Chapter 13 - Across the ocean~RUFUS SHINRA, RUFUS SHINRA, RUFUS SHINRA! Enough with the singing already! Shinra guy 1 +2 + Kaz + Commander: Aww, sucks! ... Ahem! Where was I! Ah yes. Our heroes are trying to get aboard to the ship Gelnika to sail across the ocean... and to do so, Kazuya had to forgo his personal conflicts and disguise himself as a Shinra soldier. Kaz: Beats being dressed as a girl any day! Shinra guy 1: You've been dressed as a girl? Commander: I'm sure it looked good on you, hun ;) Kaz: The only thing that looks good on me is you ;) Commander: Iii bet you tell that to all the guys! Shinra guy 2: Sir, we had a great time but Rufus is about to sail off and I think we should be there to dance the farewell fanfare? Commander: Alas! All good things must come to an end... let's. And so Kazuya follows in disguise, for one last act... This is trickier than before, because he will be standing right before Rufus himself and the short tempered general Heideger... Well at least, he won't have to sing. Kaz: No singing? Awww! But I wanted to! Well, you'll get to dance, if it is any consolation... Kaz: Hmm... okay. And here they are... oh the agony! What if Rufus suspects anything? He has seen Cloud before... But everything goes right and in the end, they spin their guns over their heads and everyone is pleased... in fact, general Heidegger is presenting the hero with a sword... Heidegger-Zangief: Ungh, boss... your fly is up... Kaz: ! And so Rufus and his people get in the ship that will take them across the ocean... while on the port... among emotional embraces... Shinra guy 1: Take care! Shinra guy 2: May the sea be mild and the wind at your tail for your trip to the land unknown... Kaz: Hehe... I'll miss your quotes... Commander: I'll miss your [beep]... Kazuya blushes... when... Red (behind some cargo boxes): Hey, pssst! Kaz: Uhm? Red: Over here! Come on! And so our hero gets on board and the doors are closing as the proud vessel Gelnika sails for the far off land... Shinra guy 2: Gee, he'll miss my quotes, he said... Shinra guy 1: The farewells are always a hard task to take... Shinra guy 2: ...you didn't take poetry in school, did you? Shinra guy 1: Eh, does it show that much? The mighty ship sails away, under the sun to the blue sea... Gulls are escorting it... Mel: STUPID gulls! (rubs off some gull dirt - I wonder why gulls are picking on her!) ...and our hero walks into the ship... to find out that... everyone's here! Aeris, Barret, Red... uh... oh yes, Tifa! How could I forget! Kaz: You just had to remember, didn't you! Tifa: Hi sailor! (winks) Kaz: Mfghmfgh! Yes, even Red is dressed as a sailor and does he look odd or what? But... where is Barret? Kazuya-Cloud finds him eavesdropping a talk between Rufus and Heidegger which seems to be of great importance... Z: Ungh... Unghr! Rufus: Really, Zangief, why do you keep making that noise? Z: Noise? Unghr! What noise? Kaz: Found anything? Bruce: Hey! And why would I be telling you anyway? Kaz: I have no freaking idea. Bruce: Neither do I. Kaz: *sighs*... When suddenly... everything goes wrong. The alarm sets off... What is going on? What has happened in the ship where our heroes are? My dear fellows, I read the restlessness in your faces and I know you are so eager to know~ Audience (rhythmically): We! Want! Sephi-roth! We! Want! Sephi-roth! Okay, okay, you'll get what you want~ Audience: >CHEEEEERS!< but only because it's in the script! Yes indeed! An intruder is reported! Our hero takes his team down to the engine rooms... where they find once again... a trail of blood... Audience murmurs with anxiety... As they enter and they see Guy (from Street Fighter) playing a guy dying... Guy dying: I'm dying... Mel + Kaz + Jun + Bruce + Red: D-UH! Guy: What? Even Jun is being sarcastic? Jun: What do you mean _even Jun_? Kaz: What do you mean _even_? Mel: Oh, move on! (spanks Kazuya's butt) Kaz: And don't you do that! Mel: Well, you can always make even... ;) Bruce: Bet your ass I will! (spanks her butt) Mel: [beep]! Bruce: Hey! Didn't you get the double meaning? Mel: Oh, sod off! Bruce: Hehehe ;) And... what is this? A strange thing is happening... as two more guys are taken down... Guy 1: I'm not the Shinra guy 1... Guy 2: I don't think they asked us... But I'm not the Shinra guy 2 either for all that it matters... Silence! Because there! He's right there! His royalness, his excellency, the root of Evil of that game, the great, great Sephiroth! Audience: CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Sephiroth, played by Lee Chaolan hovers in the air and turns to the audience with a smug grin...) (Kazuya nods at Lee with his thumb, making annoyed faces, as if to say "What, him?") Red: Ehm, ghm-ghm... Kaz: I heard you the first time! Red: That's the first time... Bruce: Yo, are you gonna say it, or am I gonna have to? Kazuya clears his throat: Sephiroth. And yes, my dear audience... Eerie stillness is in the air... as the great Sephiroth faces down at Cloud... and says... Lee: Your fly is up. Kaz: ! Audience: WAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA (BIIIIIIIIIIIIZZ!!! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP!) A girl from the audience: Isn't Sephiroth so cute! Jun: (whispering) Honey, fix your zip! Kaz: Quit it! Bruce: Oh man, you're ruining everything! Red: Can't we just pretend everything is all right and go on as if nothing's happening? Kaz: What do you mean nothing's happening? He's made a fool of myself before the whole damn audience! Lee, get the hell down here! But the almighty Sephiroth only crosses his arms... Lee: You, a mere mortal dare ask a God to come down to your level? Audience: CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP! Kaz: Arrrggghhh... [beep] off! Lee: My oh my, what language! And at the presence of ladies! Kaz: Come down and see what my fists have to tell you! (cracks his knuckles) Jun: Honey... Lee: I would LOVE to show you what my powers are... but I won't bother. Kaz: You [beep] [beep] o [beep] [beep] if I got my hands on you! Lee: IF! my friend! Because you see... I can fly and you cannot! And so the great Sephiroth, flies off to the skies... but he drops behind him... the root of... Jenova. Bruce: Holy shit! Red: Get ready! Mel: I guess it's whooping ass time! Jun: EEEeeyah! Kaz: Shhh-! My fly's broken! Mel: oooh, nice piece of info! Bruce: We'll fix that later! Come over here and kick some ass! Kaz: HRRRR! Jenova is patiently waiting... and then our heroes attack it from all directions... Mel: She's so ugly! Bruce: An' how do you know it's a she? Mel: With a name like Jenova, what else could she be? Red: Mel is a man's name too, you know... Mel: ! It's an abbreviation, you idiot! Jun: For the Planet! >whack< ! Jenova: Please... no ecologic slogans! Mel: I'll go for that... Bruce: Heck, me too! Mel: Maybe we shouldn't be hitting on Jenova... she's on our side... Bruce: Mmmm... (thinking) Red: Actually, I've been thinking about it myself... after all she gives us a couple of good enemy skills... Bruce: Mmm... Jun: But... But... Where is our hero! Kaz: I'm _stuck_! Heihachi: Oh no! It's my worst nightmare coming true! My son is making a fool of himself before Jenova! Jinrey: Get out of there! Heihachi: Get away! Kaz: Believe me, I'm _TRYING_ to! Jinrey: Ohhh-drat! How are we going to explain this to Jenova? Heihachi: What is to explain? And then tomorrow when Sephiroth will be visiting us? Jinrey + Heihachi: DRAT! Red: Uh, I say we kill Jenova? Jenova: *yawn* Just as I was wondering whether you were going to... So our heroes, well... even without the help of Cloud succeed in defeating the tiny little Jenova in Birth as it is called and now they are free to pick up the Ifrit Summon materia... Jun: WEEEEE! Bruce: WoooAARRHHH! Paul: Hey! This is my kind of shouting! Bruce: Buzz off! Red: We did it. Mel: And all without "someone's" invaluable help... "That Someone": Well, SORRY to be getting in your way! Jun: Now, now honey, you know Mileena didn't mean it like that! Kaz: The hell I care how she meant it! Bruce: Hey! Are you talkin' bout mah' girl again? Mel: I'm not your girl!! Bruce: (leering) Hey, hey, pretty mama, don't be so irritable... you'll ruin your face! Red: I think we'll soon arrive in Costa Del Sol and maybe it's a good idea if we don't stay around much longer... Bruce: Yo, I'll go for that... Hey, didya say 'Costa Del Sol'. Is that some kind offa resort? Red: Well, you see, Costa Del Sol is a tropical place where you can get a rest and later on, when you'll be rich and famous, you can even buy a house... Bruce: Hehe, like Beverly Hills, kinda? Red: Beverly Hills? Bruce: Oh man, you know nuthin' at all? Mel: This slang thing is getting to my nerves! Bruce (sweetly): I know how to get through you, luv... Mel: Don't say "through"! And so, as our heroes, having defeated Jenova and reconstructed their team, looking forward for some rest after the tiring battle, "Gelnika" the strong vessel reaches across the ocean. And there, they'll have to get out without being noticed... Kaz: o O (Priscilla...) Jun: o O (Honey!! 8( Kaz: o O (Just kidding!) Maxi: o O (If you have something to say, say it out loud, damn it!) Kaz + Jun: o O ( ?!? ) While on the dock... Rufus: Okay... um... Heidegger, I want you to find Sephiroth and those rebels for me. I want you to succeed. Z: Unghr... yes. Rufus: And stop making that noise! Z: Unghr, noise? What noise? Rufus fixes his hair... Rufus: Whatever. Just don't mess up. (goes away to the helicopter waiting for him...) My dear readers, although Heidegger is a very ill tempered person, Zangief is a rather peaceful guy who doesn't chase after sailors on dock to throw them into the sea... but... Z: Iii! That is DeeJay, dressed as a sailor! DeeJay dressed as a sailor: Ih? (shaking) Z: Heere, heere, DeeJay! DeeJay! DeeJay! DeeJay: Maaaaaaaaan!! (runs around, screaming, looking for a place to hide with Zangief chasing him) Audience probably doesn't understand what goes on but laughs all the same watching Zangief chasing DeeJay around the port.