Don't Try to Save Me
I awake to the persistent screaming of the alarm clock. With a groan I roll over and slap it. The ringing stops immediately. I rub my eyes with a little sigh and sit up. What happened? Where a-
Seifer?! I swing my legs off the bed and jump to my feet. Where is he? Is he okay? I can't believe I... I hurt him like that. Oh gawd... I have to find him! I rush across the room and grab my clothes off the floor. I pull them on and rush out of the room.
Seifer... Oh please Seifer be all right. I'll die if I hu... hurt you. Will he forgive me? -Can- he forgive me for doing what I did? I don't want to lose him.
I rush down the hall to his room. But when I knock there is no answer. Where could he be? I look around wildly, my mind racing.
He's sitting there. At the table where we met every morning for months. My legs feel like jelly as I walk over to him. "Seifer?" My voice is hoarse.
He looks up, his lip curves in a smirk. "Hey Squall."
It feels strange to sit down beside him. My drink is there already. It's almost like he knew I would come. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine." He looks at me oddly.
"I'm so sorry." I blurt out, staring at him anxiously. /Please forgive me./
"Sorry?" Now he really looks confused, "For what?"
"For... For hu..." For what? What does he mean? Doesn't he rem...
Wait. Was it.. A dream? "Seifer... Does... Does the name Koisoko mean anything to you?" I ask him.
He shrugs, "No. Why?"
I close my eyes with a relieved sigh. Just a dream.
I feel the smile curve my lips and I look up at him, meeting his gaze. "Are you all right Squall?" He asks, frowning a little.
"Just a bad dream." I murmur, grabbing my cup and staring down at the murky liquid within.
"Hm. I know what that's like." He comments with a little grunt.
"Do you ever think about all the shit you did? While under her control?"
"I never was under her control, Squall..." He responds, a bit reluctantly. "She offered me... power. She offered me control, and I took her offer. I do regret some of the things I did while working for her... But I can't blame her. I chose... I chose to do everything she asked me to."
I stare at him. Somehow I'm not surprised. In the dream... If that's all it was, I wasn't controlled by Koisoko. He just gave me the power and I... I allowed it to consume me. I did what I did... Willingly. Maybe that's why I'm not shocked by what I'm hearing.
"Do you think ..." He stops abruptly, his eyes dart away from mine.
"I don't think you're a horrible person. We all have... our breaking point."
His eyes raise and the smirk is there on his face again. "Seifer..." I lean forward, "Why haven't we talked before?"
He shrugs, "Silence... is golden."
I can't help but smile, "Are you telling me to shut up?"
He laughs easily, and I can't help but notice how beautiful he is when he laughs. "No."
"I think you were."
He shakes his head again, and suddenly I find myself laughing with him.
He thinks it was all a dream. I watch him as he speaks to me. So much life. No more anger. Koisoko loved that anger so much... And it's that anger that killed him in the end. I don't remember much about his death. I know that I was the one who killed him, but I know it only because Tier told me after. Tier. I don't know where he is. I don't know how we got out of that place.
I woke up this morning with a splitting headache and I was in my room. I knew Squall was all right. I knew it because I could feel it in my heart. I think, maybe, that we're... joined now. Somehow. I don't understand any of it. But it doesn't matter. He's safe. He thinks it was a dream.
He still considers me a friend.
That's all that matters.
And maybe... Someday in the future, I'll... get the courage to tell him what I learnt while locked up in that hell hole.
Love is a funny thing...
Don't you think?
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