Somewhat Damaged

Part Thirteen

By Scarlet Fever

Seifer happily walked towards the supermarket. He could have just gone to a corner store, but all the cat food was so old at those places, and expensive to boot. He whistled as he quickly made his way through the crowds, trying not to bump into anyone. He couldnít remember the last time he had felt this genuinely happy. Maybe there hadnít ever been a time. He had meant what he had said about Squall being good for him. Whenever his childhood rival was around, he felt better. Just thinking about Squall waiting, nude in his bed, sent a slight shiver through his groin. He tried to settle himself, not wanting to walk down the supermarket aisles with a raging hard-on.

While he was in line, waiting to pay for the handful of cat food tins, he whistled again, not even noticing the things that would have normally pissed him off. He was feeling too good. When he was outside again and heading for his apartment, he quickened his pace, not wanting to keep Squall waiting. The anticipation of actually sleeping with Squall was driving him retarded. He was so happy. This feeling was new to him, and it was making him oblivious to anything or anyone around him, so he didnít notice when two figures began to slowly follow him. When he did, it was too late. One grabbed him from behind, their arms creating a tight vice around Seiferís waist. He could tell by the cologne that it was Phaelan. He was dragged into a dingy alleyway, his mouth covered by one of Phaelanís massive hands.

Seifer began to thrash violently, which caused Phaelanís companion to grab his legs, holding them tightly. He was taken into an abandoned building. Seifer could smell must, so he knew it hadnít been used in a while. His mind was reeling. He bit down on Phaelanís palm, which got him a smack across the face.

"Be gentle, honey." Phaelan commanded him. "Or I wonít be."

Seiferís eyes widened. "What the fuck is going on?!"

The other man, an unfamiliar looking man with brown hair and a set, mean looking face, pinned Seifer against the wall.

Phaelan laughed gently. "Seifer, Seifer, Seifer. You look so cute! Why are you glowing?"

Seifer just glared at him.

"Ah, I see. You just got some. I remember when you used to get that sex glow because of me, Seifer. Why did that have to change?"

Seifer responded by spitting in Phaelanís face.

His dark complexion became even darker. "You donít want to make us angry, do you, sweetie?" Phaelan leaned in, kissing Seifer roughly. He could taste alcohol.

"Whoís that I taste?" Phaelan asked, nipping at Seiferís bottom lip.

"Get the fuck off of me!" Seifer couldnít contain his rage any longer. He shoved the strange man away, causing his burly body to go flying.

Phaelan found this amusing. He reached out and slapped Seifer again, bringing stinging tears to his ocean coloured eyes. "Donít be naughty."

Seifer growled low in his throat and kicked the taller man square in the chest. This caused him to lose his balance, which gave the strange man the perfect opportunity to subdue him.

"Hold him, Vazek." Phaelan commanded, anger plain on his face now.

Vazek gripped Seifer like he was a rag doll, roughly shoving him against the wall, facing Phaelan, whose dark eyes were glinting angrily.

"SeiferÖ..when will you learn? Why do you keep pulling away? This is where you belong." He began to remove Seiferís coat.

Seiferís mind flashed with images of Squall. He bit back a sob, knowing what was coming, but he didnít want to give them the satisfaction. When Phaelan leaned in for another kiss, Seifer bit down, hard. The attacker cried out in pain, howling and holding his bleeding lip. Seifer spit away a chunk of flesh. The black haired man growled and slammed Seiferís head against the hard concrete wall.

Seifer moaned in pain, becoming disoriented. His vision began to go blurry, and this was the chance that Phaelan needed. He unzipped Seiferís pants.

"DarlingÖ. We could have done this the easy way, but you had to make it difficult, didnít you?" He yanked down Seiferís pants, exposing him in the cool air. "Mmm, you are so fine."

Vazek watched with anticipation, probably just there for the thrill of watching. His eyebrows shot up as he got a glimpse of Seiferís dick.

Phaelan unzipped his own pants, cupping Seiferís muscular ass with his hands, pushing the willowy blonde up the wall a little. "You remember this, donít you?"

Seifer tried to fight him off, but his vision was still blurred. "Stop.." It came out as a whimper, which made Vazek laugh.

"You donít want me to?" Phaelan asked mockingly, not really caring what Seifer wanted. He sucked on one of his own fingers, making it wet, then roughly thrust it into Seifer.

He cried out, not wanting this to happen. A second finger was placed in his ass, swirling around, stretching him.

"I want to make it pleasurable." Phaelan cooed. He scissored his fingers roughly, causing Seifer to cry out in protest again. "You donít want it? You used to."

"Fuck off."

Phaelan made a Ďtskingí noise in his mouth. "What changed? The boy of your dreams finally fall to earth? Is that who I tasted? Oh, come on. Do you think heís actually serious about someone like you? He just went to you because youíll suck him off. Nothing more."

"Thatís not trueÖ" Seifer whimpered, a tear falling down his cheek.

Phaelan chuckled, positioning himself in front of Seiferís stretched entry. "It isnít?" And with that he pushed his erect cock deep into Seiferís ass, smiling as the blonde screamed.

Phaelan moved his fingers down, making sure there was no blood. He didnít like fucking a bleeding body. When he was satisfied that there was none, he began thrusting into Seifer, moaning at his tightness. Seifer screamed again, his mind broken with agony. All he could feel was the blinding pain, starting at his rectum, but radiating to every part of his body. The worst feeling, though, was the feeling that he was being violated, that anyone besides Squall was now inside him, fucking him after what they had shared. An even more painful thought shot through his ravaged mind. That he was betraying Squall. That he was letting someone else fuck him. He tried to fight it off again, but this only got him a punch from Vazek.

Phaelan pulled out, then thrust his entire length in again. "Oh, fuck, Seifer. Youíre as good as ever."

Seifer just whimpered, agonizing pain shooting into every cell in his body. He mentally screamed for Squall to come and get him, save him, make it all go away. His mind was beginning to shut itself off to the pain, numbing his whole body. His eyes glazed over as he softly whispered, "Squall, help me."

This enraged Phaelan. He pounded into Seifer mercilessly until he reached orgasm. Phaelanís hot release filled Seifer, causing him to sob in disgust. His body felt detached from his mind, which was now broken. He mentally cried, screaming Squallís name, but he wouldnít physically shed any tears. He didnít want to give Phaelan and his goonish companion the satisfaction. Phaelan smiled wrathfully, stroking Seiferís sweaty cheek, slowly pulling out.

"That wasnít so bad, was it?" He let go of Seiferís ass, which caused the lithe blonde to slowly sink to the ground, like a zombie. "Call me when Prince Charming throws you away like the used goods you now are. And tell him he tastes good."

Seifer sighed, the breath coming out racked. His vision was starting to clear again, but it couldnít clear his body of the filth that he felt inside of it. He clutched himself tightly, shivering.

Phaelan and Vazek just laughed, sauntering away and leaving Seifer to lay alone on the cold concrete floor, his face pressed to the dirty surface, abject in humiliation.

Squall slowly drank the glass of water that he had gotten for himself. He paced around Seiferís large apartment, the seconds seeming to take hours. Eventually, he had gotten dressed, sort of. He was only wearing a pair of black silk boxers and his Griever pendant. Squall didnít really care if he was naked, because he was going to be naked again soon, but if Zell, Quistis and Selphie had walked in, and his dick had been hanging out, there might be some uncomfortableness. He slowly meandered through the rooms, lazily inspecting them. He was impressed by the layout. It was a large apartment, even with a little hallway for an entryway, instead of having the door right in the hallway. The living room was full of chairs and a couch that didnít really match, but went together well. His kitchen was clean, having wood cabinets and a clean forest green counter. Squall sat at the round table, not bothering to turn on the lights.

"Whatís taking so long?" He asked thin air. The cat meowed in response, pacing angrily around her dish. "Yeah, yeah." He scratched the catís ears lazily, sighing.

He stood up again, restless. Where was Seifer? It had probably only been twenty minutes or so, but it felt like an eternity. Squall walked around the living room, pacing. He couldnít remember a time when he had been more anxious, more nervous. It felt funny, being apprehensive around Seifer, a man whom he had know his entire life, the man he was in love with, but he figured that his nerves were just the fact that he was going to be doing things with Seifer that he had only dreamed about. Squall smiled widely again, the butterflies in his stomach going crazy. He felt like breaking into song, like in a bad movie musical. After pacing again for a while, he decided to wait in Seiferís bedroom. He sat on the bed, running the hem of the sheets through his fingers, thinking of Seiferís bare flesh pressing against it while he slept. Squall then smiled more deeply, indulging himself in thinking about his own skin pressed against Seiferís. He lay on the bed, letting the scent surround him.

"Where are you, darling?" He asked himself quietly, fiddling with his Griever pendant. He turned it over in his palms, letting the cool metal press against his bare chest. The light from the candles he had lit played on the silver surface. He ran his fingers along the profile of the lionís head, then to the cross sword that hung below it. Squall had noticed that Griever and the cross sword were connected on it, but it hadnít made as much of an impact as it did now. Squall now thought of it as symbolic: his symbol and Seiferís symbol linked together, just like it always had been and just like it always would be. Squall closed his eyes, settling his head into the soft pillows, just content with lying in Seiferís bed. It made Squall feel like he belonged here.

After a while, he heard the door open. Squall lazily opened an eye, his heart skipping a beat. He wondered if it was Seifer, or Zell and company. He heard the cat howl and a can open. Squall sighed happily, deciding to wait where he was. There was some silence, then footsteps. However, they didnít enter the bedroom, rather, they went into the bathroom. This waiting was driving Squall into a frenzy. He grumbled impatiently as he heard the shower start. What was he doing? Squall then grinned mischievously, getting up.

"If you want a shower, you wonít get to be aloneÖ" Squall whispered, opening the bedroom door. Squall paused as his hand hovered above the doorknob as he heard glass breaking. He turned the knob, feeling lucky that it wasnít locked.

Seifer was standing in front of the sink, clutching it, his knuckles as white as the porcelain. The sink was filled with shards of a bottle, itís contents running slowly down the mirror in goopy trails. His bare, muscular arms had hand shaped welts forming around the wrists. There were bruises and scratches stretching across the backs of his shoulders, mingling with his tattoo and disappearing underneath his tank top.

"Seifer?" Squall asked hesitantly, his eyes fixing on the bruises and the odd way Seifer was composing his body.

Seiferís eyes looked at Squall in the mirror. The younger man raised his eyebrows at the black eye that was softly starting to take shape. "What happened?"

Seifer didnít answer. He just closed his eyes and looked down at his feet, which were bare. Squall couldnít pinpoint it, but Seifer seemed ashamed.

"What happened?"

Seifer looked in the mirror again, staring into his own eyes, which looked dead. They darted back to Squall, meeting his laser blue eyes. He turned away again, not wanting to meet Squallís concerned gaze.

"SeiferÖ" Squall trailed off, approaching the tall blonde. He lightly ran a palm down Seiferís arm, trying to comfort him from whatever was wrong. He felt involuntary tears jump to his eyes when Seifer shied away from his touch. Seifer moved away from him, not meeting his gaze.

Squall watched as he walked to the bathtub, perching himself on the edge. He was walking strangely, stiffly.

"SeiferÖ." Squall followed him, sitting as well, his hip pressed against the other manís. He tried to hug him, wanting to be there for him, but Seifer stiffened further. He didnít pull away, though.

Squall sighed in frustration. "What the fuck happened? Earlier, you had my dick in your mouth, and now you wonít even let me touch you?"

Seifer made a small noise, like he was choking back a sob. "Iím sorry."

Squall narrowed his eyes. Seiferís voice sounded so alien. SoÖvulnerable. "Tell me what happened. Where did you get these bruises?"

Seifer sighed sadly. The sound of it almost broke Squallís heart. Seifer still wouldnít meet his gaze.

"Why wonít you tell me? I want to help. I mean, I am your boyfriend now, arenít I?"

Seifer looked up, surprised at Squallís last statement. Their eyes met. A shamed flush immediately crept up to Seiferís cheeks. "Iím sorry."

"What are you apologizing for?" Squall squeezed Seiferís now shivering body against his own, resting his cheek on the top of Seiferís head.

"Because I hurt you, Iím going to hurt youÖ Because when I tell you, youíll leave me." Seifer tentatively wrapped his arms around Squallís naked torso, his cold hands causing the smaller man to shiver slightly.

"What does that mean?"

Seifer said nothing.

"Seifer?"

"Iím afraid Iím going to lose you."

"What? Thatís retarded. What are you talking about?" Squall pulled away so he could look Seifer in the eyes. His eyes traced the bruise on Seiferís eye socket. "Tell me. Please. Youíre hurting me more by keeping me in the dark."

Seifer looked down at the bruises that encircled his wrists. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything." Squall stroked Seiferís hair like he was a child, smiling sadly.

"Why are you with me?"

"Because I love you." The answer came out quickly. Squall didnít even need to think about it. He leaned in, pressing his lips gently to Seiferís.

"Do you think Iím a horrible person?"

This was a question that caught Squall off-guard. "What? Where the fuck did that come from?"

"Do you?" Seifer kept his eyes on his wrists.

"Look at me, Seifer." Squall forced Seiferís head up so that their gazes could meet. "Do you think that I would fall in love with a horrible person? I donít understand where this is coming from."

Seifer let himself drown in Squallís eyes. "But.."

Squall held up his hand, silencing his boyfriend. "No Ďbutsí. You are not horrible. Understand me?"

Something deep behind Seiferís eyes crumbled, but the outer shell didnít crack. He still remained stone-faced. "Then why did I deserve this? Why did he do this to me?" It was a quiet question, and Squall may not have heard if he wasnít sitting right beside him.

Squall was about to ask, but a flash of screams in an all dark concrete room filled his mind, mixed with the dead look he saw in Seiferís eyes. He thought of the way that Seifer was walking, and a sick recognition hit him. He cupped Seiferís cheek, a painful sadness filling his entire body. "OhÖ"

"Iím so sorry. I betrayed you, Squall."

Squall felt a tear roll down his cheek. He pulled Seifer into his arms, cradling him. "Donít apologize. You didnít do anything wrong." The dream he had had earlier flashed through his brain at light speed, all the images becoming a blur.

"But I betrayed youÖ"

"Shut up! You did not!" Squall emphasized, almost angrily.

Seifer breathed deeply, his breath coming in shaky. "Youíre angry with me."

"Iím angry, but not with you. Who did this?"

"It doesnít matter. He was right."

"What? Right about what?"

"That you wouldnít want me. Iím used goods."

"Listen to me." Squall pressed his forehead to Seiferís. "I love you. Nothing, nothing will ever change that. And you didnít do anything wrong! You actually though that I wouldnít want you because you were raped? You donít think much of me, do you?"

"I canít help feel like Iíve betrayed you, though." He held Squall tightly, not wanting to let go. Now that he was being comforted, Seifer didnít want it to end.

Squallís mind wandered as he thought of the horrible dream he had. "Seifer? Were there two guys?"

Seifer nodded against Squallís chest. "How did you know?"

"Where did it happen?"

Seifer snorted. "Where do you think? Up the ass."

Squall smiled. "Glad to see you still have your sense of humour. But, seriously.."

"In an old warehouse or somethingÖ Why?"

"On the train from Esthar, I had this dream about you. It was totally dark, and all I knew was that I was in this big, empty, concrete room. It was really cold, and I heard you screaming. There were two other guys, and they were laughing. You were screaming so loudly, and calling for me, but I couldnít find youÖ."

Seifer said nothing. "I called for you."

Squall closed his eyes, his entire body feeling pain for what happened to Seifer. "Iím so sorry, honeyÖ."

"Donít say anything. I donít really feel like talking about it anymoreÖ"

Squall nodded, making small circles on Seiferís back with his fingers. For a few moments, they just sat in silence, Squall holding Seifer, Seifer lulling himself with Squallís heartbeat. Squall then noticed that the bathroom was starting to fill with steam.

"You left the shower running."

"I was going to have one." Seifer said blandly.

Squall kissed his temple. "Can I join you?"

The blonde shrugged against him. "I guess."

He kissed Seifer gently. "I promise I wonít do anything funny."

"Thatís what I was afraid of."

Squall grumbled playfully. "Thatís not what I meant, and you know it."

Seifer sighed and disentangled himself from Squall embrace reluctantly. He pulled off his tank top and began to unbuckle his belt, but stopped when he felt Squallís now nude body pressed against him. Squallís hands reached around, pulling the belt out of its loops. He replaced the leather with his thumbs, gently tugging at the waistband.

"I think I can undress myself. Iím not totally incompetent." He smiled sadly.

"I want to help. But if you donít want me to, I wonít." Squall began to unbutton Seiferís pants, which caused them to fall to the floor around his ankles.

Seifer smiled, enjoying Squallís attentions, even if he wasnít really in the mood to take things where they would have gone if the situation were different. He stepped out of the pants and let Squall remove his wine-coloured boxers. Now they were both nude, Squallís body pressed against Seiferís back. He kissed along the scars on the taller manís back, moving his hands along the curve of Seiferís hips, down towards his groin. Seifer caught Squallís nimble fingers with his own, linking them together. Squall flattened his palm over the taunt muscles of Seiferís stomach as he was led into the large shower.

Seifer felt his tired muscles relax as they were massaged by the steady stream of warm water. He stood under the stream for a few minutes, just letting the water wash away the feeling of Phaelan on his skin. Squallís hands touching him didnít hurt, either. He opened his mouth, taking in a mouthful of water, then spitting it out. He repeated this over and over, trying to spit out the taste of his attackerís mouth. He craned his neck as he felt Squallís mouth trail there, lapping up the water that fell from his face. Squall reached the soap rack and picked up a bar of soap. He worked it in his hands to get a lather. He then moved his hands along Seiferís chest and belly, washing him. He playfully placed a bit of suds on the tip of Seiferís nose, which was batted away. Seifer kissed Squallís forehead, pressing their entire bodies together. He then reached for the soap and washed his body thoroughly, not wanting to miss an inch, wanting to clean himself of the filth he was feeling. But it was in vain. Seifer knew that the dirty feeling was internal. While Seifer was washing his hair, Squall cleaned his own body, tearing his hands away from the older boy for a few moments. While Squall shampooed his hair, Seifer watched him with admiration. He was so beautiful; the clean lines of his body, the smooth hairless skin that was pale and looked like marble, his perfect face, the lean muscles gently rippling under his flesh.

After Squall had washed the shampoo out, he noticed Seifer watching him. It caused him to smile, being admired by Seifer. He pressed himself to his lover, relishing the feeling of Seiferís baby-soft flesh under his fingertips. He felt himself becoming hard, the slickness of their bodies adding to it. Seifer breathed in his ear, feeling Squallís arousal poking his hip. Squall moved his hand down, cupping Seifer's genitals lightly, waiting for a reaction. When Seifer didnít openly protest, he moved his hand down further, past Seiferís scrotum, towards his opening.

"SquallÖ" There was a protesting note to Seiferís whisper.

He obliged, not wanting to do anything Seifer wasnít ready for right now. Instead, he held Seifer in a tight embrace, the water the only thing coming between them. When the stream began to run cold, they broke apart, getting out of the shower. They dried their bodies off in silence, Squall taking more time on his longer hair. As Squallís head disappeared under a towel, Seifer gently make a small path of kisses along the lines of his shoulders. The terrycloth muffled a gentle sigh. Seifer smiled, stifling a yawn against Squallís throat.

"Tired?" Squall looked at him, concerned. "Donít you want to call the police or something?"

"That wonít do anything, and Iím too ashamed as it is. I just want to lay down and sleep."

"Whatever you want." Squall said. He didnít know if he agreed, but he wasnít going to press the issue. He picked up their clothes and went into Seiferís bedroom, throwing them in the corner.

Seifer crawled into bed wearily, lying on his side. Squall climbed in beside him, spooning Seiferís warm body, trying to completely wrap his own around the taller manís. He wrapped the blankets around both of their bodies, cocooning them. He planted light kisses along the pattern of Seiferís tattoo, tracing it with his tongue. Seifer sighed, already feeling tired. The sensation of Squallís mouth on him, Squallís naked body against him was lulling him to sleep.

"Going to sleep?" Squall asked quietly in Seiferís ear.

Seifer nodded, looping his fingers with Squallís.

When Squall felt Seifer fall asleep in his arms, he sighed. Why did this have to happen? They were so happy, and now it was dampened. He wouldnít say it was ruined, because at least they were still together. Squall then yawned, feeling tired himself. He nuzzled his face against the nape of Seiferís neck, breathing in his scent.

"I love you, Seifer Almasy." He whispered before falling asleep.

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