Chapter 8 - Escaping the Shinra Tower Director: Scene of the elevator, take two, action! Bruce: Hey! We took the elevator first! Sagat (Rude): I don't think so~ Reno (Adon): Did not! Sagat: Not that, you fool! Red: Did too! Jun: This is getting old... Adon: Did not! Bruce: Aww, shut up! We were here first! Sagat: Then, we'll fight over the elevator. Red: I say, let's kick their butts! Bruce: Yo! I really like you, partner! Jun: Flower power! Bruce + Red: ... (staring at Jun) Jun: Hehe! ^_^ um? You didn't like? Sagat: Jeez... Adon: Hey... I've got a better idea... Takes off a CD player... Adon: Let's rock the place! (hits for Aerosmith... "Love in the Elevator"...) Bruce: YO! My man, we talk the same language! Red: Shake it, tails, shake it baby! Jun: WEEEEE! Sagat: I'm baaad, I'm baad! Who's bad! Adon: Get down on it... (clap clap) Get down on it! The elevator rocks all the way down and our friends fight ala Bust-a-move... When they reach ground floor... Bruce: He man, that was great, let's do it again sometime! Adon: Yea, you bet! Next time with chicks and the booze and smoooooth music all night long! Red: And I'll get some pussy cats I know... Jun: It was such fun! Tired and exhausted our heroes reach the ground floor, with the sense of achievement, as Reno and Rude, played by Adon and Sagat are leaving... Red: They're cool, man... Bruce: They are! All Muai Thai's are cool! Red: Yo! Bruce: Yea, that was fun. Too bad my babe wasn't here to jive with me... Red: You'll see her again, pal. Soon. But in the meanwhile... on the top floor... A fierce battle is about to begin... Kaz: You [beep] with my wife... Rufus: Hey man, it was her idea! Kazuya glares dangerously... Rufus: Besides, man... see, now I have a better understanding of you... and I appreciate you! Kaz: ? ... ! Rufus: I mean, if you can endure her for so long and [beep] with her, then yea! She was all skin and bones! Kaz: (fuming) ...! Rufus: Look, I'm sorry I brought it that way to you but... Kaz: Stop reminding me! Rufus: Eh? Kaz: Twenty years... TWENTY YEARS of my life! Rufus: Oh man... Kaz: Enough! Now we fight! Rufus: But~ Kaz: SHUT! You [beep]ed my wife and now there's only one way I can get even! Rufus: But hey... I don't have... (notices a very dangerous gleam in Kazuya's eyes) Uhoh... Kazuya gloats: Let's see if you kid can fight as good as [beep]!... Rufus: Hey... listen... can't you [beep] that panther instead? Panther: ?!? Kaz: We'll see about that! Oh the bloody fight that commences on the area! Rufus, is not just a rich boy, he can also fight and in what style! Our hero, Kazuya is heatedly attacking him... and the panther... Kaz: Not the panther she said? TAKE this you panther! Panther: Kaiiiii! Rufus: Hey man, do you have to be so mean? Kaz: I haven't started yet! Jin: Father? Father please! Heihachi: You idiot! You're scaring my kid! (embraces Jin) The fight is merciless for in its outcome stands the future of probably the whole planet... but right as the panther dies and Rufus loses the barrier protecting his suit... Rufus: Heh... see you later... Kaz: Get down here! Scorpion: Hey! Rufus flees in the helicopter... leaving Kazuya alone on the roof with a dead panther... Audience: Awwwwww... Kaz: What's so sad? Audience: The panther you idiot! Kaz: [beep] [beep] [tuut!] the [beep] [beep] panther! Panther: Sigh... Oh my friends... in the heat of the moment, Kazuya realises that it's time to leave... Whereas on the ground floor... Bruce: Yo! Tifa! Where's Cloud? Mel: I'd ask you the same! When he came back in, I run to him but he started yelling at me and then he punched me and then he run and I lost him, even though I run after him and then~ But our noble hero will return, rest assured my friends! Here he comes indeed in his shining armor and nickel plated motorbike... (music playing "Bad to the bone" while Kazuya makes a very Terminator 2 entrance, with the shades and all...) Audience: BIIIIIIIIIIZZZZ! Paul: Hey... that's MY bike! Kazuya (with lots of attitude): Get in the truck. Orchestra: Tararara ram! Kaz: We're leeeeaving and fast! Orchestra: Tararara ram! Kaz: Coz the Shiiiinra're coming! Shinra: AUGH! Orchestra: Tararara ram! Kaz: And they aaaaint gonnawait! Orchestra: Tararara ram! Kaz: Cut that out! Orchestra: Tararara ram! Kaz: If I say so myself... Orchestra: Tararara ram! Kaz: I'm cooool when I'm rocking... Orchestra: Tararara ram! Bruce: Yea, that's my man! Orchestra: Tararara ram! Audience: WEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Orchestra ends with a long guitar string, one of the guitarists jumps slamming his guitar while the drummer hits whatever he sees fit... Mileena leaning on Kazuya's shoulder: You're a man of many talents... Kazuya studies her...: Get on. Mel: ... gah? Jun: Honey?!? Kaz: I'll talk to you... later. Rest of you. Follow me. The three others get in the van, while Mileena doesn't believe her luck! Music playing is "Born to be wild" and as they speed down the highway, Shinra motorbikes join in for an amazing show... It is my friends a biker's dream. Roaming the world on his bike with his friends around him and a beautiful woman on the back seat, with the wind in his face... Paul: Only that's MY bike! Kazuya + Mileena + Shinra bickers: BOOORN TO BE WIIIIIIILD... But the chase ends at the end of the road... and it is the most crucial moment for our friends... Kaz: Hey, don't get lost, you hear? Biker2 (yeah! Why must we always start from Biker1?): We'll keep in touch brother! We'll keep in touch! Biker3: We'll fill the walls with grafitis! Biker1: Hey, when's my turn? And so, having got rid of the Shinra and returning the bike to Paul... Jun: Honey... we have to talk! Kaz: What about? Bruce: Uh-ooh... I say, we'll hang around if you need us... Jun: Why did you do that? Kaz: YOU are questioning ME? Jun: Honey, you couldn't possibly believe that I... Kaz: Yes I did! Jun: You fool! He only said it to piss you off! Kaz: ...? Jun: And you believed a stranger to your wife! (mumbles then begins to sob...) Kaz: No, look Jun... Jun: Wooooooo... (crying) Kaz: Honey... Jun: *snif!* *SNIF!!* Kaz: I didn't like the way he looked at you! Jun: ... Kaz: And anyway, I know you're too innocent to do THAT... Jun: (blushing : phew... that was close!) Kaz: Okay? Jun: All right... Kaz: Everyone! It's allright! Come back! Bruce: Yo! So what we're up to now? Kaz: Mmm... I don't know. Red: If I remember correctly, we're after Sephiroth... Mel: Sephiroth? Red: Sephiroth. Haven't you read the script? Kaz + Jun + Bruce + Mel: NO! Rock: ... You weren't supposed to admit it! Kossak: HAAAA! They fixed you Rock! They fixed you! Rock: WUAAAAAA! (angry!) Red: No matter. We're out to get Sephiroth. Mel: Must we? Red: Oh yes we must. Cloud wants to make even with him. Kaz: Now why would I do that? Red: Because Sephiroth has taken away all you loved. Mel: Including me... ;) Bruce: Okay, we're off to take Sephiroth! Jun: To Sephiroth then! And so our heroes decide to chase the so much talked about Sephiroth, the one who impelled president Shinra with a masamune and released Jenova, for those who don't remember the previous episodes... But... who is this Sephiroth, everyone's talking about? My kind readers, I'll talk about him with the most accurate descriptions I can! He's handsome.... his evil! He's mean! He's bad! Ladies and gentlemen, he's Lee Chaolan! (The crowd and especially the feminine population goes ecstatic at the mentioning of the name. Cheers, bizzing and clapping fill the room and the camera captures hysteria very close to that which was observed in once upon held Michael Jackson's concerts...) Girl 1: LEE!!!! LEE CHAOLAAAAAN! I LOVE YOU, LEE! I LOVE YOU!!! Girl 2: OH I'M DYING! OH I'M DYING! OH I'M DYING!! Girl 3: He's so gorgeous! *faint!* WAAAAAAAAAAH! Girl 4: LEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Kaz: Oh God!... Girl 5: LEE I LOVE YOU! LEEEEEEE! I WANNA MARRY YOU! Maxi: MAXIIIII! (this is getting ridicilus!) Mitzurugi: Oh, Rayden... Rayden: LEEEEEE!!! Eh? Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of his too! Red: Well you see, this Sephiroth and you are somewhat scientific brothers... he has destroyed your hometown... Cloud, are you paying attention? Kazuya crosses his arms and appears very angry... Kaz: (mumbling) What's so special about Lee? Rock: WAAAA! He's jealous! Kaz: I'M NOT! Mel: If it makes it any better, I think you're sexier... Kazuya twists his face in utter annoyance. Bruce: No kiddin! Red: So Cloud now wants to face him and avenge what he did to himself~ Kaz: He takes all the attention from me! Jun: Honey, you should get over this pathological envy from your brother~ Kaz: Argh! Red: I say, Take two of us with you and let's get on with the story! Bruce: Hey, don't I get a line anymore? Kaz: What the hell! Let's _kalm_ down! Red: Right! Off to Kalm! Kaz: I said _kalm down_! Red: What's the difference. We're heading for Kalm. And our company goes on to find the small town called Kalm. There they will rest and decide how they will continue their quest. For now, they all walk through the fields... Jun: The nature! Such beauty! Hey everyone! How about a good singalong? Everyone: NO!