Chapter 26 - Get Yuffie! Our heroes are in Wutai, standing in the centre of the town like road signs, looking around. Passers by gaze at them... Kaz: You'd think we're naked or something... CS: Oh please, must you! Cid: Where is that brat? Mel: I bet she's in that house they don't let us in! HEY you premature [beep]! Get out here and fight like a woman! Jun: Mileena, there's no need to talk so rudely either~ Mel: [beep] off! Cid: Hey! Mel: What's YOUR problem? CS: Actually I expected someone to stand up for his wife... (eyeing Kazuya) Kazuya still holds Vincent's hand... Vincent: Why are you so nice to me? Kaz: Because... (looks down, then up): Because you're nice to my eyes. Part of audience goes awwww, another part gapes in shock. Vincent: Cloud! (desperately happy) Jun: Honey that's an improvement... I've never seen you being so nice to anyone in a long time... Mel: God WHY? She's so stupid, I could be cheating before her eyes and she wouldn't know and he has to drool over VINCENT! Cid: Hey and what's YER problem? His body, his choice, so shut up, willya! Mel: Mind your own business! Cid: Heck that's my business! I can't see why Bruce likes ya so much! Mel: ! CS: Actually I'll agree with you! Red: Not you too Cait Sith! Please help me keep them in order! CS: But don't you see what's going on? Red: May the Ancients show mercy on us! Kaz: Mercy, hah! Pitch 'em off a cliff and they'll show respect! Jun: Honey, that's sacrilege! Kaz: Do I seem to care??? Xiaoyu (coming out from behind a huge urn): Look guys, I'm getting sore back here and hiding isn't fun if you aren't looking for me! Before Red can advise anyone to follow the script... Jun: Little girl! I'd say what a very rude thing you did! Cid: And I took you on my back! Mel: You little scumbag! I've seen dog's asses that looked better than you! Xiaoyu: I couldn't know, I don't look at dogs asses from as close as you! Mel: ! (looks as if she's about to get a stroke) CS: Girls please! No petty girl fighting! Cid: I'm all in for that... Mel: Me too! Prepare to die [beep]y brat! Jun: Mileena! But Xiaoyu runs away very fast and they can't catch her... Mel: WHAT? Ever seen me running? Just for the script my dear... Kaz: Look... why don't we do it in style? Vincent: I'm hanging from your lips! Kaz: ;) Mel: Count me out! Cid: Okaya! This is a MAN's job! So MOVE OUT! Audience claps at Cid... Mel: I swear, one of these days I'll get my revenge! CS: Now where have I heard that before... Mel: From the Shinra guys? CS: Oh maybe... you see, as Reeve I see them quite often... Kaz: Tell them I said hi! CS: Actually... I think they're a little pissed at you... Kaz: Hmm? CS: Well, ever since Vincent joined the group... Vincent: (very demonstratively) I knew it! I knew I'm only trouble! (covers face and starts to weep) Kaz: No way! (embraces Vincent, turns to Cait Sith): Look what you've done! CS: Christ! Mel: Ack! To think we went through the Yin Yang just for THAT! Kaz: Vincent... please don't cry... Red: Cid, Cait... what if we went to take our materia? Jun: I think I'll come with you... Honey! Kaz: There there. (smiles at Vincent) Mel: He _only_ smiles to Vincent! So they circle Yuffie... and she has no escape this time... Mel: (taking off her sais) THIS will be painful! Jun: Mileena, what are you going to do with the sais? Mel: You're too pure to know that! Red: That won't be necessary... Xiaoyu: (nice sais... I bet they cost a couple of gils...) Kaz: Okay. So will you give us our materia nicely, or must I beat it out of you? Xiaoyu: Hey, easy! You got me, I'll give it! Well, tricky Yuffie takes them to the basement of the house they weren't allowed to enter... that one with the many cats... Cats (in consonance): Reeeeed! Red walks stroutingly... Cid: Heh, you're popular among the kitties! ...and there goes the trick of the falling cage... Kaz: ! Xiaoyu: Dorks! You think I'm as stupid? In yer face! Mel: ACK! Jun: It's so tight in here! CS: I'm trying my best to hold my volume, at least acknowledge it! Red: UrRH! Vincent: Cages... chains... I can't say I'm not familiar with that... Kazuya narrows an eye on Vincent: You know... we think on the same track! Mel: Will you get us out! Kaz: Okay... Kazuya pulls the lever but since they're as stuck as sardines in there, they just hover over the ground, crammed in the cage! Jun: URGHL! CD: Red, your tail is getting on the way! Mel: His tail he says! His TAIL he says! Cid: I'd laugh but I'm squeezed so I can't! Kaz: (walking under the cage): How did you manage? Mel: Stop enjoying the view and help us out! Kaz (staring at Cait Sith's fat ass): It's not as pleasant as you think... Cid: Aaah... aahh... (Red's tail tickles his nose) Aaah-chooo! Red + Mel + Jun + CS: WAAAAH! Our hero goes wide eyed as all the mass lands... oh no... on his spike! 8( ...Mileena, Vincent, Jun and Red bounce off on Cait Sith, but that unfortunate being... bounces off of... CS: YIAUUUUUUUUUUUUUCH!!!! ...you guessed... Kaz: Gwah! Cait Sith is stuck flat on the top of the cage like a lump of clay... Mel: Why don't we just leave him up there? Jun: Ghah, gwah... (staggers around dizzy) Vincent: That was a nasty fall... Cloud, are you okay? Red: Cait Sith? Do you hear me? Mel: For a moment I thought he'd blow out like a baloon... Cait Sith lands like a deflated baloon... CS: Wah... Kaz: I guess we didn't get our materias back, did we? Cid: Hey, good guess! Now let's move out, shall we! Audience: WEEEEEE! Mel: What is it? You saw it's catchy and now you're gonna throw it in every occasion? Cid: Aww, lay off! Mel: You are the rudest man I've ever seen! Cid: Is this because I don't drool over your breasts? CS: Good telling her! To make it short, the group argues all the way as they leave that basement... and go to the Turtle's paradise pub... yep, that's the one, you've probably seen the advertisment on the Golden Saucer inn... Jun: From the name, one would think it's a nice cafeteria but it is a bar... Mel: Well, the name put me off but the place is cool! Cid: And guess who's here! (Turks theme again, spotlight on Rude, Reno and Elena...) Mel: I wonder why Tseng is never around with them... Vincent: They bring back memories... Adon: What's he talking about, I've never seen him before! (where if your version has Vega, Sagat will say): Rude: He's talking about me... I know the boy (leers at Vincent): He used to be my servant ;) Vincent turns his face in shame and Kazuya's eyes spark angrily at Sagat... Adon: Oh yea... Well, that was before you met me! Sagat: Still, he was better! Adon: Bullshit! Elena: Oh, hi Tifa! ;) Mel: Hello my dear! ;) Jun: That woman is surely bad company for Mileena! Cid: Hey what's up, people? Adon: Heeeey! Where's Bruce? Cid: With the buggy... Hey, shall we pick up the fight? Elena: Was about to say that myself... (looking at Mileena then at Jun) Mel: I say, why not! Red: UH-OH, Isn't it too bad you're on a day off, right??? Rude: We are? Uh... okay... Adon: Hey Sagat man, what are you talking about? Sagat: I don't know, they just told me to do as Red says... Adon: He didn't say "please" ! Red: PLEASE! Kaz: So if we don't fight them, what's the point of meeting them? CS: Somebody, PLEASE get them into order! Red: Let's for the time being leave Turtle's Paradise and search for Yuffie! On their way they pass by Lord Goddo's villa because there are a few nifty things to pick up but most importantly, they can sleep there for free! Lord Goddo (played by a guy in Bushido Blade) takes a few snoozes... CS: To HIM they gave the script? Kaz: Um, since he seems so busy sleeping over it, what if we took it from him? We need it more than he does? Red: For once I'll agree with you. And so, the script is retrieved! ^_^ CS: Now let's hope someone will read it! Kaz: Script says ask for directions from passers by on the temple~ Cid: Oh leave that crap! (grabs scenario): Move the switch and go down the temple, find Yuffie, chase the men who~ Red: GET MOVING! Cid: WAAAH! Easy there! Must you yell! Red: Grrrr... Kaz: Arrrr... Red: That's more like it. CS: Don't tell me he swept you too! Mel: This is getting sick! Kaz: Oh now! You should be enjoying this! Mel: I CAN'T believe this is YOU of all saying that! Kaz: Eh... I'm multi-versed! Vincent: You never cease to amaze me... Jun (somewhat horrified): Red, what is the script saying here about abdu~ Red: SHHHHT! Don't spoil it! So they enter the temple, go down the stairs and there, like the script says, you see that there is, guess who! Our old friend, Don Corneo with his men: They have abducted Elena and Yuffie! Elena: Ooooh, of all the god damned days! Jun: Good graciousness! What a horror! Honey! Do something! Kaz: To tell the truth, why would Don Corneo take that skinny brat when he got that babe, Elena? Mel: Actually that kinda puzzled me too... BABE? Cid: Hah, yeah! (to Don and his men): And may you keep 'er, you hear? Har, har! We only want her materias! Don: Materias? Hohoho! They're mine now! Kaz: Sorry to say, you only took the shrimp! Xiaoyu: Oooh! When then Rude and Reno arrive... this time with Tseng... Audience: WEEEEE! Tseng who's in the spotlight bows. Reno: Elena! Elena: HEEEEELP! Kaz: I think that calls for a rescue? Rude: Right at it! Don and his men run away with their victims kicking and screaming, while for once, our heroes and the Turks will team up to save their beloved ones. (It's 5:20am. I really couldn't sleep tonight!)