Warnings - ANGST ANGST!!! SAP!!!
Very depressing in first parts. I don't know what pushed me to write something like this. I'm a very happy person. ^_^ ;
YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI ((d'uh, what ELSE do I write using this penname?))
C&C are welcomed and encouraged. ^_^
Flames will be used to make smores for Ifrit and his little minions. Thanks!
These guys don't belong to me!!! They belong to Square....lucky Square, gets most of the good game bishies. :p @ Square. o_O I wonder who Gackt belongs to... *gets evil ideas*
This chapter is completely narrative. Just letting you know. Squall's POV wouldn't have had the same effect.
I was called by a dim light.
There was a fleeting memory of my dream
and the voice whispering.
The strings of the past are now fading,
and they show me the image of scenery I
could no longer see in a present time.
The image is you, here beside me.....smiling.
Yes....I remember it like it was yesterday.
You looked at me and touched my soul
deeper inside than anybody could.
The joy of sharing,
and that fateful encouter with you,
even out tender memories,
everything leaves me behind and vanishes into the light.
Within my fading memories,
still, I wanted to hold you once again..
I keep on shouting your name, so sad and painfully
until my voice withers.
"Where in the world do human beings come from,
and where do they end up?
My precious loved one, only you are missing...."
You dropped your eyes and you were shuddering,
and I wanted to embrace you with my very own arms.
I realized that I wanted to protect you,
in this whole world,
and only you.
I will vanish in a moment but still,
I do not want to let you go.
So sad and painful, the days you hold me,
I will never forget....
- Translation of Sekai ~Story~ original song and lyrics by Gackt
"........no more dreams......."
He opened his eyes slowly and saw a face watching him. It said nothing, Squall said nothing.
He was standing. He didn't know how he'd come to be standing, but he was.
The vision was Seifer, he knew. It was always Seifer. It would never be anyone but Seifer.
Squall closed his eyes, his lips set in a straight line, his throat tense as he fought the painful tightness that constricted his chest.
He could feel Seifer's fingers drag lightly down the side of his face, brushing a few loose strands behind his ear. Soft fingers traces the outline of his ear. Warm breath fanned his cheek, a brush of a body aginst his, so warm, so familiar.
Fingers entwined in his hair again and he was pulled closer by another that splayed at his back.
Soft lips met his cheek and he realized that a single tear had fallen from the corner of each of his eyes.
His arms went carefully around the body before him, one resting over the blonde's left shoulder, the other wrapping under his right arm.
The fingers in his hair continued to stroke the skin behind his ear while lips continued their gentle ministrations to his cheek.
I love you, Squall chanted over and over in his head, only half realizing his voice was echoing the words in a soft whisper.
Then suddenly, he was falling backwards onto the bed, his head hanging half off the side, Seifer landing on him almost roughly.
Squall's mouth was claimed almost instantly, the hands that had been carassing him so gently moving until one was holding his head, the other resting on his shoulder.
Squall reveled in the kiss, soft lips on his own, the full chest resting on his.
The brunet opened his mouth slightly, allowing Seifer entrance inside.
It had been so long. So heartbreakingly long.
Squall thought he might die from the overwhelming fluxuation in his chest.
He could feel Seifer pull away slightly but refused to open his eyes. He didn't want to wake up from this perfect dream. He didn't want reality to set in and find himself cold and alone in his room.
Even with his eyes closed he knew Seifer was watching him. His neck arched slightly, his chin moving up searching for the mouth. It was so close he could feel the warm breath on his lips, feel the eyes still watching him.
"Squall......." a voice called softly. "....open your eyes...."
Squall made a pleading noise, his fingers pressing against the skin of Seifer's chest. The heartbeat under his fingertips was too real, too strong, too alive to be a dream.
But he didn't want to chance it. He'd been tricked before, so many times before.
"Squall, please open your eyes."
Reluctantly, cloudy grey eyes half opened.
The vision of Seifer continued to hover above him, lips so close and glistening.
The thumb along his shoulder stroked carefully against his soft flesh.
The emerald eyes gazed down at his, searching.
"Why did you leave me?" Squall's voice was almost a whisper. His eyes held a sheen of tears over them. The fingers against Seifer's chest curled slightly as if just trying to hold onto the dream a little longer.
"I didn't mean to." The hand in his hair moved, brushing strands of chocolate hair from his eyes. "I won't leave you again. I promise."
"Yes you will." Squall's smile was sad. "I'll wake up and you'll be gone. I'll be alone again....just like every time...."
"Not this time." Their noses brushed again. The body above him let out a deep sigh. "I promise."
Squall fought a sob. "I want to believe you.....I want to so badly...." He gripped onto the vision almost frantically. "I don't want to wake up. I don't want to lose you again...."
"Squall....this is real...."
"It's never real..."
"Can't it be real?" Green eyes pleaded. "Just this once?"
Squall closed his eyes again. "I don't know how...."
The face brushed against his again, the hande stroking comfortingly. "Let me make love to you..."
Squall nodded, moving into the carress of lips against his temple. "Just this once....this is the last time...no more dreams...."
"No more dreams." the other agreed.
There was a moment of mild shifting. Squall's legs were carefully moved apart as a body settled between them.
The brunet felt a tingling in his spine. It was so real, what a perfect last dream.
When he woke up the next morning, that would be it. He would end it. There wasn't any point anymore.
He had to thanks his subconcious for giving him such a loving and merciful goodbye.
There was no better way to go.
The vision was moving into him with the gentleness of a feather.
Squall felk the sorrow that had been building up in him for so long suddenly leave him. It was good. He didn't want this moment to be spoiled by absolutely anything.
The vision rocked gently, slowly.
Their eyes locked, their faces only a breath apart.
Hands remained firm but gentle on the back of his head and his shoulder. Fingers stroked lovingly.
Squall allowed himself to be swallowed into all of it. This moment was his.
"I love you...." he began chanting again, his voice barely audible even to his own ears.
"Mmm....Seifer...." Squall closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around the vision's neck.
The movements quickened at a steady pace, the muscles in the back of the one atop him flexing and shuddering with every movement.
Squall's toes gently stroked the soft calves that rested in between his legs. His mind recalled everything, every detail. The feel, the scent, the warmth, it was all the same. All as he remembered.
Squall felt like mourning again.
Instead he came.
The vision followed immediately afterward.
Grey eyes remained closed, wanting to cherish the moment for as long as he could.
The vision was looking at him again, he could feel it.
His eyes opened without being asked this time.
"Don't leave me..." he pleaded, his hand running over Seifer's face.
The vision gave him a beautiful, sad smile. "I'll never leave you again."
Squall closed his eyes again, his mind growing fuzzy.
He was waking up...
The last thought of his subconcious was that dreams tend to lie....
His eyes opened.
It had taken him a while to fully wake up, but there he was, sprawled on his stomach on his bed, his face aimed at the wall, his body tangled in the sheets.
The sun shone through the window.
Seifer was gone.
He wasn't coming back.
He'd gone back to Esthar the day before. All of his belongings were gone.
He was alone again.
Reality flooded at him and he remembered what his plan was for the day.
No more dreams, no more pain.
It was time to end things....
He stood carefully, not bothering to slip any clothes on, and headed for the bathroom.
There were things he needed to do before the end of the day.
Then he could rest.
He figured he should write a letter to his father, maybe send him back the ring. He'd had it ever since the explosion in the Presidential Palace. It was rightfully his father's. He didn't know why he'd kept it in the first place.
He looked at himself in the mirror.
For some reason he didn't look as pale as he usually did.
Maybe he was getting better.
A little too late for that.
He splashed some water on his face and sighed, letting it drip dry for a moment.
It's the last thing I have left to do...
Squall jumped, his blood freezing ice cold as he felt arms circle around his waist and a chin on his shoulder.
Squall looked up at the mirror, his eyes wide.
Cat green eyes peered over his shoulder, looking at him through the mirror.
"S-Seifer..." Squall's mind was a blank as he tried to comprehend what the hell was going on. "What are you.... I thought you'd be in Esthar by now..."
Seifer blinked. "I know.... I came back. Don't you remember? Last night?"
The brunet's mind flipped. "Last night. That was real...."
Seifer blinked. "Of course it was."
Squall backed up against the sink. "Y.....you used memories that weren't even yours to get me in BED?!"
Seifer's eyes went wide. "I had to make sure....Squall, ever since I've been getting these memories I've been confused as hell....I wanted to see if they were real."
The brunet shook his head. "No....wasn't real....This can't be either. The real Seifer wouldn't have.....we wouldn't........he forgot everything..."
The emeralds warmed. "Well I didn't...."
"You're not him!" Squall pushed the blonde even farther away and pressed himself against the sink.
"You USED me!" the brunet spat. "Did you like it, Seifer? Was it GOOD for you?!"
"Listen to me..."
"No! They took him away from me!" Tears streamed down the thinner man's face. "Why?! We weren't hurting anyone..." Squall looked at the wall, his body shaking, his voice quieting. "They used him to get at me, to get at my father.... when it was done they just took him away...It was- it was like they killed him..." He let out a sad laugh. "The implants....everything that wasn't real was removed...I guess none of it was real...He would have left me anyway.....he would have forgotten when the programming wore off...." He looked up. "You want to do me a favor Seifer? Forget. Forget everything."
Seifer moved closer to him, holding onto his shoulders. " Forget? Forget the way your hair smells? The way your skin feels? The way you say my name in bed-"
Squall wrenched out of his grip, glaring at him. "Those aren't your memories! I don't know how you have them, but you've done nothing to deserve them. And if you're going to use them to hurt me, or manipulate me, you've got another thing coming."
"Stop!" Squall closed his eyes once again, trying to wish Seifer away, to wish he could be alone again. "It's driving me crazy....."
"God, please don't." Squall's eyes tightened even more, trying to block everything out. He wanted to wake up, he wanted to be alone. He wanted Seifer to go so he could just die and get things over with.
A hand touched his face. "It's okay, baby, I'm here..."
A tear fell down Squall's cheek. "Don't play with me.......please...it hurts too much...."
"Forget what it's like to watch you sleep, to feel so complete. To want to die every time you smile just to know I'd die happy?" Seifer's voice broke. "You want me to forget all that?!"
Grey eyes opened slowly. Seifer was standing so impossibly close, his eyes watching intently. But they were different. Not Seifer's eyes at all.
Seifer opened his hand and Squall stared down at it, speechless. Griever. The ring Squall had given him after he'd....
Squall's eyes flooded. "You can't......how?"
"They could only take away false emotions. It took a little while for the memories to come back but they did. " the blonde smiled sadly. "I came here to find you. I hoped you were alright.....that you still loved me....Even then I didn't completely understand what I was feeling.....not until you kissed me....but I knew, I knew it was right...And now I know why..."
A hand came up and touched the blonde's face. Squall was looking at him intently, searching....
"Squall, it's me.....I don't know any other way to prove it to you..." He rested his head against the brunet's, his own eyes starting to tear. "Don't make me go?"
Squall threw his arms around Seifer's neck, clinging to him like a vice. "God, I thought I lost you forever..."
Seifer held him tightly, rocking him, crying. "I'm never going to leave you again. I swear it."
He felt Squall relaxing in his arms and picked him up, carrying him back to the bed.
Owar- oh wait a minute ^_^'
Three Months Later
Fujin looked at her watch and sighed. "What time did he say the train was supposed to be coming in?"
"Half an hour ago." Laguna sighed, rubbing the back of his head. "I still don't see why we all have to be here."
"Guy disappears without a word and just calls up out of the blue, 'Oh I've got a surprise all you guys need to pick me up'." Selphie huffed. "Jerk. This had better be good."
"Maybe he's bringing back a girlfriend." Irvine shrugged, his arm around Selphie's waist. "I mean, he HAS been gone for three months."
"Don't SAY that!" Selphie frowned at him. "You KNOW how I feel when people say stuff like that."
"You cold?" Kiros asked, putting his arm around his fiance protectively as the wind picked up a little.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm okay." The president nodded. "I just wish he'd hurry."
Zell paced back and forth near Quistis, who sat on a bench with Ellone and Ward. "This had REALLY better be good..."
Irvine's head perked. "I hear a train."
"That had BETTER be him." Fujin muttered. "I swear, one of these days I'm gonna beat him over the head. If there's no good reason why he dragged us here that day will DEFINATELY be today."
"Can we tie him up?" Selphie chirped.
"Hey." Irvine pouted.
"Alright people, let's just find out what this is about." Laguna sighed as the train began to slow up to the platform.
The groups stood and waited impatiently as passengers began to file from the train.
"There he is." Ellone pointed and waved as the blonde appeared at one of the departing points.
Seifer saw her and waved a little back, smiling. He had his carry on hefted over one shoulder, his sunglasses perched on his face.
He stopped on the platform and waited, even as the group came forward to greet him.
"Come on, Seifer, we don't have all day." Zell muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets.
Seifer help up a finger and turned back toward the train. He was speaking to someone inside but it was too dark to see exactly who.
"He DID bring someone back...." Irvine blinked in disbelief.
Selphie pouted. "That's so unfair...."
Laguna sighed "He's allowed you guys. It's been almost two years. He deserves to be happy."
"And maybe it's just a friend of his." Kiros added. "Don't just jump to conclusions.
A woman departed from the train, clad in a skimpy red skirt and black top. Her blonde hair was tied back in a braid. She smiled at Seifer as he helped her off.
The group stared.
"No way...." Quistis muttered.
"Just a friend?" Laguna eyed Kiros. "LOOK at her."
"Yeah, look at her running to her boyfriend." Fujin smirked as the woman from the train rushed into the arms of another young man who'd been waiting at the platform.
The group watched the two embrace.
"Aw...." Irvine giggled. "Aren't they cute?"
"Oh my GOD!!" Ellone gasped, running forward. "SQUALL!!!!"
"HOLY SHIT!!!!" Zell sprinted after Ellone.
The brunet made a small noise as the two attacked him, almost dragging him to the ground.
"Hey!" Seifer warned, half laughing, half hissing. "Be careful, he's still not in the best shape."
The rest of the group was already crowding around the brunet, pushing in for hugs and greetings.
Laguna and Kiros remained behind, watching.
Kiros stared at the group before looking to Laguna.
Laguna watched, his mouth open a little, his eyes unblinking.
"I thought we'd never see you again!" Selphie sobbed happily, hugging the young man around his neck as he picked her up a little off the ground.
"I missed you too, Sel." Squall laughed, setting her down again, only to have her be replaced by Fujin. "Hey, Fu..." He smiled warmly at her and hugged her tightly. He looked over her shoulder, his eyes locking with his father's.
"Dad..." he managed, his eyes starting to sting.
Fujin let him go and watched as he walked toward the other man.
Kiros watched, smiling at the young man. "Welcome home."
He hadn't even gotten halfway through 'home' when Laguna launched himself at his son, gripping him in a giant bear hug.
Seifer smiled as father and son embraced, both crying happily.
"Jesus Christ where the hell have you been?!" Laguna demanded with a joyous laugh.
"It doesn't matter anymore, I'm home." Squall told him. "I love you, Dad."
"I love you, too." The president smiled down at his son.
"GROUP HUG!!!" Selphie cried.
"Uhm...I'm already feeling the love, I think I'll stay out...." Kiros laughed lightly.
"Be careful of him!!!" Seifer ordered, glaring over the tops of his sunglasses and striding toward the group.
He put his arms protectively over Squall's shoulders from behind and glared at everyone else as they'd stopped in midglomp.
"He's still recovering. You can manhandle him later." The blonde said, kissing the brunet lightly on the cheek.
"You're giving them PERMISSION?" Squall laughed.
"Hey come on, Seifer, you've had him all to yourself for three months." Ellone giggled.
"Two and a HALF." Seifer corrected, still eyeing over his sunglasses. "Anyway, he's still MINE."
"I wanna hear ALL about what happened." Fujin grinned.
"Yeah, let's go home." Kiros laughed.
Seifer blinked, watching as Ward picked up the young Leonhart in a bearhug similar to the one his father had given him, only the brunet's feet weren't touching the ground.
"Oh, hey, Ward." Squall returned the hug and was properly placed into the waiting arms of Seifer who glared at the big man.
"Remember, I said CAREFUL."
"Oh I'm not gonna break, Seifer..." Squall told him, wrapping his arms around his lover's neck.
"I suppose you want me to put you down then?"
"Didn't say that..."
"Thought so." Seifer arched his eyebrows and kissed him. "Love you."
"I love you, too..."
I'm doing it again!! Got inspiration for another section to this little diddy I've been writing. Look for it soon. The next installment to my little Squall x Seifer....thing....yeah.....dunno what I'm gonna call it though ^_^' again it will be based on these two fics. I'm figuring it will be in between the lengths of the two fics. Heck, what do I know. I haven't even started writing yet. ^_^' It's gonna be MUCH less angsty though. Hello, it's gonna have a four year old kid. Okay, think, Chibi Quatre. Scary ne? O_O. JA!!! ^^
Again, if you have any comments you can also get to me using my e-mail sodoshiin @ japoness.com also check out my site www.angelfire.com/sodoshiin Ignore the banners -_-' I post frequently on my livejournal. Link on my site. My AIM screen name is Sodoshiin (are we sensing a pattern here?)
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