The Only
A/N: This story was originally going to be written using the entire song, but nothing seemed to come after where it ends, so I only used part of it. The song is "The Only" By Static X, which means I don't own it, or the boys, or that little tart Rinoa who I should be killing in another one of my stories. Yay! At any rate, this is only a citrus, since I wanted to be nice to Squall...you'll see why down there a bit...but, the good news is this is the first in a series of stories, so there's going to be YAOI later on. If you're not the kind of person who's entirely into YAOI, or, on the off chance, who hates YAOI, what the hell are you doing reading this, or even doing on this site? Meh, that's enough drivel from me, on with the story. For those of you interested, I've put the entire song at the bottom of the fic...so, you can't complain about me not including it all. As usual for me, any flames I receive will be printed and ritually sacrificed to my muses in order to make better stories for the rest of us.
The Only
I'm winning, you're losing.
I'm falling.
The door opened with a creak, opening onto the dark rooftop. He stumbled, mumbling to the world around him, not caring who heard, or who didn't. This was his farewell. No one could take that away from him.
He laughed, almost incredulously as he tripped over his feet, almost crying at the same time as he tried to grasp in his drunken mind the last month. With slurred words, he tried to order his thoughts, no longer able to think within the confines of his mind.
"Love. When you expect it least, it fucks you over. But that's the thing about it, isn't it? You don't actually expect it. It just happens, taking you off guard and leaving you living in the pile of shit that is your life, with hardly enough to recover and move on.
"But that just tops off the almost perfect life to date, mind you. You think my life is perfect? I saved the world, I earn more in a fortnight than most people do in their lifetime, I'm known the world over, a queen for a girlfriend and a gorgeous baby boy...but the higher you build, the higher you fall.
"She took everything, that psycho bitch mom from Hades. She turned me into the laughing stock of the world. She took my life, my money, and my child. And I thought I could rely on my friends.
"But no, she took them too.
"All of them. They never even wondered if I was okay. They all turned against me. Even Quistis. And she knew me for what I was...and who she was. What did she do to me? No...it's more a question of what I let her do to me.
"She never even let me say goodbye to Tristan. Hyne...I'm such a fool."
Your agony,
lower, than lower.
Before, your forgotten memory.
He held up the near-empty bottle, squinting to read the label.
"Whisky. Heh. You're going too...almost gone...just like the rest of them. My last refuge..."
The dark youth took the last drink from the bottle before throwing it over his shoulder, walking to ledge and looking over into the crowded city street below. Taking a shaky step up onto the edge, he took one last look at the door, before looking back down at the street, people already pointing up at him, moving out of the way.
You can always count on the public to help you.
But, that was the problem, wasn't it? Always in the public eye...Sorceress Girlfriend, A child. Never out of the limelight. But...Rinoa lived it up: every moment of it. She was always dressing up for occasions outside Garden. Where she new that diplomats, or high profiled people were going to be...
Looking down at the cars going past, he remembered: It was his fault.
"I was always bound by duty...I followed orders, I...I married her for heavens sake. And all because it was what others wanted. It was my duty.
"But when did I become so wrapped up in the thoughts of duty? I never used to be like this. Discipline...sure, but never duty. And great...now I'm fucking thinking too much...when will the fun end?"
How about now? The words came, taunting the leather-clad youth from within his mind. The wind picked up, causing Squall to pull his jacket tighter around him as he swayed there unevenly on the ledge.
"No better time than now..." he whispered to himself, closing his eyes and waiting for the oblivion to come.
Heaven, Your Hell.
I'm killing your fantasy.
Reaching over with cat-like speed, something clasped his wrist, pulling at his arm and catching him suddenly. Below, the drunken SeeD could hear the startled shrieks of onlookers, making him realise that this time: he would live. Shit.
The stranger pulled the boy into him and away from the roof edge, brunette hair mashing against his blue vest. Looking down, the man could see the drool soaking into his shirt.
Asleep.
Great.
"I'd better get you somewhere warm." The deep baritone voice mumbled, noting the blue colour of the smaller mans' lips. Putting his coat around Squall, the taller man helped him from the roof and into the elevator, taking him to the floor below.
More, and more.
You follow, your deepest reality.
He woke to a curtain-dark room, the smell of lilies floating around him. How long had he been there? Hours? Days? However long it was, he was too sober by half. He tried to stand up, his head swimming as the little light that was in there flooding to his eyes, the bright forcing the youth back down onto the pillow.
Groaning, he pulled the blanket higher over his head, trying to adjust to the throbbing in his eyes. Closing his eyes once more, he took a deep breath, willing away the pain in his mind. From underneath the cover, Squall had the strangest feeling he was being watched.
From the end of the bed, a quiet chuckling started up, making the scarred youth shiver. It was all too familiar, and all too real a reminder of his life.
"Seifer..."
"That's right, Squally-boy." The smug blonde replied; smirking as he sat on the end of the bed, pulling the blanket away from the shorter mans head.
"Now, in return for putting you up for a night, I want some answers."
Squall rolled over, looking away from the window, away from Seifer.
"Fuck off, Seifer. I'm not interested. I didn't ask to stay here."
"Obviously...which is why you were trying to leave it from the roof at 3am. What in Hynes name's gotten into you?"
"You wouldn't understand. You're nothing like me. You've never been where I was..." He scowled, gripping the pillow tight as memories filled his mind.
"Haven't I?" The tall man snapped, standing up suddenly, clenching his fist tightly in an effort to calm himself down.
"Forget it. It's not worth it. There's food on the cart by the door. When you're ready too..."
"She took everything from me, Seifer." Squall mumbled, looking up from the tear stained pillow. "Everything..."
Seifer's heart sank as he watched the young man who had once been his best friend cry openly in front of him. Almost instinctively, he reached out a hand to touch the prone youth, but stopped himself.
"I..." Seifer looked down, closing his eyes at the sight of Squall's reddened ones. "Get some rest, Squall." He said reluctantly, moving toward the door and closing it behind him.
The blonde picked up his glass of bourbon from the table as he walked to the armchair where his journal lay. The tall youth sat, putting the glass next to him as he flicked open to a blank page and began writing.
You're trying to take me,
They're trying to make me.
This is the only, Give me the only thing.
The door opened, but after so long writing, he was too wrapped up to notice, until a small, child-like voice called his name.
"...Seifer?"
The blonde looked up, over his glasses, at the brunette, standing in the open doorway wrapped in a sheet and shivering. He dropped the book onto the floor, rushing over to Squall and puling him towards the heater.
"You're freezing..." He commented as he rubbed his companions shoulders. Had he left the window open? Squall's lower lip quivered as he brought more of the sheet around him to cover his chest.
'He looks so helpless' Seifer thought, reminding him of their orphanage days, when Squall would come back from sitting on the rocks at night, crying his eyes out for his mother. When he'd come home, Squall would be soaked to the bone, and the only one that could convince the depressed child to warm up, that things would get better, was Seifer.
He wondered on whether Squall remembered that too.
The brunette closed his eyes, concentrating on the warmth from the heater, swaying lightly on his feet. It was weird how numb he'd become in such a short time. Was he now just getting used to the fact that he had nothing?
And why the hell was his childhood rival being so nice to him?
"You look troubled. What are you thinkin' about?" The blonde asked, causing Squall to jump out of his reverie. The smaller man glanced up briefly, but went back to looking at the carpet, his brows furrowed.
"...Just confused." Squall replied weakly before looking around the room. The beiges and the pinks common in most hotel rooms giving the room a warmer feel. Not like the colours from his room in Balamb: the militaristic greys filling the entire school.
Moving away from Squall, Seifer moved to his armchair again. Picking up his journal from the floor and putting it on the coffee table face down, before gazing back at his semi-naked companion.
"Maybe I can help?"
"Well...I'd like a shirt." The quiet request came, causing the short man to blush.
Smirking, the blonde stood up, walking to his set of drawers; obviously well settled in his room.
"Here." He pulled out a white shirt and threw it at Squall, the sheet dropping from the brunette's shoulders onto the floor as he tried to catch it. The shirt was obviously too big for him, the white material seemingly floating on his wiry body.
"It suits you." Seifer said automatically, causing the brunette to look at him strangely.
"Umm...thanks."
Seifer blushed, pushing himself from the wall he was leaning on, he moved towards the fridge, pulling out a bottle of water.
"You want a drink?" The blonde licked his lips, remembering the events of last night. "Water, of course."
Squall shook his head, sitting down and wrapping the sheet back around him.
"Squall, what happened?" The taller man asked, sitting down next to Squall. "Tell me, please."
The shorter man looked up into the green eyes of his companion before looking down at the floor. Taking a deep breath, Squall closed his eyes and began to recite his memories.
"She...about 3 months ago, she got a call from Deiling. Zone. Tristan had just turned 3. She went there, for a holiday. I was working, so I assumed she'd go have some fun...see her dad, you know?" He looked up, seeing that the blonde was nodding, listening to every word he was saying with interest.
"Go on." He beamed, inching closer to the brunette.
"Well, I didn't know it at the time, but she was meeting with a divorce lawyer with Zone. Well...I thought that was fine. We hadn't been...you know..."
Seifer smirked, knowing exactly what the pretty boy was talking about. Squall shook his head before looking down at the patterned rug and continuing his story.
"Well, she came back about a fortnight later, handed me the papers and walked out without so much as a hello or goodbye. She went back to Deiling the next morning, so I had Zell follow her."
"Let me guess...fucking Zone, or Angelo...or both." Seifer laughed at his joke, only to be silenced by the stony glare of the shrouded SeeD.
"So I was right?"
"Just Zone, Seifer. And really, I didn't care. I think after the sorceress war, she lost her appeal. The only reason I was actually staying with her was because of my son. So I signed the papers and sent them to her."
"You don't seem too torn up about the divorce." The blonde said after a moment, now sitting next to Squall.
"I'm not. I guess I wanted it too..."
"So then why the little stint on the roof?"
Squall glared again, trying in vain to stare down the taller man.
"Not gonna work, Squally."
"Can I finish?" He asked, still scowling at the smirking blonde.
"Thank you. When Zell got back, He came with Tristan and me to Esthar to see Dad. And before you say anything, it's president Laguna.
"Zell and I stayed in a double room in the palace, and Dad took care of Tristan. And I started thinking: What if Rinoa wanted Tristan? And this was on the balcony in the tallest building in Esthar with a direct line to the sublevels below.
"Zell found me crying. He spent most of that week just holding me. He finally helped me work some things out about myself and I was starting to relax again when I got the letter..."
"Rinoa." Seifer nodded, seemingly understanding all too well. Tears started to well in the shorter mans eyes, his lower lip quivering as the events played over in his mind.
"She...she sued for custody and fucking won! She spent all her time shopping, leaving me to take care of her habits, and our son. Something you'd never know about here...she does a line of coke pretty much every day. Claims it helps her deal with her being a sorceress."
"It's better than your penchant of cutting yourself." Came the quiet response as Seifer ran his thumbs over the thin scars on the pale man's arms.
"She took him, Seifer. My son...my life! And she turned me into the bad guy. Like she thought that being gay was something terrible... a disease to save Tristan from."
"Hold on a second...you're gay?" the blonde asked, raising an eyebrow. Squalls tear-stained blue eyes looked up at Seifer sheepishly.
"You're going to hate me too, aren't you?" He asked, trying hopelessly to hold back the wave of fresh tears. "Just like everyone else...Rinoa, Zell, Dad..." Squall squeezed his eyes shut, pulling his legs to his chest as his breathing became heavier.
Tired of trying, I'm tired of lying.
The only thing I understand is what I feel.
Squall stiffened as teeth tugged lightly on his lower lip and a mouth began to suck on it. The brunette almost didn't want to open his eyes in case it was just his mind. A large calloused hand touched the side of his face; cupping his cheek as the thumb stroked away the stray tears.
He opened his eyes when the second mouth left his own, leaving him staring at the green-eyed man who was on the brink of crying himself.
"Squall...I could never hate you." Seifer cooed softly as his companion nuzzled his hand. "And whoever does, it's their loss. Not your's."
Curling his fingers into the silken brown bangs of Squall's hair, he pulled the shorter man toward him, mashing the small rose-coloured mouth against his own. Squall moaned, instantly dropping the sheet to press his hands against the blonde's chest.
After minutes, hours, days...an eternity, Seifer pulled away, gazing at the now glowing man in front of him.
"Why?"
"I never hated you. My trying to kill you was nothing personal..."
Squall's brows knitted together as he stood up, walking to the food tray and taking a strawberry.
"I...I can't do this right now Seifer. I'm sorry."
Seifer nodded from the floor, feeling his heart sink.
"I know."
The tall blonde stood up, walking back into the bedroom, not wanting to spend anymore time in the room with Squall as he needed. As long as the brunette was happy, that's all that mattered.
Sitting on the bed, Seifer's head quickly found his hands as the feelings poured from him, dripping through his fingers and onto the floor.
He knew it was a mistake. He'd always had the best timing, especially when it came to the pretty blue-eyed man. Everything he'd ever done was for the SeeD commander, even if it was a little misguided at times.
So wrapped up in his internal monologue, he almost missed the soft knock on the wooden door.
"Seifer?"
The blonde looked up at the doorway at the silhouetted figure. Even in the shadow, he could see that the brunette now had his leather pants back on, but still wore the baggy white shirt Seifer had thrown at him earlier.
"Are you alright?"
"Heh...the tables have turned, haven't they?"
Seifer smiled, despite himself. Hyne, he felt like the biggest idiot. He didn't look up when Squall sat on the bed next to him, resting his head on the taller mans shoulder.
"Seifer...I never thanked you."
The blonde smirked sadly, taking a pale hand in his own.
"You already have." Seifer smiled, leaning his head against Squall's own.
The lyrics, if you're interested.
I'm winning, you're losing.
I'm falling.
Your agony,
lower, than lower.
Before, your forgotten memory.
Heaven, Your Hell.
I'm killing your fantasy.
More, and more.
You follow, your deepest reality.
You're trying to take me; They're trying to make me.
This is the only...give me the only thing.
Tired of trying, I'm tired of lying.
The only thing I understand is what I feel.
Identity, Fantasy, Heresy, Killing me.
Lower, than lower.
Before, this faintathy.
Hypocrite, Lunatic, Fanatic, Heretic.
More, and more.
You follow, your deepest reality.
You're trying to take me; they're trying to make me.
This is the only, Give me the only thing.
Tired of trying, I'm tired of lying.
The only thing I understand is what I feel.
Hypocrite, Lunatic, Fanatic, Heretic.
Hypocrite, Lunatic, Fanatic, Heretic.
Hypocrite, Lunatic, Fanatic, Heretic.
Hypocrite, Lunatic, Fanatic, Heretic.
You're trying to take me, They're trying to make me.
This is the only, Give me the only thing.
Tired of trying, I'm tired of lying.
The only thing I understand is what I feel.
You're trying to take me, They're trying to make me.
This is the only, Give me the only thing.
Tired of trying, I'm tired of lying.
The only thing I understand is what I feel.
The Only: Static X