Chapter 16 - Golden Saucer. Nested in the ropeway wagon as it travels up in the peaceful sky our heroes look outside the windows... and what a glorious site they see! A grand tree-like construction shining with gold and thousands of lights, fireworks erupt in all colours and music chimes around as they reach the golden saucer! Remember my dear fellows that astonishing overview of when you first arrived! To see the speed, the chocobo races~ Heihachi + Jinrey: EEEAAAAA!!! ~and all the wonders of this fairy tale world above the earth, so ironically over where poverty reigns... But the sight is so beautiful they all gaze at it. Even grumpy Kazuya seems amazed... ...in fact so much he didn't hear me calling him grumpy... ...Jun doesn't think about giving another of her lectures, Red is hanging outside the window, Bruce is beaming with excitement as he stares at the great scenery... Bruce: WEEEE! We're gonna get a car! We're gonna get a car! Kaz (for once feeling joyful): Splendid! I must talk to the owner for a partnership! Red: Tsssk! Mel (from the back row): Relax, there... you're on holiday for once! Kaz: Eh... Hey, come over and look at it! Mel (ogling at his butt): No thanks... I have a far better view back here... Bruce: AGNNNNNN, AAAGNNNN!!!! (making "car" sounds... so sad!) And there we are, my dear ladies and gentlemen, the front door of the Golden Saucer! A guy dressed as a fat joyful chocobo hops around. There are balloons into the air, there are bright lights... ...you know, sometimes if you are very lucky, you'll see a guy in the far end of the screen, behind the save point and this guy trades gil for GP, which is... hit it, Red... Red: GP is the currency unit used in the Golden Saucer. Stands for Golden Points... ...thank you. But for now, our friends walk to the counter... Cammy: Welc~ Kaz: NO! Not her! Why HER? Bruce: Oh man, whadaya want now? Cammy: You think I'm happier to see you? Bruce: I kinda like you tho ;) Red: We'd like a permanent pass. Cammy: Is that so? (venomously) It'll cost you 30,000 gil! Red: Right here miss. Cammy stares wide eyed, not believing she could see so much money... Bruce: HEY! And ma'car?!? (hysterical) Red: It's on it's way. Bruce: My money! Whadidya do to my money! Cammy: This way, people... (still stunned) I advise advanced RPGers to get the permanent pass on the first attempt. It's not hard at all! Just don't buy any weapons, equipment, materias. Why should you, anyway? Best things in life are free after all... Bruce (whimpering): I want my car! Red: Haven't you learned to wait? Bruce (pouting): NOW! Jun: Hey, Bruce, why don't you try to enjoy yourself? Bruce: (in shrills) I want my car! Mel: Just leave him alone, damn it! Jun: ... So when Bruce realises he doesn't get any attention, he runs off crying like a three year old child - I pray that none of my audience has the misfortune of knowing how annoying that is! And so, he jumps into one of the rainbow coloured rings and goes... Kaz: So we're left here... Jun: Honey, it's an amusement park, why don't we go and have fun? Xiaoyu: Unfair, UNFAIR! I want to go to the amusement park TOO! Mel: Shut up, kiddo! Xiaoyu's eyes rounden in sorrow... Jinrey: Princess? Why are you talking like that to my grand-daughter? Red: So, Kaz. Kaz: It's KA-ZU-YA! Red: Hm? Well, Sapfarah always writes you as Kaz... Me: That's to save space! Red: Oh. Mel: I like Kaz... Kaz: Mel! Mel: So you like calling me pet names? ;) Red: Look guys, I'll see you around later, I need to arrange a few things... you go ahead and enjoy yourselves, okay? Kazuya: (to me) That's better! Me: Well, I figured, this once... Kaz: So, Jun... Where for do you wish? Jun: Ummm... Mel: Thanks for asking me too what I'd like to do! Kaz: ~ Jun: But of course you will come with us, Mileena! Right Honey? (scowling at him) Kaz: Well, you know my answer... Jun: Wonderful! Let's go a tour in the Golden Saucer! At first, our fellows take a tour, admiring the lights and all the attractions... when they soon realise that the only way they can play is by obdaining GP. Only ways are the Wonder Square and the Chocobo races. Since the big cash go to the races, our heroes will head there first... Lei Fang behind the counter (Dead or Alives do their thing): You want to register? Although for the time being Kazuya is grumbling that he took all the trouble to gather all the gil for an amusement park, for he doesn't know yet what fabulous gifts he will later gain in this, he still pays for the Chocobo races. To this point on, my dear readers, the action goes outside the screen in the hands of Wang Jinrey and Heihachi who will be taking care of the "Chocobos"... (No, this is REALLY how we played! Better if there are two to do it...) Heihachi: So! I'll read and you'll write! Speed? 87... Stamina... 216. Wang: That's a good one... What's the name? Heihachi: Why the hell do I care what they call the bloody animal? Just write down the stats! 86, 222! Wang: I like this one... Knight! Heihachi: Eeiiiii... you're incorrigible! Jinrey writes the Chocobo statistics in neat piles and then they choose three out of them... Wang: Let's choose James and Knight and Pau... Heihachi: Ohhh WHAT did I just tell you, don't be telling me the names of the damn Chocobos! Wang: That's the way this system works you retarded old geezer! Heihachi: What did you call me? It takes long hours to decide upon the winning team but once they do... here starts the race! Wang and Heihachi: CooooOOOOOMEEE.... COME OOOONNN! COME OOOON! Heihachi: What the hell is this one doing? Hey! Is number two one of ours? Wang: No, wait! It's picking up, come oooon! COME OOOON! Heihachi: COME O~ Oiii damn it! Shit! Wang: Shit! Shit! Shit! Heihachi: We lost! Wang: Oh, and I told you, not to pick Aimee! Heihachi: Oh hell with you~ (attacks Jinrey intending to hit him) So it is that unfortunately our friends lose the race... Heihachi directs Cloud to talk to the guy standing before the counter booth... Heihachi: Then you too lose! Guy before counter: I... I lost... The action is back at our heroes. Cloud is very angry at Red, for it seems that his plan to gather money and lose it over Chocobo races was stupid... Heihachi: Hey! One more time! Let's try one more time! Kaz: Dad, shut up! Heih: WHAT did you say?!? Jun: (Father, please!) Oh honey, please, come on, let's try again! Kaz: Jun? We're gonna lose all our money! Mel: What's your worry, loverboy? We'll make new! Come, let's try one more time! (snatches money from Kazuya) Kaz: HEY! Jinrey: That's my princess! Yes! YES! Let's just say that after many attempts, our friends have got the handle of it and managed to win themselves a few chiming GP... Mel: So this is all about it... GP... Kaz: No wonder I don't like the Chocobos... Mel: Have I told you before that we share interests? Kaz: NO! Mel: (fidgeting her hair) There's a first time to everything... Jun: Where is Red and Bruce? Mel: Who cares! I want to go to Wonder Square! Kaz: Okay, bye! (waves) Jun: (honey!) We will go to Wonder Square, Mileena. Mel: (hmm, what is this? The Green-Piss teams with me?) Oh thank you Jun! I so much want to go! ^_^ Kaz: Sick... Mel: Whatever... ;) So they end up in the Wonder Square, the place where you can gain more GP by paying in gils. Much like an arcade center it is, but I doubt they have Tekken3 or any other cool fighting game as of yet... ...well, actually they may have Tekken3 in a sense, there is a fighting game and one opponent looks so much like Tiger Jackson... Tiger: That's because it IS Tiger Jackson! Kaz: (sarcastically) ooh, good thing it wasn't Michael Jackson! Tiger: My man? (dangerously) Zack (from DoA): My man? Bruce: Yo! No jokes with mah' blokes! Kaz: Gosh! But then... what's this thing approaching? It looks like a big fat ugly cutesy vampire gargoyle with a cat looking sprite nested on its lumpy fat... Ladies and Gentlemen, it is Cait Sith! Audience: ... ...why? Why don't you like Cait Sith? Is it because he's so ugly? Or is it because he's practically useless and has no good limits? Maxi: He SUCKS! Oh please, be a little more imaginative! Kossak: I like Cait Sith! Zangief: Uh, Kossak... Don't let people know that... Rock: Kossak likes Cait SIIIITH! Kossak: But he's BIG and FAAAAAAT! Rock: Waaaaa... FAAAAAAAAAT!!! CS: Now that you're done with your trivialties, do you mind if I say my lines? Bruce: Uh, great. Another bore-no play dude. Red: Well, it's a good thing they didn't substitute him either. It'll be easier to keep you in track with another professional... Bruce: Man, they ain't substituting him coz there ain't no one wanna substitute him! Red: Sighs... CS: And I would like to say my lines, IF you don't mind! Kaz: Good, because I thought I would have to be standing here forever! CS: (coughs) Hey, people? Kaz: ...YES? CS: I couldn't help noticing you... Kaz: Ladies, he's yours. Jun: Honey? Mel: Some escort you are, leaving the first pervert to hit on the women in your care! CS: Excuse me, I'm afraid you got me wrong~ Mel: No, you got us wrong, lardball! Beat it! Jun: Mileena, is this necessary? When Red arrives... Red: Hey Cait Sith... CS: Red, I'm thinking of quitting. Red: Cait, you cannot do that! CS: Red, with all due respect, I know you warned me, but I refuse, I absolutely refuse to work with them! Red: I know how you feel... but give them a chance! CS: First they must give me a good reason! Bruce: I'll give you reason! Everyone looks at Bruce and silence settles as he stands seriously before Cait Sith... CS: Okay... So why should I follow you? Kaz + Mel (next to you ;) (Kaz: GRR!) + Red + Jun: ... Bruce: Because... The train we're on don't make no stop! Audience stands up, cheering madly, clapping with wild enthusiasm and the music is the up-beat version of the map music which will be later on heard on the Highwind... CS: ... All right. I'm staying. There maybe hope for you after all. And so Cait Sith joins the group... Jun: Welcome Cait Sith! Mel (snaring at Bruce): Good go! Bruce: ...Highwind? You mean... we gonna get a jet? A private jet? With champange and all? Woohoo! A jet! WOOOHOOO!