Chapter 20 - Past Cosmo Canyon Isn't it simply... amazing! They managed to do TWENTY chapters and still going on! I think a celebration fits here! (Victory fanfare plays and everyone does their winning pose...) Kaz: Um, I think the event calls for a speech~ Audience: NO! (booing and whistling) Kaz: ! Bruce: Yo man, we don't like yer speeches! Kaz: Bruce, next time I want your opinion, I'll be sure to ask for it! Bruce (cracking his knuckles): And I'll be sure to giv'it! Jun: Honey~ Kaz: Jun, if you tell us once again to be friends, I'll... Jun begins to sniff her tears... Kaz: Oh, I'm sorry... It's just that... THERE'S SO MANY PEOPLE IN THE DAMN CAR! Xiaoyu: Then get out! CS: Right! You are always complaining! Why doesn't anyone else complain? Deep and ponderous question, actually bothered me too... but our heroes make for Cosmo Canyon... Please forgive me if I skip the events of Cosmo Canyon because for some reason it was the all best Final Fantasy 7 moment that I cannot ridicule. Red getting to learn about his father was worth a fortune... sob... Audience: Awww... So, *sniff* to spare this splendid moment, I'll skim the visit to Cosmo Canyon, focusing on a certain dialogue of Red and Bugenhagen where Red is crying... Red: I cannot take it anymore, grandpa! They are totally ignorant, stupid and they don't even bother to read their script!!! Bug: Ho, ho, ho! I'm Santa Clauss! Red: Grandpa, please, not you too! Bug: I'm sorry, Nanaki... But you must be tolerant... that's the fate of the hero. It is all up to you to keep them organised. And Fujin knows a lot of work has to be done... Rayden: Why didn't you say "Rayden knows" ? Bug: Because we all know that you DON'T! HO HO HO! HA HA HA! Rayden: How dare you a BUG challenge a GOD! Bug: I'm only a Bug because if Sapfarah typed Bugenhagen each time she wanted to annotate me she would probably lose her marbles! Mel: If she hasn't already... And to think that I held Mileena as my favorite all time fighter... Kaz: Serves you RIGHT! I think we all know now why Kazuya gets all the beating ;) But as it is, they leave Cosmo Canyon for a far off place... CS: And I thought Cloud was the crazy driver! GAH!!! Mel: My hair! You're ruining my hair! Yuffie: WEEEEEE! Finally the car screeches as they stop before a small town... that place will bring them hateful memories of the past... this is it my friends... Cloud's village. The small, sad town of... Nibelheim. Doggie by fountain: Wauwwwwww.... (that's one little sad dog... :( Mel: Oh, dear thing... (now why am I acting so sentimentally?) Jun: Cloud, didn't you say that Nibelheim was burnt? Bruce: Yo, it's no surprise, comin' from such a friggin' liar! Kaz: Hey! Watch it! Red: Hm, hm... CS: And I thought I was the lying bastard... Xiaoyu: Guys... the music of this place is freaking me! Mel: Then go to your papa, girlie! ;( Jun: Stay with me, Yuffie... (eyeing Mileena dangerously) Mel: HAH! Kaz: So what do we... well Red, don't let me repeat myself. Red (exasperated): Well it's a Role Playing game! Look around and find out! So, like good RPGamers, they enter the first house... and the eerie sight they see! A man in a black cape! Xiaoyu: WAAAH! CS: Oh lord! Kaz: What the Hell is THIS! It is my friends... an eerie looking man who seems to be a black cloaked monk... There is a tattoo on his arm... BCM: Ooohhh... Sephirooooooooooth! Kaz: Arh! Red: You should be talking to those men, they give you gifts... Kaz: I should have been Sephiroth! I'm mean, I'm nasty and I like others worshipping my name! CS: You are despicable! Kaz: YES! At last someone who appreciates! Jun: Honey, being a good guy is always better! Red: Besides, with the rate bad guys die, it's also safer... Kaz: Who cares! Jun: I do! Kaz: ...eh... heheh... heheheh... Rock: Kazuya and Jun equals LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE! Kaz: ARGH! CS: It's nothing wrong to have warm feelings... BCM: BCM stands for Black Caped Man... Bruce: Hey! Who told you to talk? BCM: Sorry. Bruce: Don't sorry me! Jun: What's happening to these poor men? Red: These people are specimens of Dr. Hojo's experiments... they carry Jenova cells and Sephiroth's strong will is pulling them towards him... Mel: Eeerie stuff! Xiaoyu: Creepy! That sucks! Mel: Shut up, kiddo! Kaz (to woman behind the desk): Isn't Nibelheim supposed to have been burned? Lady: Listen here young man... it's not a good thing to lie! Kaz: Lie? Red, what's she talking about? Red: I won't reveal anything more. Mel: How if we moved on to another place? CS: The best idea ever! Bruce: Yo, we're too many! It's about time the team was cut to pieces! Kaz: Okay. You and Mileena on your way. Mel: Cloud! Bruce: I don't mind that... ;) More they stroll within Nibelheim... and everywhere they encounter those strange looking monks... Kaz: I'm beginning to worry, things are getting serious... To tell the truth, they didn't look as serious to me when I played the game! 0_0 They even go to Cloud's house... but the same story there too... even in Tifa's house! There are black caped men in Tifa's home! Mel: Shooo! SHOOO! Get out! BCM1: Wooooo.... (I'm the Shinra guy 1 in disguise!) BCM2: oooohhhh.... (you know who I am, don't you?) Kaz: Oooh! What interesting monks! ;) BCM1: Cloouuuuud... take us... BCM2: To Sephiroth that is with hope on our wings... Mel: Good thing you're under cover and no one can guess who you are! ;( Jun: Honey, there's a piano here! Bruce: Weeee! Can I play? Can I, can I, can I? Xiaoyu: Hey, me first! Bruce: Whatya mean, no way! Mel: That's MY piano! Red: If you play the world map tune, you'll get Tifa's ultimate limit break... CS: Why don't I get ultimate limits? Maxi: Because you SUCK man! Maxi is then attacked by everyone around him and various objects are thrown his way... BCM1: You should head for the mansion next... BCM2: But... beware of the Basement... its lures might make you forget us... Kaz: No way! How could I ever forget about you? CS: Ehm, playboy... would you be so kind as to move on? Kaz: I'll see you around guys... Jun: Oh but honey, let's play some more to the piano! Xiaoyu: I want to play too! So, as planned, they head for the mansion... right now I don't remember why they had to but they did all the same... Oh but of course! How could I forget! A whole precious gift is hiding in the basement of that mansion! OH yeah... an annoying Yin Yang too... Oh yea... two black caped men are by the front door... BCM1: Step cautiously my friends... BCM2: Trust not your eyes but your heart... Kaz: :) Mel: You only smile to those weirdos... Kaz: Maybe those weirdos don't have their mind on how to bruise my poor ass! Mel: Like you mind! Jun: I'm listening!! 8( Kaz: Gulp!... CS: Don't you ever learn! On your way there, don't miss a couple of good Enemy Skills, one being the ? Enemy Skill that strangely substracts 0 HP from you but there has to be a good use for it... And therefore, they go all the way through the rooms Cloud was supposed to have described HAD he explained all about Sephiroth... Kaz: Subtlety as always... In one of the rooms they find Hojo's note about the guy from the Turks he mutated and had to get rid of... Xiaoyu: Cool! Riddles! I love games! ^_^ Mel: Puke-ish. CS: Instead of making stupid comments, would you be so kind as to give us a hand fighting those beasts? I advise you to give Tifa a deathblow materia, since for a strange reason she nearly NEVER misses that! (Tifa gets cocky and just misses one): [beep]! Kaz: Goodness me, can't you even fight decently? Mel: WhyyyyyyYOU! Therefore, following the directions to the message, they find the secret code to unlock a safe that has the key to a certain room in the basement... only then... A materia falls~ Kaz: Odin! That's Odin! I wanna get it! (hysterical) ~ but before our hero can as much as lay a hand on it, extreme battle music begins to play as the ugly beast appears... Bruce: My man, Hojo wasn't kiddin' us 'bout the Turks guy... Look at what he made outa him! Xiaoyu: Waaaah!!! X( Jun: So horrible! CS: My god, what horrible taste in colours! Red: Is that all you've got to say? CS: Oh, you know me, Red... Mel: Come over here you big mama and let me show you! The fight begins and our heroes attack the beast which ultimately relents to their skill... finally they can attain Odin which is one powerful summon and sometimes it makes really cool stuff too, like impressive intros and slashing the enemy in two... instant death! So with the key they head for the basement... and after they kick Yin Yang's annoying ass... Bruce: Yo man, I don't like that... a cuffin? Xiaoyu: It's a vampire! Jun: Honey, I've got a bad feeling about this... Kaz: Why? (dangerously happy) What's so wrong with... vampires? Mel: For a moment there you gave me the creeps... Kaz: Oooh... cold blood! CS: Distasteful! Red: Um... Will you be so kind as to open the coffin? Bruce: Man, na, dontcha! All aside, I don'wanna see what's a [beep]in' corpse lookin' like! Kaz: Oh now, are you afraid, Brucey? Bruce: [beep] you man, don't open it! Jun: Honey... CS: Shall I Red? Xiaoyu: NO!! (very shrill voice, everyone covers their head...) Loud, angered voice: Who's that scream? Everyone's staring at the coffin... Mel: It... it talked! Kaz: I think... it moved too... And the coffin opens...