Don't Try to Save Me
"Okay, I think I'm starting to get this. X is carried to Y and Y-"
"Selphie." I try again to get her attention, glancing anxiously at my wristwatch. Shit! It's almost seven. I lost all track of time.
I was on my way to meet Seifer when Selphie virtually kidnapped me. I ask you this; why am I such a nice guy? She was desperate, and I had to help her with her studies. I couldn't just let her... Well, I could have. I should have. Now I won't get to see Seifer at all today.
"Oh, thanks, Squall! I get it now!" Selphie cries, turning in her seat and wrapping her arms around me in a big hug.
I'm surprised by the hug, but I don't push her away. A few months ago I might have, but not today. I've learned to accept certain things. Like hugs from a friend... and Selphie is my friend.
I don't return the hug either.
I don't know how.
"You're a life saver! Those dumb teachers are no help at all, and I would have completely failed if it weren't for you!" Yep, that's Selphie. Over dramatic.
"Listen Selph, I gotta' run." I get to my feet.
"Okay." She looks up at me, her eyes looking sad. I wonder at that. Selphie never looks sad. She's too full of energy and life. "I'll see you around then."
"Yeah. Good luck on that test." I turn and walk away.
I can feel eyes following me out of the library. It's unnerving.
I haven't seen Seifer all day. I wasn't really expecting to, but sometimes while I'm working I'll catch glimpses of him in the hall. I miss him.
Isn't that strange?
He must be doing some work for my father. I still have a hard time believing father hired him. I have an even harder time believing that father allows Seifer to work out of Balamb. But he does. And I'm not complaining, it's nice to have Seifer so close.
Father. I'm not sure when I started thinking of Laguna as 'father'. It still seems strange sometimes. I have family now, people who care about me, people who want to protect me.
I like it.
I want Seifer to have the same thing.
And we're back to him. Lately my thoughts always seem to come back to him. Do I love him? I don't know. Do I care about him? As a friend, yes. Does he intrigue me...?
Why else would I think about him so much?
I glance at my watch and sigh with relief. Quitting time. I have to get out of here and find Seifer.
I get up and hurry across the office. Just as I'm reaching for the door it slams open. I step back, heart skipping a beat. Selphie looks at me with wild eyes, "Squall! Seifer.. Seifer is..."
"Seifer is?" My stomach lurches, something's wrong, really wrong. I feel fear grip my heart.
"He's... in the... infirmary." Her eyes fill with tears; she looks like she's going into shock. "Squall! Squall... it's... it's..."
I don't have time to worry about her. I brush past her into the hall. I start to run. Seifer? What's happened?
Laguna, Zell, Rinoa and Quistis are all in the infirmary. I burst in and stare at them, trying to calm myself. I look around but can't see Seifer anywhere. "What's going on?" I demand.
"Squall..." Laguna looks at me, but then quickly looks away. He shifts his weight to his left leg.
"Seifer is..." Quistis draws in her breath and sighs deeply, "Squall, he... He's dead."
You ever get the feeling that you're in this really sick dream? Everything feels unreal and unrelated to you. ...And then you wake up and realize...
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