If Walls Could Talk
Chapter 8 - Gold Ring
It's been two weeks now. He seems to be getting use to my place. But he still remains silent when I ask what happened. Sometimes he acts as though nothings changed, acting like the same old Ice Prince. But sometimes... when he thinks I'm not looking I see a deep sadness in his eyes. And something else that I would never have associated with him, fear. Fear of what, I don't know. I wish he would tell me, open up to me. I guess he is more open with me then the others, I can give him that. The only times he admits something is wrong is in the dead of night.
While everyone else in the Garden are asleep in their dorms, Squall is tossing and turning, moaning in pain while he sleeps. I always hear him now since I moved the couch into the bedroom. I didn't want to sleep in the same bed with him for many reasons. The major being that he really moved in his sleep. So every time he's reliving something (that I still don't know about) I crawl onto the bed, pulling him up slightly and sit behind him. With his head resting on my chest I circle my arms around his frail body. The tremors usually stop then. Sometimes he wakes up with tears rushing down his face, I tighten my hold when he turns around and buries his head in my shoulder.
And at the present the same thing is accuring (as it does almost every night). His body is shaking in my embrace and I can hear his quiet gasps as he tries to take in enough air. I rub his back soothingly and try to shelter him from the outside world. His knees are curled up and he's turned his face so that his left cheek is resting against my bare chest. His arms wrap around my waist and I feel his breathing return to normal. I try not to shiver at the sensation of his heated breath caressing my nipple. My breath hitches when he raises his right arm and flicks the gold ring that I have there. "When did you get this?" His voice is quiet and harsh from disuse.
"Awhile ago. I think around the time I returned to Garden."
"Oh." I wish he would stop flicking it, the cold metal and rush of his warm breath together is making my nipple firm, among other things. I place my hand over his and stop him from making me harder. Luckily my member isn't hard enough that he'll feel it, I don't want to scare him. "Try to go to sleep."
He sighs lightly and nuzzles further into my embrace. He's fast asleep within minutes. I wrap both arms around him again and rest my head against his silky smooth hair. I fall asleep quickly with the smell of strawberries to comfort me.
My thoughts are jumbled as they usually are in the first minutes of waking. For some reason I don't clearly remember what I had been dreaming but I know it wasn't what I usually dream of. As my other senses slowly come back to me I finally register the feeling of warmth enclosed around me. Usually I wake up shivering from the cold, even if it is hot. But this time... I raise my head slightly and gasp when I find myself looking straight into a pair of jade green eyes.
Seifer smiles slightly, finding me awake he squeezes me gently and pushes me up so he can get out of bed. I allow him to push me forward and I collapse back on the bed when his support leaves me. He chuckles quietly and heads to the bathroom. Closing the door behind him I'm left alone with my thoughts. And trust me, that is not a good thing.
After flushing the toilet I turned on the taps to the shower. Setting the nozzle to a light spray I took the rest of my clothes off and stepped into the shower. Sighing quietly as the water soothed my aching muscles I reached for the lavender bar and lathered it all over my body. Stepping back under the spray I let the water wash away the suds and dampen my hair before stepping back again and grabbing my favourite bottle of shampoo (Pears in Lavender) and put a small amount into my hands.
Lathering it up until the soap was so thick that some of it ran down my tanned arms I massaged it into my scalp. Stepping back under the nozzle I closed my eyes as the shampoo ran down my body to travel down the drain. As I stood there relaxing under the light spray my thoughts traveled back to the brunette. Of what it felt like to have his cold arms wrapped around my waist, his warm breath flicking against my nipple. Lost in thoughts of the gorgeous brunette my hand unconciencly traveled south to grip my erect and glistening member.
Sighing softly I leaned back against the tiled wall and gave in to the feelings of lust. Knowing I couldn't take it out on Squall I had to do it sometime. And going without two weeks... enough to make a man go crazy. It's not like I can just masturbate in front of Squall, especially with images of him in various intimate positions in my mind. Not stopping to think that Squall was only in the next room and that I shouldn't be doing this with him so close I firmly rubbed my large hand up and down my penis. Looking down I watch in fascination as drops of precum leave the slit of my sex to land on the slippery porcelain and wash away into the drain.
Flicking my finger over the slit I let out a low moan at the erotic image of Squall's tongue doing it instead. I bring my other hand up and gently tug the nipple ring, letting out a gasp as I remember the feeling of Squall playing with it. Wishing that he could play with other things. As my imagination gets away on me I moan loudly and spurts of white liquid soon splatter the light blue tiles. My hands drop to my sides, a sudden wave of guilt comes over me. I really shouldn't have done that. Not while thinking of Squall. Shaking my head in shame I aim the now-cold spray onto the come that still clings to the wall. Watching it go down the drain like everything else in my life I quickly shut off the water and dry myself off with fluffy burgundy towel hanging on the rack. Tying it around my waist I head out into my bedroom to get dressed.
Tensing in surprise I find myself in a strong embrace. What the hell? No... no! Not again! Don't touch me! Please...
The first thing I saw when I stepped out of the bathroom was Squall withering on the bed in pain and silent tears streaking down his face. Without thinking I walked over quickly and tried to stop his convulsing by wrapping my arms around him. I feel Squall tense sharply as he goes completely still, then all of a sudden he violently tries to get out of my grip. I tighten my grip to the point that I think it's going to leave bruises and turn him around to face me. He's still crying and his eyes look cloudy. Like there not really seeing anything.
Hesitating for only a second, I loosen my hold slightly and slap Squall across the face harshly. I watch as a large red welt appears on his right cheek. He blinks. And with a shudder that goes all the way through him Squall sobs loudly and collapses against me. I enclose him in my arms protectively and rest my cheek against his head.
After awhile I feel his body relax against me. I loosen my hold slightly. His breath on my neck is slow and even, I maneuver us so were both comfortably on the bed and I feel my eyes slowly close, suddenly I feel very exhausted.
A low chuckle announces his presence. Horrifying red eyes stare into my own. His long unnatural green hair is tied loosely in a braid. The man's favored duster is lying forgotten on the cement floor. Long pale fingers caress my jaw line, I try to pull back but find no strength for the movement. Instead I must submit to his pleasure, like I almost always do. It'll only be more painful if I don't. At least that's what he keeps telling me.
He kneels down in front of my naked and vulnerable spread body, his head just meets my navel. The man moves his head forward and a pink tongue snakes out to dance around my navel. I shiver in disgust. He puts his large hands on my slim waist to hold me steady, his head bends down more and his tongue continues on it's journey south. My (unfortunately) erect member is engulfed in his wet mouth. I try hard not to let the tears come. Tears of shame.
I scream in pain when the man bites down rather hard on my cock. The sadistic bastard is lapping up the blood and precum. My organ soon goes flaccid and the man once again leaves a trail of saliva back up to my chest and he begins to devour a nipple. And I mean devour in every sense of the word. He's gnawing viciously away at it and yet I still manage to keep back the screams of pain.
The sadistic bastard steps back to admire his handy work. I try to keep a calm expression at his scrutiny. Hopefully this is enough to satisfy him today. I've lost quite a bit of blood and am feeling quite woozy.
His gleaming red eyes travel up and down my body, finally landing on my face. Our eyes connect, he smirks and nods his head satisfactorily. The next moment I blink he is gone. I sigh in content at finally being left alone, no matter how much pain I am in, and soon go to sleep. Haunted with nightmares and memories it's not going to be a pleasant one, but I need all the sleep I can get.
Damn, he's doing it again. Please tell me what's wrong Squall. The brunette is crying silently and his body is shivering. I shake him awake gently and am glad to see his dark grey eyes peak out at me from beneath long black lashes. He opens his mouth in a yawn, and tries to sit up. I let my arms fall to my sides but watch him cautiously as he sits up on the mattress.
Maybe I should tell him. Maybe if I were to share this with someone the memories will finally be put to rest. I look back at Seifer and my heart is warmed to see how concerned his jade green eyes look. Maybe...
I watch in silence as Squall contemplates me. His grey eyes go cloudy for a second as he goes into 'Internal Dialogue Mode'. Snapping out of it he stares me in the eyes and opens his mouth slightly. I try not to make a sound as he tries to piece together his thoughts. Seeing the slightly frightened look in his eyes I reach over and squeeze his hand. Squall's grey eyes go lighter and he begins the tale that I have been waiting to hear. It's a little confusing, but seeing as it's Squall he's never been very good at telling people what is wrong with him.
"I know your wondering why I tried to kill myself. Numerous times.." I nod slightly. "Well.. it's really difficult for me to talk about but I'm going to try. It might not make sense, and if you don't understand anything just ask." I nod again.
"It started two years ago. I was walking back from yet another mission, it was a nice night so I had decided to walk back to Garden instead of taking a car. I was walking down the sidewalk when all of a sudden a guy jumps out of a vehicle and snatches me. I know I should have been paying attention to my surroundings, but it had been a pretty stressful mission and I was so tired that nothing was really getting through to me as fast. Anyway.. I was quickly bound and gagged as the man jumped back in the car with me in the passenger seat and he drove down the road like a maniac. I don't remember where he went as I had promptly passed out when he started the car again.
"When I woke up again.. I was bound to a steel formation that looked like a star. Or, I was spread out like one. I was completely naked except for my Griever necklace. A tall man with unnatural long green hair, a silver duster and piercing red eyes was standing in front of me. I didn't know where I was, I didn't remember (at the time) how I got there, and I sure as hell didn't know who this man standing in front of me was. But I tried not to show how scared I was.
"'So Leonhart, we meet again.' I'm pretty sure my mind was rampaging by then, trying to remember where I had seen this guy before. 'You probably don't know me, but I was in that building that you destroyed for your little SeeD mission.' I did remember vaguely about a specific order for me to torch the building, since the enemies troops were in there. I didn't want to of course, I hate killing people who don't have a fair chance. But an order was an order. And you know how I am with those." I nodded, I definitely did. He didn't even go against my orders all those years ago when I ordered him to do something that could have cost him his SeeD career, luckily it didn't. Instead he was promoted to a higher rank for following orders.
"The man was pacing in front of me angrily as he continued to rant. 'You killed all of my friends and family. All for just a fucking order! How could you?! Those people didn't even have a chance of fighting back!' I had tried to tell him that I had never wanted to do it in the first place, but his hand was quickly placed over my mouth before I got anything out.
'No, I don't think so. The only sounds your going to be making here is pleading, screaming, moaning and crying. Anything else I will not tolerate. But I would prefer it if you screamed. Or any noise of discomfort will do fine. One night will not make up for all the lives you killed so I'm going to be keeping you for awhile.'
"I was in complete distress by then, but I knew there was no room for argument. he was the one with power at the moment. And what really tormented me was to see my gunblade resting in the back corner along with a few other skeletons. The blade was dull and I wondered how long I had been out. Or what he had used it on. I wanted to kill him right there and then for touching my gunblade." I inwardly smirked, I knew how much Squall cared for his gunblade. He wouldn't let anyone else touch it, and the only person who managed to touch it was me. I have the scar to prove it. Very visible might I add.
"I don't know how this man had got his collection, but every torture device you could think up and more was in this cold cement room. Various size whips hung on one wall, different kinds of cuffs lay on the floor. The one that had stood out to me the most was the one with miniature spikes all the way around inside it. I wore them once, very painful." I shook my head sadly, and quickly glancing at his wrist I could see the miniature scars that would be the cause of such a thing.
"There were many more types of torture devices, but I don't really want to go into too much detail about all the things he had and used on me.
"Some days he had a small group that seemed to work there, come and fondle me. They didn't use any of his 'toys' but their fingers were enough to frighten me. With how pale my skin was the bruises showed up easily. And the green haired man was pleased to see this. From the day he discovered that my bruises showed up well he had begun to use his other devices, and example would be that fucking spiked paddle he had. I don't know why anyone would make such a thing. Or maybe he had made it himself." I shudder in disgust as rapid images of this man doing these things to Squall went through my mind. I couldn't stand to see him in pain. And I knew it was hurting him even more to tell me all this. But I know he had to tell someone, and it's not like anyone else is going to listen to him. Or believe him. They'll probably just think he's delusional.
"Do you know how much blood one can lose before they pass out? Do you know that you have more then one layer of skin? Do you know the most pain sensitive parts of your body are?" I shook my head to all three questions, but decided not to say anything.
"Good. And you should never have to know. Anyway... I'm not going to go into detail but I'm sure your imagination can fill in the blanks to what exactly he did with those toy's of his. I try to forget it all, but it always seems to come back to haunt me in my dreams. That's why I've been trying to kill myself. Unfortunately you've always seemed to be there to save me. Though should I expect anything less of the white knight?" I try to smirk, but it probably comes out half ass. My imagination is sure filling in the blanks though. Very vividly might I add. I think I might even end up having nightmares about Squall's experience.
"So how come you never talked to anyone else about this?" I couldn't help myself, I had to ask.
"Because I don't trust anyone else not to tell someone." Wow... Squall really does trust me. I'll make damn well sure not to brake that trust either. Trust is a hard thing to come by when your talking about Squall Leonhart. The only other person I believe he has trusted with all his heart is Ellone and maybe Matron. But things have really changed since then. Squall hasn't trusted anyone else since Matron died and Ellone left.
"Well you can trust the white knight!" He smirked slightly and his eyes went a shade lighter, grayish blue.
"Of course Seifer. Of course."
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