(special thanks to Athena because she helped me make Cait Sith the way I did ^_^) Cait Sith has joined the team and everyone is happy, Red in particular for finding someone to help him keep our heroes on track... Bruce: A jet! You hear that? A jet! I'm gonna fly! I'm really gonna fly! (hops about, clapping his hands exstatically.) Kaz: If you don't shut it, I'll send you flying with an uppercut! Mel: Don't keep it in words! Bruce: Hey! Na don't go using MY words! Kaz: Your words? Bruce: Yea, my words! Ain't got a problem with it? CS: Lord, give me strength. Rayden: You'd think I'm a supermarket! God do this, God do that! There's no respect for Gods these days! Jun: I think the group is getting bigger... Kaz: And messier... Jinrey: And you haven't taken my grand-daughter yet! Kaz: Rayden forbid! Fujin: Why isn't anyone talking to me? Jun: Honey, talk to Fujin too! Red: Okay, now that this is all settled, we're leaving you. Cait Sith... Be strong. CS: Oh dear... How many times must I be told to go by THAT phrase! So it is now only Mileena, Jun and Kazuya with the stuffed toy. CS: I'm a fortune teller. Mel: Why didn't you say so earlier? I want you to read my star! Jun: But Mileena, you know the stars are nonsense... CS: Nonsense? It's science! Kaz: Let the guy speak! It seems like he knows what's going on! Mel: So, Kate Sith, are we and Cloud star-crossed? CS: It's Cait! Mel: I thought it was Kate, as in ask Dr. Kate about your future... CS (airing himself with those large flat hands of his): I can't take it. I can't take it anymore! Mel: Is he gay or something? CS: I've had it with the bimbo! Cloud sugar, please change the group! Get me Red! Oh get me my pussy cat, I can't stand it! Kazuya gapes in disgust: He is, g-... genuine! Jun: Oh, dear Cait Sith... We're trying our best... CS: My dear, you are the only one who's apprehensive... (takes Jun's hand in his) Mel: Charming. CS: Ahurm... I shouldn't be weak... I should be strong... Oh that phrase again... Well. Let me read the future for you. Cait Sith totters on his belly and makes funny noises... CS: You will find your goal but you will lose something dear... Mel: Ew! Thanks a gazillion! CS: For your information, this is very prophetic! Mel: Can you guess my horoscope? CS: Yes: I predict you'll have your face rubbed in the dirt! Mel: Hah! Jun: Let's have some fun, shall we? Kaz: Now that you mention it, I want a few rounds in the battle arena. Jun: Honey, why fight even on vacation? Kaz: Because I gotta! Jun? Hello? I'm a fighter! Mel: And a lover ;) Kaz: Yea, that too~ hey! I mean, I want to try the battle! Jun: I want to go to the event... Mel: I want the speed!! CS: Do you always disagree as much? Kaz: Okay, you're the expert, where do we go? Cait Sith knows the script... CS: I say we go to the Speed! Kaz: ! Aheh, you ask yourself, script-aware readers? Shouldn't he suggest the Battle Arena? But noooo! Exactly since he _knows_ the script, deceptive Cait Sith decides that, while he's at it and Rayden knows he's working his ass off in the Golden Saucer... Rayden: Correction, I don't know that! Not to mention enduring "those imbeciles" not knowing where it's at, he could have some fun... CS: Right! ^_^ And so, to the Speed it is! Mel: Hurray! Jun: Yea, yea, YEA! Kaz: >:$ Mel: So Catie... Are you a boy or a girl? CS: ... now that you mention it, I've never given it much thought... Shang Tsung: It's not the gender, it's the sensation! Jax: Yeah, there speaks the drag queen! ST: Oh, you're horrible! So really my dear readers... is Cait Sith a boy or a girl? I took him for a guy but nothing excludes the other possibility and, let us not forget he is actually handled by Reeve, played by Shang Tsung, who is supposedly a drag... so what gives? Kaz: Boy or girl, I suspect this stuffed toy is using our money! CS: (innocently) Who, me? Jun: Honey, how can you say so cruel things? Kaz: Because I got sick of doing the speed all over again! Mel: To think that rich people wouldn't mind a spend... Kaz: Enough! I'm not doing the speed again! CS: You'd rather go back to the Wonder Square? Kaz: I wanna go home! Jun: Honey... calm down! Wouldn't you like to go to the battle instead? Kaz: M! (affirmative noise made by very young children to show they agree to what they were promised in order to stop pouting). Jun: There, there, honey. We'll go to the battles now. Kaz: ^_^ Mel: The big bad K. Who would have thought. But something strange is going on in the Battle Arena. The floor is covered in blood... Jun: Yuk! Kaz: Hey! What's going on? Mel: Who the hell did this? It sounds like Sephiroth... But Tifa is wrong because although the music is that of the Sephiroth events, actually Jenova impact, the one to blame is someone else... Half dead guy: Oooooo... Mel: It's a Resident Evil zombie! Kaz: What the hell is this supposed to mean? Zombie: Wooooo! (crawling towards them) CS: That... what is this going on? Mel: If you ask me, someone with a gattling gun did the job... hey, did you get the gattling gun in Resident Evil? I only got the rocket launcher so far and~ The door opens suddenly and in come four people. One is Chris Redfield from Resident Evil... Audience: Weeeeee!!!! (cheering and clapping and Chris stops oblidged to do a bow) Chris: Excuse me (goes and picks up the zombie, carrying it out of the scenery) ...and now that things are settled, let's focus on the other three. The two of them are (drum roll) ~ Ta-CHUNG ~ (spotlight falls in the darkness) Shinra guy 1 + 2: IT'S US! TA-DAA!!!! Audience: WEEEEEE! (wild applause) Shinra guy 1: You love us! You really love us! Kaz: What are you guys doing here? Where's the commander? Shinra guy 2: You only ask about the commander! Kaz: Naw, you know that's not how I meant it! Dio: Do I get my turn? Mel: He's... BIG! Yes my friends. The third is the owner of the Golden Saucer, the impressively and even disgustingly muscular Dio, dressed as a body builder about to contest. Too bad we didn't kick his sorry ass! But anyway, since the similarities are so great, he will be played by Kossak... Kossak: Moooof! Why me! Rock: Because you look like it~ KooOOOOSSAaaak! Um... Well, Dio is played by Kossak only in appearance but the voice is dubbed... Kossak: MuuuF! Rock: HAAAA Ha ha ha ha ha haaaa! Kaz: (completely ignoring Dio and the rest) I can't tell you how happy I am to see you again, guys! Shinra guy 1: We came all the way from Junon just to see you! Shinra guy 2: By wind and by fire we made it through! Shinra guy 1: No, how did it go... By wind and... CS: Who are these people? Kaz: Some buddies... CS: (exasperatedly) Well we ALL are somebodies! Mel: HELP! Dio: Hardly entertaining... CS: You keep friends with the Shinra? Kaz: Only those two! Shinra guy 1: Yea, we sure believe you! ;) Kaz: Oh but you are special! Shinra guy 2: And why is that? Kaz: Because... You taught me to~ Shinra guy 1 + 2 + Kaz: ROCK THIS WAY! TALK THIS WAY! Kaz: taught me to Shinra guy 1 + 2 + Kaz: ROCK THIS WAY! TALK THIS WAY! Everyone gapes as they do the Rock this way thing... again! Dio: Horrible! Mel: And you haven't heard the Rufus ballad! Kaz: Hey you want?! Dio: NO! That singing is horrible! Throw them away! Shinra guy 1: Eh... orders are orders... Kaz: Will I see you again? Shinra guy 2: To that, we can only hope... CS: I don't have to be a fortune teller to know that! Mel: Oh, shut it! The Shinra guys take them inside the battle arena... and then, it opens wide and in they fall... Kaz + Mel + Jun + Red ~ Mel: Where did you come from? Red: What does it matter? ~ + Cait Sith...: YIAAAAAAHHHHHHH! . . . From the glamour of the Golden Saucer, our heroes end up in the misery of the desert and as if that wasn't enough, they land in a prison. Oh, yes my friends... dread I say at their misfortune! For what they are about to face is a horrible situation... Prisoner: Hey, princess! Will you date me? Mel: Dream about it you sleaze! Prisoner: I was talking to the other cutie! Kaz (protectively hugging his wife): She's with me! Prisoner: Bring her along, who cares! Kaz: ! CS: Will you stop flirting around with everyone? Kaz: Why, you get jealous? Jun: Honey, this place is scaring me! Red: Let's stay together, everyone... Jun: Where is Bruce? In a tight group they walk, fighting off nasty thieves who sometimes steal from their money and sometimes they even get away with it... STUPID, DISGUSTING thieves! But where is Bruce! And to make things worse... Prisoner (played by Kano): Woheheheheee! Kaz: Will you stop following us around? Kano: Hey, just a kiss. One kiss and I'll be gone! CS: For crying out loud, give him the kiss and he'll be gone! Kaz: YUCK! Mel: Yea, as if I'd fall for that! Red: People, I'm planning to have dinner. Jun: Oh, Bruce... he was so upset, I wonder if he really did all the mess up there... Kaz: Well Red, you shouldn't have promised him that car... CS: You told them already? Red: Let's say I had no option~ CS: How could you! My head! Oh my head! (airing himself...) Kano: Oh gimme a kiss! Mel: Oh, I've had it with you! Come here! Before Kano can figure things out, Mileena grabs him firmly and forces him to a strong, long lasting, breathless kiss... Kano: Mhmff, mhmfmh,f,f... Kaz: Holy cow, that's gross! CS: Ew! I'd say! She's kissing a man! Red: Ugh! Jun: . . . (she can't mutter anything, she feels like fainting, she is significantly paler and stares goggle eyed at the slobber pouring on Kano's unshaved cheeks...) After a really long time... Kano: ...gah! Mel: Good enough for you, loverboy? Kano: Gleuwh, gwah! Kaz: Poor fellow! 0_0 Jun: (whispering) Honey, I want to puke! Red: . . . (with a very strange expression seen on Red, of curiosity and disgust...) Mel: So what are you staring at? Shall we? Mileena strides on, shaking her tail as if nothing went on... Red: Let's... uhm... follow... Therefore the team follows Mileena for a shack, with Kano still after them, even though he's now staggering... Kaz: To thing this would stop him...