Chapter 4 Aeris's house: Aeris runs crying to her mom who embraces her and in a motherly voice comforts her... then turns at Kazuya... Elmyra: Bad, bad boy! How dare you treat my daughter like that! Jun: And *sob* he said my clothes suck! Elmyra: Did he say that! Kazuya looking pale...: If you need me, I'll be around... (walks away) And so our hero is strolling in the dreamy forest surrounding the house of Jun the flowergirl, kicking stones like a teenager in love... Kaz: ... I only said I don't like it! I didn't mean it like this... Audience: Aaawwwww... Kaz: CUT it or I'll have your heads taken! Audience: . Kaz: Hey... what's this? It's... it's a materia, right? Yes, it is, my dear friends! Kazuya has found a glowing pink orb which is the Cover materia, to the best of my knowledge. Glad, he picks it up and runs back to the house... In the house, Elmyra and Jun-Aeris are sitting in the small table. Elmyra is holding Jun's hands as she listens... Jun: And then... *snif snif*... he said... *snif*... When suddenly the door is pushed open... Kaz: Jun! Jun looks up and so does Elmyra. She stands up... Elmyra: Go away, she doesn't want to talk to you! Kaz: Off my way, lady, I want to talk to my wife! Elmyra: Your... wife? When did you marry my daughter? Kaz: Not in the play, lady, in reality! Elmyra (thinking): Where does the script say that? Kazuya takes Elmyra's empty chair and sits opposite of Jun. Kaz: Honey... (in that mellow voice that is so sweeping to hear!) Jun says nothing as Kazuya takes her hands in his... and gives her the materia... Kaz: I found this... it's yours. Jun: ...ooh! Kaz: I figured... since you like pink... Audience: AAAWW~ (Kazuya turns to them angrily) ~ . Elmyra: Well, in that case... Kazuya moves closer to Jun: I admit I haven't been the best husband lately... Jun: ... Kaz: Can I... make up to you? (_very_ promising voice!) Jun says nothing but she seems happy... Kazuya takes her hand to his lips and embraces her... Kaz: It's been a long time... since... we... Jun suppresses a smile, when... Elmyra: AHURM! (looking very upset) Elmyra: Dinner is served! Jun: Oh! Jun stands up: I'll be upstairs... (runs up the stairs, halts and looks back at Kazuya) fixing the beds... (meaningfully) Audience: Oooooooooh!! (nastily) Kazuya smiles as he stares at the stairs to where Jun left, when Elmyra points on his back... Elmyra: Um... how to say... would you mind not staying here tonight? Kaz: What?? (as in "you're kidding me?") Elmyra: (whispering) There are children watching the show! Kaz: What do I care? Let their parents care about it! Anyway, it's not like I'll have the camera in MY bedroom! Elmyra: But while you're in MY house you're having no sex! (looking determined) Kaz: Oh. Kaz: ... Kaz: Fine. Then I'll go with my wife to a better place. Elmyra: Suit yourself. Kazuya mumbles to himself (when I get out of here, I'll have that chick garotted for sure!) Night falls over the little house by the prairie and Kazuya tiptoes out of his bedroom... Jun in the next room is up, silently waiting for her turn to sneak out and meet her lover. Kazuya succesfully leaves Elmyra's house... but being a little out of place, he loses his way and wonders in Sector 6... then out in the open and past the church (that's a long way!) and off to the glass frontier of Midgar... all the way to the glass and back! (those who did it, know how long that is!) Kaz: Why am I pointlessly roaming this stupid place anyway? In despair, the hero returns to sector 6... where at the door he sees his beloved... angry at him for being late. Kaz: I'm sorry, I lost the way... Jun: I bet you did! Kaz: But I did! Jun: Yeah, yeah, now let's go! Together they go, a little touchy both of them... when suddenly... Kaz: Don't tell me we are fighting a house... Jun: Oh yes we are! (takes out her staff) Kaz: Okay... ummm... Lightning! They battle their way through the ruins of the once upon proud city of Midgar, my friends... they defeat numerous opponents as they go on... And they reach the sad scenery of an abandoned playground... where once upon children laughed, nothingness has settled... (there is a materia somewhere there too, but I'm not sure about which.) So, they climb on a mog-looking slide and sit side by side... like two little kids! =^-^= Kazuya then takes Jun's hand in his and looks at her with a meaningful stare... Jun blushes in return and looks down, when... Kaz: WHAT now? Jun: Honey... I mean, look! A coach! Kaz: So I see it is a coach. And it is lead by... a... a huge canary? Jun: They call those Chocobos. Kaz: Um? Like... Chocolate? But it is yellow! Jun: That's just a name... and there is a girl in that coach! Kaz: ! ... Mil~ I mean... Tifa? Jun: She a friend? Kaz: NAAW! Not at all, let's forget about her, haha! Jun: But... She looks so sad! (honey... play nice!) Kaz: Jun... (complaining) Jun: No, I won't have another word. We're going to save Tifa. Kaz: What makes you think she's in danger, anyway? She might be visiting an aunt, for all I know! Jun: (It's in the script!) Kaz: (THE HELL I CARE WHAT'S IN THE SCRIPT!) The brave little flower girl jumps down and follows the coach while our hero follows her, having no other option. Oh my honourable audience, dread at the sight for indeed what our heroes find themselves into is a disreputable place. A place where sin, poverty and misery cling tightly together. It is the kingdom of the derpicable Don Corneo, a leech of society and that is where they have found themselves. Oh yes, my fellows, worry about them greatly! There is no safety in the paths of this place, but our heroes defy danger and let us not forget that the valorous (and I insist!) _swordsman_ Kazuya will use his _sword_ and head (literally!) to defend the honour of his fair companion! But what is this? Tifa is being taken as Don Corneo's next wife to be! Oh what a dire fate for the poor young girl! But worry not, for her friends will come to her resque at ALL costs! Kaz: And for THAT I must dress as a GIRL?!? The audience laughs hard, uncontrolably. Kazuya doesn't have the nerve to make them shut, as he walks around in a... frock! Jun: Hmfhfmf... You're looking great! ... Miss Kazuya! Kaz: ..!!! (deep red!) Jun: Now all we need is a wig (that'll cover that spike the best it can!) and some make up... Oh and... Kaz: ... what? Jun: Try to sway a little! (Jun demonstrates how they do it and Kazuya collapses like any decent anime character would!) Tailor (played by Zack of Dead or Alive - again the DoA guys make a small, however convincing wave) Zack: My man... Do it with grace, man! Kaz: Grumblegrumblegrumble! Zack: And... don't grumble too much! There! You are one hot piece, man! Jun chuckles: Yes, let's go! Please hold your laughters my friends, it is a serious situation! Their success depends upon convincing everyone that Kazuya is truly a girl... Kaz: The hell I will... Zack: And oh... add some sweetness to that voice! Kaz: (sweetly): Someone's going to die! After some pointless wandering, mostly to get Kazuya used to erm... his new clothes (mhmfmfmf!) and thwarting some very rude guys, interested in the dark hared and quite built lady (!) they reach Don Corneo's villa... Guard (played by Kyo Kusanagi - KoFs go crazy, as do many of the women!) Guard-Kyo: You were right, your friend IS pretty! (winks at friend) Jun: Hehe! Can we now come in? Guard-Kyo: The more, the merrier! (hey gorgeous!) Kaz: You perv~ (sweet voice) Oh, you! You say that to all the girls! Guard-Kyo: (whispers): Fix that wig of yours! Kazuya walks on, ignoring Kyo, laughing his ass out! Guard-Kyo: And swing it lady, swing it! Kazuya's face turns to a dangerously purple shade but Jun pulls him on. And they reach Don Corneo's desk... where Mileena-Tifa is waiting in a sexy dress for Don's indecent choice. Don Corneo (played by Ganryu!): I'll pick... this one... no that one... Stays to look at the built one... (mhmfff... boss your spikes show!) Kaz: (grrrrr!) Don: I know! I'll pick this one! (chooses Tifa) Oh no! Why my dear friends? The miserable outcome after such long preparation! Didn't we all think he would pick the girl with the peak? (get it? Pick? Peak? Huhuh? Huh? ...uh... huhuhuh...) (Yoshimitzu smiles but not to the pun) Don: And you can take the other two! Boys (played by ALL the MK ninjas: Sub Zero classic, Scorpion, Reptile, Rain, Ermac, Noob, Smoke...): YEAH! Kaz: Hey! What is this! I FORBID THIS! Boys: Hahahah ;) Oh I cannot bare to look! One is taking Aeris downstairs, while the other attack our hero, dressed as a girl! Maxi: See? I told you! There's much profanity in Final Fantasy! See?!? Audience: SHHHHHT! Maxi: ... (nyah!) Kaz: Oh so? You want a strip show? (someone from the backstage has a nasty idea and lowers the lights, playing "You can leave your hat on") Kaz: HAHAHA! Very funny! (very pissed!) (music stops and lights are restored, as our hero throws away his beautiful gown - bought at Zack's shop, go visit! - and bares his mean sword): Come and get it, I dare you! Heihachi: Shut up or I'll come and give it to you! Kaz: God... what have I done to deserve this! The battle is vicious and our hero attacks the soldiers with menace... he manages to defend his pride and is the only one left standing at the end of this! Then as he looks around, an idea flashes in his mind and standing cocky, he spins his sword over his head but it bumps on his deadly spike and almost breaks... Kaz: Phew that was close... But... Jun (from another room): AIIEEEE! Kaz: JUN! Our hero runs to the aid of the fair maiden... He finds her in the basement, facing a grim situation... Rain is chasing her with mean intentions!