I never set out to steal your boyfriend, Selphie. I do consider you a friend."
"I considered you a friend, as well, but friends aren’t this whorish, now are they?" She balled her fists.
"Selphie…. I’m trying to make things right, here."
"Look, the only thing you can do to make things right is to stay out of my face, bitch." Selphie stood quickly, glaring at the taller, raven haired girl. She dusted off the front of her bright red polo shirt, trying to repel Rinoa’s presence. Selphie’s height may not have been that formidable, but her sheer rage was making her look imposing. She brushed past Rinoa, using her shoulder to slam into my former girlfriend, sending her off balance.
Rinoa rubbed where Selphie’s bony shoulder had made contact. "Guys…"
Zell glared at her. "Don’t try to appeal to me, Rinoa."
Quistis just stared. "I can see that you’re sorry, but words won’t make that much anger go away…. You’ve really screwed up here."
"I know I have…."
Zell got up, not saying another word to Rinoa.
"God, everyone hates me…." She sat beside me glumly.
"They’re just angry.." Quistis was trying to be nice, but I could hear the disapproving tone in her voice. She wasn’t pleased, either.
"Why is Zell so upset, though? He sure is taking it personally."
"I think we all are. You were supposed to be Selphie’s friend. You betrayed her trust. You betrayed her. I know I’m pissed at you, too." I stated, looking at her sidelong.
"Look, how many times can I say that I screwed up?"
"As many as you want…." Quistis gathered her book, standing. "But it won’t make up for it. Face it, you’re stigmatized now."
Rinoa sighed. "But…"
Quistis left, shooting Rinoa one last look.
Rinoa looked at me, sliding to the other side of the booth. "Squall.. You know me…"
"Actually, I don’t know if I do…"
"Don’t be like that."
I shrugged. "Was it worth it?"
"Was what worth it?"
"Fucking Irvine. Was it worth it?"
She blushed. "I think I love him."
I narrowed my eyes. "That’s what you said about me and Seifer."
"Seifer was different. He was….." She trailed off.
I knew she was going to say ‘gay’, but stopped because she thought that I didn’t know. This thought made me smirk.
She wrapped her arms around her white tank top insecurely. "Do you think that they’ll ever forgive me?"
"Hard to say. I think Quistis is just disappointed in you. You’ll never get Selphie back, though. You’ve tapped into some anger there that she’s been building for quite some time. I think she hates you. No, I don’t think, I know."
"What about Seifer?" She said it somewhat wistfully.
"I have no idea. I think he wants to stay out of it."
"You two seem to be becoming good friends."
I shrugged, not really wanting to discuss this with her. I wasn’t really in the mood to gossip with her.
"What do you think of me? You’ve been pretty guarded as far as that goes."
I hesitated, not really knowing how to answer her. "I don’t hate you….." That was all I could truthfully say. "But I don’t really know how I feel about you."
She nodded, having to be settled with that. I got up, wanting to kind of be away from her right now. I waved, sort of, and headed out the same way my friends had earlier. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I was furious with Rinoa, and not for the Selphie and Irvine thing, either. Actually, I was furious about her and Seifer. There were so many things about their relationship that I didn’t know. The only thing I did know what that they had slept together in what I assumed was a teenage mistake, but I didn’t know anything else. Seifer never mentioned anything, and Rinoa was always so vague. I made it my mission to ask Seifer about it when he got back. Right after we took care of some other finished business, that is.
I went to my room, determined to made the time pass by filling my mind with useless drivel. I lay on my bed, turning on the television, hoping that there was something at least halfway decent on. I decided to keep it on a really crappy game show, where the premise was to catch chickens or something, seeing as how it was the only thing on besides news and some other crap. I sighed, closing my eyes, feeling lonelier than I had in a long time. I wondered why I was already so attached. Things had gone so fast so far, and now that I was alone, pretending to watch a bunch of lame ass game show contestants, I had ample time to think. Was I crazy? Getting so attached so early was always death. I sighed angrily as I thought of the Rinoa relationship fiasco. I figured that I had learned my lesson as far as falling too deep went, but I just couldn’t help myself. Things with Seifer felt so right. True, we had only recently become lovers, and one day wasn’t really enough time to really say things were in a commitment stage, but I was totally determined to make this work, make it last.
I closed my eyes, thinking of his hands on me, his lips on my mouth, on my throat, the feeling of him releasing down my throat. Even now, I had to bite my lip to prevent a contented moan from escaping. I then furrowed my brow, thinking of the dream, the church, the burning flesh.
"God…" I covered my eyes with my hand, snorting in frustration. This was insane. I couldn’t even spend a day outside of Seifer’s company?
I then began to wonder if Seifer was as confused as I seemed to be, wondered if he thought about me all the time. Part of me didn’t really want to know, because if he didn’t, I would be crushed. Even knowing that Seifer’s impressions and thoughts of me were so important made me feel somewhat uneasy. I was really afraid of being hurt again. Whenever I seemed to open up emotionally to anyone, they would leave me. Sis, Rinoa… would Seifer be the same? I had always just assumed Seifer would be around forever, just there, like he always had been, but now that I was emotionally attached to him, I was actually frightened that he would just leave, like the rest.
"Fuck…" I kicked my boots off lazily, wishing that I actually had something to do. I was going stir-crazy, and Seifer wouldn’t be back for quite a while. I jumped when I heard a knock at the door.
"Squall?" It was Selphie’s voice.
"Come in…." I trailed off, wishing she were Seifer, wishing I could be on my knees in front of him again, wishing I could hear him whisper my name.
She slowly slunk into my room, sitting on the corner of the foot of my bed.
"What?" I asked after a few minutes of silence.
"Nothing. Can’t I just hang out?" She blew her bangs out of her eyes.
"I didn’t mean it like that….." I trailed off. "It’s just that you seem like you actually have a purpose."
"Squall…. I think I’m a hypocrite."
"What makes you think that?" I asked, sitting up.
"That I’m pissed at Irvine, and I hate Rinoa, but am I just like them? I mean…"
"What are you talking about? Just come out and say it…"
"That I like Zell. I don’t think I love him, but I sure do like him. Am I just as bad?"
"Did you fuck him?"
"No." She sighed, the gesture moving through her whole body.
"Then you aren’t a hypocrite. If you had sucked Zell off, yes you would be…"
"You sound just like Seifer." She shook her head.
I blushed slightly at this, the corners of my mouth involuntarily turning up. "Well, if you talked to Seifer about it, why are you asking me?"
"Because… Now, I have an inkling that Zell has feelings for me, too. Which is making me feel bad. What about Ashla?"
I stroked her back slowly, trying to comfort her. "I honestly had no idea. I thought that Zell wanted to fuck Seifer…"
I blinked a few times. "I wasn’t really being serious…"
"Don’t get so pissed, Squall."
I hadn’t even realized that an angry look had passed across my face. "Oh…"
"You don’t have to worry about it. Zell is just curious, and Seifer would never stray. He totally worships you…" She stopped, flushing. "Oh, I guess I shouldn’t have told you that….."
I hadn’t heard her hasty apology, I was too busy letting my mind float away, feeling totally warm all over.
"What are you thinking about?"
I made a rude noise, giving her a look. "What do you think?"
She raised an eyebrow, but said nothing, only, "You two seem happy."
I shrugged, thinking again about my own insecurities. "So far, so good, I guess. But things are going so fast. Part of me’s wondering if it’s just about sex. That if we fuck, that will be the end of it…"
Selphie blinked, listening intently to me. Her eyes seemed huge, watery. "Is that how you feel, or the way you think Seifer feels?"
"I…." I was at a loss for words. "I don’t know."
"You do know, but you don’t want to admit that you don’t really trust Seifer’s intentions. You don’t want the same thing to happen that happened with Rinoa. Or is it because Seifer’s a man?"
"No, no, it’s not that," I mused quietly. I knew she was right, that I was afraid Seifer would fuck me and then leave me. I looked down, fiddling with the quilt on my bed.
"Squall…. Seifer cares about you. A lot. I know he’ll be fucking pissed at me for breaking confidence, but I don’t really give a shit. It’s not like I’m a priest or something. Besides, I think that you should be telling him these things yourself."
"But he isn’t here right now. I need someone to bitch at. I’m going crazy." I then raised a suspicious eyebrow. "Shouldn’t you be taking you own advice?"
"What are you talking about?" She reached for the remote, changing the channel. She swung her bare feet over the edge of the bed.
"That’s a totally different situation. Besides, I’m not telling him anything. It wouldn’t be fair to him or Ashla."
"At least you aren’t only thinking about yourself…" I muttered.
"Like some whores whom I will not mention… initials Rinoa Heartilly." She said Rinoa’s name with scorn.
"Yes, yes…." I rolled my eyes. "I don’t really feel like bitching about Rinoa all day. What do you want to do?"
She shrugged. "We could go into town."
"I guess so. Anything’s better than being cooped up here. Do you want to ask anyone else if they want to come?" I raised my eyebrow teasingly. "Like a certain tattooed martial artist?"
"Shut up. God, I never should have said anything. We could ask Quistis, too."
"Whatever." I got up, grabbing my wallet and keys.
"Just let me get some shoes…." Selphie trailed off, running down the hall loudly, banging into a couple of people by accident. She hastily apologized, then went on her way.
I walked especially slowly, giving Selphie ample time to find her shoes in what I knew would be a massive pile of wrinkled clothes on her floor. I looked up when I heard my name called. Selphie was bounding towards me, Zell and Quistis in tow. "Ready?!"
"I suppose." I couldn’t quite muster up the same appreciation for an outing as Selphie could at this moment. My mind was too occupied.
"So, what are we going to do?" Zell asked as we walked along the road to Balamb.
"I don’t know…" Quistis trailed off, pulling a pair of aviator sunglasses out of her pocket. "This was Selphie’s idea."
"I just needed to get the fuck out of there, and Squall was going nuts. He probably would have started pacing a trench in his room…"
"I wasn’t pacing at all."
"It’s a figure of speech." Selphie folded her arms across her small chest.
"Uh, no it isn’t. Going stir-crazy is a figure of speech," Zell pointed out, raising a finger. "That’s just being misinformed."
"Shut up," Selphie muttered. "You’re almost as bad as Irvine."
Zell scoffed. "That was hitting a little low."
She winked at him. "That’ll teach you to tease me."
Zell gaped, stammering as he tried to think of a good response. "Yeah… well, you smell….. Stinky."
Quistis raised an eyebrow over the rim of her sunglasses. "Nice reply. You so lost your dignity there."
"I think your balls went rolling under that bush over there…" I trailed off, pointing.
Quistis laughed under her breath. "Balls under a bush…."
I smirked. "I see you caught on to that one…"
"Who didn’t?" Selphie asked, shooting Zell a look, saying ‘Zell probably didn’t’.
"Don’t give me that look!" Zell exclaimed as we entered town. "I got it. Man, I wish my balls were rolling under a bush right now…"
"Me, too…" I echoed. "Oh, wait. No, I don’t. I’m gay now."
Quistis snorted. "I love how you say it."
Zell laughed in agreement. "Yeah, it’s like he’s saying ‘I’m cutting my hair today’."
I made a rude noise. "Okay, you suck Seifer’s dick, and we’ll see what you say then." I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Don’t narrow your eyes at me." Zell frowned. "Seifer’s virtue is safe from my hands."
"It better be."
"Ladies, ladies, put your claws away…" Quistis muttered, stopping in front of a store window.
"Yeah, Squall…." Zell muttered, teasingly.
I scoffed, but said nothing. For the next few hours, we just wandered around aimlessly, meandering in and out of stores. I wasn’t really paying attention. My mind kept wandering. I just kind of floated in and out of the conversations around me, content with thinking about Seifer instead. It was probably just my imagination, but I could have sworn that I could still taste him on my lips.
"Huh?" I snapped back. Zell was looking at me.
"Thinking about him, aren’t you?"
I tilted my head. "That obvious?"
Zell just shrugged, stopping in front of The Second Cup. "Anyone want coffee?"
Selphie nodded, the light from the setting sun playing in her hair, making it look alive. "Yeah, my feet are fucking killing me."
"So, why did you say ‘right, Squall’?" I asked as we sat at a free table. Quistis had gone up to get our coffee.
"Oh, we were just talking about Ashla."
Zell sighed. "I think she’s none too pleased with me right now. But she won’t say that she’s upset, even though I know she is. Why is it so hard for her to just tell me what’s wrong? It’s not like I’ll get mad or anything. And if she said something, I could try to change whatever was making her so pissed off at me.."
"Zell, Zell!" I exclaimed, raising my hands to stop his sea of words. "You’re rambling."
"Sorry. What do you think?"
I sort of laughed. "I’m not really the person you should be asking about how the female mind works…."
"Well, what did you do, Zell?" Quistis asked, sitting down.
Zell wrapped his strong hands around his mug. "I don’t know… Hey! Why do you assume that it’s my fault?"
We all just looked at him.
"Fuck you guys." He blew on his coffee, taking a sip. He curled his lip. "Needs sugar."
I sighed. "Honestly, Zell… What did you do?"
"Maybe it’s because she can’t see the humor in your flirting with Seifer," Quistis interjected. "Some girlfriends don’t find things like that amusing…." She sent a sly look to me.
I frowned. "No, they don’t."
Zell gave me a look. "I was doing it to make you jealous!" He smirked. "At least I know it’s working. You have fallen into my trap."
"Now all you need is an eyepatch and a white cat named Minky," Selphie replied.
"Hey, why am I the girlfriend?" I asked. "Why isn’t Seifer the girlfriend? Why are either of us the girlfriend?"
Zell shrugged, pouring yet another sugar packet into his coffee. It was his third.
"Have enough sugar?" Quistis asked, raising an eyebrow. "As soon as you take a sip, you’re teeth will fall out."
"That could come in handy… Right, Squall?" He grinned mischievously.
I frowned further. "Do shut up."
Zell stuck is tongue out, taking a sip of his liquid sugar. "Ugh."
"You put too much sugar in it, didn’t you?" Selphie asked.
"No, it’s fine…." He trailed off, blinking a few times. "Anyway, maybe she’s grown weary of my shenanigans…."
"Shenanigans? You’re not a leprechaun." Quistis made a face.
I laughed. "Zell would make such a good leprechaun, though! But, instead of a pot of gold, it would be a pot of hot dogs."
The tattooed blonde groaned. "God, you sound like Seifer…. Fruit."
I gasped. "That wasn’t very nice…"
Zell looked at me as Quistis and Selphie laughed.
"They’re magically delicious!" Selphie exclaimed in a sing-song voice.
"Oh my fuck! I don’t know why I hang out with you at all.." Zell muttered.
"Because nobody else will…" Quistis trailed off.
Zell just groaned.
"Just ask Ashla…." Selphie commanded, serious for a moment. "She’s not Rinoa, she’ll be reasonable."
"Twenty two." Quistis stated, out of the blue.
"No, I think it was twenty…" Selphie corrected.
"What the fuck?" I asked.
"Oh, we’re just keeping tally of how many times a day Selphie bashes Rinoa." Quistis explained.
"I see…." I made a face. "At least you’re doing something productive with that anger."
"What do you get if you win?" Zell asked, taking another small sip of coffee.
"Just get another one!" Quistis exclaimed.
"No, this one’s fine."
Selphie snorted. "You can’t even drink it!"
"Yes, I can!" Zell challenged, taking a gulp. A slightly disgusted look passed across his youthful face. "See, it’s fine."
"Whatever you say….." Selphie peeked into the bag she was carrying. "Should I have gotten that leather skirt?"
"It looks good on you.." Zell trailed off, taking another drink, making a face at Quistis.
I smirked, knowing that that particular comment from Zell would be more than enough to convince her to wear it often, even though she wouldn’t outwardly express this. I guessed she was secretly thrilled that Zell was in Ashla’s doghouse. I looked out the window, noticing that it was dark.
"What time is it?" I asked, more to myself than to anybody else, checking my watch. "Shit, it’s like eight!"
"Really?" Quistis asked, finishing her espresso.
"I wonder if Seifer’s back…?" I wondered aloud.
Zell laughed softly. "It’s buggering time."
I laughed loudly, which caused a few people to look at me. "Oh my God!"
"It’s funny ‘cause it’s true…" Selphie trailed off.
"Can we talk about something else?" I asked, not really wanting them to think about Seifer in bed, Seifer in bed with me.
"Fine. Like what?"
"Zell’s love life," I replied, answering Quistis’s question.
"No, let’s not discuss that." Zell made a face, finally pushing away the sugary drink in front of him.
I sighed. "Actually, I just want to get back to the Garden…"
"I wonder why…." Selphie trailed off, giving me a large, meaningful smile.
I shrugged, not really wanting or caring to hide my desire to be back at the Garden. The others complied, also feeling tired. We began to walk along the road, keeping a wary eye out for monsters. I wondered how Seifer did, what he had to do, if Irvine was still alive. I also wondered if the SeeD ball would be tonight, or if evaluations and celebrations would be held off because it was now so late. I was really hoping that it wouldn’t be tonight. There were already too many obstacles in my way. True, we had only been actually together for a day, but I wanted him so badly.
Zell walked beside me, aimlessly kicking rocks. Selphie cried out as one hit her in the back of the leg.
"Stop it!" Selphie exclaimed, exasperated.
"Sorry." He kicked another one, hitting her square in the ass.
"Fuck off, Zell!!!" She whirled around on her heel, placing her fists on her hips. "Why are you doing that?!"
"Because I’m bored."
She kicked a few pebbles at him, hitting his shins. "How do you like it?"
"Ow! Those were sharp!" He lightly shoved her shoulder.
"Don’t push me…." She slammed into him with her smaller body, knocking Zell over. He toppled into the grass beside the road. Zell’s hand reached for Selphie, bringing her down with him.
"What was that for?" Selphie asked, sitting up beside him.
"The patented reach and grab!" Zell smiled.
"You stole that from Seifer!" I exclaimed.
"That’s only supposed to be done on the ice.." Quistis chided.
"No, no. Seifer meant it as a universal way of avoiding total humiliation by taking down the closest person to you as you fall square on your ass." Zell rubbed his hip. "If it makes you feel any better, the old reach and grab has officially injured me."
"Well, good." Selphie furrowed her brow.
"Why are you using my reach and grab?!"
I turned, hearing Seifer’s voice through the dark. "Seifer?"
He was standing about fifty or sixty feet away from us. I could see the pale gray material of his trenchcoat billowing gently in the wind. He had his arms folded across his broad chest, standing with one hip jutted out sexily. He tilted his head. "I could hear you guys from the outskirts of town…." He didn’t really have to raise his voice, the tone always commanding and clear.
I slowly walked towards him, quickening my pace with every step, until I was breaking out into a run. I knew that it probably looked somewhat pathetic and desperate, but I just wanted to be near him, wrap my arms around him, tangibly feel him next to me. A look of surprise passed across his face. I could see it, even in the dark. When I reached him, I practically lunged at him, collapsing against the hard, flat surface of his chest. I quickly enveloped him with my arms, wrapping them around his waist, squeezing more tightly than I probably should have, but I wanted to have him as close to me as possible. I sighed as he welcomed me, running his palms across the backs of my shoulders. His fingers reached up into my hair, gently running through the locks. I pressed my cheek to his throat, the warm skin almost feverish against my own hot skin.
He kissed my temple gently, his breath coming out slowly against my skin. "That’s quite the welcome, Squall."
"Seifer…." I held him tighter. "I missed you."
"I was only gone for a day, not even that!" He exclaimed softly, titling my face upwards.
I kissed him hungrily. "I know….."
"Woooooooo!" Zell exclaimed loudly.
Seifer broke our kiss, looking over the top of my head at Zell. He said nothing.
"Well?" I asked, reluctantly pulling away from him. There would be plenty of time for that sort of thing later. "How was the exam?"
He took my hand as we walked towards the others. "Fine, I guess. As fine as it could have been with Irvine in my squad. He’s worse than Zell…."
"I heard that." Zell stood up, making a face at Seifer.
"Where is Irvine?" Quistis asked.
"Did you kill him?" There was a hopeful note in Selphie’s voice.
"Unfortunately, no." He made a face.
"Where is he now?" I asked, not really caring. I was just happy to have Seifer around, to be holding his hand, knowing that I would have him in my bed.
"Who gives a shit? He drove back to the Garden. I would have rather walked than spent time alone with him in a car."
Selphie moaned. "I’ve had to drive from Timber to Esthar with him! And he kept playing his lame ass rap music."
"Rap music sucks," Zell muttered.
"So does Irvine." Seifer made a face. There was lots of anger under the surface. I squeezed his hand affectionately. I must have looked like a groupie or something, the way I was adoringly staring up at him. He looked over, smiling contently at me.
"So, did you pass?" Quistis asked, her old Instructor’s ways coming through.
"I don’t know. And I won’t until tomorrow. Headmaster Cid said that he would evaluate us in the morning."
Selphie frowned as Zell began kicking rocks again. "Stop it, Lucky. So, what did you have to do for the field exam?"
"There was a tribe of Blitzes invading the Winhill area. We just had to basically run them out of town and restore order. It was more tedious than hard. There was a lot of those bastards." He narrowed his eyes slightly. "Lucky?"
"Well, you didn’t leave your post this time, right?" I asked, giving Seifer a look.
He snorted. "No. I did exactly what I was supposed to."
"That’s a first…." Quistis trailed off, placing a slender finger against her pale cheek.
"Thank you sooo much for shitting on me." Seifer titled his head, looking at me.
"It’s true, and you know it." Selphie patted him on the back.
Zell groaned. "Ugh, I don’t feel so good."
I snorted. "I think it’s because you drank liquid sugar. You’re probably diabetic now."
"He put too much sugar in his coffee again, didn’t he?" Seifer asked as we approached the Garden.
"Shut up!" Zell groaned, holding his stomach.
"Awww, poor baby…" Seifer pinched Zell’s tattooed cheek.
I reluctantly released my grip on Seifer’s hand as we entered the courtyard. We didn’t really want everyone to know about us. Neither Seifer nor myself really wanted to have a circus of gossip and bigotry surrounding us. I looked at Seifer again, meaning in my eyes. The corner of his mouth turned up as we entered the front gate.
"Well…" Zell trailed off as we reached the dorms. "Do you guys want to hang out…?" He smirked.
I just stared at him. "Not particularly." I was so anxious right now that I would have fucked Seifer right there. But yet again, my stupid self-control got in the way.
He laughed. "I figured you would say that."
"I’ll see you tomorrow…" Selphie grinned. "If you can walk."
"How do you know we’re going to do anything?" Seifer asked. "Maybe I just want to sleep.."
I raised my eyebrows, hoping he was joking, but I wasn’t completely positive. When Quistis, Selphie and Zell had gone their separate ways, I sighed, turning towards my room. "Your room or mine?"
"Yours is closest…" He trailed off. There was urgency in his voice that I was more than glad to hear. I really, really had to restrain myself from dragging him down the hall, wanting to remove another article of clothing with every step I took.
We both turned when we heard his name. Headmaster Cid was calling him. Cid approached, beaming slightly. "May I speak with you for a moment?"
"Sure…" Seifer looked at me, then followed the Headmaster.
I made a directional pointing motion with my fingers, pointing to my room. He nodded, disappearing down the hall. I sighed in frustration, walking to my room. I knew that it wasn’t the longest amount of time that anyone had to wait for sex, but it was driving me retarded. Even though I hadn’t had Seifer for very long, I really needed him. I was doing what I had sworn that I wouldn’t after the Rinoa situation: I was letting myself become emotionally attached. I was letting myself fall in love. I blushed as I thought about this. Was I in love with Seifer? I didn’t think I was yet, but I was definitely following that path, definitely throwing my all of my emotions into it. I opened my door, pacing angrily, in frustration. I felt like I was going to explode. Not only in sexual frustration, but also with so many things that I wanted to say to him, wanted him to say to me, so many things that I wanted to ask him, discuss with him.
After what seemed to be an eternity, but was probably only a few minutes, there was a small knock on my door. "Squall?"
His voice cut through me. I opened the door quickly, creating a breeze which caused my shaggy hair to fall in my eyes. I noticed a tightness in my stomach. Both of anticipation and anxiety. Seifer closed the door behind him, locking it. As soon as I heard the click, I pounced, attacking him. I completely covered his mouth with mine, hungrily tasting the delicate flesh, bruising it in my anxiousness. He willingly opened his mouth to me, letting me do as I pleased. I thrust my tongue in, reveling in the sheer heat and moisture of the inner flesh of his mouth. He began pulling at my belt, bringing the strip of leather out of the loops, a motion that tightened the vice around my stomach. I began to almost viciously remove his jacket, deepening our kiss further. I pressed my tongue deeper into his mouth, licking across every surface, burning his taste into my senses.
Seifer sighed. "....La Mer...."
I stopped, pulling away slightly. "What?" My mind reeled. Where had I heard that before?
"La Mer. It means ‘The Sea’. I don’t know, it just reminded me of you....."
"Why?" I raised my eyebrows at him, still trying to place where, when I had heard that before.
"Well, your name is Squall...... and your eyes are the colour of the ocean. I don’t know...." He trailed off, seeming to try to find words. "When we were on the boat to Centra, I just was thinking about you. I guess just the fact that on the surface, the sea is calm, beautiful, but underneath it lay all sorts of layers, all sorts of turbulence behind it.... It reminded me of you."
I suddenly could smell the faint whiff of burning flesh, felt heat on my flesh. My dream. That’s where I had heard La Mer before. Seifer had called me La Mer in my dream. That horrible dream. Some sort of conflict must have passed across my features, because Seifer stroked my cheek. I looked into his inhumanly beautiful eyes, sighing happily when I actually saw concern there. He was concerned about me.
"What?" He asked, entwining his fingers with mine.
"Just….. Never mind. I’ll tell you later."
He raised an eyebrow. "Why…?"
I stopped him, really meaning that I would discuss it with him later. But, for now, I didn’t really want to talk. I ran my palms up his chest, making small circles across his nipples, feeling the hard metal under the heels of my hands. He tilted his head, watching my face, watching my reaction. I smiled at him, just enjoying everything, drinking it all in. He let me do as I pleased, gently running his hands up my sides, causing my shirt to bunch up around my ribcage. I pulled away, which caused Seifer to cock his head in confusion, something I found irresistible. I then hastily removed my own shirt, chucking it across the room. Seifer smiled at this, biting his lip, working it under his teeth. He perched on the edge of my bed, bringing me close. He placed his hands on the most slender part of my waist, almost able to totally encircle it. It made me feel somewhat frail and fragile, but I totally lost that train of thought when he used his tongue to trace the rim of my bellybutton. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pulling my body closer. Seifer had to spread his legs apart, wrapping them around my own legs. I moaned softly as he moved the tip of his tongue into my navel. I titled my head forward, my hair falling in my eyes. Right now, it seemed so heavy. I moaned again, a little louder this time, as he did something with his tongue. I wasn’t really sure how or what he did, but it felt fucking good.
"Shhh." He pulled away, looking up at me, his chin resting on my stomach. "You don’t want to get caught, do you, La Mer?"
My heart skipped a beat as he used his new pet name for me. "I like it when you call me that. I’ve never had a nickname before…. Except Squall Leonhartless…." I trailed off as Seifer gently brought me down onto the bed beside him.
He nuzzled against my neck, planting gentle kisses across my collarbone as his fingers swiftly began to unbutton my pants. "No more talking, Squall…."
I murmured quietly in agreement, lifting my hips so he could pull of my pants. I was somewhat surprised when he pulled off my boxers as well, leaving me suddenly naked underneath him. He used his arms to get his balance, holding his weight above me. He kissed me gently, not bothering to use his tongue. It was gentle, exploratory. I placed my hands on his back, pushing as hard as I could, which caused his weight to collapse on me, covering my body with his own. I whipped his shirt off, not wanting me to be the only nude one. The green fabric got tangled around my arms and his wrist, creating a fabric pair of handcuffs. Seifer stopped my motion for a moment, disentangling us from his shirt. He was far more patient that I was at this moment. The hoops that hung from his nipples were cold against my own, and it caused me to noisily intake my breath. The rough fabric of his pants then brushed against my exposed erection, which caused me to gasp and thrust my hips upwards.
"Please…" I whispered, gripping his waistband in my fists, yanking down on his pants. They fell around his knees, along with his underwear. He patiently crawled out of them, dropping them on the floor along with my clothes. I thrust my hands out, catching his hips, preventing him from coming any closer. I just wanted to look at him. I sat up, so that we were both on our knees on the mattress. Seifer gently brushed some of my hair out of my eyes, studying my face as I was studying his body. He leaned in, pressing his lips to the nape of my neck, finding a particularly sensitive area. I sighed, clinging to him, letting him dictate things, just wanting to lose myself in what he was doing to me. I pulled him closer, pressing the entire front of him body against his, feeling his bare flesh plastered against mine. I bit down on the fleshy part of his shoulder as his hardness poked my hip, dug into me.
"What is it with you and biting?" He asked, not really giving me a chance to respond as he covered my mouth with his own. I almost felt like I was going to be physically ill as he gently pushed me down on the bed, so that my back was pressed into the mattress. My stomach was tied in knots, and an actual feeling of anxiety aroused in me. I became nervous. I hadn’t done this before, and the fear of the unknown began to creep into my mind.
Seifer must have sensed it, because he broke our heavenly kiss, looking down at me. "What’s wrong?"
I hesitated, turning my face away slightly. I felt silly for blushing, but I did anyway. I didn’t answer. The only response I gave was a slight moan as the length of his shaft ran against mine. "Tell me, La Mer…."
The use of my new pet name made me melt. Any nervousness I may have felt tugging at my nerves faded. "I’m sort of nervous… I haven’t fucked anyone in a while, and never a man…."
Seifer kissed my forehead gently. "If you want to stop, just say so… I won’t be angry."
The thought of stopping was even more painful than any hesitation I may have felt. "No!"
He titled his head, smiling gently at me, using his fingers to ever so slightly brush the hair out of my eyes. I looked at him, drowning in his aqua irises. He was looking at me with adoration, like I was the only person in existence, which made me feel warm, made me feel like I belonged. He had never looked more beautiful to me: The way the moonlight hit the angles of his face just right, the way his eyes seemed like endless liquid oceans, the way his smooth flesh felt against mine, the way his hard muscles worked underneath the soft, soft flesh under my fingertips.
"Seifer…." I murmured, closing my eyes. "Please…"
"Fuck me." I didn’t even think about what I was saying. It was the first thing on my mind, and I had answered honestly.
This caused Seifer to chuckle. I could feel the vibrations through my own chest. I would have smiled, but the feeling of Seifer’s palms running up my thighs was too much. I couldn’t handle any more emotions, the utter physical pleasure taking control. He pried my legs open slowly, but easily, seeing as how I wasn’t giving him any resistance whatsoever. Any butterflies in my abdominal cavity were chased away as he kissed me slowly, more lovingly than lustful. He then settled his weight between my legs, his cock pressed against my now exposed opening.
"Fuck….." My curse barely came out, a silent mouthing rather than a whisper. I rested one hand on the nape of his neck, moving my tongue against his, using my teeth to scrape his lips and tongue. I must have done it a little too roughly, for I felt blood enter my mouth. I didn’t know whose it was, but I didn’t really care. I made a disappointed noise in the back of my throat when he broke our now deliciously metallic kiss. I had never been one for sadomasochism and blood during sex, but now it felt so good: tasting his blood. I was actually looking forward to the pain I knew I would probably feel when he entered me.
"Squall." Seifer said it simply, no trailing off, not breathlessly. Just my name. He moved one hand up, cupping the side of my face, while he used his own saliva to coat a finger on his other hand. I gently kissed his palm and fingertips, quickly nipping at his fingers as he moved his finger around my opening, slowly pushing a finger in.
"Oh God!" I cried out, my head swimming, my vision blurring.
"Shhhh, La Mer. Did I hurt you?"
"No," I whispered, rocking my hips against his hand. "I wish you would…."
"What?" He raised an interested eyebrow.
"Don’t treat me like fine china. I want to feel it….." I gripped his hip with one hand, pressing the head of his erection against me, using the other hand to intertwine his fingers with my own.
He kissed me, inserted a second finger, a little more roughly this time. I let out my breath, slowly, ragged through clenched teeth. Seifer then raked his teeth down the center of my chest, tickling me rather than hurting me. I swiftly breathed through my nose as his teeth reached my nipple, painfully trailing across the highly sensitive surface. I totally lost myself in the sensation, closing my eyes as his tongue licked over where his teeth had been, soothing the sting. I would have moaned, but my voice failed me, died as I felt the head of his cock pressing against my rectum, slowly stretching it. I had been right about anticipating the pain; it hurt. However, it was a pain that I couldn’t really describe. It was painful, but in a good way. It made me so aware of what was happening, what Seifer was doing to me, and I didn’t want it to stop. I actually wanted more of the stinging fire to pass through my nerves, take over my entire body. I eagerly thrust my hips up, burying him within me, sending the delicious, searing agony up my spine, straight to my brain. I felt a few tears escape from my now tightly shut eyes. I squeezed his hand, his fingers still tightly intertwined with mine. A sigh made it past my lips, coming out as more of a whimper, shaky and broken.
Seifer stopped moving, using his thumb to brush away my vagrant tears. We just lay there, motionless. He nuzzled against my neck. "I’m sorry…."
All I did was sort of moan in response. I was having a really hard time trying to hold back moans and cries. I so wanted to just scream at the top of my lungs, let out all the emotion I was feeling. I relaxed my body, getting used to having Seifer inside me. I couldn’t have even imagined what it would have felt like, and now that I was actually feeling him within me, I still couldn’t describe it. I turned my head slightly, lazily as Seifer got a good grip on my hips, slowly pulling out, then pushing himself in again with one motion. I bit my lip heavily to prevent a betraying cry from escaping. Seifer leaned in as he slowly thrust into me, gently parting my lips with his own, gently kissing me, licking across the indented teeth marks I had made in my lower lip. As he moved in and out of my body, his stomach brushed against my throbbing erection, which was already beginning to drip pearly white drops onto my abdomen. I mentally cursed myself, wanting so desperately for this to last forever.
"Seifer…" I whispered my lover’s name, my breath going into his mouth. My lover….. It sounded so strange, but so right. I kissed his throat, sucking on his flesh. I could feel the vibrations through my lips as he moaned softly. It was too quiet for me to hear, and I only knew it had happened because I felt it.
He covered my mouth with his again, kissing me as he began to thrust a little more roughly, with a little more purpose. The physical pain was now gone, only an emotional tightness remaining. Right now, I had no idea how I had gone through life without Seifer, without having him, without having this connection. Why hadn’t I felt this close with Rinoa? His kissing was totally opposite from his fucking. His kisses were gentle, loving, making the sex move into the lovemaking phase, rather than it being purely fucking. I had never really understood the difference between fucking and making love… After all, sex was sex. But now, I knew the difference. I arched my back severely, raising my hips as far off the bed as they would go, making it a bit easier for Seifer to fuck me, making it deeper. He removed his hand from my iron grip, moving it down my body, stopping at the base of my penis. I couldn’t help but cry out, but my gasps were muffled by Seifer’s mouth.
As he thrust into me faster, ever quickening the pace, his hands made small circles over the now slick head of my cock. I couldn’t help letting out a low, long moan. I used one hand to grip his wrist, the other to hold his hip, letting him do everything, feeling totally useless. I knew that I was getting more pleasure out of this than I ever could have asked for, but I felt somewhat immobile, and wondered if Seifer was enjoying it as much as I was. I grazed his chest with my palm, lightly caressing him, playing with his nipple rings with my fingers. I opened my eyes, wanting to see his reaction, wanting to see if he was enjoying it. He was looking down at me, pure happiness all over his face. It was somewhat odd, seeing Seifer so happy. I guess I had always been used to him being sullen or angry. He slowly pulled out again, leaving me feeling utterly empty. I whimpered, vocally sharing my displeasure.
Seifer traced my cheekbones with shaky fingertips. He kissed my forehead, my temples, my cheeks, which were still wet with tears, my nose and my chin. When he reached my mouth, I used my teeth to bring his bottom lip into my mouth, sucking on it somewhat noisily. He pushed himself into me again, swiftly, eagerly. I used my internal muscles to clamp down on him as tightly as I could, rhythmically contracting and releasing. Seifer then sighed, jamming himself into me. I silently cried out in pain and pleasure, curling my lip over my teeth. He then trailed his lips across my collarbone, stopping at my shoulder. He lifted my hips off the bed further, going so deep, moving into me so completely. My head began to swim as the pace became furious. As he fucked me, Seifer bit into my shoulder, drawing blood. I sighed happily as I felt him suckling at the wound, drinking my blood. I gripped a large chunk of his hair, pushing his mouth against the wound, urging him to take more of my blood as he took my body.
I rocked against him with urgency, knowing that my release would be soon. My entire body tightened as Seifer dug his teeth into my shoulder again, drawing more blood. He gasped as my muscles gripped his cock tightly. He bit me harder, causing me to yelp. His fingers dug into my hips, bruising me, and all his muscles tightened under my hands. The sheer anticipation of him releasing within me caused my own orgasm to begin. I wrapped my arms around Seifer’s back, my hands slipping slightly on the skin, which was covered with a sheen of sweat. Every nerve screamed for release, tightening painfully. Then, the dam broke. I felt the tremors all through my body, giving me the release I so desired.
Seifer sighed, whispering "Squall…" as he exploded within me, filling me with warmth. It felt like he had come all the way into my stomach, which was now externally warm from my own ejaculation. I closed my eyes, letting myself come down from the dizzying high.
"Seifer…." I trailed off, lazily opening my eyes as I felt his fingers run across my stomach, collecting my semen on his fingers. He licked his hand clean, like a cat, sighing as he swallowed me down. He then collapsed, kissing my earlobe as his body covered mine.
"Mmmm?" I asked incoherently, holding him against me in an embrace he wouldn’t have been able to get out of, even if he wanted to. I mainly didn’t want him to pull out yet, wanting to still feel full, whole, complete.
"I adore you."
My heart skipped a beat. "You do?"
"Yes, La Mer." He settled on top of me.
I remained silent, my mind wandering.
"What is it?"
I kissed the top of his head. "Just thinking."
"About what?" Seifer’s voice sounded sleepy.
"We can talk in the morning….." I trailed off, feeling tired myself.
"Are you sure?" He tilted his head up, capturing my lips with his own. I tasted myself in his mouth, a bitter taste.
"Yeah…." I closed my eyes, still feeling lightheaded. "Goodnight, Seifer."
He planted a feather light kiss on the wound he left on my shoulder. "Goodnight, Squall."
My name on his lips was the last thing I heard before sleep captured me.
Return to Archive | next | previous