Disclaimer: I don't own them, I don't own the song. They belong to their respective owners please please don't sue. ^_^;
Warning: smuuuuuut. NC17 and incesty overtones. Now don't that sound yummy?
I watched him as he stood there. In nothing more than his shirtsleeves and leather jeans, his face upturned in some silent supplication. His eyes were closed, his lips barely apar he he faced the driving rain. Rivulets streamed from the corners of his eyes, like tears.
But Squall doesn't cry.
I was beginning to wonder whether he even bled. There was only one way I could get him to show any emotion.
He looked so peaceful. Just standing there as his shirt slowly soaked through, clinging to every line of muscle on his chest, the water shimmering on the black leather that clothed his legs. He moved slightly as the wind shifted I could hear the faint dull clank of his belts from where I stood, watching him, the window open, the cold air blowing into the cosy atmosphere of the hotel room we were sharing, making the room seem cold. Like he could, even with just a look. He was worthy of Shiva. They were as cold as one another.
You took your coat off and stood in the rain,
You were always crazy like that
He glanced up at me. As though he had known I was watching.
His eyes are dark and cold. I'd watched them go from dark blue to ice blue to grey in the space of a few seconds before now. His skin was ard trd to crack as stone, as cool as marble. I'd only got him to smile for me once. But then we weren't serious. Just a quick fuck when we both had the time. No meaning behind it.
"Come back in."
He nodded curtly, and glanced up at the sky one last time. The rain was starting to slow now anyway.
I believe I'd watched him do this before. When we were in Deling. He liked the rain. That was the only thing I was really sure of at times. It was so hard to get him to talk to me. All those silly little details that lovers were supposed to know were still a mystery to me. His favourite foods, colours, all those ridiculous little details that meant nothing and everything at once and I had no idea of them.
Why won't he let me in? Let me help him?
And I watched from my window,
Always felt I was outside looking in on you.
He is perfection made flesh but marred by scars. The first time I saw him without his shirt I was aghast at the sheer number of blemishes on that perfect pale skin. I asked him where they'd come from and it took an hour to get him to even admit to anything more than "missions, training, the usual."
He didn't even remember where they all came from. "Because of the GF's." Who honestly needs that much power? But he seems to think it's worth it.
Sometimes I think he even forgets that I'm his father. He's never called me that straight out.
Would I want him to?
I just wish I could get him to open up to me.
Maybe he's afraid. Afraid of letting me get too close, just in case. But then, he's Squall. He doesn't get scared.
You were always the mysterious one
With dark eyes and careless hair,
You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care
The door opened and admitted him. "It's raining."
I chuckled. "I noticed. Come here." I pulled him closer when he approached, and rubbed the thick towel through his hair, catching glimpses of his eyes when the material would allow me them, the water rolling down his pale cheeks slowly.
His eyes were the deepest grey now. Curiosity was evident in his gaze. "Are you okay?"
"Fine." I smiled and he seemed reassured at least. I let the towel fall across his shoulders and combed my fingers through that careful mof aof a hair cut, sighing softly. "I'm just thinking."
"A first for you." He teased and nuzzled against my hand as I slid it over his cheek. Well at least I could get him to joke.
You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather
"You'll catch your death if you keep doing that."
"Going out in the rain like that."
He lifted his gaze to me, sighed heavily and muttered: "yes father." I must have let the shock register on my face, because he almost smiled at me. The corner of his mouth just curling ever so slightly upwards, the closest I'd seen to a smile from him in a long time. He's more beautiful than his mother.
I bent my head to brush my lips over his softly. Then he was returning my kiss so tenderly it almost made me weep, he clung to me tightly. I folded my hand over his where it tangled in my shirt, stroking the cool digits gently.
Well in case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is simple, isn't it? I wanted him. He wanted me. One last fling for an old man. My midlife crisis come to life, in the flesh, in a hot willing body oh so eager to please and so breathtaking it broke my heart to say goodbye.
I'd never meant to fall for him. Not this deep. Not this hard.
I couldn't help it.
He pulled away from me long enough to peel his sopping shirt off, the goose bumps rising as he shivered faintly.
This is my heart bleeding before you,
This is me down on my knees
I didn't want to have to say good-bye again. And if I told him he'd think me a fool. "Squall?"
"Cold." He murmured, his voioft oft and husky. The sun was setting and I had the iceberg commander of Balamb Garden here in front of me, his hands sliding down to my waist, his eyes dark with a longing I knew damn well I was one of only a very select few to have seen. "Help me warm up? Please?"
"And just how would I do that?"
Gods it was almost a sin to hear him. Those words sent a shiver straight to my groin, making me as hard as if he'd touched me, and before I knew what was happening wre bre both naked and I was kissing him as desperately as I could, pressing close to him, sliding my hands down over his firm ass.
My name escaped from his lips in a husky tone, his arms snaking around my shoulders, fingers tightening in my hair as he asked softly for me to take him. "I need you Laguna."
I pushed him back onto the bed and crawled over him, sliding a knee between his thighs to coax his legs apart. He moved almost eagerly, moaning my name as I ground my erection against his hip. Slicking my fingers with lube from the nearby table and rubbing them over his opening and sliding two inside him gently.
I stretched him slowly, carefully, kissing him fiercely. He returned it just as violently, cupping the back of my head and rolling his hips, driving my fingers deeper than I'd intended.
"Please... Laguna... Fuck me." He almost growled.
I slicked my cock as he dragged his nails down my back. Pulling his legs up to hook over my hips I positioned myself and pushed into him quickly, nipping wildly at his jaw and throat.
His fingers dug into my ass and he arched up against me with the most sublime moan. Wanting to hear more of those moans I rocked back and forth gently, easing myself as deep as I could slowly, giving him time to get used to me. Lifting his legs to wrap around my waist as I pulled back and thrust into him as deep and hard as I dared without hurting him, he cried out softly against my lips.
His fingers tightened on my shoulders and he whimpered my name as I angled my thrusts to strike that spot inside him, watching him flush and tremble with pleasure when I found it.
The sight of him like that was almost enough to make me come.
I pumped into him again and again, shuddering with each thrust into the delightfully tight heat as he bucked his hips up to meet my movements. The hardness of his sex rubbed against my stomach.
He called my name, twice. I suppose the first was to warn me but I was beyond caring, so lost in how fucking good he felt. He spilled between us, his fingers almost tight enough to bruise as he gripped my shoulders, writhing violently beneath me.
I thrust into him once more, grinding against him as deep and hard as I could as me, me, calling his name.
He slumped back onto the and and I collapsed on top of him, trying desperately to catch my breath. "Gods Laguna..."
"Hm?" I panted.
He smiled just a little, and kissed me gently. "Good."
"I was hoping for better than good." I chuckled breathlessly.
"That's better." He smiled a little wider, wrapping his arms around me. But it still wasn't that smile that I still longed to see. I yawned, and nuzzleainsainst him, tucking my head down and closing my eyes. "Must be getting old... Tired myself out."
"Go to sleep. We still have tomorrow morning."
I obeyed his orders. What choice did I have really?
These foolish games are tearing me apart
Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart.
I may have inherited his intense dislike of oysters, his allergy to soy, but being a morning person must skip a generation. I can barely string three wordsetheether before my first cup of coffee. Then again, I have trouble with that most of the time. He had a cigarette tucked behind his ear.
"I thought you'd given up." I murmured when I had found my voice. I ran a hand over my face and tried to wake up more fully. It had been an understanding between us. I'd take it easier at Garden if he'd give up his cigarettes. It wasn't that he smoked heavily, but I liked our arrangement and I hated to see him waste his life so efficiently.
"I have. I just have the odd one when I'm stressed."
"I thought you were supposed to be relaxing?"
"So are you. At least I haven't called the office."
"I'm not going to argue with you Laguna." I stated softly.
"Only because you'd win." He sighed heavily.
True. I was a stubborn fool at times. That I inherited from Raine. The stubborn part at least.
You're always brilliant in the morning
Smoking your cigarettes, and talking over coffee
"Next time we should go back to Deling city." He stated suddenly. "See some shows or something." I listened to his rambles, about Kiros, Ward, Ellone... Letting his words wash over me. I love the way his voice sounds. To what he said about the museums and galleries we could visit, the shows we could see together.
I drifted close to sleep, my eyes falling closed as I rested my head on my chin.
"So I'm that boring?" He asked. He looked positively hurt.
"No, the sound of your voice is that relaxing."
He blinked in surprise as I watched him. "Really?" isibisibly straightened, looking rather proud of himself.
He pouted, though he was fighting the urge to smile, I could see the corner of his lip twitching slightly. "Aww, and here I was hoping for sexy."
"Your voice is sexy. Just not when you're talking about Ellone and the others."
"Oh, really?" His voice dropped half an octave and took on a husky tone. "Like when?"
"Now." I licked my lips and tilted my head towards the bed. I knew we didn't have time but I was only teasing him.
You philosophies on art, Baroque moved you,
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar
He chuckled and continued telling me about next time. My mind wandered.
I had to wonder. Why? Why did he leave me there? He knew where I was all that time and he never came to see me. I don't know if I'd understand if he did tell me. He's so gentle with me, so tender it's almost enough to make me break down and weep in his arms, tell him all my secrets, hide nothing from him.
What made him wait seventeen years to admit he was my father?
Then again, what made me want him?
Excuse me, cause I've mistaken you for somebody else
Somebody who gave a damn,
Somebody more like myself
I understood him more than I understood most people. But I still hadn't the faintest clue as to what was going on inside his head.
And Hyne I wanted him. Every second I was with him all I could think of was how much I needed to hold him, to be held by him.
But these foolish games are tearing me you're tearing me, you're tearing me apart.
He kissed me so tenderly, fingers squeezing around mine one last time. His slate blue eyes almost closed as he murmured my name softly, his gaze meeting mine through dark lashes.
"Squall..." I sighed. "Miss you."
"I'iss iss you too." I didn't want to go back and for a second I considered calling Kiros and saying "You take over; I want to stay out here and screw Squall Leonhart." I shouldn't love him like this. It's not right. But I don't care. "Laguna...?"
I shook my head and smiled at him. "What?"
He frowned faintly, brushing his fingertips gently over my cheek. "Are you alright?" He sounded concerned.
"Of course, Why wouldn't I be?"
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
If he'd ask me to come back with him right now I would. Garden be damned. I didn't want to go back to an empty bed and a job I never asked for and loathed with a passion. I didn't want to say goodbye again. "You just looked a little... down for a moment."
Laguna laughed. "Me? Never."
"True." I glanced out of the window as he started the car and sighed. Watching the scenery pass by as he escorted me back to the station. "I don't think I've ever seen you down."
"I don't think I've ever seen you laugh."
Ice princes don't laugh. I thought he'd have known that by now. "I don't."
"Something must make you laugh."
"I haven't laughed since I was a child." I admitted quietly, closing my eyes and turning my head away.
He settled the car into a high gear and folded his hand over mine. "You'll have to come and stay with me for a while. See me screw up."
"Don't tempt me."
He pulled me closer, to rest my head against his shoulder. "You'd like that? Staying with me, not seeing me screw up I mean."
I didn't respond and he didn't push me. I wished he would. We didn't speak again until we reached the train station.
You're breaking my heart.
He bought the ticket and I walked him out to the platform. "You know I can practically see those bags forming under your eyes again." I smiled. "Don't work too hard Squall."
"I work as much as I need to." He pulled his coat off,
"They don't deserve you, you know." He shrugged. Always modest. "Take care of yourself Squall."
"I'll try." He smiled for me and I think my heart stopped in my chest at the sight of it. "Go on, Kiros will be angry if you're late."
I kissed him lovingly, hugging him so tight I heard his back creak before I let go and stepped away.
A drop of rain hit the back of my hand and I glanced up as the heavens opened. He tilted his head back, letting the rain wash over him with a soft sigh, those raindrop tears curling over his cheeks again already. "Goodbye Laguna."
"I'll call you."
I turned and walked away. "I love you Squall." I whispered, the sound of my voice easily drown out by the rain. The salty wet tracks down my cheeks were raindrops. I swear.
You took your coat off, and stood in the rain.
You were always crazy like that....
Comments and critiscm welcome. :) Hope you enjoyed my incesty smuttage.
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