Tomorrow's Gonna Hurt

By J. Marie

Warning!!!!! This is a lemon yaoi fanfiction starring Kiros Seagill and Laguna Loire from Final Fantasy VIII. It is rated NC-17. It contains graphic descriptions of male homosexual sex and you must be 18 to read it. Blah blah blah. Does anybody read these things? Anyways, I once again return my attention to one of my favorite yaoi couples of all time. In this I explore the reasons behind why Laguna put Squall and Ellone up for adoption and how he dealt with the discovery of Raine's death. In this story, Laguna will be suffering from depression, and while he may *seem* OOC, he is still IC, because I'm sure even Laguna had his bad moments. Everybody has to deal with real life sometime, and this story is about Laguna learning to deal with it. Why else would Ellone had been concerned about being loved in the game? Obviously, there's going to be enough angst in here to fill up a small lake. This is, I guess, what is considered a "songfic", because I am using the lyrics of "Then The Morning Comes" by Smash Mouth for flavor. This story has nothing to do with my other FF8 stories. Please enjoy.

paint the town take a bow thank everybody you're gonna do it again you are the few the proud the antibody, mind, soul and Zen and the world's a stage and the world's a faze and the end is near so push rewind just in time thank anybody you're gonna do it again the way that you walk it's just the way that you talk like it aint no thing and every single day is just a fling then the morning comes take your knocks shake them off duck everybody you're gonna take them again you are your foe, your friend you are the paparazzi you are the tragedian and the world's a craze and the world's a faze and the end is near so push rewind just in time thank anybody you're gonna do it again chorus (the way that you walk it's just the way that you talk like it aint no thing and every single day is just a fling then the morning comes) and when it comes it moves so slow kind of like it's saying "i told you so" looking back before she goes tomorrow's gonna hurt and the world's a stage and the world's a faze and the end is near so push rewind just in time thank anybody chorus (the way that you walk it's just the way that you talk like it aint no thing and every single day is just a fling then the morning comes)

------ Lyrics to "Then The Morning Comes" by Smash Mouth, as appeared in their album "Astro Lounge"

Tomorrow's gonna hurt.

That's what Laguna Loire thought to himself. He felt numb at the moment, but he knew tomorrow was going to hurt. Like a bitch.

Laguna rolled over on his bed and stared at his clock. 2am. He couldn't go to sleep. His aquamarine eyes caught a picture sitting on the night stand by his clock. It was of a young woman, with long chocolate colored hair and big blue eyes. She wore a white sweater and white headband and a soft smile reserved only for Laguna.

Laguna took the picture and lay it face down. He stared down at his left hand, at the gold wedding band there. A single tear trickled down his face and he wriggled the ring off and slung it across the room, as hard as he could.

He felt tired now. It was silly to be angry at Raine Leonhart Loire. It wasn't her fault she died. Giving birth to his son.

Laguna could here the baby crying through the walls. The newborn had been put in the room next to his. Laguna felt drained every time he saw his son. A father was suppose to be joyous. Laguna was numb.

He was a happy man, a cheerful man. He had always been optimistic. The Shumi had built statues of him dedicated to his energetic personality. His smile was like magic, and could charm nations.

The baby continued to cry.

Laguna got up dutifully, and went into the nursery, leaving the lights off. The dim lights of Esthar that filtered in through the window were enough for him. He walked over to the crib, peering over at his infant son. The baby looked up at him, quieting slightly. A shock of chocolate hair framed his adorable face, and his big blue eyes stared up at Laguna.

Laguna felt himself choking, looking into his son's blue eyes. They were exactly like Raine's. Her color, her shape. He turned his face and stepped away. What was wrong with him?

He had found Raine dead when he returned to Winhill. One of the old women there was caring for the newborn baby boy when he arrived. He had been so happy and proud when he came back. He had saved Elle.

But in exchange he had failed Raine. And his son. Laguna had her body buried on a hill near Winhill, and took his son back to Esthar. He had been going back to tell her he was the President of Esthar and that Ellone, their adopted daughter, was safe.

He came happy, but left in sorrow. It had been two weeks since Raine had been buried. Two weeks of taking care of a baby he couldn't even name.

The baby began to cry louder, sensing Laguna's anguish.

Laguna sighed and went back over to the crib, picking the babe up and checking his diaper. The infant's diaper was clean. Laguna pulled out a bottle of milk from the refridgerator and tried feeding it to the baby, but the newborn continued to squall, refusing to eat. Laguna sighed, and put the baby back down, wondering what he was suppose to do.

Laguna heard an exasperated sigh behind him. He turned and saw his best friend, Kiros Seagill framing the nursery doorway, looking irritated.

"Are you going to let the baby scream all night? What's wrong?" the tall black man asked, coming inside.

"I don't know, Kiros. His diaper's clean and he's not hungry. I don't understand it. I'm sorry he woke you," Laguna apologized, stepping back the crib, which caused the screams to grow louder.

Kiros looked over at him sharply. "I always figured a guy like you, as sensitive as you are, would know what was wrong... He wants to be held," Kiros sighed, marching over to the crib and picked up the squalling infant.

The baby kicked and screamed a few more times, but soon quieted down in Kiros' arms as he gently stroked the baby's back, shushing him. Kiros smiled down almost paternally at the small infant as the baby nestled against him, looking sleepy.

"Um, thanks, Kiros... Want me to take over?" Laguna asked, feeling inept.

"No, it's alright. He's comfy now. I'll rock him to sleep. You go get some rest. You haven't been sleeping well since you found out about Raine," Kiros said in a soothing tone of voice that was for the baby's benefit.

Laguna nodded, watching Kiros sit down in the rocking chair, cooing at the infant. The baby seemed content now, now that he was getting the attention and affection he had wanted.

Laguna almost ran from the nursery.

Then the morning comes.

Two years later........

 

Laguna's son laughed and giggled, chasing his "Sis" around on pudgy baby legs. He hadn't quite mastered the ability to walk yet, and was still wobbly on his feet. Ellone laughed at him and made a face, beckoning him to chase her. The baby grinned and did so, toppling over his own feet. He realized that his Sis was far away and began to squall.

"Aw, c'mon baby!! Don't cry!! I'm here!" Elle cried, running over to him and picking him up, covering his soft baby face in kisses.

The toddler sniffled and smiled, clutching his Sis tightly. Elle walked over to Kiros who was getting the boy's bath ready for him.

"Uncle Kiros? Why hasn't Uncle Laguna given the baby a name yet?" she asked, tired of calling her little brother a baby.

Kiros looked over and sighed. He himself had wondered the same thing. "I don't know, Elle. I don't think he can decide yet. You know how Laguna is," Kiros winked, forcing himself to smile as he took the baby in his arms.

Elle pouted. "But Uncle Laguna acts so different now. He hardly talks to me, and he hardly even looks at the baby. It's like he doesn't love us, or something....." she said quietly.

"Kiwos!! Bubblies?" the baby asked, giggling as Kiros stripped him and put him in the bubbly bath water. Kiros couldn't help but grin at the child. He was adorable. He didn't talk much to anyone but Kiros and Elle. But Kiros knew the child was bright.

"I know... Uncle Laguna is still sad over Raine dying," Kiros sighed, wishing Laguna would return the happy man Kiros had known his entire life. Laguna had turned into a brooding workaholic.

"Well, so am I, but I don't get mean about it! I asked him what dress he thought was cuter on me yesterday and he just said 'whatever'. I asked him what he was going to name the baby and he just shrugged and went back to his stupid papers...." Elle complained, screwing her face up in frustration.

"Bubblies!!" the toddler shouted, splashing both Elle and Kiros with his bathwater.

Kiros chuckled, and began to soap up the baby. "Yes, lots of bubblies. All for you," Kiros said.

Elle sighed and helped Kiros by shampooing the boy's hair which caused the young boy to giggle in delight. Kiros took him from the bath and dried him off.

"I think Uncle Laguna wants to send us away....." Elle said after a few minutes.

Kiros stared at her. He knew Laguna's was in the depths of depression and guilt, not to mention overwhelmed by his new position, but to give his own child and Elle up for adoption? He was so surprised that he didn't even notice when the little boy wriggled free from his towel and began running out of the bathroom, completely naked.

"Catch him, Elle!! He got away!!!" Kiros shouted and began to chase after the naked baby.

The toddler was full tilt and quick. He had already exited his room and was running down the hall, adoring the feel of the wind on his wet, naked flesh. A few people stopped and stared at the streaking boy, but did nothing to stop him. The boy ran and ran, enjoying giving his "Kiwos" and "Sis" a good chase.

He stopped suddenly and stared sullenly up at a slender man in his way. Laguna stared down at the child bleakly. Kiros and Elle soon caught up, looking embarrassed.

"Why is he running naked through the halls?" Laguna asked.

"He got away from us before I got him dressed. We'll take him back and dress him, don't worry," Kiros said, picking up the glaring toddler.

Laguna nodded apathetically and continued on his way. Kiros sighed and clutched the naked boy as he and Elle returned to Squall's room.

"No cwothes!!! No cwothes!!!! Me no wanna weah cwothes!!!" the baby screamed as Kiros dressed him.

"Do you see what I mean, Uncle Kiros? Uncle Laguna is so sad he doesn't care about anyone else now," Elle sighed, getting the socks onto the toddler's kicking feet.

"I'll talk to him, Elle. I promise."

Laguna was in his office, reading the reports from the moon on Adel's stasis. He sighed and massaged his temple, wishing they hadn't used so many technical jargon.

He heard his door opened and looked up, finding Kiros walking in, looking angry.

"Hello, Kiros.. What are you doing?" Laguna blinked. Kiros usually knocked.

"My question for you, Laguna, is the same. What the hell do you think you're doing?" Kiros demanded, his dark eyes flashing.

Laguna blinked again. "I'm reading reports..." he said slowly, never having seen Kiros this angry before.

"I don't give a flying fuck about your reports, Loire! What the hell is this shit???" Kiros shouted, tearing the papers from Laguna 's grasp and thumping a different stack of papers down.

Laguna chewed his bottom lip, staring bleakly at the adoption papers. "She's really nice, Kiros. Her name is Edea Kramer. She runs a small orphanage. She's a Sorceress, but she's a good one. She's already taking care of a bunch of other orphans from the Sorceress Wars...." Laguna sad quietly.

"But your son is not an orphan, Laguna! Ellone is not an orphan!! You're the one taking care of them! And now you're sending them away?!?" Kiros demanded.

"Look at me, Kiros. I can't look at my own son without wanting to cry. I'm not his father, I'm his genetic donor. I can't even look at Elle anymore. I have too many responsibilities.... You have too many responsibilities yourself to take care of a couple kids.. This way they can get adopted into a loving home. They can have a real family," Laguna said, swiveling his chair so he would no longer face Kiros.

Kiros sighed and hung his head. It was true. It was all true. And he hated it.

"When are you taking them?" Kiros asked quietly.

"Tomorrow."

"I'll get them packed and explain to them what's going on," Kiros sighed, turning away and walking sadly from Laguna.

Tomorrow's gonna hurt.

Then the morning comes.

Kiros was the one who carried the boy. Laguna held Elle's hand. Elle had cried all night, wondering if her Uncle Laguna really loved her.

The stone cottage was humble, but adequate. A small blonde boy stared over at the approaching men and the children. He was about three, but rather large for his size. He stood up, full of curiosity, his jade eyes drifting over the crying girl was a few years older than he. His eyes stopped on the small brunette who Kiros was carrying, whose big blues eyes were wide in confusion.

A gorgeous, stately woman appeared at the doorway, her slender body framed by her long, richly black hair. She smiled softly at Kiros and Laguna, stepping out. "Hello, Mr. Loire, Mr. Seagill. I am Edea Kramer. An honor to finally meet you in person. This is Elle and the young boy?" Edea asked in a rich voice. Another small girl clung to her skirt, the same age as the blonde boy, with her own golden hair put up in a ponytail. Her blue eyes were wide in curiosity.

Laguna bowed slightly. "An honor to meet you, Edea. These are the two children. You said you would call me if any problems with Elle's special powers arose, right?" he asked apprehensively.

"Of course. Does the boy child have a name?" Edea asked.

"Um...." Laguna said, staring at his son thoughtfully. "Squall. Squall Leonhart. Let him honor his mother's name."

Edea nodded, reaching out and taking Squall into her arms. Kiros gave him up reluctantly, silent throughout this whole exchange.

"Squall's a stupid name. He's not as small as Crybaby Zell, but he's too small," the blonde boy said petulantly, glaring at Laguna.

Edea smiled at Laguna. "Please forgive Seifer. He watched his parents die as a child, and it has left him rather angry....." Edea said gently.

"It's alright. Squall's small now, but he'll grow. Maybe you two can be friends..." Laguna said, trying to be cheerful to the sullen blonde child in front of him.

"I don't need friends...." Seifer said angrily, and stalked away.

"He'll be alright. He has a bit of temper. Now, my dear Ellone. Perhaps you would like to meet the other children? I'm sure they'd all be thrilled to see you. They don't have anyone old enough to look out for them," Edea smiled, holding out a hand to Elle.

Elle looked up at Laguna with a tear-streaked face and headed over to the beautiful woman, taking her hand.

"Goodbye, Elle. Goodbye, Squall. I love you both. Please don't forget that," Laguna found himself choking on his words as he turned his back and ran away. Elle began to sob.

Kiros swallowed, and kissed Squall on the cheek. It was a good name. He stroked the boy's chocolate hair, realizing that he was going to miss the boy more than anything. Kiros hugged Ellone and turned away before she could see him cry.

"Kiwos!! No go!! Kiwos!! I be good!! I weah cwothes!!! Kiwos!! Come back!!! Kiiiiiwwwwoooooossss!!" Squall screamed, seeing the man who had taken care of him since infancy walk away. He tried to wriggle free from the woman who held him, but no matter how hard he reached or tried, Kiros didn't stop walking away.

And Kiros thought his heart would tear in two.

"Do you hate me now, Kiros?" Laguna asked quietly as they rode the airship back to Esthar.

"No, Laguna. I don't hate you. I know why you did what you did. I understand it. I even agree with it. But it doesn't hurt any less," Kiros said, staring out his window.

"If it makes you feel any better, I hate me."

Kiros looked sharply over at Laguna, realizing how sad and lonely the man really was. "Don't, Laguna. You did what you felt was right," he said.

"You may not believe me, but I do love my son. And I love Elle. But I can't deal with them anymore. One day, I'll be okay, and Elle will come back to live with me if she likes, and I'll find Squall and tell him who I am, and why I did what I did. I hope he turns out a better man than I," Laguna said quietly.

Kiros remained silent.

Kiros watched the man dress quietly.

He didn't even know the man, but almost as soon as he got back to Esthar, he found someone willing to sleep with him.

The man was a blonde, slightly younger than Kiros. He was slender and had blue eyes. Kiros just watched him silently, not having anything to say. The blonde seemed to sense this, knowing that all Kiros had really wanted from him was sex. As soon as the act had been finished he found his clothes and left.

Kiros didn't even say goodbye. Why should he? The blonde was just a stranger, a diversion from his pain. He had left two children he loved dearly. Squall's cries still haunted him. And now he was watching his best friend fall apart.

Kiros sighed and got up, heading towards his shower, wanting to wash the scent of sex off of himself. Laguna was a mess. Raine's death seemed to kill his buoyancy, his optimism. Kiros missed Laguna. The way Laguna was suppose to be.

The Laguna he had fallen in love with.

Kiros banged his head against his shower wall angrily. It had been foolish from the start. As soon as they had been assigned to the same division, Kiros almost instantly fell in love with Laguna. Laguna was everything Kiros ever wanted in a man. He was as beautiful as any woman, optimistic, adorable, sweet, kind, compassionate, friendly..... Now he was depressed and spent all his time when he wasn't working, brooding.

It had never worked out the way Kiros wanted it too. Every time he tried to hint to Laguna that he liked him, Laguna never seemed to get it. And then he was off professing his love to Julia, and later marrying Raine. Kiros had been left alone. But he followed Laguna to the ends of the earth. Kiros knew he couldn't live without Laguna at least near him.

He was pathetic.

Kiros banged his head against the wall again. The tiniest part of him was glad that Raine was dead. Maybe he would have a shot of getting Laguna's attention. But that was wrong. Raine didn't deserve to die. But Kiros had been jealous of her. As jealous as he had been of Julia. How happy he was when he found out Julia was married to another man.

He had found Laguna in Winhill, to tell him the news, hoping that maybe he could try to start something with Laguna. But Raine was there. And Kiros saw that Laguna loved Raine. He loved her deeply, not with the passing infatuation he had for Julia, but with real love. So Kiros backed off into his shadows, to watch Laguna from afar.

Now she was gone and Kiros hated himself for even having the smallest piece of him be glad about it. But it was there, and as guilty as it made him feel, he couldn't make it disappear.

But now Laguna was lost and lonely too. But Kiros held back. With the way Laguna was acting, Kiros was afraid that if he pressed to hard, Laguna would push him away. So Kiros had left Laguna alone for two years, while he cared for Laguna's son and adopted daughter. But on the ride back from Edea's orphanage, Kiros had seen the look in Laguna's eyes.

Desperation.

Kiros banged his head again and left his shower, dressing in tight black pair of pants with a wide belt and big white button-down shirt. He combed out his, dark tresses, and braided them, then tied them all back. He left his room, wondering if he should talk to Laguna.

He encountered Ward in the hallway, who gave him a sad smile. Ward knew how close to the kids Kiros had gotten. Kiros hugged his friend and they went to go eat dinner together. Kiros talked about his problems and thoughts, relieved to have someone to talk to. Ward had always been a good listener, even before he lost his voice.

Kiros wondered to himself if Laguna had anyone to talk to.

Laguna was lying naked on his bed.

He had pushed his covers to the side, allowing the soft lights of Esthar to glimmer off his body. He rested his head on the bunched up comforters, letting the cool air hit his body. He remembered all the times he had lain naked in bed with Raine and closed his eyes.

The pain of her loss had ebbed off, and now only his guilt stabbed through his heart. He could live with Raine's death, but not with the guilt associated with it. He felt like he was the one who killed her, as surely as if he had shot her himself. And now he had given away their son. And Elle.

Laguna closed his eyes. It had been the right thing to do. Squall would get adopted by a loving family, a family that could give him more love than Laguna could. Elle would be taken care of and protected by a powerful Sorceress. But it hurt.

It hurt so much.

Laguna felt alone. No one was left to care about him, love him. He was lost and alone. And he was guilty. He was a horrible person.

He wished he had died with Raine.

Tomorrow's gonna hurt.

Then the morning comes.

Kiros watched Laguna give Esthar his speech. Laguna had a strained smile, and a forced cheer to his voice.

He waited until the speech was over and Laguna retreated back to his offices to say something. "Laguna... Don't beat yourself up over all this. You do the best you can. You always have," Kiros told the pretty man quietly.

Laguna looked over at him. "I don't want to talk about it, Kiros," he sighed, turning his face.

"When you do, Laguna, let me know. I'll listen," Kiros offered, then turning to leave.

Laguna watched the tall black man head towards the door. "Wait. Kiros.... Wait," Laguna said suddenly.

Kiros stopped and turned. "Yes?" he asked.

"Um.... You want to go have dinner together?" Laguna asked.

Kiros nodded. "If that's what you want," he said, trying to keep his heart from leaping.

Laguna smiled, a real smile. The smile that Kiros had fallen in love with. "I'll see you at seven, then," he said.

"Seven. Where are we meeting?"

"I know this nice seafood restaurant. Meet me at the front of the Palace and we'll go there."

Kiros left the room with a nod, trying not to be elated.

Kiros and Laguna ate their dinners silently, neither knowing what to say.

Every time Laguna tried to say something, he'd get past the first word and trail off. Kiros couldn't even speak. They both felt entirely uncomfortable.

Kiros and Laguna finished their dinner and began to walk on the boardwalk nearby, admiring the beautiful lights of Esthar.

"This is truly a beautiful city......" Kiros said after a while.

"Yeah. It is...... But it's so big," Laguna sighed, hanging his head.

"Let her go, Laguna. She's been dead for two years. You have to move on. You're only twenty-nine years old. She wouldn't want you to spend your life pining for her," Kiros sighed.

Laguna looked sharply over at the tall black man, looking as if he couldn't decide to be angry or not. "I can handle Raine being gone, Kiros. As I much as I miss her, I can handle it. What's hard is knowing that I was the one who killed her," Laguna said, his voice strained. he'd never said it out loud. But there it was.

Kiros stopped, and stared down at the delicate beauty. "Laguna.... Raine died in childbirth with your son. You didn't kill her," he said softly, understanding why Laguna was so depressed.

"But I left her alone, Kiros. All alone. She died because I wasn't there. I didn't save her," Laguna choked, tears spilling down his face.

Kiros acted impulsively, doing something he'd never dared do before. He grabbed Laguna and held the sobbing man against his chest, breathing into the glossy black hair. "Laguna, you were saving Elle. Adel had taken her. You saved a little girl who had no one else to save her. You saved this entire country from Adel. You didn't know Raine was pregnant when you left her. You didn't know she was going to die. You did what you thought was right. What you thought needed to be done. Like you always do. And no one can fault you for that," Kiros breathed, stroking Laguna's hair.

Laguna continued to sob, letting out all his pent up guilt and self-loathing. "But I promised her I'd come back, Kiros. I let her down. She died alone. I failed her.... I'm a failure..." he sobbed piteously.

Kiros held Laguna away from him and spun him around to look at the view of Esthar. "Look at that, Laguna. This is your country. Millions of people who live here, freed from Adel's tyranny, who don't think you're a failure at all. They think you're a hero. They love you. You didn't fail Raine. It wasn't your fault. She probably would have died even if you were there. But then Elle would still be in Adel's clutches, and Esthar would still be run by a sadistic tyrant. Self-pity is not like you. You've become a shadow. We want you to be the Laguna we all love......" Kiros said forcefully.

Laguna was silent for awhile, gazing at his city. He turned slowly, looking up at Kiros. He gave him a wobbly smile. "Would you stay with me tonight? I don't want to be alone... I'm tired of being alone all the time," he asked, tears still in his beautiful aquamarine bedroom eyes.

Kiros swallowed. "What kind of 'stay', Laguna....?" he asked slowly, trying not to jump to conclusions.

Laguna turned his face slightly, blushing a little. "Um.... I know it sounds gay, but I want to be held. If you don't want to, it's okay," he sighed.

Kiros smiled, relieved and disappointed at the same time. "That would be fine, Laguna. It would be more than fine," he said.

Laguna hugged him, feeling comforted.

Kiros sighed, brushing some fallen strands of ebony hair from Laguna's beautiful face.

Laguna was deeply asleep, snuggled against Kiros' warm body. Kiros held him, watching the delicate man sleep, feeling his heart ache. To be holding Laguna was more than he'd ever had with the man, but he wanted so much more. He wanted Laguna. He wanted Laguna to tell Kiros that he loved him.

It hurt, being this close to the man he loved, but being denied what he really wanted. It wasn't sex. It was love. Kiros didn't want any more tired sexual relationships with other men. He wanted to love and be loved. He wanted to love and be loved by Laguna.

Kiros sighed again and brushed his generous lips against Laguna's. Laguna's lifts were so soft, and pink. The pretty man muttered in his sleep and sighed at the touch of Kiros' lips. Kiros began to move his lips, stealing a kiss from the sleeping beauty. Laguna muttered again, kissing back.

"Raine........." Laguna breathed.

Kiros drew back as if stung, breaking off the kiss and leaving Laguna to his sleep.

Tomorrow's gonna hurt.

Then the morning comes.

Laguna stretched out across his bed, feeling better then he had in the past two years.

Laguna sat up and blinked over at the indentation of the bed next to him. He was alone. Kiros had already left. Laguna's lips tugged into a pout. Why did Kiros just leave him like that?

Laguna sighed and got up. Kiros probably had better things to do than coddle Laguna. It was foolish to get upset. It wasn't like Kiros was his lover, and had an obligation to greet Laguna in the morning or anything.

Laguna began to brush his teeth, blushing slightly at the thought of Kiros being his lover. He had always had an attraction to other men, as well as women. But he had put aside his attraction to men, favoring women, not wishing to be the subject of ridicule.

But being held by Kiros last night sent shudders through his body. It was nice to be held by someone bigger than you were, stronger. It made Laguna feel safe and protected. He rather liked the feeling.

He wondered idly if Kiros liked men, but decided that he most likely didn't. Kiros had always been a private man, especially with his sex life. For all Laguna knew, Kiros might already have a steady girlfriend.

Laguna took a shower and headed off for breakfast, humming to himself. He felt in remarkably good spirits. He hadn't felt this good in years. He grinned at the people he passed by, causing them to grin back. Laguna's smile was always infectious.

He sat down at the dining table and began snarfing up his food, eating with more appetite. Kiros and Ward came in. Laguna greeted them with a goofy grin, complete with porridge stuck to the side of his face.

"Hey guys!" Laguna said brightly.

Ward blinked and gave Kiros a raised eyebrow. Kiros shrugged and smiled back. "Hello, Laguna.... Nice to see you so chipper... By the way, you have a little something something on the side of your face," he said.

Laguna blushed and quickly wiped at his face. "Oh.... So, you guys wanna go out and do something tonight?" he asked.

Ward and Kiros looked at each other. Laguna hadn't wanted to go out in two years. Ward looked apologetic, and opened his wallet, pointing to a picture of his fiancee`, a lovely Estharian woman named Mira.

Laguna nodded. "Oh, I see. You're going out with your fiancee`. What about you Kiros? Got a hot date with some girl, or do you wanna go out with a loser like me?" Laguna asked, trying not to sound too eager.

Kiros smiled softly. "No. No hot dates, much less with some girl. And you're not a loser, but I'll go out with you anyways," he sighed, knowing he was opening himself up to get his heart broken, but not able to resist Laguna.

Laguna gave another goofy grin, looking immensely pleased. "Cool! We can go to the amusement park! I love riding rides!" he exclaimed.

Kiros smiled again, pleased that Laguna was acting more like the exuberant overgrown child he really was. Laguna began chattering about what he was going to do that day, and soon bounced off to his office, to fill out a few papers and make some plans for Esthar.

Kiros was left with Ward, looking surprised. He didn't think Laguna would have recovered so much in one night. Did maybe Laguna enjoy being with Kiros as much as Kiros enjoyed being with Laguna?

Ward thumped the tall black man on the back, grinning at him.

"I don't know, Ward..... I can never predict Laguna's moods. He's as unpredictable as the wind."

Ward smiled encouragingly, and left to go about his business.

Kiros was left alone to ponder what was going on inside Laguna's head.

Laguna was quiet again by the time he and Kiros reached the amusement park. He wasn't as depressed as before, but not as cheerful as he was that morning either. Laguna seemed lost in thought.

Kiros sighed. He was wearing a red leather jacket over a black button down shirt and a pair of tight jeans. Laguna wasn't saying much, just leading Kiros around all the rides, smiling only when he was riding them.

Kiros had to admire Laguna's beauty. Laguna was wearing a white overcoat and a white scarf and a white beret. He had on a light blue shirt and a pair of baggy jeans. He looked adorable, sweet, and innocent. Kiros tried to look like he wasn't admiring his friend's beauty and just stared ahead at the Ferris wheel that Laguna was dragging him to.

"Are you sure you want to ride this, Laguna? They always break down....." Kiros sighed as Laguna handed over their tickets.

"Of course! They're so much fun!" Laguna said with a grin.

Kiros sighed and sat down next to Laguna on the seat, trying not to be frightened as the wheel creaked and spun, pulling them upwards.

"Isn't this fun?" Laguna chattered, grinning down at the lights of the amusement park.

"Right. Fun. As much fun as I can handle on a full stomach," Kiros sighed, not wanting to admit he was frightened of Ferris wheels. The ride slowly spun them around, a making it's full round, and then taking them to the top, shuddering, and stopping.

"Uh oh..." Laguna said, realizing the ride must have broke down.

"I told you so..." Kiros sighed, turning a little green and trying not to look down.

"It'll be an hour before we can get the ride back up!" the ride operator shouted up at the people, causing a lot of groaning.

Kiros hung his head. Laguna giggled. "Okay, I owe you one then......" he sighed with a smile.

Kiros looked over at the raven-haired man, noting the wistful expression on his face. "Are you trying to be happy for everybody else's benefit, or do you really feel better?" Kiros asked quietly.

Laguna sighed. "Both..... it's what you wanted, though..." he said quietly.

"I want you to be truly happy, Laguna. I don't want you to fake it," Kiros said, looking away.

"I do feel better. Not great, but better. What you said helped. You staying with me helped. I was happy last night..." Laguna said seriously, turning to look at Kiros.

"Because you were dreaming about Raine," Kiros said bitterly.

Laguna blinked. "If I did, I don't remember... I do remember thinking it was nice not to be alone..... Thank you for staying.. I know it must have been weird for you, sleeping in the same bed with another man. Holding me and all," he blushed.

Kiros raised an eyebrow. "Not as weird as you'd think," he chuckled.

Laguna looked confused. "Huh?"

"I'm gay, Laguna. I sleep with men all the time. Staying with you last night wasn't weird. Not having sex with you was," Kiros chuckled.

Laguna blinked. "Really....? You didn't seem like you were......." he said thoughtfully, watching Kiros intently.

Kiros smiled. "No offense, Laguna, but you seem like you are, but you're not. Stuff like that doesn't matter," he sighed.

"Oh. Sorry. Didn't mean to offend you. But I actually think about guys sometimes....." Laguna said, blinking.

Kiros looked over at the pretty man. "You don't have to say that to make me feel better, Laguna," he said, feeling a lump form in his throat.

"I didn't. It's true."

Kiros blinked and looked away. "You were married. I saw you lust for woman after woman....." he said.

"Oh, I like women too. I mean, I've never been with a guy, like you have. I just thought about it," Laguna said, feeling intense all of a sudden.

"So you're bi... That's interesting," Kiros said awkwardly. How was he suppose to react to this news?

Laguna leaned over a little, peering into Kiros' turned face. "Would you stay with me again tonight?" he asked.

"What kind of 'stay', Laguna?" Kiros almost choked on his words. He was overwhelmed.

"The kind that involves an orgasm. Maybe two," Laguna said seriously, giving Kiros a lopsided grin.

Kiros swallowed, feeling short of breath. He had been desiring Laguna for the past seven years, and now that the offer was put in front of him he could only stare at Laguna in slack shock. Laguna leaned over and brushed his lips against Kiros', his pale face meeting Kiros' dark one.

Kiros moved his lips, drawing Laguna into a deep kiss, and reached around the small man to pull Laguna against him. Laguna moaned slightly, not having been kissed anyone in almost three years. Their mouths opened and their tongues explored each other. Laguna was on Kiros' lap in seconds, their arms wrapped around each other.

Kiros moaned audibly when he felt Laguna slip a hand to his crotch, rubbing gently on the area. Kiros was instantly aroused, and was already slipping a hand underneath Laguna's shirt. They were so wrapped up in feeling each other up, that they didn't even notice the motion of the Ferris wheel as it descended downwards.

Laguna was the first to pull away when they heard someone clear their throat.

"Um, I'm pretty open-minded and all, but could you two maybe get a room?" the ride operator asked.

Laguna giggled and blushed and Kiros cleared his throat, realizing that he had an incredible hard on. Kiros moved his jacket so it covered his crotch and stood up painfully, and Laguna quickly rebuttoned his shirt. The pair sheepishly left the ride and headed back to the Presidential Palace as fast as a cab would take them.

Laguna was already taking off Kiros' clothes before he got a chance to close the door to Laguna's bedroom.

Kiros kicked the door shut and then pressed his back against it as Laguna worked his clothes off, kissing the beautiful black man's neck and bared chest. Kiros sighed, flushed with an incredible heat. This was senseless sex, but he was already lost in it, unable to resist Laguna's feathery touch.

Laguna got Kiros' shirt and jacket off, kissing his way down Kiros' toned stomach as he undid Kiros' jeans. The tall black pulled his shoes off, by bending his leg up to meet his hand, doing his best not to interfere with Laguna's kisses. Laguna smiled when got Kiros pants off, grinning at the endowment before him.

Kiros thought he was going to come as soon as Laguna dropped to his knees in front of the other man. Laguna gently snaked out a tongue to lick the precum that was beading at Kiros' tip, causing the black man to moan. Kiros had expected Laguna to be shy, but Laguna was never shy about anything he did. Apparently not even sex fazed Laguna.

Laguna nibbled gently on Kiros' tip, gripping the impressive erection with his hands. Kiros moaned again, running his hands through Laguna's silky black hair. Laguna began to slowly engulf the organ, causing Kiros to close his eyes and pant, never imagining that Laguna's mouth on his cock could feel this wonderful. All his senses seemed to explode at Laguna's touch.

Laguna moved his mouth across Kiros' erection, running his tongue across the tip, the sides, and especially the underside. He could feel himself grow aroused, taking pleasure from giving another pleasure. Kiros moaned loudly when Laguna began to suck on him. This was truly incredible. Kiros never thought a blowjob could feel so good. Laguna was truly gifted at this, and if Kiros didn't know better he would have sworn Laguna had done this before.

Laguna took Kiros fully inside his mouth, surprising the black man with his eagerness. Kiros' head rolled around, as his entire body was swept away in pleasure. His body heat was almost intolerable and his legs quivered, barely able to support himself. He cried out when he came, his vision exploding. Laguna fell back a little from the force of Kiros' orgasm, choking a little on the cum, before swallowing.

Kiros sagged against the door, looking down at Laguna, his vision slowly returning to him. Laguna was sitting on the floor, grinning up at Kiros. "Was I any good?" he asked, almost innocently.

" 'Any good'?" Kiros asked weakly, his voice laced in disbelief. "You suck me until I thought my brain was going to explode and you ask me if you were 'any good'?"

"Um, so I guess I was..." Laguna giggled.

"That's putting it mildly....." Kiros smiled, helping Laguna to his feet.

Laguna giggled and gave Kiros a seductive look. "Do I get anything in return?" he asked sweetly, tracing Kiros' nipple with a finger.

"You're gonna get a lot of something in return..." Kiros grinned, picking a giggling Laguna up and dumping him on the bed.

Laguna squealed, giggling more when Kiros descended on him, stripping him quickly. He wriggled on the bed, causing Kiros to lick his lips. The pants and underwear went first, leaving Laguna only in a shirt that Kiros pulled up just over Laguna's nose, before pausing and holding the shirt in place, covering Laguna's eyes and pinning his arms over his head.

"Kiros......... What are you doing?" Laguna giggled as he felt Kiros kiss him slowly.

"Getting my revenge on you," Kiros chuckled, nibbling on Laguna's neck, causing more giggles. The fact that Laguna was a giggly lover was not surprising.

Laguna squealed when Kiros found a nipple, which the black man delicately nibbled at, each one in turn. Kiros then moved down to ravish Laguna's navel, which caused even louder squeals of laughter. "Kiros... Come on.... No more foreplay. You're driving me nuts," Laguna whined.

Kiros chuckled and released Laguna from the shirt hold he had him in, removing finally the last article of clothing. Laguna was flushed and panting, fully aroused. Kiros licked his lips, and spread Laguna's legs apart. "Got any lubrication?" he asked hoarsely.

Laguna reached over to his night stand and pulled out some lotion. "It's all I got...." Laguna whispered.

"That'll work fine," Kiros whispered back, lubing his growing erection up. He squeezed some out and placed his fingertip against Laguna's entrance. Laguna looked over, blinking slowly.

"You're gonna have to relax, Laguna......" Kiros said. Laguna nodded and closed his eyes, feeling Kiros slip a finger inside him, spreading the lotion around. Laguna winced slightly, but quickly adjusted. Soon another finger followed, and then another, as Kiros stretched Laguna's tight entrance. Laguna gasped as Kiros withdrew the fingers, feeling a little sore.

"This might a hurt a little......" Kiros whispered, as he positioned himself under Laguna and slid himself slowly in.

Laguna gasped. It hurt a lot. He arched up slightly, and felt Kiros' arms wrap around him. "Just relax, baby... Just relax..." Kiros whispered, slowly rocking into Laguna. Laguna moaned, his lower body hurting, yet pleasure was starting mix in.

Kiros lay the slender man back, smoothing down the Laguna's chest. He grinned at Laguna once before arching his back and bending down to take Laguna's erection into his mouth. Laguna gasped in pleasure. What Kiros was doing should have been impossible, yet the tall black man was doing it. Kiros had always been the most agile and limber man Laguna had ever met, always impressing the smaller man with splits and acrobatic feats. But this was just fucking incredible.

Laguna moaned loudly when Kiros began sucking on him, using his hands to brace Laguna as he had the man arch his hips upwards to meet Kiros' thrusts. The pain of entry began to fade and Laguna found himself enjoying Kiros thrusting deep within him. Kiros had found his spot and was thoroughly exploiting it, listening to Laguna pant and moan in pleasure.

The pleasure was soon unbearable for both of them. Kiros had never been in anyone so tight, or so warm. Laguna's taste was like an aphrodisiac in of itself. Laguna thought he going to lose his voice crying out. The feeling of being sucked and fucked at the same time was almost more than he could stand.

Laguna came only moments before Kiros, and was screaming Kiros' name. Kiros didn't have a chance to cry out, because he was too busy sucking down Laguna's seed.

"Oh, god, Kiros........." Laguna panted as Kiros slumped over him, rolling over to the side.

Kiros wrapped his arms around Laguna, pulling the delicate looking man against him. Laguna nestled his head in Kiros' neck, feeling safe and happy. Kiros rocked Laguna, closing his eyes. Every emotion he'd ever had about Laguna seemed to be surfacing in his afterglow.

"I love you, Laguna......" Kiros said, a tear slipping down his face.

Kiros looked down at the smaller man when he received no response.

Laguna was asleep.

Tomorrow's gonna hurt.

Then the morning comes.

Laguna woke up alone. He looked around. Not even Kiros' clothes were left behind. He was gone.

Laguna got up shakily, feeling rejected. The first time Laguna could deal with it. But he had made love to Kiros. And Kiros left without even saying goodbye. He felt empty again. Not even Kiros really wanted to stick around.

He was a fool to think that Kiros would ever take him seriously. Laguna showered with a lump in his throat. Why would Kiros want someone as pathetic as Laguna for anything more than sex?

Laguna left and went to his office, signing papers and going about his business. He tried to immerse himself in his work, trying not to admit to himself that his feeling were hurt.

Laguna looked up, realizing that someone was blocking his light. Ward stood there with his hands on his hips glaring at Laguna. He began to use sign language, looking angry.

Laguna swallowed. "No, I don't know where Kiros is. What do you mean he's missing?" he asked slowly, wondering if he read that right.

Ward began to sign more, looking flustered. Laguna blushed. "Um, well.... yes. We slept together last night," Laguna sighed. No sense in keeping a secret from Ward.

Laguna looked confused when Ward signed at him again. "No, I didn't say anything to him... Why?" he asked slowly.

Ward signed again, looking exasperated. Laguna blinked. "Sign that again... I think I saw the wrong thing," he said shakily.

Ward signed the same thing, shaking his head sadly. Laguna really had no clue.

"He does?? Really?? How long?" Laguna gaped.

Ward signed at him, nodding in the affirmative. Laguna was shocked. "Since we met........? My god... I was the one who hurt his feelings! I have to find him!" Laguna cried, rushing out.

Ward looked satisfied.

Kiros was at a small lake near Esthar.

Laguna found the black man sitting quietly at the shore, skipping rocks across the placid surface. Laguna sat down quietly beside him, saying nothing.

"How'd you find me?" Kiros asked after few minutes.

"I'm the President, remember? I have at my disposal the most powerful technology in the world."

"That's a frightening thought," Kiros said glumly.

"I love you too," Laguna said simply, leaning against Kiros.

Kiros looked startled, but then smiled, wrapping an arm around Laguna and held him tightly. "Do you really mean that?" he whispered into Laguna's ear.

"Yes. I do. You make me feel safe and loved. You make me feel like I'm worthwhile. I need you," Laguna whispered.

Kiros and Laguna held each other for the rest of the day and night.

The morning had come, tomorrow had hurt, but everything was going to be alright.

Fifteen years later..........

 

"You're taking it better than I expected," Laguna smiled.

Squall Leonhart blinked at the man who just told him he was his father. He turned his back to Laguna, looking out a window of the Presidential Palace. "Why did you send me and Sis away?" he asked after a long time.

Laguna chewed his bottom lip. "I was falling apart, Squall. Every time I saw you I wanted to curl up and die. I couldn't take care of you and Elle. I had so much responsibility. I was overwhelmed. I was a coward," he said seriously.

Squall turned his head slightly, looking at Laguna petulantly. "So you sent me to an orphanage....." he said.

"I expected you to get adopted into a loving family... I'm sorry that never happened," Laguna said quietly, hanging his head.

Squall was as beautiful as his father, and he had his mother's mood changing eyes. Laguna watched in fascination as the icy gray became a deep blue. "I was alone my whole life, and now I have more people than I want around me......" he said.

"I'm truly sorry, Squall. There's not enough time left in this world for me to tell you how truly sorry I am. I won't blame you if you hate me, walk out that door and leave. I won't even expect a Christmas card," Laguna's voice wavered.

Squall turned his face. "......................."

"For what it's worth, I love you Squall. I love Ellone, too. She knows that now. I don't think I can prove it to you, but I did want to say it," Laguna said gently, taking a chance and putting a hand on Squall's shoulder.

Squall turned back and a tear rolled down his face. "Do you promise you'll never leave me again?" he said, his smooth voice trembling.

"I swear it on your mother's grave," Laguna said, tears sliding down his cheek.

Father and son embraced, both happy to have found the other after so long.

"So you're the Sorceress' Knight, huh?"

The tall blonde had a permanent harsh expression on his face, but he sneered at Kiros. "I guess you could say I was," he said, his deep baritone cynical.

"I'm surprised Squall let you back into SeeD," Kiros said.

"Don't be. Me and Squall go way back. We use to fight since we were little. He wouldn't know what to do without me," the blonde smirked.

"You're Seifer, aren't you?" Kiros asked.

"The one and only Seifer Almasy."

Kiros chuckled. "I remember when you were knee high to a grasshopper. You were a ornery cuss even then," Kiros smiled, leaning back in his chair.

Seifer's leg was crossed and he was leaning back on a chair across from Kiros. The handsome blonde had accompanied Squall to Esthar, and was now waiting for Squall to get done talking to Laguna.

"Really. How would you remember me then?" Seifer asked coldly.

"When Laguna and I dropped off Squall and Elle, you were on the porch, basically expressing your displeasure about almost everything," Kiros chuckled.

Seifer blinked. " 'Dropped off Squall and Elle'? What the hell does that mean?" Seifer demanded, leaning forward.

Kiros flashed the young man his white teeth as Squall and Laguna came out from the room, both wiping tears from their face. Seifer looked up and scowled.

"Would you like a Kleenex, Squall?" Seifer asked arrogantly.

"Fuck you, Seifer. Dad, this is Seifer. He's an asshole, but if you look past that, he's not so bad," Squall said.

Seifer attempted to scowl, but he was too surprised to do so. " 'Dad'? Congratulations, Squall. Your father is even gayer than you are," Seifer snorted.

Laguna favored the haughty blonde with a simpering smile. "And so charming too. A pleasure to meet you, Seifer," Laguna giggled.

Seifer rolled his eyes and Kiros turned his attention on the sultry brunette. Squall had grown up so fast.

"Bet you don't remember me, do you, Squall?" Kiros asked sadly.

Squall blinked, silent for a moment. The he smiled and ran over to hug Kiros. "Kiwos!" he exclaimed, vague memories surfacing. Kiros hugged back, pleased that the boy still remembered him.

Seifer scowled. "I swear, you're scary when you smile, Squall. Stop it. You're frightening me," he said, sarcasm dripping from every pore.

Squall stood up to return Seifer's scowl. Laguna blinked and then smiled at his son. "I'm sorry I missed that big party Balamb Garden threw last month. I had... business I had to attend to. So, how's Rinoa?" Laguna grinned, remembering how close Squall had gotten to Julia's daughter.

Squall winced and Seifer began to laugh. Laguna and Kiros looked confused. Squall looked almost apologetic. "Um, have you ever thought you loved someone, and that it was going to last forever and you swore you'd do anything for that person? And then a month later you realize that you'd rather kiss Adel than stay any longer with that person?" Squall asked slowly, as Seifer continued to laugh.

Laguna cocked his head. "Um, yeah. I felt like that about her mother. Maybe it's genetic for the Loire men to fall in and then out of love with the Heartilly women," Laguna chuckled.

"Maybe," Squall shrugged, giving Laguna and Kiros the eye as Laguna sat down next to Kiros.

"I realized that I didn't really love Julia Heartilly when I met your mother..... What about you?" Laguna asked.

Seifer continued to laugh and Squall looked embarrassed. "Well, it was something similar. Only I didn't just meet the person. I guess you could say it was always there for both of us, but we didn't realize it until we found ourselves swapping Rinoa stories," Squall chuckled.

"Oh!" Laguna exclaimed. "Is it Quistis?"

Squall was staring down at his shoes and Seifer looked like he was going fall off the chair laughing. "No.. It's not Quistis," he said.

"Selphie?" Laguna asked innocently. Kiros was eyeing the hysterical Seifer with a knowing smile.

"Um, no, not Selphie," Squall sighed.

"I gotta admit, Squall. That story of Rinoa trying to hypnotize you into liking her by repeating 'You will like me' over and over was the funniest," Seifer laughed.

"But I haven't even got into the part where she passed out in front of Ultimecia's Iguans yet," Squall smirked.

Laguna and Kiros looked at each other and shrugged.

"So what's the story with you two?" Squall asked Laguna and Kiros.

"Um...... story?" Laguna blushed.

"Let's just say we share the same sort of relationship you and Seifer share, but without the rivalry," Kiros smiled.

Seifer and Squall looked at each other and shrugged. "But that's what makes it fun," Seifer said.

"We're a little less antagonistic....." Laguna giggled.

Seifer nudged Squall with an elbow. "Told ya..... He's way too fruity to be straight," Seifer smirked.

"I don't know. As far as we've discovered Zell's straight, and he's a little funny acting too," Squall shrugged.

"True, true. S'funny how both you and your father turned out to be the bitches," Seifer smirked.

Kiros rolled his eyes and Laguna had the good grace to blush. A huge sweat drop rolled down both their faces.

"You are sleeping by yourself tonight for that comment," Squall glared.

"Aw, c'mon, Squall... I was just funnin' with ya guys... Don't get all huffy," Seifer whined, his harsh look fading slightly in order to butter Squall up.

"He's got a point, Squall. It was just an obnoxious comment. I mean, didn't you punish him instead for the facial scarring bit?" Laguna asked sweetly.

"You have a point. Alright, Seifer. No sex for a month for scarring my face," Squall said with a wicked grin.

"Jesus, Squall, you scarred me back. Get over it. C'mon, I don't think even you could hold out that long," Seifer whined.

Squall looked thoughtful. "You have a point. Instead I'll punish you differently. If you wear a wedding dress for me, I'll consider letting you have sex with me," he grinned wickedly.

Seifer blinked. "C'mon, Squall... You know I look stupid in a dress......." he sighed.

"Exactly. Better go shopping," Squall continued to grin.

Seifer scowled and grumbled, getting up and leaving the room. Squall looked over at the thoroughly shocked expressions on both Laguna and Kiros' face.

"He's not really going to...... buy a wedding dress to wear.... Is he?" Laguna asked when he recovered his ability to speak.

"Of course he is. I've made him do it before, I'll make him do it again. Seifer would crawl naked through Cactuar Island to have sex with me if I asked him to. You expect me not to exploit this?" Squall asked in a reasonable tone.

Laguna gave his son a strained smile. Kiros chuckled.

Squall had turned out to be quite different than Laguna expected.

To say the least.

"Do you think they'll actually grow to love each other?" Laguna asked Kiros as they lay on their bed, bodies still entwined, recovering from their love making.

"Quite possibly. They have a certain sort of chemistry. I think when they're done with the onslaught of first lust, that they'll find they love each other," Kiros said, stroking Laguna' soft black hair, noting the few strands of gray that were taking hold.

"I hope so.... Everyone needs love. Because tomorrow will really hurt when the morning comes without it," Laguna whispered, kissing Kiros softly.

" It's just the way that you walk, it's just the way that you talk, like it ainít no thing, and every single day is just a fling, then the morning comes..." Kiros sang softly to Laguna.

"I like it when the morning comes now....." Laguna grinned, holding Kiros tightly.

"So do I, my love... So do I," Kiros whispered back.

Tomorrow didn't hurt anymore.

Return to Archive