Stealth
Chapter xxxviii
By YuriNigasa
*standard I don't own FFVIII, Squaresoft, characters, etc. applies from now until whenever I decide I'm done*
Stealth
Chapter xxxviii
By YuriNigasa
"Don't you have room for the camera yet?" yelled Selphie.
"Why don't you come up here and work if you're so eager? I didn't see you begging to be first into the spooky dark room!" fired back Zell.
"Hey, I told you we should have just blown it open, but no, nobody listens to me!" Selphie giggled.
"That would be because your alternative would have brought this lovely cavern down around our ears, sweetie," countered Irvine.
"Bah, no sense of adventure in any of you, really." Selphie feigned a pout. "It's fun to blow stuff up. Haven't you ever tried it?"
"Frequently," I responded dryly.
"I said blow stuff up, not blow stuff, you pervert. Now, get back to work before I borrow Quisty's whip."
She's making jokes about my sex life and I'm the pervert? How did she figure that? "If you weren't sitting behind who knows how much Gil worth of equipment I'd chuck this rock in your direction, just so you know. If you move away from those monitors I may change my mind," I said as I heaved a rock that weighed at least fifty pounds off to the side. It hit with a bone jarring thunk and I heard the rocks around it shift.
Progress was excruciatingly slow, but I believed that we'd break a hole in the wall soon. There was a camera equipped with night vision equipment ready to go in once we got a small area open. The equipment would be used to get a quick look before we went charging in, or before we potentially let anything out. I heard the sound of footsteps walking down the corridor in between the sounds of rocks being tossed to the sides. Squall must be back from his rounds. He had been so distracted before he left, and it looked as if nothing had changed. I wished that he would tell me what was wrong, but every time I tried to broach the subject, he deflected it with that uncanny precision of his. I'd find myself on a completely different topic, stymied as to how he managed to avoid my question yet again.
I glanced up from my rhythm to smile at him when he walked in. He smiled back but even from where I stood, I could tell it didn't quite reach his eyes. He was smiling because he thought I expected him to. All sorts of little doubts began to plague my mind, even though I knew they were ridiculous. I must have been picking up some of Squall's habits, and over-analyzation seemed to be one of them.
He walked over to me, but I could read stiffness in his posture, like a child being led to the Headmaster's office for an infraction. I started to frown, but quickly wiped the expression from my face. The last thing I needed was to blow up at him. All that would do is send him retreating. He was bad enough thinking I was oblivious to his state of mind. If he thought I suspected something, I knew he would close right up.
"Hey," I said softly, stopping my work temporarily. "How'd it go out there?"
He shrugged. "Hot. I got a couple Fastitilocons, and about a half-dozen Cacuatars. There seem to be more Cacuatars out than there were earlier."
"Well, it is getting on toward dusk. It must be getting cooler out. The Fastitilocons are settling down for night, and the Cacuatars are coming out to play. Selphie said she came across a Blitz earlier. Seems to all be fairly routine." I watched him closely, waiting for him to divulge anything.
"Who's up next?" he asked.
My reply was broken off by the sound of Zell's whoop. "Yeah, baby!" he yelled, causing an echo that bounced off the walls and around in my skull. I turned to look at him and saw that he had been the one to break through the wall. Near the top was a fist-sized hole, just large enough for the camera to fit through. Selphie bounded up with the equipment. I had flashes of her falling straight on her ass and breaking the delicate equipment, but somehow she managed to make it to Zell intact.
"How about we hold off on sending anyone out until we get a chance to peek inside?" I knew if we sent anyone out now, they'd just be pissed that they missed the first look in.
Squall shrugged. "Sounds fine by me. We've got the perimeter alarms armed. Did anyone think to throw it over to the com frequency since we're back here?"
I nodded. "Elijah took care of it not long after we set up." I walked over to the monitors, Squall not far behind me. I wanted a good look inside. It didn't take more than ten minutes to get everything in place. Then we were all crowded around, waiting for Selphie to flip the switch. The first images were pitch-black. I felt my heart sink, wondering if the room was perhaps empty. Then I heard the remote terminal accessing something, and watched as the image filtering software took over. Slowly, blurry shapes began to render into more definable forms. Nothing seemed to be moving, which I took as a positive sign. The last thing I wanted was some fifteen hundred year old, extremely pissed, and hungry critter deciding that it didn't quite care for nosy people with cameras.
"Shit," whispered Elijah, in my ear. "Do you see it?"
See what? I was having a hard time distinguishing one green object from another. I shot him a perplexed look and he shot me back a look of exasperation.
"Right there. Wait until the camera pans back to the left. There," he whispered.
Looking closely, my mind strained to compare it with something I could identify. I had so many new thoughts and images crowding my brain that everything I saw on the monitor looked completely foreign. Then, suddenly, it clicked. If I let my mind fill in the details, I was staring at... the Sentinel. I cursed silently, knowing that I couldn't say anything while Usuki was still in the middle of us. I had to fight the desire to blurt it out, nonetheless.
"So," I began, "how does it look to you, Squall? You think we'll be okay to head in?"
He nodded. "It seems to be in decent condition and I don't see any sign of life inside. I don't see any reason why we can't work on it, but it's getting late."
Zell agreed. "I don't think I could lift any more of those stupid rocks tonight. My muscles are screaming obscenities at me, and I don't think I like what I'm being called."
"Okay, we'll set up the alarms and try to get some sleep. We're going to be busting ass tomorrow," I said.
"Duh, you think?" asked Selphie.
"Shut up before I carry you out of here and stuff you in a Fastitilocon hole you little brat," I said, smirking in amusement.
"Gotta catch me first, and I'm faster than you are. You're getting pudgy around the middle, I think," she said, poking her index finger in my gut.
"I'll show you fast," I said. Quickly, I stooped, picked her up, and slung her over my shoulder, ignoring the deafening scream near my left ear while I carried her out.
He related to them so much better than I ever did. Like the breach in their friendship had been no more than a minor setback. Something forgotten in the space of an instant. In a way, I was a little jealous, even though I knew there was no reason for it. As I watched Seifer carry the protesting Selphie out over his shoulder, I forced a smile to my lips. Around me, everyone was laughing at their antics. I didn't want to seem too out of place. I lagged behind everyone, stopping at the entrance to arm the alarms that now lined the cave. If anything so much as sneezed inside, we should know.
I dreaded heading inside the Ragnarok to sleep. There was no way to hide from Seifer when I was going to be pressed up against him all night long. If I had to see that look in his eyes much more, my guilt might kill me. He tried to hide it from me, but I could read him better than he suspected. Every time he asked me what was wrong, I turned it aside. He's getting impatient. I guess he's afraid of scaring me off if he presses me for the truth. It seems that we were much more direct with each other when we weren't on intimate terms. Of course, we also used to beat the shit out of one another on a regular basis. Some things I didn't miss.
That horrid little voice in my subconscious kept nagging at me to tell him, to trust him. It wasn't that I didn't trust him, just that if anything was to happen and I was the cause, I couldn't live with myself after that. He wants to protect me from things. I guess in some way I feel the same. It just seems that recently, my problems seem to be much deeper than his. When it came to the entire Catalyst and Knight thing, we were in the same boat. Somewhere along the line, though, it appears I switched boats. I was alone on this one. The irony wasn't lost on me. I was now the one who's motivations were suspect. I didn't like the feeling, especially since I felt I couldn't even trust myself.
I desperately wished for some way to put the shattered pieces of my memory back together. Only then would I be able to formulate a plan.
I found myself standing outside our room. I pressed the door panel and it swung open. The lights were out, and I could hear the gentle sounds of Seifer's breathing. Quietly I stripped down and climbed into bed, trying not to wake him. It wasn't until I got underneath the covers that I discovered he was actually awake. He was turned on his side, his head propped up on his hand. I silently begged for a reprieve from what I knew was coming. I felt his hand on my chest and slowly, he raised it to my cheek, his thumb running across my lips. He had yet to say a word. It only made me feel worse. At least if he said something, anything, I could turn it around, change the subject, get upset, some reaction based on his actions. This, though, how could I combat this? How could I fight the sense of despair, concern, and uncertainty that radiated from him?
I moved my arm around his waist, my hand running across his back and down across his ass. I reached my other hand up to his, moving his palm to my lips, and kissing it softly. I moved my body closer, raising my head to kiss him. I felt despicable for using sex as a distraction. When my lips met his, I felt him stiffen, felt him distancing himself from my actions. Like he had that first night so long ago. It hurt, but I guess I had left him no other option. I broke the kiss, sighed silently, and rolled over, my back to him. He didn't try to pull me back. Tension hung heavy in the air, a barrier that we were both to proud to breach. Inside, I felt like I wanted to curl up and die for hurting him like this. What was the use in trying to protect him if all it did was push him away from me? The cost was too high either way. I hated feeling trapped like this. As I lay there, hating myself, I felt the cold splash of tears against my back.