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Back to Balamb
Chapter 7 - Encounter in the Training Center
Hmm… so Seifer's gay. That was a surprise. I had never considered he was like that. Not that he's gonna want to hook up with YOU, Leonhart. I exited the cafeteria and walked toward Zell's dorm. I was planning on grabbing my gunblade and taking out a few grats in the training center.
I had known I was gay for years. I think I knew for sure when Rinoa and I were alone in the Ragnorak, fighting those weird insect monsters. I was alone in space with a cute and willing girl, but I didn't want to do anything with her. Yeah, that was when I figured it out.
I started dating a few months after time compression. Going to clubs and all that. I had met my first two boyfriends at clubs. The third was another SeeD from Balamb. We really weren't a couple. Just screwed around a couple times. Then I met Rian in DC while visiting Rinoa.
I unlocked the door and walked through the living room into my room. I changed into workout clothes, and got my blade's case from a shelf over my bed. I pulled the weapon from the case and got one of my sheaths from the closet. After putting the blade in the scabbard, I strapped it on my back. I always junctioned a GF before fighting, just in case. I had kept two, Diablos and Ifirit. I junctioned Ifirit. Okay, all ready to go.
I walked to the training center. The halls were deserted during dinner, except for the occasional cadet taking a tray to his room to study. Good. I should be the only one training for awhile.
I entered the center and walked through the Jurassic Park-type gates meant to keep the monsters in. T-Rexaurs mostly. Most of the other monsters were pretty much just an annoyance to the upper-class cadets and SeeDs.
I began fighting, taking on monster after monster. When I ran into a T-Rexaur, I just cast a Sleep on it and ran. I'd killed one solo before, just didn't want to tonight. After over an hour I was drenched in sweat and ready for a break. I walked into the rest area which was deserted, and got a long drink from the fountain before cleaning the gore off my gunblade and sitting on a bench.
I sat for a while, letting my breathing even out and cooling down. Just enjoying the view of the Garden. It was late dusk. The Garden's outside lights were on, rivaling the last pinkish rays of the setting sun. When was the last time I came here? Oh, yeah, with Rian. I sighed. Thinking about Rian still made me sad and depressed. We had gotten along for almost seven months. He was cute, affectionate, and strong. Still, it took me over five months of being serious to finally trust him. Not just to trust him to watch my back in a fight, but to trust him with my feelings. After I had revealed a lot of personal things, he had started getting more distant. I let him hit me, insult me, do a lot of things I didn't want him to do. Shit, that's hard to admit. Even to myself. I had stayed with him for another three weeks until one night when he accidentally knocked me out. I had woken up in the infirmary, where Quistis made me tell her that Rian had been abusing me. Apparently after that, Zell personally ran Rian out of Balamb Garden. That I would've loved to see. Rian was not easy to intimidate. How long has it been since he left? Two months? About that long. Two months and two suicide attempts. Only one was actually serious.
I looked at the inside of my right wrist, removing the wide black and steel cuff bracelet I always wore. Numerous white scars ran lengthwise. I ran my thumb over them. Some of them are puckered; the deep ones. The newest one was two days old. Just a scratch, nothing serious. I had matching scars on my left wrist, too. Hidden by a matching cuff bracelet and my watch. More cuts criss-crossed the insides of my thighs.
I took off my left bracelet and watch. I place my hands in my lap, palms up. I looked at the white lines. Mourning my lost innocence. Planning my next attempt.
When I noticed that Squall had silently ran out again, I excused myself from the table. I went to Zell's dorm and knocked, receiving no answer. I sighed, and went to my room to change and pick up my spear, my second-favorite type of weapon. I had left Hyperion at Selph's. Besides, Kevin Trepe isn't gonna walk around the Garden with the famous gunblade. Tying a sweatband around my head, I walked toward the training center. I hadn't fought in a few weeks. No sense in getting too out of shape.
After half an hour, I was nearly panting. Okay, I'll make my way over to the rest area. It took fifteen minutes of walking and fighting to reach it.
I stepped in and looked around. One person, sitting on a bench staring down at his hands. "Hey, Squall, I was looking for you." He quickly raised his head and hid his hands behind him.
I raised my head and hid my slashed wrists at the low voice. A figure stood, blocking most of the light from the training center. I blinked my tears back while I squinted, trying to figure out who he was. Light reflected off golden hair, and was blocked by a broad-shouldered figure holding a spear.
"Rian?" I asked tentatively. He stepped forward. I cringed back as he did, out of reflex. A lot of his abuse had started with one heavy step.
"No," he said, "It's me. Seifer. What's this?" He stepped up and grabbed at my arms, pulling them in front of me. I tried to fight him, but he was too strong. When he saw the white lines, he was taken aback. "Fuck, Squall! That's a lot of scars!" He stood there, his mouth slack.
I ripped my wrists out of his grip. I grabbed my gunblade and tried to reach the door. Seifer blocked my way and put a hand on my shoulder. "Stop." He said softly. I stopped struggling, and wiped a couple tears from my eyes. "What?" I asked, avoiding his gaze.
"Squall… did I… do that?" I had to figure out what he meant.
"Nah," I said, grabbing my gunblade, bracelets, and watch, "I did." I was purposely evading his question. Yeah, some of the first ones are from his bullying. I walked past him and out the door. I hid in the bushes outside the exit. He'd try to follow me.
Sure enough, he came out the door and looked around. Sighing, he went back into the rest area. I waited a few more minutes before heading toward the training center showers.
Shit, I feel guilty. Some of those scars are probably from my teasing. I sat on the bench he had vacated. It was still warm. I put my head in my hands. Man, I was such a fucking asshole. Since time compression I've been trying to be better. To be nicer. I forced my mind on another track. He thought I was some guy named Rian. I made a note to remember to ask Selphie who Rian was. Whoever Rian is, Squall is scared of him.
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