Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters they belong to squaresoft and the song lyrics belong to the singer, producer, writer.
Author's Notes: This is a little complicated, all the pairings switch in the middle.
From Seifer’s pov.
Chapter 9 - Truth
By Purple Penguin
I walked down the hallways in a daze. I fought with the images of mangled corpses and the smell of burning flesh. Instead thinking of what Quistis had said.
What did she know?
She was so wrong. I DON’T want Zell; at least I don’t think I do. I wouldn’t do that to Squall.
I know that Squall doesn’t remember Zell but...but he may remember in time.
I am only protecting my best friend/ex-lover/fuck buddy. After his attack I think I have every right to be protective.
I stepped into the elevator.
Zell thinks I want Squall, Quistis thinks I want Zell, it’s comically. The best part is I don’t know who I want, it’s become so confusing lately.
Quistis attracted me because she’s different, standoffish; it would be a challenge to get close to her.
Zell looks like an innocent. The blonde hair and blue eyes give him a child-like appearance. But he’s far from innocent, he’s deadly and cute with it, he’s fascinating. His fiery temper keeps me from getting too close, but he reacts so strongly towards me and it’s pulling me in.
Squall, I’m known him my whole life, of course I love him but like a brother. We were lovers once but being constantly in each other’s hair, we lived together, worked together, slept together. It didn’t work. So we split but kept the sex, it was better than one night stands with some stranger.
I stepped out of the elevator at Squall’s floor. I expected Zell to be long gone by now. He wouldn’t stick around for four hours and Squall was probably asleep.
I paused outside looking through the window; I was shocked at what I saw.
Zell lay on the bed beside Squall, his arms wrapped around the brunette. They were involved in a deep, passionate kiss.
This couldn’t be happening. Squall wasn’t supposed to remember Zell. I continued to watch frozen to the spot, my mouth hung open but I was unable to shut it.
I watched as Zell spotted me standing there. Our eyes met, he looked smug. He moved a hand up into Squall’s hair while our eyes were still locked.
I shut my mouth and sneered at him. He winked at me before closing his eyes continuing to kiss Squall. I felt sorry for the brunette, if Zell really cared for him then he wouldn’t be gloating about his ‘conquests’ to me.
A hot feeling filled me and I swear my eyes turned green. I kept repeating ‘I do not care’ under my breath but I couldn’t convince myself. I was so jealous and I knew I didn’t want Squall. Maybe Quistis was right. On some level maybe I did want him.
I backed away from the room, just seeing Zell break the kiss and say something, Squall shook his head in reply and I wondered what Zell had said.
I turned and walked out of the hospital. They would probably want to be alone and I would just disturb if I went in there. Squall would be embarrassed and Zell would flaunt their relationship in my face because he thinks I want Squall.
My own confusion has left me out of everything.
Quistis liked that slave girl, it was pretty obvious. Squall wants Zell and they’re together and I have no one.
I lit a cigarette as soon as I stepped out the back door into an alley. I paced back and forth no knowing where to go or what to do.
I needed to talk to Squall. I wanted to know if he was in love with Zell, if they were really a couple and if there was no chance of me being with him. I had finally admitted it to myself. For a while I thought/hoped that Zell was also in denial but now it did not look good for me.
I took a long drag of my cigarette. I started when I heard the back door creak open. I stood still with my back to the back, hoping whoever it was would just go away.
I spun round to come face-to-face with the short tattooed blonde. He stood with his arms folded. He glared at me, his eyes hard with anger and something else I didn’t recognize.
“What are you doing out here? Get back to your boyfriend!”
“I didn’t answer my question.” He smirked menacingly. He didn’t look innocent now.
“I knew you still loved Squall, I’m not stupid.”
“I was NOT lying. I don’t want Squall.”
He gave me the ‘Do you think I’m stupid look’. “I saw how jealous you were when I kissed him. You can’t have Quistis and Squall. Make up your mind!”
I stared hard at him. He was more dense than I thought. He hadn’t even considered the fact that I may want him.
“Squall and I have been over for years. I love him like a brother nothing more.”
His hard stance softened a little. “I’m not with Squall. I only kissed him to see if he would remember me, he didn’t.” He shrugged his voice quiet.
“I’m sorry.” I said genuinely. I did want Zell but as glad as I was that he was Squall weren’t together, I didn’t want him to be upset or lonely.
“It’s okay. It’s not like I loved him....”
I raised an eyebrow. “Why was he telling me all this? He hates me or at least I thought he did. Why should he care if I thought he was with Squall?
I smiled inwardly, not wanting to get too hopeful.
He frowned like he just realized who he was talking too; he hard stance came back with full force. He pushed past me to walk away. I quickly snubbed out the cigarette before I called him back.
He paused. “I don’t trust you.” He warned.
I grabbed his shoulders pulling him back to me and before he could protest. I pressed my lips to his. He struggled as I deepened the kiss. He flattened his palms on my chest and shoved my backwards. I lose my footing and fell flat on my back.
“What the matter with you?!”
I stared up at him in shock; I didn’t expect him to react so violently.
“I know your type! You will NOT play me! Maybe you fooled you others but not me!” He looked down at me in disgust.
I had no idea what he was talking about. My type?
“I don’t play people!” I yelled after him as he ran from me.
I slowly got up from the ground. Well that went well. I finally admit it to myself and the other people in the equation are eliminated but he still refuses to be mine. Why? I don’t understand what all the stuff he said was about. I know he feels something for me.
I brush my clothes off and re-enter the hospital to visit Squall.
As I entered his room he looked up and smiled at me. He didn’t look too upset, even if he didn’t remember Zell, I still thought it would bother him a little.
I sit in the chair beside the bed. “How are you feeling?”
“Fine.” He shrugged.
“I heard about you and Zell, I’m sorry.”
“I can’t be upset over someone I don’t remember. The doctor says I can leave tomorrow.”
“Great. Do you want me to come get you?”
“Nah. I can look after myself. It’s not far and I have crutches. You’re so protective since my attack, nothing has changed. I’ll be fine.” He smiled slightly. “And now that I’m not with Zell, no more assassins. Unless you’re with Quistis?”
“No.” My voice was quiet. I just realized, if Squall wasn’t with Zell then he would have no reason to come near us. I may never see him again. Yesterday I would have been jumping for joy, but now it actually scared me not to be able to see him. Now that I’ve scared him off, will he become as elusive as Quistis?
Squall noticed my stillness. “What is it?”
“Honestly it’s nothing.”
“Fine, don’t tell me then.”
I knew Squall wouldn’t mind but I felt I couldn’t tell him. I settled into my chair as Squall switched the TV on. I hoped I would see him again, I hoped he felt something for me. I decided then, that if Zell came near me again, I wouldn’t show my feelings for him until he showed he felt something for me.
I sat in silence beside my best friend for the rest of the evening.
Notes: Very sorry to all Squall/Zell fans. This eventually will be Seifer/Zell. But don’t worry Squall won’t be lonely, I’ve know who to put him with. Someone from the game. (Not Irvine)
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