Chapter 31 - (Finally) Temple of the Ancients Leaving Golden Saucer, our heroes head for the famed ruin... Red: (pssst, Cait Sith! Aren't you going to hint to Cloud about... you know?) CS: (what for? So he may look stupidly back at me and wonder what the hell am I saying and remind me I'm working with this cast of losers, boooohooooo!!!) Jun: Is everything all right? CS: WAAAAAH! Bruce: Hey, must be the sentimentality? Cid: Or... she's got the PMS, HAAAhahaaaaaaaaa! Xiaoyu: ...it's a 'she'? (thinks...) No wait. I don't wanna know. The road is, like Vincent marked, through sea but by now those fields are well known to our heroes who simply gather more experience points. Jun: Cait? CS: Yea? Jun: Umm... about the other night... CS: o O (an apology, or should I guess?) Jun: You dropped this... (hands him the tape recorder) CS: ... (looks like he had a stroke): That's right... I should have guessed... Jun: Hmm? CS: Did you... listen to it? Jun: No, I would never do that and you know it! I'm not a meddlesome person! CS: (desperately) Yea... I know... hoo, boohoo, boohoo... Don't I just know! X,( Red: You know, I have tattoo number 13 on me... there is a chance I might go ballistic... Cid: Like you ain't going otherwise! Red: I'm seriously considering it right now! Vincent: Red, no matter what, I will defend you with my life... or what's left of it. Red: I must admit I'm touched... Mel: Just bloody be strong Red! ;( Kaz: Tifa! Stop bossing around! Mel: Hah! But as they cross the ocean, courtesy of Tiny Bronco (wonder how this thing keeps sailing!) they enter the forest where the Temple of the Ancients looms tall... Bruce: Brrrrr... And on top of that, a figure in black is waiting... Xiaoyu: I don't wanna go up there! Vincent: Life often treats us severely, little one, but you must turn your heart into stone and bare with it... Xiaoyu (eyes blurring): I'm too young to die! Red: Vincent, that really isn't necessary... Bruce: Yo, I was wandewin' can we still get inside now that we don't have the keystone? Kaz: I don't see any barriers... Jun: Oh... oh my head! The planet! It is... Jun falls on four... Mel: Oh not Green peace showtime again! Jun: ...it is... it is talking to me! CS: o O (at least someone is taking this seriously!) Mel: Look Jun, if you like the Earth so much, why don't we bury you? Kaz: ! Red: Tifa... (dangerously) Vincent: Such untimely sacrifice, a young maiden to the arms of death... Lucrecia... Jun: Come on! The planet! It's calling! Xiaoyu: Great time to go whacky... And so they dare climb the steps of the ancient ruin, where beyond lies the temple of the ancients... that magnificent piece of architecture, full of knowledge and wisdom... As for the figure in black, it disappears just as they try to talk to it... Kaz: Talking about socialising problems. BCM: Black... black mat- materia... Cid: Huh? Mel: Black materia?!? (eyes gleaming) Xiaoyu: Don't get me wrong but that's one materia I don't want to get! Kaz: Who's asking you? At last! Black magic! Let's get dangerous! (evil smirk appears...) Mel: ooohhhh... when you're nasty, you're so sexy it hurts! Kaz: ! on second thought, let's get in... Red: I hate to admit it but that was perfect timing, Mel. Therefore, in they go, until they reach the altar, where a not so favourable suprise awaits them, to see Tseng, leader of the Turks, or should I say, former leader, for he is sliced... by Sephiroth's masamune... Audience: If it wasn't for Tseng dying, I'd cheer for Sephy-sama... Tseng: So... you made it. Jun: Mr Tseng! Bruce: Huh? Cid: She keeps friends with the Turks? Red: Sephiroth did that? Tseng: Yea... he killed everyone... Kaz: Were there... two particular Shinra guys with you? Tseng: Oh, them? Actually, I think he didn't do them in... Vincent: So maybe there is a heart in this unfortunate creature... Mel: He's a person, not a creature, you bonehead! Jun: Tifa! Tseng: Well, not quite but as he approached them with his sword, one told him to come and get it and then the other said something like "If I have to go down, I'll go down fighting" where then the first suggested "If I must die I'll take you with me" instead and they got into a fight so the great Sephiroth turned away... Kaz: Yea... that's them all right! ^_^ CS: Oh my goodness... even the secondary ones are crappy! Red, can you imagine that? Arguing over quotes before the great Sephiroth??? Red (to Cid): Well, the first one, "go down fighting" sounds better, sort of like die in a blaze of glory... Cid: Naaarh, revenge is the key! If any @#$%^&*( wanted to have me, I'd take him with me! CS: Red, NOT you too! Red: Gotta survive Cait Sith... Bruce: Ya bet ya gat! It's not jes me now... it's everyone! Red: Why, what have I done? Bruce: What have you done? You gave away the keystone! Red: ! Vincent: Huh? Kaz: Nope, it was Cait Sith doing it. I saw him. Bruce: Whatareya talking about, it's Red's plot! Red: (wide eyed) What??? Bruce: Yea! Didn't you tell him yourself to get the keystone and move out? Hey guys, ya heard him all! Xiaoyu: It's true! Jun: ? Vincent: No, that's not the way it goes, the script reads~ Mel: You want me to tell you what's in the script? Heh? Do you? Bruce: I told ya, we couldn't be trusting that cat! Red: I'm not a cat. Cid: Shit man, how can you be so composed? Bruce: Shit? Is that all ya can say? Cid: Well, [beep] would never appear in the text... Bruce: Yea, as if they don't know what [beep] means... CS: I don't even get recognition for my deed! I'm the token traitor of the team and I don't even get the glory! Jun: What's so glorious about being a traitor? Mel: And a lame one too! Getting caught like that! Some traitor you make! Tseng: Allow me to remind you of my worthless presence? Everyone: ... Vincent: Tseng... You, the unforgetable... how can you speak like that about yourself? Tseng: Eheh, you know how to brighten my moods, Vince... Kaz: Great, now why don't we hear what he has to say before I silence him for good? ;( Jun: Honey! Mel: Possessive, aren't we! Cid: Who's we? Mel: Not you and I for sure! Cid: Yea, in yer dreams! Bruce: Hey! Stay away from her! Red: Tseng... Tseng: Okay... (shifts with difficulty his weight to the side) Cloud... Kaz: ? Tseng: Take care of Vincent now that I'll be gone... Rest: !? Kaz: ... Vincent: Tseng! (runs to hug him) Tseng: No... it's too late, Vincent... and this man loves you... CS: This is horrendous! What are you talking about? Tseng: Don't I get a [beep]ing last wish?!? Red: Tseng... the keystone... Tseng: Oh, that! Hmmm... That sounds much like something you'd say... Jun: You were supposed to tell that to me! Tseng: Well, if you had said your lines... Cid: I'll have a smoke... (turns cigarette on) Bruce then snatches the cigarette and tears it in two... Cid: HEY! What's the @#$%^& idea! Bruce: Yo, no smoking! There are kids readin' this! Cid: @#$%, I'm supposed to smoke you [beep]head! Red: The keystone!... (impatiently) Tseng: Oh here... (hands the keystone) And Cloud... be careful... Kaz: ... Vincent: What am I gonna do? Tseng was the only one who took care of me! Kaz: Vincent... you're not alone... Vincent: Oh... Cloud! (cries on his shoulder) Kaz: There, there... Red: THE KEYSTONE! CS: Owwwww... (infuriated) So the keystone is placed on the altar and glow flows in its bizarre cracks... Kaz: I still can't figure it out though... But that won't bother them for now. Because... they fall into the Temple of the Ancients... Magic and mystery surrounds these ruins... the Ancients had well planned it so average minds would be lost, lest their secrets be revealed to the wrong ones... CS: And they did a very poor job at that! Red: Ease on down, Cait... Mel: Woah... that place is a treasure throve! Gifts! Materias! Weapons! Hey that suits me fine! And oh! Did I mention materias already! 0_0 There are quite some original monsters there too, but the most important, you'll find some of the oddest monks ever, wearing pink and lila robes, are those ancients I wonder? (big secret here... I've too lost my script!) Jun: Oh, those poor things! Bruce: Yea, but I like them guys, they restore my HP/MP and save my game... Kaz: Yadda, yadda, yadda. Bruce: What's with you? Kaz: Hmm? Oh nothing... I'm bored and making PacMan sounds... Red: Oh yeah. Pacman. Who'd have thought Namco to do as well. Kaz: Heh, I liked Blinky better... Mel: What a coincidence! ;) Cid: @#$% that yellow dot, I've never really liked it! Kaz: Hey, see, we have a maze, what if one of us assumed Pac Man and rest of us chased? Red: Can't you be a little respectful? This is the Temple of the Ancients! Mel: We know that already! ;( Cid: Yo say... I think Cait Sith would make a great Pac Man! CS: What in God's glory! Kaz: Hey, we revere Pac Man! Cid: Yea, we do. Bruce: And yo, you'll get to do the stuff you excell at... Kaz + Cid + Bruce: Eating! CS: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Kaz + Cid + Bruce: HAAAAAhahahahahahaaaa! Jun: Behave! Honey! Stop it! Xiaoyu: You'll need REALLY big dots to get that thing going! When... Ancient(?): SILENCE! Show some reverence to the Temple of the Ancients! Bruce: ...for a [beep]ing speechless Ancient, he sure talks a lot! Ancient: What was that? Bruce: Uh, nothin... Red: Say... what if we advanced with the story? Kaz: Ehm... that's a good idea... And so, carefully, not to aggravate the steaming Ancient more than necessary they leave this room... Bruce: Yo, say... could you pep me up, I feel a little low? Ancient: (trembling and simmering...) Bruce: I guess not~ GET OUTA MY WAYYYYY!!! So Bruce opens the road ahead, pushing around... Fortunately, this way he also knocks off the rolling boulders and the coast is clear. Kaz (stuck by the hair on one of those rolling rocks, that accidentally landed on his head): @#$%^&*())(#%$@&^$*( !!! Rock: You're not the only one with problems, OUCH!