By J. Marie
Warning!!!!!!!! This is a lemon yaoi fanfiction starring Seifer Almasy and Squall Leonhart from Final Fantasy VIII, and featuring supporting roles by, um, well, everybody. It is rated NC-17. If you guys don't know what yaoi is, or how old you need to be to read this story by now, you are truly a stupid person. And if you are said stupid person, allow me to give you one final piece of advice. Don't breed. Spare humanity the suffering of the continuity of your bloodline. With that said, I would like to say thanks to a lot of people before I write this story. Damn, I sound like I'm taking an Emmy home or something. Anyways, I would like to thank Dark Angel Genesis, who I don't really talk to anymore, but I would still like to thank her. A lot of these characterizations are inspired by her own. And Selphie's "little touch of sunshine" line came straight from Dark Angel Genesis' mouth (it comes later in the story). I would also like to thank Scarlet Fever, who wrote this awesome story called "Somewhat Damaged" on her site and I read it. Not only did I enjoy it, but I was bitten by the Seifer x Squall muse again. Gods, I love this pairing. I would also like to thank SorceressKnight, my new, and much harried, assistant. He works really hard, guys. This is a truly nice person. I don't deserve help like this. With all my thanks said, I would now like to prepare you for this story. Not only will this fic be filled with romance, angst, hot lemony sex, and my own sly sense of humor (I wonder if anyone else thinks I'm funny?), but I will be Rinoa bashing. I'm gonna rip her up one side and down the other. And I'm gonna enjoy doing it. I'll do a little Selphie bashing for good measure, but Rinoa is going to get crucified. *wicked grin* The story takes place six months after the end of Final Fantasy VIII and has nothing to do with my other FF8 stories. Oh, Dirk and Madison make a return in this story, but they're not father and son in this story, so don't worry. And this story will be long and in a few chapters..... So don't worry, the bashing may not be immediate, but I'll get meaner and meaner.....
Seifer stood in the hallway, with the rest of the SeeD cadets, awaiting their test results.
When everyone returned back to the Garden, Squall had been taken immediately to the infirmary, and everyone was given full medical exams. Madison had been returned to full health, much to both Dirk and Seifer's relief. Hades had also made a full recovery. The only cadet that had actually died at the Sorceress Memorial was Loki, and no one mourned his loss.
Quistis was under examination as well, as Dr. Kadowaki wanted to examine the effects of the Sorceress powers on Quistis. Everyone had accepted Rinoa as a Sorceress, but she wasn't a SeeD. Quistis was. She was an Instructor to boot. The entire Balamb Garden was wondering exactly what to do with a Sorceress who was a SeeD.
"Seifer Almasy, Dirk Masterson, Madison Myers, Heaven Cryon."
Seifer snapped to attention at the mention of his name and he practically ran up to the Headmaster's office, not daring to breathe. Xu stood at the Headmaster's desk, as Squall was still in the infirmary. The four cadets lined up and stood at attention.
"Congratulations. You are all SeeDs. You performed excellently. We are proud to have you in our ranks," Xu smiled, softening the severity of her face.
Seifer resisted the urge to cheer and look like an idiot, but Madison didn't. He was jumping up and down in glee, hanging off a grinning Dirk. Even Heaven cracked a small smile.
"I would also like to present the Hero's Medal to Seifer Almasy and Heaven Cryon for their bravery and strength in overcoming the Sorceress Adel. Please go back to your dorms, freshen up, and put on your SeeD uniforms. I expect to see you at the celebratory ball, with bells on," Xu smiled, placing medals around Seifer and Heaven's neck.
"Pick up your scores and rank info on the way out. Dismissed," Xu said.
Seifer snatched up his paperwork, noting with glee that he was boosted straight to Rank 10. He and the other three new SeeDs went down the elevator and stepped off, glancing about at the crowd of people. Squall stepped out of the crowd, with Quistis and Hades in tow. Seifer looked long at Squall, who gazed evenly back.
Squall began to clap, just as Seifer had clapped for him when Squall made SeeD. Quistis and Hades joined in, and soon the entire gathering was clapping and cheering. Seifer was touched. He couldn't stop grinning.
He had made it.
Seifer stood off to side of the ball, watching Squall and Rinoa dance with each other.
He sighed deeply, knowing that Squall would never really want him. Rinoa was his fiancee`. He loved her. He wasn't going to leave her for someone like Seifer.
Irvine and Zell came up to him, both with stupid grins on their faces. "You two look drunk," Seifer remarked with a sour grin.
"Nah. Just buzzing. Congrats, man. You totally saved our asses back there," Zell grinned.
"Yeah... If I was gay, I'd blow you for that most excellent of performances......." Irvine grinned as well.
"If you were gay, I'd be afraid to be left alone with you, Irvine. Is sex all you think about?" Seifer asked as Zell guffawed.
"Um, no. I think about my gun, too," Irvine said with a stupid grin.
"Girls and guns. You have to be a hentai anime fan," Seifer sneered.
"How'd ya guess?" Irvine blinked.
"Have you seen Selphie?" Zell asked. "We're looking for her."
"HereIam! Whatdoyouguyswant? I'mtryingtogetmoremembersforthefestivalcommittee!" Selphie babbled in her usual hyper way.
Seifer eyed the petite girl with disdain. She was like a cheerleader on speed. "What's with the big yellow bow?" Seifer finally asked.
"I just thought it added the little touch of sunshine the uniform needed! Do you like?" Selphie grinned, slowing down her speech to an understandable level.
Seifer blinked and Zell cracked up. Irvine was trying not to laugh. "Out of curiosity, Selphie, how many and which drugs do you take?" Seifer asked her, staring at her like she was PuPu's sister.
"Huh?" she asked in confusion.
"Hey, Selphie.... Zell broke up with his girlfriend and he's looking for a dance partner..... We were wondering if you knew somebody who was single that he could dance with?" Irvine interrupted.
"Um, sure. Seifer's single," Selphie grinned.
Seifer snickered and Zell blushed. "I don't think I'm the chicken wuss' type. He's looking for someone a little more butch," Seifer grinned.
Selphie blinked and got a wicked look in her eye. She was bubbly and occasionally air-headed, but she wasn't a total loss. "If you want someone more masculine than Seifer, then we could always go back to the Sorceress Memorial and raise Adel from the dead. She's the only one I can think of," she said in a sweet voice.
The entire group cracked up. "Actually, Zell.... If you want someone to dance with, why don't you go ask Heaven?" Seifer suggested when they recovered from their laughter.
Zell glanced over at the sour looking girl. She was drop dead gorgeous, but so cold. "I don't know, Seifer. She looks like she'd as soon drop kick me in the groin as dance with me," he said.
"Oh, that's true, but think of the possibilities, chicken wuss.... She's practically the only girl here shorter than you," Seifer snickered.
Zell eyed the tall blonde with disdain. "Have I mentioned to you lately how much I despise being called 'chicken wuss'?" Zell asked coolly.
"No, but it doesn't matter. I don't really care. Go talk to her. And be polite, or she will drop kick you in the groin," Seifer sneered.
"Fuck you, asshole," Zell grumbled as he headed over to Heaven.
"That's alright, chicken wuss. I'll pass. You're not my type," Seifer grinned, which caused Zell to give him the arm.
"Wellit'sbeenfunbutIwannagodancewithIrvinenowsowe'llseeyoulaterSeifer!" Selphie called, dragging the laughing cowboy onto the dance floor.
Seifer's smile faded when he was left alone again. Dirk and Madison were dancing together, not caring who saw. But his attention was focused on Squall and Rinoa. It made him mad, but he couldn't take his eyes off of Squall.
Seifer started at the touch of someone's hand to his shoulder. He turned around to see Quistis wearing her SeeD uniform. He was always grateful when she wasn't wearing her pink outfit. Quistis was beautiful, but pink was not her color.
"You know, brooding in a corner is Squall's act. Don't go stealing other people's routines now. Just because you made SeeD doesn't mean you get to slack off," Quistis smiled at him.
Seifer grinned. "How you holding up?" he asked.
"I'm fine. Squall told me that I was still a SeeD and as long as I continued to be the same person, and not turn into Adel or Ultimecia, I could keep my job...." Quistis smiled.
"That's good. I'd hate to see you wearing gaudy dresses and outlandish hairpieces..... It's not you...." Seifer grinned.
"Well, I had wanted to at least walk through some doors though. It seemed so much easier than opening them or anything. But the wardrobe won't change," Quistis grinned.
"Well, at least you're not Rinoa. Rinoa already dresses the part. She likes to wear two outfits at the same time. And they're both tacky," Seifer grinned.
"Well, we can all see why she likes Squall. He can't seem to ever finish dressing himself. It's like he stops at some point in the act of dressing and says 'fuck it' and just decides to go out looking like that," Quistis grinned.
"He'd be alright if he'd just learn how to use a comb," Seifer grinned back. He always loved this game.
"Well, at least he doesn't wear pants five sizes too big," Quistis sighed.
"That's Zell's department. And at least he doesn't preen like Irvine. If Irvine makes himself any prettier, he's gonna have to start wearing a dress," Seifer smirked.
"What do you mean 'start'?" Quistis said, batting her eyes with a huge grin on her face.
Seifer and Quistis burst into outright laughter. "Should I have the orchestra develop a diabolical soundtrack for you?" Seifer grinned.
Quistis giggled. "Only if I can speak with a 'k' instead of a 'c'...."
"Kome, Kwistis.... Let us ride out into the night and kreat khaos for all the kursed SeeDs......" Seifer laughed.
"That would be a wonderful idea, Seifer, but we are the kursed SeeDs..." Quistis laughed.
Seifer calmed down, and his eyes fell on Squall and Rinoa once more. He saw Squall smile at the Asian woman, and felt jealously stab through his heart.
"Would you like to dance, Seifer?" Quistis asked, following his gaze.
Seifer looked back at her and grinned. "By all means..." he grinned, whirling the stately blonde onto the dance floor.
Squall looked up from Rinoa, noticing Seifer come out on the dance floor, dancing and laughing with Quistis. Squall's eyes narrowed involuntarily. They seemed to be enjoying themselves.
Rinoa followed her fiance's gaze, and narrowed her own eyes at Quistis. Quistis was getting far too confident lately. And now Squall was looking at her.
Seifer noticed Rinoa's green-eyed gaze and grinned at his beautiful dance partner. "You know... I think Rinoa's jealous of you," he whispered. Quistis noticed the Asian woman's venomous gaze and raised a delicate eyebrow.
"Of me? Why? She has everything... She has the most desirable boy in the world, she's pretty, she's popular, she's a Sorceress....." Quistis said slowly. She had always been jealous of Rinoa's popularity.
Seifer grinned. "Well, now she thinks that you have all those things too.... I mean, you are dancing with me."
Quistis shook her head. "Is it hard for you to fit in your clothes with that huge ego of yours?" she sighed with a smile.
"No, not really. What's hard is finding a jock strap that accommodates my huge dick," Seifer grinned.
Quistis blushed. "I'll bet all the boys love that," she giggled.
"Oh, they do. Especially when they pick up the soap they drop in the shower," Seifer grinned wickedly.
Quistis threw her head back and laughed. "You better stop, or I'll have to convince you to be straight and date me."
"If any girl could do it, Quisty, it'd be you. Unless you put on that horrid pink outfit of yours," Seifer laughed.
"I was actually thinking of trying out something a little more outlandish..... Maybe Matron has some old gowns I could wear?"
"Don't you dare. I want you in blacks, reds, and blues that match your eyes. Trust me. I hang out with the redheaded fruitcake over there. He is the fashion police."
"And here I just thought he was on fire. I was considering casting Blizzaga to put him out," Quistis chuckled, giving Madison a wicked look.
"Well, I want you to look good when you go visit Kiros," Seifer grinned.
Quistis blushed. "He's just a friend....." she lied.
"Right. And Zell's not a punk. Are you gonna take him up on his offer?"
"Speaking of Zell, he's actually dancing with Heaven. If you want to call that dancing, of course."
"Stop changing the subject. You like him. Go with him. Don't be lonely like me. You can't be the third wheel forever. Besides, I can't wait to see the kids you'll have," Seifer said seriously.
Quistis sighed. "I don't know, Seifer. He's old enough to be my father. I'm not used to anyone paying me any attention. It's strange. He doesn't even to seem to care that I have social anxiety or anything. He likes me, as imperfect as I am. That frightens me."
"You're strange, Quistis. Stop fretting over everything you say or do, and just do it. I like you. Squall likes you. Everybody likes you, but you don't want to see it. You have the self esteem of Quasimodo. Stop being the female version of Squall and go see Kiros. I mean it."
Quistis looked up at the concern of her friend's face and smiled. When did she get so lucky to have a friend like Seifer? "You know what Seifer? As much of a jerk as you are, you can be really sweet when you want to be," she said, kissing him in thanks.
Seifer beamed. "Thanks, but don't let that get out. It'll ruin my rep," he laughed.
Rinoa felt Squall stiffen when Quistis kissed Seifer. She saw him blanche. He was glaring at the couple with visible jealousy. Even she could see it. She just assumed he wanted Quistis.
Rinoa kicked him in the shin. "You jerk!" she screamed at him, stomping away.
Squall blinked, wondering what had set off Rinoa. He cast one last look at Seifer and Quistis before taking off after his fiance`.
If Seifer wanted Quistis, so be it.
The Asian woman glared at him angrily. Squall sighed. He should never have let Seifer distract him.
"Rinoa.... What did I do?" he asked softly, coming up beside her.
"If you like Quistis so much, why don't you go fight Seifer over her......" Rinoa pouted, a tear forming in her eye.
Squall blinked. "Quistis? Rinoa.... I do not like Quistis in that way. She's my friend. What made you think I like Quistis?"
"You were staring at her. You were jealous!" Rinoa whined.
"I..... I wasn't jealous. I... It was Seifer..... I just... He's hard for me to deal with sometimes. We use to fight all the time as kids... He really frustrates me... That was all," Squall said gently, thinking fast.
Rinoa smiled, blinking her tears away. "You promise?" she asked girlishly.
"I promise, Rinoa. I love you. No girl could ever come between us," Squall said.
It was true. No girl would ever come between them.
Squall headed back to his room, free of Rinoa's presence. He hated to admit it, but he felt like a weight was taken off his chest whenever he left her. He had spent the night kissing her, and wanted to go wash the taste from his mouth.
Squall found a water fountain and greedily began to drink from it, desperate to wash Rinoa from his tongue. He felt queasy every time they made out. She had slipped a hand into his pants before he grabbed her wrist and pulled it out. He had almost felt his testicles shrivel when she got near them. Rinoa had begged him to touch her, and like a good little boy he had groped her breasts.
Squall stood up, glad that the nauseous feeling he'd had with Rinoa had faded. He managed to escape before she dragged him to her bed. He didn't think he would have been able to retain his vomit.
The thought that he was gay invaded his mind, before he quickly pushed it away. He was just having a sexual dysfunction. He would go see Kiros, get a prescription for some nice drug, and by the time he was married, he would be able to have sex with Rinoa. It was just a simple sexual dysfunction. Probably a chemical imbalance.
The thought of having a sexual dysfunction was easier for him to accept than being gay. A sexual dysfunction would not be his fault. Being gay would be. He didn't want to be anything but what he was supposed to be.
Squall got to his door and then spun around a moment before Seifer touched him.
"Hey...." Seifer grinned. "I wanted to see if you're alright."
Squall swallowed, feeling warm at Seifer's proximity. "I'm fine. I'm touched by your concern. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to get some rest," Squall said coldly, pressing his back against the wall, trying to keep his distance from Seifer.
"Why so touchy? That's not a very nice way to treat the man who carried you back to the Garden," Seifer breathed, stepping closer to Squall.
"I'm sure Quistis will be missing your presence. You'd probably better go back to her before she gets jealous," Squall said, his tone icy.
Seifer paused, and noted that Squall was jealous. He grinned. "Quistis is my friend. I proclaim that I'm gay in front of a whole auditorium of people, and you still think I would be with a woman?" Seifer asked idly, drawing very close to Squall.
"I saw her kiss you," Squall said, cursing himself for sounding like he cared.
"It was as platonic as if my sister kissed me..... Speaking of kisses.... I think you need to be kissed," Seifer grinned, pressing himself against Squall.
Squall stared up at Seifer, feeling his face grow hot. Seifer's taut body was pressing him against the wall. Why did he have to feel like this around Seifer? "I just got done kissing Rinoa...." Squall whispered.
"It doesn't seem to have done anything for you. Maybe I should try......" Seifer whispered, bringing his face close to Squall's, staring deeply into Squall's deep blue eyes. Squall's eyes were normally gray, or blue-gray, but turned blue when he was feeling passionate. This only encouraged Seifer.
"I don't need to be kissed," Squall whispered as Seifer's pale lips drew dangerously close to his rose pink ones.
"Yes, you do....." Seifer whispered back, pressing his lips against Squall's, trying to draw the sultry brunette into a kiss.
"Mmph!" Squall cried into Seifer's mouth, his eyes growing wide. He struggled slightly, but Seifer's bigger body had him pinned against the wall. He felt Seifer's lips move against his.
Seifer's hands touched the bottom of Squall's shirt, and pushed it up slightly, slipping underneath the brunette's shirt to stroke his smooth, porcelain skin. Squall felt Seifer's tongue against his lips, and instinctively parted his lips to allow Seifer entry into his mouth. Squall moaned and felt his loins tighten, finding the taste of Seifer's mouth exquisite.
Squall's eyes closed as he kissed back, sliding his tongue against Seifer's. Their tongues wrapped around the other's, slipping and sliding. Seifer pushed Squall's shirt up farther, his hands stroking the soft flesh of the sultry boy's chest and stomach. Squall wrapped his arms around Seifer's shoulders, clutching the hard muscles of the tall blonde's back. He could feel Seifer's erection pressing against his hip.
Seifer was in heaven. Squall tasted like heaven. He felt like heaven. Seifer wanted to ravish him there in the middle of the hallway, not caring who saw. He wanted Squall. He needed Squall.
Suddenly, Seifer felt Squall pushing him away, breaking off their passionate kiss. "Get off me, Seifer," Squall said coldly.
Seifer felt stung. He could feel that Squall had been enjoying himself. He could even feel Squall's arousal against his thigh. He let Squall go, stepping back, staring at the brunette with a hurt expression.
Squall just turned his face and dove for the door of his room, escaping before Seifer could say anything. Seifer hung his head on the way back to his room.
Why did Squall always push him away?
He had to get away.
Squall had taken a very long cold shower after he escaped from Seifer. He called Rinoa early the next morning, and asked if she would like to go to Esthar with him to visit his father. Rinoa had immediately said yes. Squall then called his father, who seemed joyous at the prospect of a visit from his son. Squall called in his vacation time, leaving Xu in charge.
He walked out of the door carrying his suitcases and cautiously crept through the hallways, praying he didn't see Seifer. He was in luck and made it to the train station in Balamb. Rinoa was there waiting for him, all smiles. She hugged him when he arrived, and he was more relieved to have made it the train station without seeing Seifer than happy to see her.
"This was a wonderful idea, Squall! We'll take this train to Timber, then take the new train from Timber to Esthar! We're going to have so much fun!" Rinoa babbled, piling Squall down with her bags. He staggered under the weight and went inside, sitting down in one of the rooms gratefully.
"Squall? Rinoa? What are you guys doing here?"
Squall snapped his head up and was greeted with Quistis. She was wearing a red mini-skirt with a tight black top. and black high-heeled boots that came up to her knees. Her hair was down, and she wore her glasses. She looked beautiful.
"Uh, Quistis.... We're... going to go visit Laguna," Squall said slowly. He'd never seen Quistis look so nice.
"What are you doing here?" Rinoa asked, a bit of a whine behind her voice.
"I'm..... following the advice of a friend. I'm going to Esthar too," Quistis smiled to herself.
Rinoa shrugged and sat down next to Squall, keeping a careful eye on the blonde. Quistis was disgustingly nice-looking today and she didn't want the blonde getting her nasty claws into her Squall.
Quistis was reading a magazine, but kept glancing up Squall. Seifer had left to go see if maybe he could put the moves on Squall last night, and seemed pretty confident about having a chance after how jealous Squall had gotten when she kissed Seifer. Now he was on a train to Esthar with Rinoa. She wondered what had happened and why Squall was running away.
The train ride was peaceful, with the exception of Rinoa's constant chatter. Quistis wondered how one person could talk about clothes for so long and still not have any fashion sense. She remembered Madison's comment about Rinoa being the fashion disaster of all Sorceresses, and that was saying a lot.
Quistis felt the same as she did before. She had an odd power at her finger tips, and now could cast magic without junctioning to a GF. But she still felt like Quistis. That pleased her.
When the train finally arrived at Esthar, Kiros was waiting for them. Quistis waved happily and walked over to him. Squall and Rinoa followed.
"Hey, kids! I was only expecting Quistis, but Laguna told me this morning that you deigned to visit your old man, Squall. You should see him. He won't shut up about how great you are," Kiros grinned, holding out his arm for Quistis to take.
Quistis colored slightly, but took the handsome black man's arm. Kiros grinned down at her, his eyes roving her shapely form, and her new look. She was gorgeous.
"Sis is here, right?" Squall asked as he and Rinoa followed Kiros and Quistis. Rinoa grabbed Squall's arm, determined not to be outdone by Quistis.
"Of course! She lives here, with Laguna," Kiros smiled, escorting them to a posh air cab.
Squall looked satisfied as the air cab took off and silently observed Kiros and Quistis. They seemed to have hit it off better than he thought. She seemed so much more alive around him. She was laughing and joking with him, picking on his Estharian robes of state.
"Don't pick on me! This was Laguna's idea!" Kiros laughed in his defense.
The air cab landed at the Presidential Palace, and the group stepped out. Laguna was there to greet them and ran up to give Squall a big bear hug. Squall winced.
"This is great! Kiros finally gets a girlfriend, and my son and his beautiful wife-to-be come visit me!" Laguna gushed, hugging Squall again. Ellone came up behind Squall and giggled furiously, prying Laguna off his son.
Squall sagged in relief. "Hi, Sis. Thanks. I was beginning to think I was going to need the jaws of life to get him to leave me alone," he said weakly, hugging his beloved Sis.
"That's my Uncle Laguna," Ellone grinned, squeezing Laguna who was grinning.
"Um, I have reservations and all, so we'll catch you later," Kiros said as he and Quistis made an exit.
"Later!" Laguna called, waving at his friend with a goofy grin.
"What are you grinning about?" Elle asked Laguna imperiously.
"Kiros is gonna get some....." Laguna giggled, causing Elle to groan and Rinoa to roll her eyes.
"My father, the lech," Squall said sadly, shaking his head.
"You have no idea," Elle sighed, and patted Laguna affectionately on the shoulder.
"And boy does Kiros need it," Laguna continued to grin.
"You apparently don't know Quistis very well. Her entire class will be grateful," Squall smirked.
Quistis lay snuggled up against Kiros, sighing contentedly.
Kiros smiled down at her and brushed aside a strand of her blonde hair. "Happy?" he asked, kissing her softly on the cheek.
"Very... That was wonderful," Quistis whispered and turned her face to meet his lips.
Kiros kissed her, pressing their naked bodies against each other. "I agree... I think we should make this a permanent sort of thing. It gets cold here in Esthar. I might need to you to get me hot again," Kiros whispered, stroking his hands across her hips.
"How romantic. I agree. But I'm still a SeeD. I have a job," Quistis smiled at him, sliding her hands across Kiros' well-muscled back.
"You're also a Sorceress now. I'm sure you could convince Squall to station you here on a permanent basis, as a recruiter for Balamb Garden. And a lecturer on Sorceresses..." Kiros said seriously, looking into Quistis' true blue eyes.
"Given this a lot of thought?"Quistis asked, mildly surprised.
"Yes. I want you to stay with me, Quistis. I've never been able to have any sort of steady relationship before now. You fascinate me. I've never met a woman like you before. I want you with me," Kiros whispered.
"I... Every girl dreams of hearing a man say things like that to her...." Quistis sighed.
Kiros stiffened slightly. "I here a 'but' coming," he said softly, trying to keep the hurt out of his voice.
"But I have to think... I love my job. I love being an Instructor for Balamb Garden. It means a lot to me. Will you let me think about it?" Quistis asked earnestly, touching his arm.
"Take all the time you need," Kiros said, doing his best to be understanding.
Quistis kissed him softly and did her best to make him feel better.....
Kiros looked up from the book he was reading and found that Squall was standing in front of him. He put the book aside. Quistis was out getting them lunch.
"Hello, Squall. Problems?" he asked.
"Um, sort of. I have a favor. It concerns, um, personal matters....." Squall said slowly.
"Personal? What kind of personal?" Kiros asked, studying the young man in front of him and motioning him to have a seat.
"I think I have a sexual dysfunction," Squall sighed, sitting down on the easy chair and hanging his head.
"Wow. Would you like a t-shirt with that on it?" Kiros asked with a raised eyebrow.
Squall glared at the tall black man. "I'm not joking," he growled.
"Sorry. Sarcastic reflex. Describe it to me," Kiros apologized.
Squall blushed slightly. "I, uh..... can't get an erection around Rinoa.... And I feel nauseous during moments of intimacy with her," he said slowly and quietly.
Kiros had to strain to hear Squall. "Do you always feel like this? Are you able to get an erection at all?" Kiros asked seriously, running through various prognoses in his mind.
Squall felt himself grow hot at the memory of the incredible hard-on Seifer had given him a couple nights ago. "Uh, yeah. It's just with Rinoa," Squall sighed.
"So other women turn you on, but Rinoa doesn't?" Kiros asked with confusion. He always thought Rinoa was a little drippy, but certainly not repulsive.
"Um, well, I don't know. I've never gotten that close to another woman."
"So you masturbate just fine? Erection's fine, and you orgasm and all that?" Kiros asked.
Squall thought he would die from the blithe way Kiros spoke of his most personal problems. "Yes, yes. I just can't get hard with Rinoa. I always feel nauseous or queasy instead," he sighed.
"Have you been able to get an erection with another person? Is this nausea always associated with moments of intimacy with Rinoa?"
Squall was beet red. "Um, yes.... I've gotten an erection with another person. And yes, I always feel sick when she touches me," he said a little angrily.
Kiros was silent for a moment. "But you just told me that you've had no experience with another woman....." he said quietly as Squall turned his face in embarrassment.
When Squall remained silent, Kiros spoke. "So other men arouse you?" he asked quietly.
"Yes. At least one of them does," Squall said quietly.
Kiros nodded his head. He had already guessed that Squall was gay, but this confirmed it. "Did you feel nauseous when you were aroused with this man?" he asked gently.
"No," Squall practically sobbed.
"It's not a sexual dysfunction. Some might consider it sexual deviance, but I consider it a sexual preference. It's called homosexuality," Kiros said gently. He wondered how long Squall would be in denial of himself.
"I don't believe you. I'm not gay. I'm not," Squall spat, tears forming in his eyes. Angry tears.
Kiros sat back. "Don't believe me. You don't have to. Your body will always tell you the truth," he said quietly.
Squall stood up, shaking in frustration. "Thanks for nothing," he spat and stalked from the room, practically knocking over Quistis who had just come in.
The beautiful blonde blinked at the hysterical Squall and the disturbed Kiros. "What happened?" Quistis asked Kiros.
"I just told Squall the truth, and he got upset."
"That sounds like Squall."
Squall headed to his father's room. Laguna could always make him feel better. As much as a fool Squall thought him to be, Laguna had a way of making Squall feel better.
Kiros was wrong. He wasn't gay. He was just confused. He would just clear his mind and he would be normal. Squall stopped by the washroom to wash his face, and composed himself.
Squall reached his father's chambers, and noticed the door was slightly cracked open. He stepped inside the large greeting area. He admired his father's posh accommodations and smiled at Laguna's big screen TV and his collection of Disney videos. He had huge beanbag chairs in various colors and more stuffed animals than any heterosexual man had a right to own.
The sounds of moaning reached Squall's ears. He turned slightly and realized the sounds were coming from Laguna's bedroom. He went to the door, possessed by curiosity. Who would his father be having sex with?
Squall turned the doorknob quietly and opened the door, peering inside. Laguna was thrusting into someone beneath him, making mewling noises of pleasure. The other person was moaning loudly, the voice feminine and familiar. Laguna grunted loudly, rolling onto his back, and the girl he was fucking began to ride him, throwing back her head as he reached up to squeeze her breasts. Her short hair stuck to her sweat-drenched face, her adorable face slack in ecstasy.
Squall cried out, feeling betrayed and cold. Laguna and the girl stopped and looked at the doorway, their eyes wide open in shock.
Squall took a step back, tears spilling from his face. This couldn't be. It couldn't.
The girl quickly got off Laguna and wrapped a sheet around her body, running over to Squall.
It was Elle.
Ellone. His Sis. Laguna was fucking a girl barely older than his own son, a girl he practically raised as his own daughter. Ellone was practically Squall's big sister.
"Squall... Please... I know this looks bad, but we love each other...." Elle said, reaching out to touch Squall's face. He had always been so sensitive about her.
"Love each other? Like he loved my mother? Was her body at least cold when he started fucking you? Tell me you had at least reached puberty when he started," Squall spat. Laguna was covering himself with a pillow, looking at his son helplessly.
"Squall... it just happened. Just after Ultimecia was destroyed.... We love each other.... it's not like that," Elle said, watching Squall back away from her.
"I can't believe you'd do this to me..... How could you? Where's your morals?" Squall shouted at his father who just turned his face. Elle began to cry.
Squall ran from the room, and didn't stop running for a very long time.
"Where is he?"
Kiros and Quistis looked at each other in confusion. Laguna and Ellone were very quiet at dinner, their natural buoyancy seeming to have temporarily left them.
Rinoa stamped her foot. "Squall is gone! I can't find him! Where did he go?" she demanded.
Kiros looked alarm. "I know he was upset when he left me, but I don't think he would have run away......" he said quietly.
Laguna swallowed and looked up with a serious expression. "He ran away because of me....." the pretty man said sadly.
"Because of both of us," Elle said, squeezing Laguna's hand.
Kiros nodded. They had all known how upset Squall would get when he found out about Laguna and Ellone's affair. And combined with the conversation he'd had with the boy, it was doubtless Squall felt overwhelmed.
"We have to find him!!" Rinoa cried.
Quistis stood up. "Let's go, Rinoa.... We'll split up and search for Squall," she sighed.
Rinoa nodded. "Alright," she said, and headed off to the city.
Quistis followed, but she, unlike Rinoa, knew where to look.
She found him sitting at the platform where they had first arrived to Esthar, long ago when Squall came searching for a way to save Rinoa. His legs were dangling off the edge and he glared despondently down at the city.
"Hey," Quistis said quietly, sitting down next to him.
"................" Squall said. He had been crying.
"So you found out about Sis and Laguna, huh?" she said gently.
"Did everyone know but me?" he asked angrily.
"Pretty much. They do love each other, Squall. And your mother's been dead a long time. Are you going to deny him love, just because she's a lot younger then he is?" Quistis asked.
"Just because you deny yourself love, doesn't mean you have to deny everyone else. Some people do things because they feel, not because they think they are suppose to."
"What the hell is that suppose to mean? I love Rinoa."
Squall looked up sharply at her. "Kiros told you, didn't he?" he asked angrily.
"He did, but it doesn't matter. I've been talking to Seifer a lot lately. I talked to him on the phone this morning."
Squall looked away, embarrassed now.
"You hurt his feelings, running away from him like that. I just thought you should know."
"I had to get away."
"How long are you going to deny yourself? How long are you going to keep yourself away from what you want most, just because you're afraid of it? How long are you going to hurt the person who loves you most?"
Squall stared at Quistis now, looking vulnerable. "He told you that?" he asked incredulously.
"No. But I have my suspicions."
"What about Rinoa?"
"What about her? Go to the train station, get the next one to Balamb, go back to the Garden, and talk to Seifer. I'll tell Rinoa that you got called away on important SeeD business. You need to deal with this."
Squall gave his friend a wobbly smile. He stood up, and stared down at the blonde. She stood up as well, smiling up at him. Then Squall did something Quistis never thought in a million years he would do.
He hugged her.
"Thanks, Quistis....." he whispered and walked away.
He had a lot to talk about with Seifer.
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