The Bleakest Silence
By fyre byrd
When the door had closed Squall turned to Seifer and exhaled deeply, "You know, I never thought she'd leave," he said. Seifer just closed his eyes on the sexy vision that Squall made with a half smile on his face and his hair in his eyes. Even with his eyes closed Seifer could not escape Squall however. He felt strong arms encircling him and the brush of silken hair against his cheek as Squall drew him into a close embrace. It made Seifer want to cry again knowing that Squall was comforting him even after he'd heard nearly everything. How could Squall want to touch him knowing that Seifer had masturbated while thinking of Squall and his silken lips and his soft hair. Seifer cringed slightly feeling entirely unworthy of the brunette's compassionate touch.
"You don't have to do this Squall," Seifer said softly. "I know I don't deserve i. If you want me to leave now that . . . you know. I won't mind. I'll be all right by myself."
Squall only held the blonde-haired man closer to him. He remembered having those exact thoughts himself. Squall knew that he'd been lying to himself when he said that he didn't need anyone. Looking down at the gorgeous man in his arms Squall considered his tear- reddened face and the burnished gold stubble on Seifer's chin, the strength of his jaw, the long fingered hands that were pressed between their bodies.
"You need me Seifer, and I won't leave you," Squall said, stroking that stubborn looking chin and feeling the sting of Seifer's hair against his fingers as reassurance that the person he held in his arms was real. Seifer actually had feelings for him. Perhaps it was only sexual attraction, Squall could hardly hope for more, but maybe in time he could bring Seifer to realize through physical love all the complexities of the real love that Squall ached with. Seifer's green eyes opened, full of roiling emotion.
"I don't need you," he spat out, drawing away from Squall. "I don't need you and I don't deserve you. Why are you still here?"
Squall winced slightly and released his grip on Seifer's body, sliding his hand down Seifer's arms till Squall held only his hands in a loose grip.
"Well, I need you and although you certainly don't deserve my coldness and my silences, I hope you'll accept what I can give you anyway," Squall said, deliberately misunderstanding the meaning behind Seifer's words. Seifer's eyes softened and his lips parted slightly. Unused to these tactics, he lowered his head and sighed.
"All right, I do need you. I'm just not good at admitting it. Thank you . . . for everything you've done for me already. It means a lot to me." Squall smiled at him then, that beautiful smile that lit his eyes an indescribably lustrous gray. Seifer felt as though he were being awarded somehow and all for allowing Squall to stay with him and keep back the lonely silence, which was what he longed for anyway. How could this be real? How could Squall be so selfless and generous? It was difficult to believe. For now, Seifer gave himself up to the embrace and just relaxed. He was too exhausted to fight the undeserved warmth and happiness, so he just let it wash over him.
When Seifer woke up he was still in Squall's arms. The two of them had somehow managed to fall asleep together even on the tiny infirmary bed. Seifer couldn't have moved even had he wanted to, so entangled was he with the smaller brunette beside him. So Squall was going to stick by him and Seifer realized as he gazed down at Squall's sleep tousled head that he was going to let Squall help him through this. There was no use in thinking about it anymore especially not with Squall's warm, firm body wrapped about him. Seifer would just have to trust Squall to be there when he was needed just like this.
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