The Oedipus Complex
By J. Marie
Warning!!! This is a lemon yaoi fanfiction starring Laguna Loire and Squall Leonhart from Final Fantasy VIII. Not only is this story rated NC-17, but it has EXTREMELY adult content. It not only features male homosexuality in explicit detail, but incestual content. I strongly recommend you be over 18 before reading this. If the idea of father and son having sex bothers you, please go BACK now. This story is NOT shota-con, as Squall is 18 in this story, an adult. It is mildly non-consensual, but it is Squall who is seme, not Laguna. I'm willing to deal with the flames for this story's content, but be forewarned that I fight fire with fire. This story is slightly modeled after the Greek tragedy with Oedipus and his mother, only with a yaoi twist to it. It takes place only three months after the defeat of Ultimecia, and has nothing to do with my other FF8 stories. I would also like to thank SorceressKnight for his wicked belt idea. For those willing to brave my twisted little story, welcome to the darkness. Kyahahahahaha!!
Squall Leonhart was eighteen years old today.
Squall looked moodily out the window of his bedroom. Laguna Loire, President of Esthar, was throwing a birthday ball for him tonight. Laguna said he had a big announcement he wanted to make to Squall.
Squall's lips curved into a lecherous smile at the thought of the pretty older man. Laguna was in his mid-forties, but didn't look a day over thirty. His glossy black hair had only the slightest hint of gray, and his body was as firm as when he was twenty.
Squall couldn't say exactly when he realized he was lusting after the idiot from his dreams. There seemed something about Laguna. An odd sort of connection. Like Laguna had something that Squall wanted. Squall simply assumed it was sex.
He had always been gay. His whole life. From the moment he was born. It just took him awhile to admit it.
Squall noticed the picture of his ex-girlfriend Rinoa, and gave a disgusted sigh, turning the picture to where he couldn't see it. Only a few months ago Squall thought he was going to be able to make himself straight and hook up with this great girl he thought he loved.
Their relationship lasted three weeks before he dumped her. The entire Garden was dismayed, but Squall didn't care. He couldn't fight it anymore. He didn't want a woman. He wanted a man.
Squall thought again about the effeminate Laguna Loire. For eighteen years he had remained a virgin, avoiding sex at all costs. But tonight he was going to fix that problem.
He was going to be with a man.
And he chose Laguna......
Laguna Loire clapped his hands together, looking as happy as a child. He grinned over at his long-time lover Kiros Seagill. "This is going to be wonderful... I'm gonna tell Squall I'm his father, and he'll be so happy......" Laguna gushed.
Kiros chuckled. "I'm sure the birthday ball for him will go wonderful..... But go easy on him, okay? He's been alone for so long.... He may not take it as well as you want..... Maybe you should talk to him privately first," Kiros told his energetic lover.
Laguna nodded and stood on his tiptoes to kiss the tall, dark-skinned man on the lips. Kiros kissed back, stroking his pretty lover's hair.
"I was thinking... There are going to be a lot of cute young men at this ball....." Kiros purred, his grin mischievous.
Laguna blushed and giggled. Kiros brought a young man into their bed on occasion, both lovers enjoying the thrill of a threesome, especially with someone young and full of sexual energy. Despite their risque sex life however, both Kiros and Laguna were devoted to only to each other. Threesomes only solidified their love, by allowing them to be a little kinky. It was an odd sort of relationship that had existed before Laguna ever took an interest in women, ebbed off when Laguna met Julia, and returned after Raine's death. Maturity had allowed both men to make it permanent this time.
"What do you think of Zell...?" Kiros suggested.
Laguna blinked. "I don't know, Kiros... He's one of Squall's friends... I don't think I could bring myself to have sex with someone my son knows..... It would be a little weird..." Laguna sighed.
"Alright. Understandable. I'll find someone else. It's a pity though... I really like Zell..... He's almost as adorable as you..." Kiros purred.
Laguna smiled and sighed. "I know, I know... I'll think about it..... It depends on whether he'll be quiet about it," Laguna said seriously, not wanting his son to know about his sexual practices.
"Zell will be quiet... I think he has a crush on Squall..... He wouldn't want Squall to know. But he'll agree. I think he has a crush on you too," Kiros chuckled.
"Really..? You think so..." Laguna asked, blinking his eyes in surprise.
"Yeah. You have that effect on people. Most of Squall's friends like you, I think..." Kiros chuckled.
Laguna giggled and flitted around the ball, making sure everything was in place. He was both excited and nervous about revealing his secret to Squall. He had a speech all planned out, and hoped Squall would take it well.
Kiros went about his business, helping Laguna to make sure everything was perfect for the party.........
Squall had carefully chosen his outfit for the party. He wore a slight variation of his usual leathers. His leather pants were tight, fitted to his lean body. He had on a tight black muscle shirt, and a different black leather jacket without the fur-lining, eccentric enough that Dr. Frank-n-Furter from The Rocky Horror Picture Show would have worn it. He wore his usual amount of belts, with a few more added on. He of course wore his Griever pendant, and his chocolate hair hung in his face, as usual.
Squall stood off to the side, despite being the guest of honor. Laguna kept coming up to him throughout the event, but always got tongue-tied, blushed, and left nervously. It made Squall wonder if perhaps the pretty man held the same lust for Squall that Squall held for him.
Everyone had been invited. Quistis Trepe had come in looking like a regal queen. Irvine Kinneas and Selphie Tilmitt had come to the birthday ball together, but in an hour, Irvine was flirting with a cold Quistis, vainly trying to convince the beautiful blonde to dance with him. Irvine had a habit of doing that to Quistis at every party. Selphie fumed off in the corner. Squall doubted Irvine and Selphie's relationship would last much longer.
Zell Dincht had bounded into the room, heading straight for Squall. Squall brushed him off as usual, making a point to ignore the hyperactive blonde boy. Rinoa Heartilly had also been invited, much to Squall's chagrin. Her very presence set his teeth on edge now. Squall wondered if the girl had used some form of drug on him during their adventure. He couldn't understand what he ever saw in her.
Rinoa hung around in the corner, with her father, giving Squall hurt puppy looks. Squall rolled his eyes and moved closer to Laguna, focusing his attention on the cheerful man.
Laguna was flitting about. The pretty man was wearing tight white pants, and an open yellow and red shirt, decorated with sunbursts, showing off his still lovely body. His long black hair was pinned up with hair sticks, but still managed to fall in his face. His smile was a permanent fixture. Squall allowed a small lustful smile to spread across his face.
Then there was the matter of his two aides. Kiros Seagill hovered over Laguna like Laguna's guardian angel, his dark face constantly scanning the crowd. Ward Zabac guarded Laguna as well, but seemed less protective than the firm Kiros. Squall wondered idly if Laguna let Kiros fuck him.
Laguna noticed Squall and began to chatter inanely, looking nervous again. Squall didn't pay any attention to Laguna's babbling, but found it strangely comforting. He wondered if Laguna babbled during sex.
Kiros blinked at Squall. He had always found Laguna' son a little odd. Squall always seemed so introverted, so sly...... The complete opposite of Laguna. Kiros thought idly in the back of his head that it's the quiet ones you have to worry about.
Squall allowed Laguna to drag him around the party. Quistis had finally relented, and was dancing with Irvine. Squall wondered with a sly smile how long after Selphie dumped Irvine, would the slick cowboy hop into Quistis' bed. He wondered if Quistis could tame the horny Galbadian SeeD. If anyone could, it would be her. Squall noted with droll humor that he had snubbed his nose at Quistis her whole life, who perhaps was the prettiest woman at the party.
Squall bowed to his Matron, Edea Kramer, and Cid Kramer, the former headmaster of Squall's Garden. Now Squall was in charge of Balamb. Nida tried to calm the fuming Selphie, who quickly dragged the shy pilot out onto the dance floor, as retribution to Irvine's wandering eye. Ellone gave Squall a big hug, pleased to see both Laguna and Squall together. Laguna gushed at her happily, and Squall stole away, not wanting to talk to anyone else.
The cake was cut, and presents opened, but Laguna never got the nerve to make his big announcement. He decided to talk to Squall later, privately. Laguna couldn't handle a public rejection after all.
In the shadows, an uninvited guest watched Squall the entire time. No one really noticed him, as he stood off in the corner, smoking his cigarette, unseen. If he had been noticed, the party crasher would have been thrown out. Squall never left his gaze. Nothing escaped his attention. Not even Squall's odd behavior towards Laguna. The almost unnoticeable lecherous smile Squall had on his face when he looked at Laguna caused the man to raise an eyebrow. The wanton gaze was cause for a smirk. But he did nothing, but smoke his cigarettes, and watch Squall.
Squall finally had Laguna all to himself, alone. Most everyone had left, and Laguna pulled Squall off to an alcove by one of the punch tables. Squall didn't even have to ask, which surprised him.
Laguna stared at the floor, shuffling his feet. "There's something I wanna tell you, Squall... Something important......" he said quietly, not sure how to broach the subject of his paternity.
Squall turned from Laguna, using his back to shield the view of the punch glasses he was filling. "Hmmmmm....?" the handsome brunette asked, distractedly.
Laguna found his tongue twisting again. He was so frightened that Squall would hate him. He had been excited before the party, but now, faced with reality, Laguna was having serious doubts.
Squall slipped the small vial he had in his sleeve, pouring the whole thing into one of the glasses, and turned, handing it to Laguna with a sly smile.
Laguna took the glass, his hand shaking. "I... uh...... I've wanted to tell you this for a while... but I...." he said shakily, gulping down the entire glass, his mouth suddenly dry.
"Well? What is it?" Squall sighed, wondering if Laguna was going to admit some form of attraction towards Squall.
"I'm... I'm your..... your....." Laguna said, his eyes glazing over almost instantly. He wobbled on his feet, feeling incredibly light-headed.
"My what...?" Squall asked, catching Laguna before he fell to the floor. Maybe he had put too much in.....
Laguna giggled instead of answering, falling against Squall. He couldn't see straight. Everything was fuzzy. What had he wanted to say? Who was he talking to anyways? He was horny... Where was Kiros...?
Squall noted with satisfaction that Laguna was already growing an erection, courtesy of the aphrodisiacs. Laguna giggled, clutching Squall's arms. Squall edged up the willowy man, forcing him to stand.
"Kiros......?" Laguna asked, pressing himself against Squall. It had to be Kiros.
Squall put an arm around Laguna's waist and brought him to a walk, leaving the ballroom quickly before Kiros did show up. "Yeah... I'm Kiros... Whatever floats your boat, Laguna......" he sighed. He had mixed in narcotics and mild hallucinogens with the aphrodisiacs. Laguna was going to see what he wanted to see tonight.
Squall hurried the mewling Laguna to the room he'd prepared for the evening, using his spare gil to convince the servants to leave it alone, and prevent security from scanning it. He could already feel his own pants grow tight in anticipation.
Laguna pressed himself against what he thought was his lover, sliding his hands up and down Squall's body. Had Kiros gotten shorter? When did he start wearing leather?
Squall moaned, practically ripping off his clothes so Laguna could touch his bare flesh. This was better than he thought. Laguna nibbled on his lips, running his hands down Squall's nude form, brushing his hand against Squall's growing erection.
This was a million times better than masturbation. Squall pushed away all feelings of guilt as Laguna groped him, enjoying the feel of another human being. Squall moaned louder, feeling Laguna's hands stroke his erection, and he clutched the drugged man closer to him, hungrily enveloping Laguna's mouth into a kiss.
Laguna kissed back. It didn't feel like Kiros, taste like Kiros. Was it really Kiros? Did it matter?
Squall panted slightly, but pushed Laguna back a little. He wanted a lot more than a handjob. He began to pull Laguna's clothes off, stripping the pale man naked. "Lay down..." Squall ordered breathlessly, pushing Laguna down on the bed. Laguna blinked, looking up at Squall with confusion, but lay down. Kiros wasn't that pale, that short. Maybe it was another young man Kiros had brought for them? But where was Kiros? He would be here shortly. He never left Laguna alone for long........
Squall quickly picked up the longest belts from his outfit and crawled onto the bed, on top of Laguna. Laguna was flushed, panting heavily, and instantly began to kiss Squall as he drew near, his hands roaming Squall's sinewy body.
Squall wriggled free, using the belts to bind Laguna to the bedposts. First he tied up Laguna's right wrist, then the left. Laguna struggled a little, looking bewildered. Squall wondered to himself what Laguna's befuddled mind was coming up with. Squall took Laguna's thrashing legs, spreading them apart and tying them by the ankle to the bedposts. Laguna mewled something, but Squall ignored it, taking out his black silk handkerchief and using it as a blindfold on Laguna.
"Kiros....... Where are you...? Are you playing a game.....?" Laguna mewled louder, sounding a little like a frightened child.
"Yes. A game...... You'll like it....." Squall told the pretty man, which seemed to comfort him. He looked down at his bound victim, smiling in satisfaction. Laguna looked so delicious.
Squall bent down, lapping at Laguna's throbbing erection with his tongue. Laguna mewled again, bucking his hips slightly, starting to leak. Squall moaned around the head, lapping up the white liquid like it was ambrosia. It was as sweet as Laguna was, and Squall found himself enjoying the taste. Laguna cried out Kiros' name, his hips arching up to Squall's mouth. Squall took the quivering organ entirely in his mouth, sucking on it. Laguna thrashed, making pathetic cries of pleasure.
Squall sucked harder on Laguna, squeezing the slender's man balls slightly, rolling them in his hand. Laguna was getting louder, but Squall had thought ahead, soundproofing the room. He ran his tongue across Laguna's shaft, never breaking the tight seal of his lips around Laguna's cock. He sucked as hard as he could, shorting himself breath.
Laguna cried out and arched his back, stiffening before he came into Squall's mouth. Squall swallowed it all, sucking the pretty man dry.
"Nnnnn... Man, you taste good......." Squall purred, reaching over for the lubricant he had brought. Laguna lay panting on the bed, recovering from his orgasm.
Squall smeared the lubricant on his aching erection, and then clumped it on his fingers, sticking two into Laguna all at once, spreading the lubricant around. Laguna bucked, not used to having two fingers in him from the start. He moaned again, squirming. Squall withdrew his fingers, and then rubbed the tip of Laguna's limp penis, watching it grow hard again in fascination. The aphrodisiacs worked well.
"Kiros........ I love you...." Laguna whispered into the dark of the room. Squall paused, almost positioned to enter Laguna. The sultry brunette swallowed, a lump of guilt forming in his chest at Laguna's utterance. He quickly pushed it away, his lust overtaking his compassion.
Laguna was already panting, the aphrodisiacs making him aroused again impossibly fast. Squall lifted Laguna's hips, and slid his lower body beneath Laguna's, pressing his tip against Laguna's entrance. Laguna moaned, wriggling onto it. Squall cried out, dropping Laguna's hips, fully entering the slender Galbadian.
Both men cried out, and Squall began instinctively thrusting up, the tight heat around his erection almost more than he could bear. Squall lay on the bed, with Laguna's ass on his hips, being bounced with Squall's thrust. Laguna's knees legs were spread wide, his erection in full view of Squall. Squall brought his knees to Laguna's sides and squeezed slightly, leaving one hand on the bed for leverage, using the other to roll Laguna's balls in his hands. He never touched Laguna's shaft, leaving his ministrations to Laguna's testes. It was enough to have the pale president leaking onto his own stomach within minutes.
Squall smiled, closing his eyes. Not even in his wildest imagination had he dreamed that sex felt this good. He moaned loudly and began to slam up into Laguna, his body screaming for release. The release soon came for both of them, causing them to both cry out in orgasm, Squall's ending just as Laguna's began.
Squall sat up after a few minutes of heavy breathing. He untied Laguna, who had fallen asleep very quickly from a combination of exhaustion and the drugs. He collected all his things, and got dressed quickly, leaving Laguna alone on the bed.
Squall was so wrapped up in the afterglow of his first sexual experience, that he didn't even notice the man standing in the shadows, smoking a cigarette, who had seen everything.......
Kiros looked relieved when security managed to locate Laguna three hours later.
He headed to the secluded guestroom, wondering why Laguna was in there. He had disappeared without a trace after telling Kiros he was going to talk to Squall alone. No one claimed to have seen Squall either. Kiros wanted to fire some people.
The tall black man opened the door, but what he saw did not do anything to relieve his concern. In fact it made it worse.
Laguna was sprawled out on the bed, naked, except for a black silk blindfold. His body was covered in sexual lubricant, cum, saliva, and sweat. His face was flushed, and his jaw slack. Bruises circled his wrists and ankles, as well as a few mild abrasions. The smell of sex assualted Kiros' nose as he entered. Laguna was completely unconscious.
"Oh god... Laguna....... Please be alright," Kiros moaned in fear, shaking his lover at the shoulder, feeling cold in the pit of his stomach.
Laguna's eyes fluttered, but he remained unconscious. "Kiros...." Laguna whimpered in his sleep.
Kiros picked the delicate man up in his arms, rushing from the room, screaming for a doctor...........
Laguna woke up with a choked scream. He looked around in confusion. His eyes focused on a dark blur, that soon became clearer, revealed to be Kiros, wearing his Estharian robes.
"Kiros.........?" Laguna asked. Something was wrong. Terribly wrong. He could feel it in his heart. Something was nagging him in the back of his mind.
"Laguna. How are you feeling?" Kiros asked gently, stroking his lover's cheek, his eyes soft with sympathy.
"I... I feel bad... Not in my body... You were playing a game with me...... Weren't you?" Laguna asked desperately.
Kiros swallowed and hung his head, looking down at the test results of the semen that had been on Laguna's body. "No, Laguna...... It wasn't me..... You were drugged... Heavily. You went into a coma for two days, but you finally came out of it yesterday. You've been sleeping," Kiros said, as gently as he could manage. He was so angry. He was going to kill Squall. With his bare hands.
Laguna swallowed, his face going as white as cracked ice. "I was talking to Squall..... I couldn't say it... I couldn't tell him.. What happened.......?" Laguna asked, wanting to know, but fearing the answer.
Kiros picked up the test results, handing them to Laguna. "I had them triple test it, Laguna. I couldn't believe it myself. He gave you some spiced up version of rupies, with added hallucinogens and almost killed you with those drugs. He drugged you, tied you up, and basically raped you......... " Kiros said, his voice growing hard, filled with anger.
Laguna choked slightly, dropping the slate and ran to the bathroom. When he was done vomiting, Kiros held the sobbing man.
As far as Kiros Seagill was concerned, Squall Leonhart was a dead man.
Squall Leonhart had not gone easily.
He sat in the middle of his cell, glaring at the cold metal walls. He had single-handedly held of an entire troop of Estharian soldiers for over an hour. Eventually, weakened and exhausted, he had been arrested and thrown into this metal cell.
He had eeked out every bit of guilt he had felt at his drugging of Laguna, and locked it away. It was gone. The guilt went away as quickly as every other emotion he locked up. Why should he care about what happened to Laguna? Laguna was nothing to him. Nobody. Just a good fuck.
Squall wasn't really crazy. Depressed, yes. Suicidal, very much so. Heartless, for the most part. But this wasn't really his problem. Squall was angry. Very angry.
Angry enough that he wanted to hurt someone.
Why he chose Laguna, he wasn't sure. He felt a lot of anger towards Laguna. He didn't know how, but he felt like Laguna had hurt him somehow. He had been obsessed with Laguna. His teenage hormones translated that easily into lust. He felt a connection to Laguna. Laguna meant something to him. But Laguna had hurt him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was convinced that Laguna deserved this.
No. That wasn't right. Laguna didn't mean anything to him. Laguna couldn't mean anything to him. He was just some bumbling clown that Ellone loved more than she loved Squall. Was that it?
No. But it was a part of it. But there was something about Laguna. Something he wanted from him. Was it sex? It had to be. What else could it be?
Then why did he still feel unsatisfied?
Laguna blinked as Squall was led in, wearing shackles. Kiros practically growled, fingering his katal. Laguna put a hand on Kiros' shoulder, calming him.
"Release him," Laguna sighed. The guards looked dubious, but did as they were told, and undid Squall's shackles, leaving the room.
Squall stood proudly in front of Laguna and Kiros. He wasn't going to admit defeat.
"Have a seat, Squall. I promise to make this painless," Laguna said. His buoyancy, his energy, his happiness was gone. He looked old.
Squall sat down slowly, still glaring at Laguna. Laguna looked back at him bleakly.
"I wanted to tell you something at your birthday party, but I was too much of a coward to come right out and say it. Maybe if I wasn't a coward, this would never have happened. Ultimately, I can only blame myself for your actions, because you are my responsibility," Laguna said, his voice as monotone as Squall's.
Squall blinked at Laguna's uncharacteristic calmness and maturity. He glanced at the glowering Kiros', seeing that Kiros' wanted to kill him for what he'd done. It didn't matter.
"What do you mean, 'my responsibility'?" Squall asked slowly, confused.
Laguna stood up and stared out the window. He played idly with a wedding ring on his right hand. "I always wondered if she would hate me for my decision. But I did what I felt was right at the time. I want you to know that. I had two responsibilities. My new country. And you. I chose Esthar. So I sent you to Edea Kramer. I thought she'd be good for you," Laguna said, his voice dull.
Squall felt sick to his stomach. "What do you mean?" he croaked, already knowing, already feeling......
"I'm your father, Squall. Raine Leonhart Loire was your mother. I gave you up for adoption when you were two, because I couldn't take care of you. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you have a coward for a father. I'm sorry that I failed you so badly, that you would do such a thing to someone," Laguna said, turning back to look at Squall, tears in his aquamarine eyes.
Squall choked, gasping for breath. He felt ill. He felt guilty. He felt.
"I love you, Squall. I want you to know that before I let you go. I love you no matter what you do, because you are my son. And I pray that you never do such a thing to anyone else. Or I will throw you in jail and throw away the key. I hope you sort out whatever's wrong. I'd help you, and I still want to, but right now, I'm in no condition to help anyone anymore. You might be pleased to know that your 'moron' father has retired from presidency........" Laguna said, his voice catching slightly, and he wiped the tears from his face.
Squall stood up, his nostrils flaring. Tears rolled down his handsome face, and he looked sick to his stomach. "I want to leave........" he managed to choke out.
"You're free, Squall. I haven't told anyone, and I have no desire to. If you need me, you can call. I'll do whatever I can. But don't expect too much from me after this, Squall. I... I am sorry... for failing you....." Laguna sobbed as Squall stalked from the room.
Kiros held Laguna the rest of the night. He felt his anger draining, seeing Squall's stricken face. He was Laguna's son, no matter what. And Kiros loved Laguna, no matter what.
Kiros only hoped that maybe one day Squall learn to love someone back, no matter what.....
Squall managed to make it outside the palace before throwing up.
Squall stood up, gazing at the plants he had just decorated with his vomit. He straightened himself up and began to walk away from the Presidential Palace.
He didn't know where he was going, or why, but he just kept walking. And walking.
Esthar was big.
It was close to midnight before Squall stopped walking. He was in some secluded walkway, that had little light and no people. Everyone was at home, sleeping.
Squall walked over to the edge of the walkway, and stared down at the city of Esthar. He was so high up, with so many levels beneath him. A gust of wind blew past him, tousling his brunette hair.
Squall wondered what it would be like to die. He wondered if he would go to hell for his sins.
It wasn't the first time Squall Leonhart had considered suicide, but this was the most seriously he thought about it. The thoughts and emotions that he had tried to bury for eighteen years rankled his soul.
He had drugged and seduced his own father. Basically rape.
Laguna was his father.
Squall clutched his head wanting that thought to go away the most. Laguna was nothing. Nothing.
Laguna was everything.
The troubled brunette stared down at the pinprick lights of Esthar far beneath his feet. He tried to be rational, tried to find some logical explanation of why he had done what he had done.
The Oedipus Complex.
It was named after an ancient tragedy, about a man named Oedipus who had unknowingly fallen in love with his mother and married her, siring a child upon her. It was a psychological term for the attraction of a child to his or her father or mother. The theory was that a child's first sexual impressions and desires were formed for the first real close relationship the child had. That close relationship was often the parents of the child. Oedipal Complexes were often founded during infancy, and some lasted well into adulthood, even if they were no longer conscious desires. That is why many people fall in love or sexually desire people who remind them of their mother or father.
Most Oedipal Complexes were formed for the parent of opposite sex, girls for their fathers and boys for their mothers. The other parent is often considered competition. As the children grow older, these desires often fade into nothingness, forced out of them by social taboos or maturity. But a rare few's Oedipal Complex remain into adulthood.
Homosexuality had never really been explored in conjunction with Oedipal Complexes. Homosexuality itself was considered aberrant behavior, considered to be developed by life experiences. Though many homosexual people claimed to be such from birth, the theories concerning homosexuality and the Oedipus Complex were almost nonexistent.
Squall had been gay from birth, he knew this in his heart, from his forgotten memories of infancy and early childhood. It stood to reason, that when he developed his Oedipal Complex, it would be for his father. For Laguna. Squall had been two when he was given up for adoption, old enough to have formed such a complex for the man who sired him. And somewhere, in the back of his subconscious mind, Squall remembered Laguna as the man who had abandoned him, left him. He remembered the emotions, translating it into sexual aggression, fueled by his Oedipal Complex that had managed to survive to adulthood.
There. A perfectly logical, rational explanation for his actions, even if it was befuddled and complicated.
Rationality was no longer a comfort for Squall. He swallowed, realizing that he still hated himself. And he hated Laguna, hated him for the perceived abandonment, regardless of Laguna's best intentions.
He wanted to die. For real this time.
Squall closed his eyes and took a step off the edge the walkway, hoping that when he splattered on the ground, he would ruin Laguna's perfect little city.
He would've died too, if someone hadn't stepped out of the shadows and caught him around the waist.
Squall gave a cry of utter despair, his desire for nonexistence bringing him to faint after the harsh reality of being rescued sunk in.
The man who caught him threw his cigarette over the edge of the walkway Squall had tried to jump off of, and hoisted the unconscious brunette over his shoulders, walking away.
Squall awoke reluctantly.
He was lying on a bed, nude. He had a comforter thrown over his body, and he smelled clean. Squall sat up, blinking in confusion. Where was he? Why was he brought here? Who had cleaned him and put him to bed?
Squall noticed some soup and a sandwich on a tray by his bed. Hunger won over despair and he gobbled the food down, looking around as he shoveled the food into his face.
"You know, I sometimes wonder why I continue to save your life, Squall."
Squall's gray eyes focused on the voice, seeing someone sitting in the shadowy corner of the room, smoking a cigarette.
"I really should just let you off yourself. It would make things so much easier for both of us, I think," the man said, putting out his cigarette and standing up, stepping from the shadows and revealing himself.
Squall narrowed his eyes at the man, managing a sneer. The man produced a smirk in response, which crinkled the scar across his face.
"Seifer. What do you want?" Squall asked coldly.
Seifer Almasy chuckled. "You're very suspicious to the man who saved your life. Twice now. Don't forget the time I carried your bleeding ass to the infirmary after we exchanged scars," Seifer said, running a hand through his short honey gold hair.
"I don't want to be saved," Squall snarled, drawing the covers closer to his body.
"Why not? Don't you want to go back to the palace and see if you can fuck your own daddy again?" Seifer sneered.
Squall turned pale, but still managed to look green at the same time. He choked on his own breath and turned his face from his childhood rival. "Where are my clothing, Seifer? I want to leave," Squall said, forcing his voice to remained steady.
"You always run away from what you're scared of, Squall. Are you scared of me, or living with what you've done......?" Seifer asked, calmly sitting back down at the table, comfortable with his shadows.
Squall watched Seifer intently as the handsome blonde lit another cigarette. "You don't know anything of what I've done..." Squall hissed, redirecting his anger towards his bitter rival.
Seifer glared at Squall intently, his cat green eyes focused solely on Squall. "I watched you. I've always watched you, Squall. You've always been fucked in the head, but you keep to yourself so most people don't notice it. You're gay, been so as long as I've known you. You lusted after Laguna, suffering from some demented Oedipus Complex, and drugged the man, and fucked his brains out. I watched the whole time. Would you like me to describe exactly how you fucked him as proof?" Seifer snapped, his voice as hard as steel.
Squall blanched. "How did you know he was my father...?" Squall hissed.
"Please. You're his spitting image, Squall. You look just like him........" Seifer said with a sad shake of his head.
Squall swallowed but chose not to argue. Maybe he did look like Laguna, though he never noticed it. "You don't understand a damn thing I'm feeling right now," Squall said darkly, considering throwing caution to the wind and just getting up naked to look for his clothes.
"Oh, really? I don't know what it's like to be despised by many? I don't know what it's like to feel guilty over every sin I ever committed, but satisfied at the same time? I don't know what it's like not to have any real friends, just followers and worshippers? I don't know what it's like to beat myself hetero by dating Rinoa? I don't know what it's like to be the bad guy? I don't know what it's like to want to die in the worst possible way? If you believe that, Squall, then go ahead and leave......" Seifer said, his voice hard and soft at the same time.
Squall stared at Seifer for a few intense moments, and then lay down in the bed. He stared up at the ceiling. "Why do you always follow me around? Pick on me? Watch me?" he asked hoarsely.
"Guess," Seifer said, blowing his smoke over in Squall's direction.
Squall refused to move, his body tense. "For the record, I really thought I loved her for awhile," he said after a few minutes of silence.
"For the record, so did I. We were both wrong," Seifer said with a shrug.
"Fuck me, then," Squall said, his voice emotionless.
"Why? Or was my guess wrong?"
"Your guess was right, Squall, but I don't want to fuck you just because you want to drown out your problems with sex."
"Then go away."
Seifer got up, taking his carton of cigarettes and left the room, softly closing the door behind him. Squall was surprised at how easily he left.
Squall lay on Seifer's bed for a long time, thinking, but not feeling. Then slowly, and without explanation or warning, he began to feel without thinking. And what he felt confused him and terrified him.
Squall shakily got up from the bed and made it to the bathroom. He opened the medicine cabinet, and quickly found what he wanted. He turned on the water, as hot as it would go. Squall's hand shook as he slid his naked body into the unbearably hot water. He winced, but bore the pain.
The feelings didn't leave.
Squall's hands shook even more when he took the razors to his wrists, slicing down, not across. He meant to die.
But even when the bathtub filled with his blood, the feelings still persisted.
To his surprise, Squall woke up.
Seifer's face hovered over him, blurry. His smirk was visible. "That's three, Squall," he said with some form of twisted amusement.
The irony of life. Squall mulled over the fact that his childhood rival was now his savior. He felt different now.
Seifer was sitting on the edge of the bed, checking Squall's bandages. "You actually died this time, Squall. Bet you're sorry I still had a Phoenix Down on me........" Seifer chuckled.
"You're pretty much healed. I only had a couple Cures left. My magic stores were completely depleted after Ultimecia died..... And I haven't really bothered to draw any more," Seifer told him.
Squall was dressed this time, but only in one of Seifer's huge shirts. He felt clean again. He had to admit that Seifer took pretty good care of him.
"Hungry?" Seifer asked, reaching for the tray of food he had by the bedside.
"Why..... Why are you doing this...?" Squall asked, looking at Seifer desperately.
"You underestimated your guess about me," Seifer said, his voice quiet.
Squall was silent for a long time. Seifer handed him food, and the pretty brunette ate it slowly. Seifer got up from the bed, looking like he was going to retreat back to his shadowy corner.
Squall reached out and grabbed the tall blonde's wrist, desperately seeking what he'd never really experienced before. Not in a pure way. Not in any way he wanted. Not in a way that lasted.
Seifer paused and looked down at Squall. The brunette looked up at him, his blue-gray eyes full of emotion. Real emotion.
"Stay with me.... Everyone I've ever really cared for has left me...... Don't leave too," Squall begged, sounding like a small child.
Seifer stared down at the young man who had been the focal point of his whole existence, his romantic dream. How could he resist a plea like that?
"I'll stay, Squall. On one condition," Seifer smiled, his harsh face softening.
"If you stay, I'll agree......"
"You have to stop hurting yourself and everybody around you."
Squall blinked. Maybe death had done something for him, even if it was only for a minute. He felt........ Maybe life wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't alone. If he had someone who understood him. Who didn't hate him for not being perfect.
A slender man stood out on the balcony, waving to the crowds of his people. They had all come out to celebrate his retirement to wish him well. To celebrate the man who had freed them from the tyrant Sorceress Adel.
Perhaps his step wasn't as spry as it once had been, or his smile as ready. The retiring president seemed sad, as if he was mourning something. He waved to his people with a bittersweet smile, looking old, where he had always looked young before. Some horrible experience had aged him, pained him. His people wondered what ailed their beloved president, but they wished him well.
His tall aide, a black man of great stature gripped the pretty man's delicate shoulder and pointed at two of the well-wishers, waving at the president for luck.
One was a small brunette, whose delicate ethereal features closely resembled the president's own elfin features. A tall blonde stood beside the young man, his face and body as strong as his spirit. They waved and smiled, their well-wishing sincere.
A tear of joy rolled down the raven-haired president's face and he waved back at his son and his son's lover. Maybe it wasn't as bad as he thought. Every nightmare he suffered, every guilty emotion he felt seemed worth it at the genuine smile of his son. At the silent apology in those blue-gray eyes.
Laguna Loire didn't look so old anymore.
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