Notes: Phew! One more chap. *grin* And then I'm done... what shall I do next? No wait. Too busy in Laguna mode to think about what comes after. ~_^* Sorry if this gets weird... but uh... I'm a sci-fi writer first, yaoi writer second. ~_^* Heheheheh.
He's kissing me.
I'm not sure how it happened. I told him that I loved him and then suddenly he was across the room and kissing me. I'm not complaining, don't get me wrong, it's just... really sudden. A little too sudden for my taste.
Despite all this, I return the kiss eagerly. His tongue plays with my lips and I open them, giving him access to the inside of my mouth. This feels so good. So right. His hands are busy, pulling off my clothes and caressing my skin. I know what he wants, and I don't resist. I'd be a fool to resist. After all, this is what I wanted all along... isn't it?
He pushes me down, so I'm lying on the floor. His weight feels so nice. I wrap my arms around his waist and pull his hips into mine. We both groan at the delicious sensation this creates. I want him so bad. I want him now.
"Now... god Kiros... now..." I pant into his mouth.
It doesn't come out quite like that, but you try talking when you've got someone else's tongue in your mouth. It's not that easy. He understands me, so it doesn't matter anyway. His lips make a path down my face. They travel past my neck to my nipples. He licks at them, but we both need more. And we both need it now.
He moves further down. Oh gawd... The warmth of his mouth surrounds me and I'm... I'm past heaven. If there's anything past heaven.... I'm not sure if there is but... oh gawd... oh ... sweet...
I've never felt anything this wonderful in my entire life!
He knows what I'm begging for... and he doesn't let me down.
He's holding me so close... I sigh contentedly, turning my face against his chest. My body is sore.. I've never been... I've never been loved like that before in my life. I feel my cheeks heating as I think of the rough way he took me. He didn't hurt me, in fact he was gentle at first. He knew I'd never been with anyone before, so he took it easy. But after... after he was in me and I started to adjust...
Wow... and I thought I was desperate.
He proved to me just now that there are people out there even more sexually deprived than I am...
But I'm not complaining! Really I'm not. I loved every, blessed moment of it. I would do it again, willingly, if I wasn't so damned sore.
His arm tightens around my shoulders. "Did I hurt you?" He asks softly.
All I can do is purr. I don't think I could speak if my life depended on it. I snuggle closer to him and close my eyes. "I'm sorry." He whispers, kissing the top of my head softly, "I.. I shouldn't have..."
Damn. Why does he have to ruin this perfect moment with regrets and word... regrets? Oo... OH man... I feel the tears gathering in my eyes before I can stop them. We share.. we share something so beautiful and he regrets it... Anything I've ever felt in my life ... has never hurt like this knowledge does.
I have to get out of here.
I have to.. before... before I make a bigger fool of myself then I already have.
I pull away from him and hurriedly crawl around the room, grabbing my clothes and pulling them on. "Laguna?" He sits up and watches with a puzzled frown, "Lag-"
"I'm not Laguna! Remember?" I snap. I can't look at him. If I do he'll see the tears. I can't afford to let him see the tears. Despite the ass he's being... Kiros is a caring person. If he sees my tears he'll pity me and lie... in the hopes that I'll calm down. I don't want anymore lies. Even if the truth hurts... I want it.
"Laguna." He whispers, his voice is pained. "I.."
"Dammit! And people say I talk too much..." I growl, pulling on my pants and getting to my feet. I don't bother finding my shoes. I'm in the garden for pities sake.. not like I'll step on a nail or anything.
He's getting to his feet. I don't give him a chance to stop me. I leave the room as quickly as I can without running. "Shit, shit, shit." I whisper as the tears begin to sneak out of my eyes and down my cheeks.
Not Laguna... I'm not Laguna, the man he loves. Then why the hell did he fuck me? Doesn't he realize... doesn't he realize how that made me feel? How much more I love him now that... I've shared something... so beautiful with him? Oh christ... I just wanna' curl up in some corner and die.
I hear movements behind the door and walk away. He'll probably try to come after me, but I can't see him. I can't speak to him. Not now... maybe not ever.
I rush down the hall. Where can I go? Where can I be alone? There's only one place I can think of, where Kiros wouldn't find me. So I head there, praying that Kid Wonder will.. not ask questions.
The 'secret place' in the training grounds. Only the students know of it... and me. I know about it, but only because Kid took me here. The place is pretty much deserted, and I'm glad. Kid is sitting near the edge of the cliff, just staring off into space. He hears me coming and looks up. "He told you." He says, his eyes narrow on the tears on my cheeks.
"Yeah..." I shove my hands into my pockets and step towards him. Comfort.... will he offer me the comfort I so desperately need right now? I'm not sure. I don't really know him that well... do I? "You knew?"
"From the moment they made the switch." Kid shrugs, "Squall told me."
"Squall?" I whisper, a big, thick, lump filling my throat and making it hard to breathe. Squall... he's not my son... is he?
"He knows. They couldn't not tell him, though I'm sure they would have preferred to keep it to themselves. Squall wasn't too happy to find out they'd cloned his father..." Kid's eyes are fixed on me as I stumble towards him a few steps.
I don't care about the clone part. Not really anyway. It doesn't... hurt, or confuse me as much as Kiros does. Why can't he love me? If I'm ... just like his Laguna, the one he did love... why can't he love me? But.. but do I really want him to love me because I look, act and seem like his Laguna?
"They all forgot something..." Kid says softly.
"Wh-what?" I whisper, sinking to my knees and meeting his gaze through a haze of tears.
"They all forgot, during their research and experiments, that you're human too. They made sure that you were, they just forgot." He's moving towards me... or am I moving towards him? I don't know anymore, and I really don't care. Kiros... oh Kiros... why?
"But.... Kiros... he..."
"He hates all that you stand for, and yet he loves everything you are." Kid whispers. He reaches out and takes my hands in his own, "He's hurting too Laguna. Perhaps more than any of us could even begin to imagine."
I meet Kid's eyes. "You said you love me." My skin prickles as I prepare to ask the next question. If he gives me the answer I'm expecting... I'm not sure what I'll do, "Do you love me? or... or Laguna?"
"I never had any feelings for Laguna." Kid's lip tilt up in a gentle smile, "You were modelled after him, but you're not him. It's you I love. It's you."
"... I'm sorry."
We both look up with surprise. I hadn't heard Kiros approaching and yet there he is, standing over us. Damn. I forgot that this is where he found Kid and I last time. "I'm... so sorry." He looks haggard. Tired and... and so pained.
This is all so crazy. I squeeze Kid's hands tighter as he starts to pull them away. "He's right. We did forget that you're... you're a human being too. A person with feelings... and emotions. Who could love, hate and.. and feel pain just like the rest of us. Everytime you'd look at me... look at me like Laguna used to, I... I hated it. Because I thought it wasn't you... it was just what we'd programmed into you." Kiros says carefully, his voice is soft, melodic.
I'm shaking. So hard my teeth are chattering. My hair is standing on end again. Kiros crouches down on his heels so he can look me in the eye. "I realized, just.. just after you ran out... that I can't... I can't lose another person I care about without telling them just how much they mean to me." Oh no... I feel my stomach tightening.
"I loved Laguna."
Erm... that doesn't sound right... His eyes are warm. He smiles, hesitantly.
"And I do love you."
I'm in heaven...
and then everything goes black.
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