Chapter 23 - Taking the Bronco~ Cid: Over my dead body! But, eh, Cid (Bryan)... you Are dead... Cid: ...oh. Jun: So, is it true that Rufus is coming? `*_*´ Shera: Oh yea! And the Captain is so excited! Kaz: Narh! Red: Hmm? Shera: You know, I'm a major Hwoarang fan and I was hoping he'd give me his autograph! (dreamily) Xiaoyu: Where can I hide when he comes? Shera: Try the bathroom... Barret: Eh? Where? Red: Must you run to EVERY bathroom we see? Bruce: Yea! Mel: Why, to mark your territory? Bruce: No, to take a pee! Is there something wrong with that? Kaz: Who [beep]ing cares what you do in the bathroom, just get in and SHUT up! Bruce glares at Kazuya... Bruce: He boss? I think you signed your death penalty. Vincent: Death penalty! That's the name of my Ultimate weapon! It's so befitting me... so absolute and unrelentingly disastrous... Mel: And I'll ensure you'll have it! 8( Vincent: Oh... thank you so much... CS: sigh... Cloud honey, did you find my ultimate weapon, the HP shout? Kaz: How shall I remember?!? Jun: Oh yea... we did! Honey, isn't this the one you sold to the other man in Kalm? CS: You SOLD it?!? Red: Good god, no! Kaz: Hey, I don't remember! Bruce went to the weapon store that day! CS: Oh dear... Oh dear!! Red: Bruce, did you sell... Bruce? Bruce (from the bathroom): UNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Xiaoyu: Eww, gross! Mel: This ninny is getting worse than the 'honey' dork! Shera: I don't get you sweetheart... But then, applause I say my dear readers because in he marches, the great Captain Cid! Audience: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Kaz: Why is Cid so celebrated anyway? Cid: @#$%^& Shera, where are your manners? Offer our guests a cup of tea! CS (gaping): I... I don't believe it! He has learned the script! Well, I couldn't get just anyone to do Cid you know... Kaz: Meaning?!? Eheh, besides, we made sure he learned the script before coming, that's what I meant! ^_^U Vincent: No tea for me please... unless it's bitter like poison... Mel: grrrrrrrrrr... When then... Palmer: Waaah! Yea! And honey! And sugar! And lard! The whole group falls off their chairs... Mel: LAaard? Xiaoyu: Eeek! X( CS: You should watch your diet! Red: Ehm, Cait Sith... do you think it's appropriate that you of all should say this? CS: I'm not THAT fat! Mel: Not. You just make Palmer here look like a slim. Palmer: Slim? No, lard! Kaz: Ugh! 8p Cid jumps up in his own way, his legs exchanging so fast... Cid: He's here! Rufus! He's here! Cid runs outside in his own way, as if he rushes to the bathroom... Cid: And who said I ain't? I'm making for the bathroom! Bruce: I'm in! Cid: @#$%^& get out! CS: Such potential! I always thougth Cid should be the group's leader! Kaz: Are we forgetting _something_? Mel: What, suddenly it bothers you? Palmer: Mmm? Do I know you from somewhere? Bruce (coming out of the bathroom, pulling up his zip): Heeeey! It's the dude from the Shinra building who~ Red jumps Bruce Bruce: Hey! Red: What are you, crazy? Keep it low! Shera: There! There he is! Rufus! Indeed my friends... for you and only, there he is, Hwoarang playing Rufus... Audience: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Kaz: Hmpf! Eh? (goes goggle eyed to the window) CS: What is it? Kazuya leans on the window dreamy eyed, his head on his hand and with the other waves affectionately to Shinra guy 1 and Shinra guy 2 who are Rufus's escort... CS: Oh heavens! Shera: Oh I absolutely must talk to him! Cid, can you please speak to him about me? Cid: Oooh... of course I will, my fair one! (Cid goes outside to talk to Rufus...) Bruce: Hey yo! Aren't we gonna eavesdropping? Red: His slang is so natural I dread at the level of his education! Bruce: He'man, don't question my 'ducation! But sounds like the conversation with Rufus isn't going too well! Cid: @#$%^& if you think I'm gonna let you take the Tiny Bronco just as that! Rufus: Easy there, Cap! After all, I'm Rufus Shinra! Shinra guy 1 stiffles himself before singing the Rufus song... CS: Oh dear! I smell trouble! Kaz: Isn't it so cute that he tries to hold it back? Mel: Oh damn... Shera: Oh, please ask him for the autograph! Red: I hope you haven't forgotten to notify us on a certain event? Shera: What? Oh of course. Palmer took the Tiny Bronco. Red: TOOK? Shera: Well, you might just catch him... Yuffie: I'm at it! Mel: Hold it right there if you think you're going before me! Kaz: Eh... a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do! In the back yard, Palmer tries to take the Tiny Bronco... Kaz: I don't think so! Bruce: Yea! We're the good guys so we take the plane! Palmer: Hohohooo! I'll fight over it! (farts at their face) Everyone: Ugh! Xiaoyu: That had it! You're dead meat, lardball! And here it comes my friends, the battle against Palmer. You'd think he's an easy lick... but it looks like he ain't... and doesn't it piss you off when he laughs at you and proposes his ugly butt? Kaz: I don't see why Tifa would mind... ;) Mel: Hmmm? Are you teasing me? Kaz: ! Xiaoyu: Aaargh! Give me a hand you idiots, I'm doing it all by myself! And here comes the scene I know you all adore... Palmer sees that he cannot fare against our heroes... so he runs off... only to be hit by a driving lorry! And here's the end of Palmer! Shinra guy 2 (second driver's seat): Justice has been done! Kaz: Thanks guys! Shinra guy 1 (driver's seat): Don't mention it! But it so happened that Palmer had started the engine to the Tiny Bronco... So what now? Bruce: Quick, go catch it before it flies! Xiaoyu: Aieee!!! Mel: Hey, Catie, hop on it, it'll stay put! CS: Ugh, you moron! Kaz: Not letting this baby go! Jun: Oh... what now? They jump onto the Tiny Bronco but cannot stop it... instead it goes faster... even Cid, who runs to the rescue cannot stop it... it's defunct! Cid: @#$%^&*/ !! Bruce: Ya took the words right outta my mouth! Jun: Stop this thing! Vincent: All neutral spirits of all dimensions... Mel: SHUT it! (hysterical) The Tiny Bronco flies up to the skies... but ere, it was its last flight... Due to engine problems, it is forced to land on sea... Cid: #$@%^&* ... Barret: Hey man... I share yer sorrow... CS: Most unfortunate situation... Kaz: Can we at least borrow it? Cid: Do whatever you want with it, it's ruined. Red: Not really. Thanks to it now we can cross continents~ Xiaoyu: And go to Wutai, yippiee! (hops on the plane, rocking it) CS: Ugh! Please, STOP! Mel: Arrr, girlie I'll kill you! Jun: Xiaoyu, is this necessary? >Splash!< Everyone: ? Kaz: Don't worry, it's just me falling over board... (murderous grin) Mel: Wow, the wet look matches you! Vincent: Let me give you a hand... And now that you mention it, the clawed hand implies that Vega should be Vincent... besides some versions have Baek as Tseng... Girls: Tseeeeeeeng.... (very dreamily!) Kaz: So, what do we do now? Red: Was expecting you to ask... Bruce: Hahaha... Kaz: Okay, so WHAT do we do now? Red: I think we need to go back to Gongaga where we didn't stop on our way here... Bruce: Man, that was because you wanted to hurry to your grandpa in Cosmo Canyon! Red: I don't deny... Cloud? Cloud is especially pale my readers... Xiaoyu: Sea sick? Jun: Oh, hell, I know what it is... Mel: Hmm? Eh? ... OH! Gongaga! The frogs! ^_^ The whole team struggles to prevent Kazuya from jumping in the sea and swim all the way to Wutai... CS: Tifa, you are horrible! Mel: Nyah! And so it is so decided that since they missed on their way, they will go back to the Gongaga area now, where they will pick up the Titan summon materia. They reach land right where they had left the buggy, much to Bruce's joy... Bruce: Baaaby, baby, babybaby! ...and continue their trip by car. Due to (ribbit!) difficulties, for this part of the story, Cloud Strife will be played by Siegfried Schtauffen. Audience applauses as the Soul Edge knight in his armor does a perfect Cloud pose, spinning his sword over his head and smiling cockily... Xiaoyu: Siiiigh... Despite his minimal height, Siegfried is quite a competent and appropriate Cloud, both for the blonde hair and his ability to wield the sword, which is Cloud's weapon... Xiaoyu: And he's so cute! Red: I wonder why he was rejected? Sieg: Guten Tag! Wie geht's? (Good day! How are you?) Group gapes... Mel: ...eh? Bruce: Na what did he say? Sieg: Waaaaas? (Whaaaaat?) Red: Oh... I remember now... CS: And I thought communication was hard already... (sighs) Red: Let me handle this: Guten Tag, Siegfried... Group gapes once again! Jun: You speak his language? Red: Of course, with my grandfather Bugenhagen being German... Sieg: Ah, Sie sprechen Deutsch! Bei Odin! ^_^ (Ah, you speak German! By Odin!) Rayden: Good thing he wasn't talking to me, I don't understand a thing! Toshin: You don't understand a thing anyway! Vincent: I'm fluent in Spanish and French but never learned German... It's so barbaric... Sieg: Ja, JA! German! (Yes, yes, German!) CS: (Bigger sigh yet!) Xiaoyu: Hey Red? Can you ask him what's his name? Fortunately Red is a competent and patient negociator and ensures that the group goes well towards the Gongaga area, where many treasures await our heroes... Use the morph materia on the green Triceratops - tank thing and it'll turn into power source... but beware of... the Wheelie attack! Bruce: The.. THe whil... (drum roll) Mel: The whillie attack? Audience holds their belly laughing! Jinrey: Her, her, her!! Heihachi: What's your joy old fart, heard something you fancy? Jinrey: I'll -har- show you in a minute! Red: I must admit... Raaahahahahaaaaa! Sieg: Was ist loss? (What's wrong?) Monster (with Kossak's voice - surprised?): Why are you laughing? Everyone: Waaaahahahahahhaahaaaa! Monster: Moooooof! So still the mission encounters the typical problems...