- Buffy: The Vampire Slayer & Angel -

I go online sometimes, but... everyone's spelling is really bad, and it's... depressing.

Willow: It's not okay for you to be asking these things!
Anya: But I don't understand! [she starts to cry] I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean, I knew her, and then she's, there's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead anymore. It's stupid. It's mortal and stupid. And, and Xander's crying and not talking, and, and I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well, Joyce will never have any more fruit punch ever, and she'll never have eggs, or yawn or brush her hair, not ever, and no one will explain to me why.

I wish that Joyce didn't die... because she was nice. And now we all hurt.

Angel's lame. His hair goes straight up and he's bloody stupid.

Xander: No one is judging you. It's understandable. Spike is strong and mysterious and sort of compact but well-muscled-
Buffy: I am not having sex with Spike, but I'm starting to think you are.

You're right. He's evil. Killing him is the only way. We're the Slayer and that's what we do. [pause] But you should see him naked. I mean, really.

Darla: Do you even know what I am?
The Master: A woman of some property. No husband, no inheritance. Yes. I know what you are.
Darla: I'm a whore.
The Master: Well, yes, that too.

The Master: The Order of Aurelius. We are the select, the elite.
Angelus: And you live in the sewers, do you?

Angelus: Well, if you're lonely, Dru, why don't you make yourself a playmate?
Drusilla: I could! I could pick the wisest and bravest knight in all the land, and make him mine forever with a kiss.
William: Watch where you're going!
Darla: Or you could just take the first drooling idiot that comes along.

Darla: I know a thing or two about mind games. [to Angel] And so do you. We played them together for over a century.
Cordelia: Yes, but you were just souless bloodsucking demons. They're lawyers.
Angel: She's right. We were amateurs.

I'm either coming back with a cure or you're about to see something kinda funny.

Drusilla: I saw you coming, my lovely. The moon showed me. It told me to come into the twentieth century.
Angel: It's the twenty-first century, Dru.
Drusilla: Hmm, I'm still lagging.

Drusilla: It's not Daddy. It's never Daddy. It's the Angel-beast.
Darla: Come to punish us.
Drusilla: Yeah. Yeah, spank us 'til Tuesday. Grrruf! We promise to be bad if you do.

He's got cow eyes. Big and black. Moo...

Angel: You want to know what my problem is? I'm screwed. That's my problem. I can't win. I'm trying to atone for a hundred years of unthinkable evil. News flash! I never can! Never going to be enough. Now I got Wolfram and Hart dogging me, it's too much! Two hundred highly intelligent law-school graduates working full time driving me crazy. Why the hell is everyone so surprised that it's working? But no, it's 'Angel, why you're so cranky?' 'Angel, you should lighten up. You should smile. You should wear a nice plaid.'
Host: Oh. Not this season, honey.

Wesley [on Gunn]: That can't be his plan, can it? I mean, it's - really a dumb plan.
Cordelia: Hey, Gunn graduated with a major in dumb planning from Angel University. He sat at the feet of the master and learned well how to plan dumbly.

Gunn: I've got a plan.
Wesley: Oh thank god! What is it?
Gunn: We die horribly and painfully, you go to hell and I spend eternity in the arms of baby Jesus.

Angel: Krv... drplgr... I know these words. These are the words we used to open up the portals.
Fred: They're not words. They're consonant representations of a mathematical transfiguration formula.
[pause]
Angel: Well, obviously.

"Oh, I see you. A man surrounded by fools who cannot see his strength, his vision, his glory. [pause] That and burning baby fish swimming all around your head."

Buffy: How was school today?
Dawn: Um, the usual. Big square building filled with boredom and despair.

Angelus: I'm still trying to decide the best way to send my regards.
Spike: Why don't you rip her lungs out? That might make an impression.
Angelus: Lacks poetry.
Spike: Doesn't have to. What rhymes with 'lungs'?

"Let's think of the important things: saving our lives, running away, screaming like girls. You know, the normal stuff."

Cordelia: And you ran like a woman.
Xander: Hey, if you saw this thing you'd run like a woman too!
[Later]
Xander: And what should I do?
Cordelia: Well you could go out into the parking lot and practice running like a man.

Buffy: Do we really need weapons for this?
Spike: I just like them. They make me feel all manly.

"Okay, why don't you come on out and face me like a... thing."

Spike: A Slayer with family and friends. That sure as hell wasn't in the brochure.
Dru: You'll kill her, and then we'll have a nice celebration.
Spike: Yeah, a party.
Dru: Yeah. With streamers... and songs.
Spike: How's the Annoying One?
Dru: He doesn't want to play...

"I think sometimes that all my hair will fall out and I'll be bald."

"I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flower person, and spent the next six hours watching my hand move."

Spike: I was rash, and if I had to do it all over again... [breaks out in laughter] Who am I kidding? [stands up] I would do it exactly the same, only I'd do this... [grabs Colin]
Colin: No!
Spike: ...first! [He picks up Colin and throws him into a cage, and begins to raise it into the sun.] From now on, we're gonna have a little less ritual... [stops pulling the chain] ...and a little more fun around here. [He gives one last pull on the chain, and Colin is exposed to the sunlight. His screams fade to nothing.] Lets see what's on TV.

Dru: Do you love my insides? The parts you can't see?
Spike: Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet.

Dru: Why Angel, where have you been? The sun is almost up, and it can be so hurtful. We were worried.
Spike: No, we weren't.

"It's a big rock. I can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big."