If Walls Could Talk
Chapter 10 - Reliving it Day In and Day Out
This is it. I'm going to die. Nothing can stop me now, it's too late. The dark blood is pooling around me. My vision is starting to blur. The knife is lying next to me, dark red decorating the end of the blade. Blood is seeping from my stomach, thighs and arms. Large angry slashes decorate my limbs.
Almost everything Rinoa said was true, and I deserved it. I am Shiva's Bitch, I don't feel for others and I'm selfish. I'm killing myself to get away from the darkness, the memories, but I'm also leaving behind the Orphanage gang. The people who have been with me since I was five. But I'm not a virgin. Far from it. I've been defiled in ways most people can't even imagine.
Oh well, it's not like I'm going to share the fact with them. Hopefully Seifer doesn't either. He doesn't know everything I've been through and I'm sure he can't imagine the pain, humiliation and suffering I went through. I don't think he's ever really experienced it. Sure he did suffer at the hands of Ulticema but I know she didn't put him through anything like that. He told me all about his experience with the witch and how she controlled him and made him kill woman and children, innocent people. I think he's even raped a few of the woman too. But he's never been raped, he's never raped someone so innocent they don't even know what sex is, or how people can be that cruel. And that's even harder.
I was forced to rape a few boys while I was being held prisoner to them. Some were so young they hadn't even knew what was going on around them. I didn't want to do it.. I really didn't. But if I hadn't, then one of the other men would have just ended up doing it and being more brutal about it. At least I tried to make it as gentle as possible, whispering words of comfort in their ears while I thrust into them. Some wept, while others were old enough to smile and appreciate the tenderness I was showing them for their first time.
Luckily none of them stayed very long and were sent back home. I didn't want them to be put through the favourite form of sex from some of them. I really think little kids aren't ready to see the ways of some of the world. SM is taking it a little too far for their young minds. No.. only I get the honor of knowing and experiencing. I only belonged to the green haired man, anyone else who touched me would pay a price. Unless of course he was standing off to the side while his men fucked me physically and emotionally, while they used their little toys on me. God did it hurt.
But now it ends. I'm sick of reliving the memories. It's like being raped again and again, only the pain more intensifying. So I'm putting an end to those memories. I'm putting an end to it all.
My vision is fading to darkness.. just like my mind has done so many years ago.
I know my time is limited. It doesn't take very long to kill yourself. And I know for a fact Squall's doing just that. I just wish I knew where he was! Fuck! I've been everywhere. Okay... calm down. If I was a crying suicide attempting brunette where would I be that no one would think to look? The bathrooms! That's the only place I haven't checked. And plenty of guys go there to escape their girlfriends.
My energy renewed, I brake into a run towards the closest men's bathroom. I reach it in no time and I rush in, the metal door slamming against the wall in my haste. My eyes search every corner until I find a hint of black at the end stall. Jogging over I open the door carefully, my eyes widen in shock and I push down the urge to vomit.
He's lying there. Blood so dark it's almost black pooling around him, large slashes made by the incredibly sharp knife beside him covers his stomach, forearms and thighs. My vision blurs slightly with tears, rubbing my eyes fiercely I try to blank out all unimportant thoughts from my mind.
My knees soon get covered in his blood when I kneel down beside him. Breathing hard I place two fingers to his neck, finding a faint pulse I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding. Moving slightly I put one arm under his knees and the other behind his back, picking him up with ease I all but run to the Infirmary.
Smooth flesh beneath me, big blue eyes holding so much innocence. He tilts his head and asks what I am doing. He wonders why I am taking off his pants.
I run my hand down his boyish chest, no trace of muscle can be felt in his young skin. He is fully naked. Tanned flesh bared to all. Skinned knees just like any other little boy his age. My hand hesitates only slightly before I lay it on his young penis. He jerks beneath me. His bright blue eyes go teary. I bend over slightly and nip his ear gently. Whispering that I have to do this, It will hurt but I'll try to lessen it. Please don't cry. He shakes his head, short red hair flowing back and forth with the movement. I shake my own head sadly.
My hand moves, he cries out. I place butterfly kisses along his baby smooth chest, traveling down to his hairless groin. I steel myself and try to give the child what's left of my own strength. I remove my hand from the boy's penis, tracing narrow hips and traveling up to tweak a pink nipple. I bend over and place both my hands on his bony hips to keep them from moving. I move as slow as possible to his semi-hard cock. I trail my tongue along the short length of it, until it throbs for release. Licking the head, I let the member fill my mouth. I easily take all of it and I start bobbing my head up and down the length of it. My cheeks barely turn inward from the gentle suction. I hear a whimper from above me and close my eyes tightly, tears still manage to escape the cage of thick lashes, landing on the boy's thighs.
His whimpers stop suddenly, he muscles tense then relax as I swallow his come. I gently let the flaccid penis fall from my mouth and with the back of my hand I wipe the saliva dripping down my chin. Looking the boy in the eye I have to hold back a sob. His blue eyes are no longer bright baby blue, instead they hold a certain darkness to them. A darkness as deep as the one I bare now. I try to beg with my eyes to let him forgive me for what I am about to do next. He seems to pierce my soul with his hard gaze, and he nods slightly. I sigh in relief but know it won't be enough for my sin.
I force myself to come erect, harder then I thought it would be. I gently and slowly move the boys long legs apart, putting two fingers in my mouth I lather them up with saliva and transfer it to his virgin passage. I gently scissor him and hear the slightest whimper come from rosy lips. I shudder in disgust for what I am about to do, but the sudden voice of another awakes me from my sudden hesitation.
"Do it hard, boy! If I don't see blood your going to regret it after we have our way with him." I nod my head and once again whisper apologizes to the boy. He nods his head again and smiles a sad smile.
I grab his legs roughly and bend them so that his knees touch his chest. Settling over him I guide my hard member roughly into him. I pause for just a second for him to get used to it, but he cries out none the less. Tears stream down my face as I thrust into him roughly. Looking into his face I see unshed tears at the corner of his eyes. Our eyes lock and we both whimper at what were forced to do.
His newly erect member quickly releases over his small chest and my stomach. I soon follow with a groan of shame. Pulling out gently I'm none to surprised to find semen and blood coating my flaccid penis. I try to stand up but find my knees won't corporate. The little boy sobs quietly and stands up. Looking at me for a second he holds out a hand and giving him a small smile I take it and stand up shakily.
We both squeeze gently and the boy is soon pulled from my grip and carried off to the cells to get dressed and sent home. I shake my head at the thought of him going back to his mother and father, the look on their faces when they find the semen on his chest, and the blood around his thighs.
I'm pulled back roughly and the green haired man pulls me towards his bedroom. I quickly match his strides, and with my free hand I erase any evidence of tears from my pale face.
Dr. Kadowaki says he might not make it. He's lost too much blood. Everyone else is here except for Rinoa of course. I'm getting some kind of test done to see how healthy my blood is. I know I'm type O and I can give it to anyone, Squall's AB blood type can receive from anyone. The other's wanted to get tested so they can try giving Squall their blood but I said no. If anyone is going to do it, it's going to be me.
I've been lying on the hospital bed for half an hour now, Dr. Kadowaki is almost done with the testing. I haven't taken my eyes off Squall once, he's only a few feet away from me. He looks even paler now, especially with the sterilized colours in here. I hope everything turns out okay. I don't want him to die. At least if-when he wakes up he can feel proud about coming this close to death. Stupid bastard probably will..
"Everything looks fine." I give a start as the doctor comes into the small room. Her crisp white lab coat swishes around her legs as she walks over. "Flex your arm for me." I smirk slightly and do as told. She carefully places the large needle in one of my veins and we wait for a minute as the medium size plastic bag slowly fills up with my blood. Pulling the needle out she dabs the whole with cotton and places a piece of tape over it.
Walking over to Squall's bed she hooks the bad up to something I think is called an IV, I don't know I didn't really pay attention when she was explaining things to me. I was only thinking about Squall. "He should be fine in the morning. He'll probably still be pale but he should go back to his usual complexion in a day or so."
"Doc, he is pale." She narrows her eyes at me and choosing not to comment she walks briskly out of the room.
Looking over at Squall again I suddenly feel tired, shutting my eyes the last thing I see is Squall's pale form.
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