Author's Notes: CLAMP has a big thing with dreams, so I thought it’d be fun to let dreams to play a part in the story. Yukito is Yue’s sub-conscious, and Yue is Yukito’s sub-conscious so one can see the other’s dreams when he is sleeping. However, if both were to go into Dreamland at the same time, then they’d meet up. Very useful idea for later on.
The really fun thing with using first point of view for Yue, is that he can slip up and say things without thinking. Like every now and then he’ll start using ‘I’ to refer to what are Yukito’s feelings. Sometimes he’ll catch himself and tell himself off, other times he doesn’t.
Sakura and Yue/Yukito. Yukito gives every sign of being completely oblivious to Sakura’s attentions (hey, he can’t even tell that Touya sees him more than a friend) yet after the power transfer scene he tells Sakura that he isn’t the one she really loves. I take it that Yue had something to do with it.
Shadows of the Moon
I try not to fall asleep. Since the Judgement, I always stay awake when my false form sleeps. It allows me to think without his emotions interfering. Night is also when I am most comfortable, and I could, if I wished, become myself completely and fly out into the night. I haven’t done that yet. Perhaps tonight I should.
Almost as soon as the thought enters my mind, I let it go. I’m too tired . . . I should sleep – no, I can’t sleep. Not when Yukito is also asleep and dreaming.
I don’t dream my own dreams much. I dream Yukito’s life but actually have my own dreams? Hardly. When I do dream, I don’t like it. Dreams tell me what I don’t want to know, and make me confront what I would wish to leave alone. So it is that I only rest during the day and only when Yukito is so busy that none of my thoughts can surface in his mind. And during the night, it is I who remains conscious.
I don’t like both of us to dream at the same time. That has only happened once, the night after Sakura had claimed the Cards for her own. And I don’t ever want it to happen again. I don’t know what happened to me that night, or who I was. In that dream all things seemed to meld into one. I think I loved without fear. But then I was scared that I had disappeared.
There weren’t any problems before the Judgement. My hoped-for eternal sleep was so deep there were no dreams of my own, merely a vague awareness of what ‘I’ was doing.
Now? Now I am conscious and living a life of a sort. My slumber is that of a normal human when my unconscious self remains active creating dreams. Not the coma-like sleep I was in before.
And when Yukito and I both dream at once, I no longer know who I am.
Because Yukito is my unconscious, even as I am his.
Don’t sleep . . . don’t sleep while I am sleeping.
Yukito groggily woke up to the sound of birds outside his window. He rubbed his eyes and wished that they weren’t quite so loud. On a whole he enjoyed waking up to their music, but this morning was different. He wondered if he could get away with staying in bed today.
No, he had school. Oh well. Get up, get glasses, open the curtains – ouch. The sun seemed very bright this morning, or maybe it was just him. He didn’t have a headache anymore, but still . . .
Oops. His stomach was complaining rather loudly. Better have breakfast soon.
Now, where were his clothes? Pants and shirt were easy to find, folded up neatly on his chair where he had left them yesterday – all well and good; Yukito changed easily, the strange drowsiness he had woken up with disappearing as he got the blood flowing again. Bathroom, bathroom, clean face, hands and teeth, brush hair – oops, there went his stomach again. Hmm, it usually waited a little longer before demanding attention . . .
Yukito made his way to the kitchen and set about preparing an extra-large breakfast and ate it quickly while reading the paper. His grandparents were away still – when where they coming back? Yukito found he couldn’t quite remember their return date. Oh well, it would come to him in time. Speaking of time, he’d better get to the corner soon. Tie, where did he put his tie? He could have sworn that he had brought it downstairs. No, wait a moment, it was still in his room so he went to get it. Time to go. Bag, shoes, snacks (lots of that) and money for lunch (lots of that too) and he was set. Lock the house, where were the keys? He had left his keys in his room as well. First his tie, now his keys – Yukito shook his head as he went to fetch it, he usually wasn’t this disorganised.
Finally he was out the door and walking down the path to the usual corner. The cherry blossom trees were at their usual best – covered in pink flowers and throwing their petals and perfume into the air. Yukito smiled.
Beautiful, some part of him commented.
Yes, it is.
But beauty like this must end-
That thought was abruptly cut off. Yukito stopped and pondered over it. Yes, even something as beautiful as the sakura would shrivel and die sometime.
For some reason, that thought depressed him.
Chirr . . . chirr . . .
Yukito looked up, saw who was coming, and smiled.
Any lingering drowsiness was suddenly swept away.
Touya braked his bike to a halt just in front of him. Yukito was about to climb on the back, when he suddenly noticed something.
Touya rolled his eyes as Yukito settled himself behind. "She’s staying at home today. Dunno what’s wrong with her but she’s too out of it so she’s having a rest today."
Yukito carefully held onto his friend’s waist as Touya began to ride. "What’s she sick with?" he asked worriedly.
"She’s not sick, just really, really tired," answered Touya.
Of course. The Card Captor’s energy is going to supporting the Cards, now that she is beginning to make them her own. It would only be logical that the sudden change in her body’s balance would make her feel drained.
And already I can see that it is having repercussions onto me.
Yukito looked away from his friend’s back as the wind blew in his hair. "To-ya . . . I’m sorry . . ."
"What for?" The taller boy looked back slightly over his shoulder, yet still managed to expertly guide the bike along its way. "If this is about last night, don’t worry. It’s not your fault Sakura’s feeling funny this morning. Speaking of last night, how are you?" said Touya, suddenly changing the subject. He slowed and stopped at the road as a series of cars came by. "I hope you got a lot of sleep, cause I don’t want you fainting on me again. You might hurt yourself."
Yukito smiled. The cars stopped and Touya crossed the road. "I’m better now!"
Suddenly I feel that I no longer need to worry about anything, not this morning’s strangeness, the Card Captor and my strength, or my dreams. I don’t need to worry. Not when To-ya is here worrying about me.
No - worrying for Yukito. There, I’m doing it again! Stop it!
The bike braked sharply to a stop in the schoolyard. Too sharply – Yukito kept going forward and was thrown over his friend. His glasses went even further and fell to the ground.
"Yuki, you okay? I’m so sorry!" Touya twisted around in his seat. Yukito shook silver hair out of his eyes as his best friend caught him under the arms and steadied him. Both of them were rather precariously balanced half on and off the bike.
I look into his face. I don’t think there’s a sapphire on earth that is as blue as his eyes.
Caught up in making sure none of them fell off the bike, Touya and Yukito had completely forgotten the reason for them being in such a position in the first place. Yukito squinted at the hazy figure with long hair that was bounding up to them. He felt his friend’s body immediately go stiff.
"Hello, Akizuki," sighed Touya. He was still holding onto Yukito. The pale boy tried to see Akizuki’s face. Without his glasses he couldn’t make out much more than eyes and mouth. Then even that was lost to him as Akizuki bent over to pick something off the ground.
"Good morning, Touya-kun!" the girl chirped. Yukito could have sworn that Akizuki was twirling his glasses around in her hand.
For one moment, he could see perfectly as his eyes turned purple.
It was his glasses.
I. Am. Not. Going. To. Lose. Control.
"Akizuki," said Touya with strained patience. One hand that was resting under Yukito’s arms was taken away and held out.
"Can you please give them back?"
Yukito didn’t need perfect vision to see his friend’s frown. "Pass the glasses, Akizuki."
"These glasses?" said the girl in astonishment, as if only just realising what she was holding. "Sure! Anything for my dear Touya-kun!"
Touya sighed. Yukito suddenly felt a hand on his face as his glasses were replaced. He blinked and looked around. Akizuki had a smirk on her face as she looked at him.
"Hello, Akizuki-san," greeted Yukito. In front of him, Touya had finally managed to balance the bike so that he and Yukito could get off without toppling over, and Yukito carefully dismounted. Akizuki ignored him.
"Class is nearly starting!" she announced, looking at Touya. "Hurry up, hurry up!" Before any of the two boys could say anything, she grabbed Touya’s arm and began dragging him to the school. Yukito blinked a couple of times, then scurried along in their wake.
I don’t realise just how exhausting it is to support my false form until the middle of morning class. Even more exhausting is maintaining Yukito whenever Akizuki is around. Yukito will never take action or protest against what that being does – I am not so hesitant.
Wait. I’m usually not so impulsive either. I’m never like this.
Except where To-ya is concerned.
When it comes to him, I’m not exactly sure who I am.
Yukito drew more than a few strange looks as he made his way back to the classroom after making a trip down to the cafeteria. He was blithely oblivious to it, or maybe he didn’t respond because he couldn’t see the expressions of the students past his overly large lunch-bag.
He opened the classroom door with his foot. It seemed everyone else was outside watching a lunch-time basketball game. Only Touya didn’t bother going out to watch. It could have had something to do with the fact that Akizuki was playing. Whatever the reason, Yukito didn’t mind not going outside. He was perfectly happy to stay with his best friend.
. . . friend? Is that all?
"To-ya . . ."
He heavily dumped his lunch on the desk. Touya was rather shocked. "How come you got so much today?" he demanded, giving Yukito a funny look.
Yukito tried to laugh it off. "I’m hungrier than usual today, even though I had a big breakfast this morning." He reached into the bag and chose a plastic-wrapped bun. Opening it, he began munching happily. He didn’t notice that Touya’s funny look had turned to a strangely serious one until his friend spoke his name.
"Hmm?" He looked up from his bun.
"I’m not sure what you’re going to think of this, but . . ." Touya trailed off, looking uncomfortable. "I . . . you . . ."
Suddenly, there was a huge cheer from outside. Automatically, both boys looked outside.
Down in the courtyard, the Seijou basketball team was frantically running around trying in vain to defend against someone streaking towards the goal. Someone with long pinkish hair.
Again! Again, Akizuki has to interrupt! What is To-ya trying to say to me?
Akizuki leapt into the air. Her arms curved gracefully and threw the basketball over the other player’s heads. Yukito could almost hear the swish as it fell perfectly through the hoop.
There was a loud cheer from the gathered audience. Cries of ‘Nakuru-chan, you’re awesome!" and murmurs about a girl defeating the boys team were clearly heard. Akizuki received their congratulations with a smile.
Suddenly, she turned around and stared straight up at the classroom where Touya and Yukito were. She jumped up and waved frantically.
Yukito smiled. "Akizuki-san is very good at sports. But I hear all the sports captains are disappointed cause she won’t join any of their teams," he commented.
He didn’t notice Touya’s strangely intent look as he stared out the window. It didn’t seem that he was looking at Akizuki. "She reminds me of you," he observed.
The pale boy glanced at his friend. "Because I’m not in any clubs either?"
"No," said Touya softly. "Something else."
Something else? What? Why does Akizuki remind him of me – no, Yukito? I doubt it is because of personality.
Touya . . . has power. Not like Sakura’s, but certainly something that makes him more sensitive than normal people. Perhaps he also feels that Akizuki is not what ‘she’ seems?
But if that is so . . .
Does he know about me?
Surely he doesn’t. Why would he be friends with someone who is not human?
Yukito let his schoolbag drop to the floor as he took off his shoes. The day had seemed inordinately long today and he was glad to be home. He had even caught himself falling asleep in class! Not a good thing, considering they had a test tomorrow.
Test . . . that meant he’d better study. Not before he got changed and had a large snack first.
This is not good. Even with me increasing Yukito’s appetite I am still not up to my full strength. Sakura cannot cope with the additional burden she was given last night.
Last night . . . that presence. Was it Clow?
It might be a good thing to talk to Kerberos about all this.
Besides, going to Sakura’s house gives me – Yukito, the chance of seeing him . . .
Eh? He had To-ya’s book? Yukito picked up the thick text and frowned. To-ya needed this for the test tomorrow.
Better go and return it then.
It isn’t To-ya’s book. It’s Yukito’s. I just need an excuse.
It doesn’t take long for Yukito to walk to the Card Captor’s house. He doesn’t live far from her, and besides, he knows the way so well I could probably find my way there half-asleep.
His unexpected arrival takes Sakura by surprise. But she is pleased to see him of course. She still has . . . what is it that humans call it . . . a ‘crush’ on my false form. Not just her, but Clow’s nephew as well. As if I don’t have enough things to worry about. Perhaps I should start thinking about taking measures against this before it gets out of hand.
Enough of that. There are more important things at present. The moment Yukito gives the book to Sakura, I take over.
"Y-Yue-san?!" She drops the book on her foot. I should remember that Sakura finds me rather uncomfortable. I should stop scaring her like this. I try to look a bit less cold and distant. It doesn’t work; it’s not natural for me.
"I need to talk to Kerberos."
"Kero-chan?" She glances hastily up the stairs. "O-okay, I’ll go get him!" And she runs away as quickly as possible. Soon she is running back down, this time with the tiny Sun Guardian flying behind her.
I nod slightly in greeting as Kerberos sits on the dining table. Sakura stops and looks unsure of what to do.
"I’ll go make some tea, ne?" She dashes into the kitchen. I sigh. As soon as she is no longer paying any attention to us, Kerberos gives me a questioning look.
I look at him seriously. I don’t want Sakura to hear and start worrying. "I could soon be unable to return to this form." There’s no point in trying to make such a fact sound any better.
The little stuffed-toy thing sighs, but doesn’t look as shocked as I would think. "Sakura doesn’t have the magic to support you . . ."
"Even though I increase the amount Yukito eats, it’s still not enough. The Master is putting all of her energy into using her Cards."
Kerberos shakes his head worriedly. "I eat, but I also use the light of the Sun to replenish myself. Unfortunately for you, the light of the moon fluctuates." He looks at me intently. "You’re going to need to use someone else as a power source."
I blink. That thought has not occurred to me before.
"I think that’s why that priestess’ bell held a lot of Moon power," Kerberos muses. Then he looks up and looks deadly serious. When Kerberos looks like that it means the situation is very serious. "How are we going to cope with being Sakura’s Guardians? We’re using Sakura’s power now, not Clow’s. And you, you have a serious problem with maintaining your other form . . ."
I nod, just slightly, careful to keep my face expressionless.
"Do you think it was Clow we sensed last night?" Kerberos asks insistently. I lower my head.
"I don’t know . . ." I say slowly. "It felt like Clow’s presence . . ."
Clow . . .
I hope it was him – and yet I don’t.
"Great," sighs the Sun Guardian. "And with us having to cope with false forms as well, we’re not going to be able to withstand someone with Clow’s ability. But we can’t leave Sakura." He is very firm on that point. He doesn’t have to tell me that. I know my duty.
I think about what Kerberos has told me, about needing another source of power. But there’s no one else apart from Sakura.
Wait . . .
"There is . . . one other person . . ." I say slowly. "But ‘Yukito’ is . . ."
The kitchen door slides open and Sakura peeps out from behind it. "Um, about the tea . . ." She trails off as she looks at me – long white hair spilling onto the floor, great white wings nearly reaching the ceiling, exotic white clothes unlike any her friend could think up. Amethyst-blue eyes so alien to the other she knows so well.
I wonder, can she see Yukito in my face?
"Oh, Yue-san doesn’t drink any," she says finally. "I forgot that." She looks at Kerberos.
She is not comfortable. "I will return to my other form," I say, already gathering my will for the change.
I ignore them. My wings fold over myself – again, the discomforting shock of displacement as I seem to exist in two places at once . . . the wings fall away into nothingness as Yukito opens his eyes.
"Wasn’t I at the door before?"
Sakura for some reason was looking rather flustered. Yukito looked at her questioningly.
"Umm, umm, umm . . ." The ten-year old glanced desperately from right to left, as if looking for someone to help. "Umm, no, you came in already and I was about to get you tea."
"I did?" Yukito scratched his head. He could have sworn he hadn’t even taken his shoes off yet. He glanced down – nope, no shoes. Yet that couldn’t have happened more than five or ten minutes ago. So why was his mind a complete blank?
Strange . . . and more than a little disturbing . . .
Yukito shook his head to clear it, then put it out of his mind for a moment. "Is To-ya home?"
Sakura began to look a little more comfortable at the change of conversation. "No, he’s at work."
"Oh." Yukito felt rather disappointed at that, even though he knew and was used to how hard his friend worked. "Oh well, I’d better get home then."
"B-but there’s still tea . . ."
"Tea?" Yukito smiled. No way he could resist Sakura’s adorable blush. "I’ll have a cup before I go home then."
Sakura . . . why do you insist on doing this to yourself? Child you may be, but surely you can realise that Yukito sees you only as the sister he never had. I see you only as my new Master.
You said that you wanted us to be friends. I can try, but I doubt you will ever see me the way you do my false form. I don’t think it is possible for anyone to see Yukito and Yue as the same person.
You will only hurt yourself. Even Yukito knows this.
Soon, this problem of your feelings must be dealt with.
Mine as well.
I may feel . . . something for Touya. I may love him. But what does that matter, if Touya doesn’t know me, only his friend?
Touya. He has power, like that of Clow himself. Enough for me. But Yukito is his best friend. I can’t do anything to my friend. I can’t take away a part of him. That is unthinkable. I must find some other way . . .
Sleep . . . I am so very tired. But I can’t sleep yet. Not while Yukito is dreaming.
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