Stealth
Chapter xxxv
By YuriNigasa
*standard I don't own FFVIII, Squaresoft, characters, etc. applies from now until whenever I decide I'm done*
Stealth
Chapter xxxv
By YuriNigasa
I caught Squall staring at me. That was a first. Normally he was the early riser, gone from bed most mornings when I was still trying to drag myself out. I opened my eyes and found myself staring into that steady, calming, blue gaze. I wrapped my arms around him and he put his head under my chin. I could feel his warm breath against my neck, as his hand lay flat against my chest.
"So what's this all about?" I asked gently.
He grunted in reply, as if insulted I asked. As well as I could read him and he still got me with stuff like this. I sighed and rolled over onto my back, bringing him with me. His legs tangled in mine as his body pressed against me. I could feel the shallow rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. Running my hand up and down his back, feeling the smoothness of his skin, I felt tranquility unlike any I had known. Perfection? Quite possibly. Or as close to it as I had ever had the luxury of being.
We lay like that for a while, not speaking, just in this little world outside all the chaos and turmoil we seemed to thrive in. Things hadn't been easy and they were only going to get worse, so I forced myself to stay in the moment. I wanted to know that no matter what I faced, that I had been a part of this instant in time, just Squall and myself.
Squall put his arms to the side and pushed himself up to look down at me. I could see the barest hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth. Leaning down, he kissed me gently before rolling off me. Reaching out, I grabbed him around the waist and pulled him back against me, refusing to let him go. For once he didn't fight it, didn't talk about everything he had to do, why he couldn't stay in bed, or any of the other excuses I'd heard from him when things got too close between us. He just settled back against me, resigned. I pressed my lips to the back of his neck, feeling stray locks of hair tickling my nose. Why did I need him so much? I relinquished my hold on him and he sat up. I stared at the straight line of his back as he went through who knew what kind of internal monologue. I couldn't always read what he was thinking, but I could always tell if he was. There was just this sort of vibe he gave off in those silences. Sometimes he'd tell me afterwards what he'd been thinking, other times, most other times, it was a mystery.
"We've been holding for the past six hours," he said. "We need to set down and get things in place."
"Do you think we'll have it done quick?" I asked.
"The six of us plus Elijah, and if Usuki stays out of the way, yeah, we should have it set up by fourteen hundred hours, theoretically." He stood up and walked to his duffel bag while I unabashedly stared at his body. He was so indifferent about his nudity. Or, quite possibly, he was deliberately tormenting me. I thought about it a moment and decided to go with the latter. He turned around and caught me staring. Reading farther into it than I had intended he gave me a glance that said in no uncertain terms he thought he was dealing with a sex fiend. "Seifer..." he said in that disapproving tone of voice of his.
"What?" I asked naïvely, shrugging my shoulders a little. "Just looking, I swear." I tried to look as innocent as possible and probably came off appearing more like a kid caught with a dirty magazine. He arched an eyebrow questioningly and rolled his eyes, this strange look of bemusement playing across his features. It was cute, although I didn't dare say so.
"Sure," he said, smirking. "Then why don't you get dressed and we'll go get something to eat?" I silently cursed the his practicality and reluctantly stood up, stretching. For the sake of peace I pretended not to notice when he ogled me. It was better to let him think he got away with some things.
I hated Centra. I'm sure it had been beautiful over fifteen hundred years ago, but now it was nothing but harsh and barren desert. It was as if I could feel the spectres of death and destruction climb their way up my spine. I didn't like the sensation. We had set up lighting inside the mouth of the cave, the pitch black, solid rock interior providing a degree of coolness that we would have otherwise lacked. I was sure that further in it would feel even better, possibly even mimic climate control. That was a while off, however. Right now we were concerned with unpacking and setting up and attempting not to break anything because we were a seriously long distance from the nearest shop and doubly so from anything that carried the highly specialized equipment we would be using.
I heard footsteps and turned to see Irvine walking in. He must be back from the monster rounds. We had all been taking turns since we began setting up. I allowed him to take my place at the box I was unloading and reached for Lionheart, shouldering it, and heading out of the cave. Almost immediately I could feel the beads of sweat forming at the base of my neck. Sand and leather weren't exactly compatible substances, but there was no way I was heading out in some flimsy cotton shirt.
I heard a rustle behind me and turned in time to see a skittish Cacuatar fleeing in the opposite direction. I was glad it had chosen to run. Last time I had encountered one, I had been picking needles out of my jacket for a week. I heard another rustle and shrugged it off. More Cacuatars, I figured. Sometimes they traveled in packs of three or more. It was then that I saw the shadow fall in front of me.
"Irvine, where's Squall?" I asked.
"Huh? Oh, he took his turn out on watch. You just missed him, been gone about," he paused to look at his watch, "seven minutes?" He shrugged apologetically.
"It's okay, it can wait until he comes back. It's nothing that important," I said.
"Do me a favor, will you? Hand me that box over there. I think the power cord I need is in it."
I tossed Irvine the box and walked out. Squall was an exceptional fighter. He could handle anything Centra could dish out. So why did I have this sickening pit in the middle of my gut?
As if from some sixth sense I wasn't even aware of, I grabbed Hyperion and headed out. The route for cleanup had been established with the first round that morning. I headed backwards along it at a jog, knowing that if he was on the route, I'd find him this way. In the distance I could make out the dirt mound of a Fastitilocon. Giving it a wide berth, I continued, forcing myself to pick up speed.
When I saw the speck of black in the distance, I ran full-tilt, unheeding of the heat around me and the sun beating down on my back. Was he okay? My heart pounded with exertion and concern.
"Squall!" I yelled repeatedly.
Imagine my chagrin when all I found was Squall, looking at me like I'd lost my mind. "What is it?" he asked, brow knit in a deep scowl. "Is something wrong at Base?"
I felt a flush building up behind my already red face. "No, nothing," I muttered. "I just..."
"Just what?" If we had been in the halls of Garden, I would have been hearing the tap tap tap of his toe against the marble floor.
"Nothing," I said harshly, upset with myself for being so concerned over nothing.
"Hey," he said, his tone softening, "you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, wanting to bury myself in the sand to avoid further humiliation. "You okay?"
He shrugged a little. "Got surprised by a Fastitilocon a bit ago, but nothing other than that."
Surprised... by a Fastitilocon? That didn't seem right. They were easy to avoid. Once again I found myself wrestling with the thought that Squall wasn't being completely honest with me. I hated the feeling the thought gave me, but I hated myself for suspecting it of him even more.
I didn't like the look on Seifer's face. The one that said 'I'm only believing you because I love you.' How could I tell him though? How could I let him know that I had let not only him, but everyone down? How is it possible to look into the eyes of the one you love and lie? I wanted to be sick. I wanted to fall to the ground and feel his arms around me. I wanted to sob out the truth and have him kiss me and wipe the tears and make it all better. I hated that feeling. I was so vulnerable to him, something I swore I'd never be for anyone.
This was one problem I was going to have to take care of on my own. I didn't want to tell Seifer, or anyone for that matter. I didn't want to get them involved in a problem I had created for myself. I didn't want them in any more danger than they already were. If they knew, they'd insist on helping and I couldn't guarentee that they'd survive it. I had enough blood on my hands without adding the blood of the only family I'd ever known.
To reassure Seifer, I put my arms around him and stood on tiptoe to press a kiss to his nearly-scowling mouth. "It's alright," I said softly. "I understand." His look softened and he smiled a little. I saw that look of absolute unconditional acceptance and total love. I didn't deserve that look from him.