Don't Try to Save Me
He never asked why.
The others did. The first thing they asked was; "Why, Seifer? Why?" Why else? I let them think it was because of the sorceress. I let them believe she brainwashed me... that she used her magic to control me...
but you know what....
'One day .. I'm going to tell you about my romantic dream...'
She didn't control me. I did everything... willingly. Wouldn't they be shocked if they heard? They would hate me.. almost as much as I hate myself. I don't know why I did it. I don't know... I just...
I suppose I could tell them. It wouldn't make much difference. They won't have anything to do with me now, thinking I was brainwashed. What's the difference between them being uncomfortable with me and avoiding me, and them hating me and avoiding me? Not much... but... but if I did tell them he would hate me. I don't want him to hate me.
I... I don't want .. him to hate me?
Where did that come from? Why do I care what he thinks about me? I glance across the table and stare at his hands. He's wrapped them around his cup. He has nice hands. Firm, smooth... Nice fingers... I have.. a hand fetish. I admit it. Sometimes looking at nice hands will make me so horny I almost...
I have ripped a few, too tight pants looking at nice hands. Let's just leave it at that.
He has really nice hands.
I look up at his face. He's gazing at some spot to his right. More than likely he isn't really looking at anything. He looks like he's thinking. His brow is lowered in a slight frown. He always frowns when he thinks. He thinks a lot. I admire that about him. I don't tend to think before I do things. I just... go with the flow. I've never really considered myself intelligent, so I've never bothered to think. But he thinks. He thinks before he speaks. He thinks before he acts, and he frowns when he thinks.
He frowns quite a bit.
I've never seen him smile, but I guess he hasn't had much reason to smile.
.... where was I? Oh. Why do I care what he thinks about me? .... I stare at his beautiful face and quite suddenly I can't breathe.
I think... I think I l... I ... lo...
No. I can't. I can't feel like that towards him. I can't. He's just... a friend.
I care what he thinks because he's a friend.
My only friend.
My best friend.
I think... I hope... he considers me his friend.
He's never said... that we're friends but... it's not like we ever speak.
We never speak.
Isn't that funny? I depend on him as a friend, but I never speak to him. We meet here every day and ... the only time we spoke was when he originally asked me to join him here. Three months ago and we haven't said a word since.
If my heart wasn't so heavy I'd laugh.
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