Author's Notes: Yue also fell asleep. He nodded off while he was watching Yukito. I know that this story is based solely on the manga series, but I liked Youko in the anime and so I brought her in for a cameo. Why am I making Akizuki so mean to Yukito? It’s just fun.
Shadows of the Moon
It’s hard trying not to fall asleep tonight. Yukito is out the moment his head hits the pillow. His sleep is troubled. I can see his dreams as clearly as I would were my own.
Even more clearly are the emotions that arise from what he dreams.
Yukito was eating lunch at school. The sun was shining warmly in the spring sky and the tree’s flourishing leaves created random patterns with their shadows. He had a large roll as well. It all made him happy –
"You want a sip?"
- but having Touya with him made things even better. Yukito smiled and accepted the offered box of juice.
. . . so tired . . .
He was running, running down the path to the corner. His breath came out in gasps, his pale hair flew about his face – he didn’t dare check his watch but he didn’t need to. He didn’t need time to know that he was late.
The path seemed to go on forever. The sakura trees lining it were bare of their flowers, naked branches stretching out towards the grey sky. But it couldn’t be this long; he had traveled down it so many times. He was tired, his legs hurt with the running. But he never got tired so quickly.
Why did he feel so weak?
There! Someone was standing at the corner with a bike. He smiled with relief and forced himself to run faster. They were going to be late for school if he didn’t hurry.
"To-ya . . ."
He came closer, tongue ready with apologies for his tardiness – and stopped.
Akizuki’s eyes sparkled at him from over Touya’s shoulder. As he took one shaking step closer, she suddenly drew her lips away from the young man’s neck. To his horror, Touya slumped over, falling heavily and sprawling ungracefully on the cold pavement. The blue eyes were closed as the bike toppled to the ground, wheels spinning to a halt.
Frantically he ran up to his friend, bending over searching for any sign of life. He grasped the blue school blazer and turned the unconscious form over. He placed one pale hand to his friend’s neck, where Akizuki had kissed.
Touya was cold.
He jerked his head around, and his eyes widened with shock.
Akizuki stood above him. Was it his imagination or were her eyes an unnatural shade of pink? Not just her eyes, but her long hair too. As he blinked frightened tears away it seemed that there was the faintest hint of wings, large, dark butterfly wings protruding from her back. He didn’t care about that – all that mattered at the moment was that Touya was lying as if dead on the cold, hard path. But all his efforts at revival were in vain.
Akizuki laughed at him.
"Too late," she said, smirking at him. "Why’d you wait so long?"
I jerk awake, arms flailing wildly as I thrash my way into a sitting position, the bedsheets tangled around my body -
I was asleep. And now –
Calm . . . concentrate . . . separate.
Yukito blinked and held a hand to his head. He looked at his hand in surprise. It was shaking.
I feel . . . fear.
That dream – what in the world? What did Akizuki do to Touya?
I fear I’m losing control.
But it wasn’t just the fact that Akizuki had hurt Touya. It was the way she hurt him.
And that disturbed him even more.
He felt his eyes glaze over.
So tired . . .
I send Yukito to sleep before he can think too hard. I don’t want him to worry. Even if reality is grim, at least my fantasies can be happy.
But what did that dream mean? What did Akizuki do to Touya?
More importantly – whose dream was it?
"Youko-san, have you seen To-ya?"
The president of the drama club looked at Yukito in surprise. "No, I haven’t. Don’t you know where he is?"
Yukito shook his head and Youko’s eyes went wide.
"Wow . . . this must be the first time this has happened!" the girl exclaimed. "You two always know what’s happening with each other! Is he at a meeting or something?"
The pale boy shook his head again. "No, he doesn’t have one on."
Youko sighed. "Sorry, I can’t think of anything else. If you don’t know where Kinomoto-san is then there’s no way I would know!"
Yukito thanked her before continuing on his search, walking past the fence between Seijou and Tomoeda again for the third time that lunch break. His arms were getting rather tired from carrying his large bag of lunch. Where was Touya? He didn’t have club meeting, he didn’t have soccer game, so they should be having lunch together. But Touya had disappeared from their usual spot in the brief period when Yukito had gone to the canteen to buy lunch. Why? He never left without saying anything to his best friend!
Yukito felt rather hurt.
A small figure standing on the other side of the fence drew him out of his bemusement. It was Sakura’s friend, Li. He seemed to be staring intently at something. What was it, wondered Yukito curiously, making his way up behind the boy who was too deep in thought to notice his approach.
It was a teddy bear. Yukito smiled.
"How cute . . ."
Li jumped slightly at the unexpected voice and turned around slowly. His face was slightly pink, Yukito noticed as he smiled in greeting.
"Hello," he said, adjusting his grip on his lunch.
The boy’s face turned red and he tried to hide the teddy bear behind his back. "Um, h-hi!" His eyes fell to the bag Yukito was holding and went wide.
Yukito noticed what he was looking at. "You hungry?" he asked. "I have a pork bun in here somewhere if you’d like." He stuck an arm into the bag and began to rummage around for the wayward snack. Finding it at the bottom, he pulled it out and offered it to the Chinese boy who nearly dropped his bear, so flustered was he.
Yukito smiled. "You’re welcome. Mind if I eat with you?" he asked. He was feeling rather lonely since Touya had run off and left him without saying anything.
Was it his imagination or was there steam coming out of Li’s ears? And he looked as red as a beetroot – was he ill?
Now this is just getting ridiculous.
The boy mustn’t be feeling well if he wasn’t eating, thought Yukito. He wolfed down his extra-long sandwich while beside him on the bench Li stared at his barely touched bun, the teddy bear beside him.
"That’s a cute bear," said Yukito when he had polished off his lunch. "Can I see it?"
Li (still slightly red) jerked his head up at the question, then fumbled for the bear. "S-s-sure!"
Yukito held it gently in his hands. It was a very nice bear, firm enough to sit up on its own but soft enough to cuddle. Its glass eyes twinkled in the afternoon sun, a perpetual smile on its face lightening Yukito’s spirits. Very well made too.
"Did you make it?" Yukito asked curiously.
The boy bobbed his head in affirmation. Yukito was extremely impressed.
"Who are you going to give it to?" he asked teasingly.
Caught up in his admiration for the teddy, he didn’t realise that Li had frozen as if someone had just whacked him on the back of the head with a board until the boy had leapt up from his seat and shook his head so wildly it was a blur, yelling, "WHY ON EARTH WOULD I WANT TO GIVE IT TO HER?!"
Yukito stared at him startled. Maybe the heat had got to him? But it wasn’t summer any more. Before he could say anything or offer to take him to the school nurse, Li had dashed off so fast he was trailing dust clouds.
"Wait!" called out Yukito, holding up the teddy. "You left this!"
It wasn’t any use. In no time at all Li was out of sight, leaving his bear behind and Yukito alone.
Yukito blinked. "Wha-? Why is everyone leaving me today?"
I shake my head – or I would. I suppose I should feel pleased that so many people are attracted to Yukito. But strangely enough, I don’t. I don’t want to hurt anyone, not Sakura, not Clow’s nephew.
Clow’s nephew – he said ‘her’? Who is this her that brought such a strong reaction from him?
Her . . .
Is there someone he has feelings for. True feelings, as opposed to merely the attraction of power he feels to me?
Rapid footsteps coming in my direction . . . it’s the boy again, running like the wind. Exactly in the same manner in which he ran from me. He looks even more troubled than when he left.
Perhaps it is about time I intervened, instead of hiding and hoping everything will work out fine without me.
Yukito doesn’t even have time to notice Syaoran’s reappearance before I take over. The boy doesn’t realise Yukito has disappeared, so wrapped up in his heart is he. His face is flushed as he runs nearly doubled over. Suddenly he stops and straightens as if a thought has occurred to him.
"Is this . . ." I hear him say to himself, "the same as when I am with him?"
So there really is someone else he acts so . . . flustered around apart from me.
"No," I say, unfurling my wings in mid air. "It is not."
The last of the magic power fades from the air as I shake myself free of my false form. I open my eyes – Li is standing there staring at me, surprise having shaken him out of his stupor.
I gaze at him seriously. This affair has gone on long enough. With Sakura, it has been too long. At least with this boy, he won’t hurt.
"You, with the blood of Clow . . . your confusion when you see Yukito is merely due to the magic in him," I say softly. Who is this person this boy feels strongly for as he does for me? "Calm yourself and face your heart."
Expressing feelings has never been my strength. But I should try – it is the least I owe this child for all the trouble Yukito puts him through.
"When you do that, then you will know who is truly in your thoughts."
Hmm. That actually didn’t sound too bad.
Actually, going by Li’s reaction, perhaps it sounded rather good. He stops and stares at the ground, a closed hand over his chest, no longer looking outwards but inwards.
"Who I think of . . ." he says hesitantly.
For a long while he is silent. I can almost see how my words are taken to heart. I wonder, who is it he is thinking of?
Such a mature look for someone so young.
He’s doing better than me, I must say.
"It will be good when ‘Yukito’ realises this also . . ."
Li looks me curiously. "Huh?"
I didn’t mean to say that aloud!
I take the easy way out of avoiding uncomfortable questions.
I run away.
That was weird. He could have sworn he had been sitting on the bench a second ago. And yet here he was about ten meters from it.
"Um . . ." Yukito scratched his head – hmm, his headache was back as well. He didn’t recall walking anywhere. And he was sure Li had gone off somewhere – or maybe not, since the boy was looking at him curiously. "Why is it lately I’ve been waking up in different places?" he wondered aloud. He noticed that Li had a large sweatdrop on his head.
. . . the teddy bear.
Teddy? Yukito glanced down as he realised he was holding something in his hands. Oh, this teddy, Li’s teddy, the one Li had made and nearly left behind. Well, now that explained everything.
"Here," said Yukito kindly. "You forgot this so I ran after you."
Li looked at him. There was something . . . different in his gaze as he looked up at the older boy. He looked . . . older, thought Yukito.
Children these days. They grew up so fast.
He pressed the toy into the boy’s hands.
"You went to a lot of work to make this," he continued. "You should give it to someone special. Right?"
Slowly, Li took it from him. He held it close and stared at it for a long moment. Then he looked back up at Yukito with a resolute and determined smile, one of the few he had ever seen. His blush was also virtually gone. It suited him well, he thought.
That was easier than I thought. I suppose it helps that Clow’s nephew has another dear to his heart.
Sakura on the other hand . . .
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt her. If I tell her, then her heart will be sad. But if I leave things be, then she will merely become more and more attached to Yukito. And then what will happen when – if, I disappear?
Yukito leans on a tree and holds a hand to his head as a wave of dizziness pours through me. I’ve spent too much of my power already changing when I should really be conserving it to support myself. But I suppose it was worth it if it puts the heart of Clow’s nephew on the right track.
I think back to his reaction and sigh. How can a mere child of ten years be so much wiser than me? With a few words he already knows the truth of his feelings.
When will Yukito realise what he feels for Touya?
The sunny smile that usually graced Yukito’s face was all but gone as he walked into the classroom at the end of lunch. That disorientating meeting with Sakura’s friend had cheered him up slightly, but it was the only positive thing that afternoon. He was feeling slightly ill and his mind had a hard time concentrating on things. It kept wanting to go to sleep. He was still hungry too.
Touya having disappeared from the face of the earth for the whole lunch period didn’t make him feel any better either. If anything, it made him feel worse.
With a heavy sigh, Yukito slid the classroom door open.
A roomful of eyes looked up at him from their desks.
"You’re late, Tsukishiro-san" he heard a voice say. Yukito turned slightly to his right and blinked again at the curious expression on the teacher’s face. Late? Quickly he checked his watch. It was true – he was late. Where had time gone? It seemed to passing inordinately slow today . . .
"I’ll let you off this time," the teacher said, probably seeing Yukito’s rueful expression. "Just don’t let it happen again."
Cheeks flushing hotly (he was never late for class!) Yukito made his way past the rest of the students to his desk staring at the floor.
"Yuki, what’s wrong?"
That voice made him look up. Touya had taken advantage of the teacher having turned to write on the board and was looking up from his work with a frown on his face. "Where were you at lunch?" he whispered.
Yukito sat down and quickly pulled out the appropriate book. "I was looking for you," he whispered back. "Where were you?" he asked, trying to keep the question as casual as possible.
The teacher turned back. "Ok, now starting with question six, to get the anti-derivative of this function we . . ."
Touya rolled his eyes behind his math book. "I had just gone off to get a book but-"
"Touya-kun was with me!"
Both boys looked up at the hissed whisper to Touya’s left. Akizuki was half out of her desk leaning on the edge of Touya’s. She had a large shining smile on her face, taking no notice of the dark glare and curious look she was being given.
". . . the quadratic function becomes a . . ."
"Why were you with Akizuki, To-ya?" asked Yukito, trying to do his problems and talk at the same time.
The other boy rolled his eyes slightly. "She -"
"I wanted company for lunch, so I asked Touya-kun to eat with me and he did!" replied Akizuki gaily, overriding Touya’s reply.
" . . . thus by getting this new rule we can find . . ."
"Actually, it was more like she leapt out of nowhere, grabbed my arm and hauled me off before I could say anything," growled Touya.
Yukito looked at his friend curiously. "Why didn’t you tell me you were going to eat with Akizuki-san?"
Touya turned to look at his best friend, but was distracted as a pencil ‘accidentally’ fell under his desk.
"Touya-kuuuun, can you get that for me?" asked Akizuki sweetly.
Yukito’s eyes widened behind his glasses. He had never heard his friend use that word before as Touya leaned out of his chair after the wayward pencil.
Over his back, Akizuki gave Yukito a smug grin. Yukito stared at her. Was it his imagination or were her eyes pink?
"Tsukishiro-san! Have you done all the questions already?"
Yukito jumped in his seat as the teacher gave him a hard look from across the room.
"Um, not quite." Face flushing he bent diligently over his work, missing the murmured whispers around the classroom about the unusual behaviour of one of the two best students in class.
He also missed the look Touya was giving him.
Touya was with Akizuki the whole time? What was he doing with her?
Or, what was she doing with him?
That dream Yukito – no I, had last night. Is it a foretelling? Or merely a product of my – our, imagination?
Either way, I don’t like it. I don’t like Akizuki. Why won’t Yukito do anything?
It’s because he still doesn’t know why he feels this way, this emotion that I am trying to deny.
When will Yukito realise what he feels for Touya?
Maybe only when I accept it.
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