Army of Me
By Miss Dincht
This is a YAOI fan fic starring Seifer Almasy and Squall Leonhart from FF8. Just a short Songfic inspired by the song Army of Me by Bjork. There is language, and some mild Shonen - Ai. Heeeeeee, my first Song Fic actually. Although a few of my other fics have songs attached this is the first "true" Songfic I tried to do. Bjork is one of my favorite singers, and I just thought this particular song of hers fit this idea nicely. Typical Seifer falling to pieces, and Squall trying to put him back together fic.
Army of Me
By Miss Dincht
Stand up,
you've got to manage.
I won't sympathize
anymore...
And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me.
And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me, an army of me...
Squall had left the Garden for Dollet as soon as he got the word. The Garden boasted billions of Gils worth of the latest technology, their information capabilities were rivaled by no one, but despite having access to all the latest gadgets, programs, and databases, the information that he had been searching for had actually come through the good old fashioned grape vine. Someone told his friend, and she told her friend, who then told someone's grandmother, and at some point the information reached Ma Dincht, and as soon as Zell got a hold of it, it was like the entire Garden knew. So, here Squall was, standing in front of the dilapidated apartment building in Dollet, a second away from going up to see his "rival", and as soon as he found Seifer Almasy, he was going to slit his throat.
Squall snatched opened one of the double doors of the building and stepped inside. There was a small foyer, and just beyond it, a large room. To the right, there was a long desk, and to the left an old wooden stairway that stretched upward into shadow. Squall strode purposefully to the desk and pulled a small slip of paper out of his pocket. The balding man behind the desk turned from the black - and - white television set he was watching and looked up at the blue - eyed youth.
"Yeah." he said, annoyed that someone was interrupting him in the middle of his program. He perked up a bit though when he saw Squall's face, knowing he recognized the young man, but not being able to remember where he had seen that boyish face.
"I'm looking for Highwind." Squall said.
The elderly man nodded. "Forth floor, room 487, but it's after seven, you can't go up after seven." he said.
"Watch me." Squall said as he turned from the desk and stormed toward the steps.
"Hey, asshole, I said - " the man stopped short and fell silent as Squall turned slightly to look back at the man. The look in Squall's ice - blue eyes froze the old man to his seat, and he wasn't moving a muscle.
Squall turned and headed up the stairs.
"Don't I know you?" the man hollered out as he leaned over the desk.
"No." Squall said as he turned the landing and rushed up the next flight of stairs.
The smell of urine hung heavy in the stairwell, and Squall wrinkled his nose and sneered slightly as he continued up the rickety steps. He had to wonder how a human being could be so disrespectful to the place where they lived, but that's just the sort of place this was. The people here didn't even care about themselves, so why should they care about their surroundings? Squall shook his head and uttered a sound of disgust, and couldn't help but think how this was so not Seifer's style. He just couldn't accept that the rumors were true, and as much as Squall was desperate to find Almasy, he hoped to Hyne he didn't find him in this rat hole. Because if that asshole was here, then he had a lot of fucking explaining to do.
And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me.
And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me, an army of me...
"Stupid fucking asshole." Squall mumbled as he finally came to the fourth floor landing. The hallway was littered with trash, and rodents scurried out of his path as he moved down the hall, searching in the dim light for number 487. Squall banged on the door loudly, but there was no response. He only waited a few moments before trying the knob, but the door was locked. Squall reached into his coat pocket and pulled out his wallet. He lifted his Galbadian Express from the leather case and slipped the card between the door and the lock mechanism. The door swung open easily and Squall stepped into the dingiest room he had ever seen. Roaches scurried out of his way as he stepped forward, kicking at the discarded clothing that had been strewn about the floor as he went.
The apartment was small, having only two rooms, a main room that served as living room, dining room, and kitchen, and a bedroom. The bedroom door was closed, and Squall made his way quickly to the peeling door and pushed it open. Squall smiled slightly when he saw the large man lying across the lumpy mattress, and his heart beat to a crescendo in his chest. Seifer was lying on his bed, on his back, his arm over his face. Moonlight filtered in through the only window of the room and it touched his hair and skin making both seem the color of alabaster. Squall couldn't suppress the warmth that suddenly flared in his groin, in his heart, in his entire body, and nor did he want to. He never would never have admitted it back then, but he had always thought that Seifer was beautiful. It had often made his heart ache to see Seifer sometimes, especially knowing how much bad blood was between them and how they were supposed to loathe each other. Squall's heart still ached when he looked at Seifer, but now he was willing to accept why this was so. Squall smirked slightly and stepped over to the bed. None of that bullshit mattered anymore. It was all in the past. It was time to look ahead.
And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me.
And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me, an army of me...
Squall reached down over the sleeping figure and gripped a handful of short golden hair. He smiled slightly before pulling with as much of his strength as he could and slapping the blonde in the face. He jumped back and chuckled with the expected reaction. Squall shifted his weight to one foot and crossed his arms over his chest, as he yawned and waited. The large blonde cursed and yelled and fumbled for the light near the bed. When the light came on, Seifer rose to his full height and moved toward the youth who had invaded his room. He stopped abruptly and his green eyes went wide when he recognized the late - night marauder. Squall's eyes went wide as well when in the light he saw how terrible Seifer looked. The blonde had lost several pounds. He still had his height, of course, but his once powerful, muscular physique was in a shambles. He was not much bigger than Squall, and Squall was certain that if he pushed Seifer hard enough, of if he perhaps punched the taller man in the face, Seifer would go tumbling to the ground. Seifer was without a shirt, but wearing a pair of black military pants and worn combat boots. The pants hardly fit him, and the fabric gapped around his waste. Dark circles lined his eyes and his cheeks were slightly sunken. For a brief moment, as Squall looked at the haunted green eyes, his heart ached, and the guilt he had felt nearly overcame him. Then, just as quickly, he put all that behind him, and went about the task of making things right.
You're alright,
there's nothing wrong,
self - sufficience please,
and get to work...
And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me.
And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me, an army of me...
"You look like shit." Squall said.
Seifer snarled. He looked at Squall with narrowed eyes, and the veins in his neck grew taught as his lips curled back over his teeth, and for a moment Squall thought that Seifer would strike him. Then a noise that sounded both like a gasp and a moan escaped Seifer's throat and he dropped down on the bed. He raked long finger through his thick, spiky hair and then glared up at the brunette.
Squall uttered a sound of exasperation. "Don't just sit there, Almasy. What are you doing? Get whatever the hell you need and let's go." he said.
Seifer snarled once more. "What the fuck are you doing here?" he said his voice hoarse.
Squall sighed and shifted his weight to his other foot. "What the fuck do you think I'm doing here? I came to get you and take you back to Garden, so get whatever you want out of this dump, and let's go." he said, not wavering despite Seifer harsh stare.
Seifer looked at him for several seconds, then laughed loudly. "You're kidding, right? This is some kind of fucking joke, right?" he said.
"Am I laughing?" Squall said. "Do I seem in any way amused?"
Seifer frowned. "Get the fuck out, Leonhart. Get out before I slit your fucking throat." he said.
"Oh, believe me, I don't want to stay in this dump any longer than I have to." Squall said, wrinkling his nose and sneering as he looked around the filthy room. "Now, let's go."
Seifer glared at Squall for several seconds then turned away and looked down at his hands. He looked up at Squall again and opened his mouth, but couldn't find the words to say what he wanted to say. But Squall understood, because he wanted to say those same things, yet he wasn't afraid to say them anymore. Still, in the end, it would be left up to Seifer, Seifer would have to make the decision on his own, but Squall wasn't about to pity the man, and he damn sure wasn't going to let Seifer make any excuses. Seifer was a soldier and he understood the pains of war. He had to learn to accept what had happened so that he could let it go.
And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me.
And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me, an army of me...
"What do you want me to say to you Seifer?" Squall said.
"...Nothing. What the fuck do I care anyway? I don't give a fuck about anything." Seifer said.
Squall laughed. "Well if you don't give a fuck, why all this? Why run away from the only family and friends you have and hole up in this rat - infested apartment? Why let it destroy you like this?" he said.
Seifer sneered and looked at the wall in front of him. "You can say whatever you want, it wasn't you." he growled.
"No, it wasn't me. I didn't get possessed by a Sorceress and try to destroy the world, boo hoo, but I had the nice, neat little job of tying to kill the only fucking person I've ever really cared about. So, yeah, it was all real easy for me to traipse around the world and try to kill the man I've been wanting to fuck me for as long as I can remember." Squall said.
Seifer turned on him and stood up from the bed. He towered over the brunette, still somewhat intimidating despite his pitiful condition, but Squall simply smiled up at the larger man. "What?" Seifer said, almost a whisper.
"You heard me." Squall said. "Now get out of my face, you're fucking breath stinks. Shit, Seifer, what the hell have you been drinking, gasoline?"
Seifer snarled, then turned until his back was to Squall. He raked a hand through his hair as he leaned against the wall with his other hand.
"You don't know what it's like. You couldn't know how it's been for me, the screams, the nightmares - " Seifer said.
"You can manage. You're still here. I love you, but I won't feel sorry for you. I won't pity you." Squall said,
"Hyne...you love me? Yeah, right. That's just supposed to make it all okay? Fuck you." Seifer said.
"But that's why you did it, isn't?" Squall said.
Seifer tensed slightly. Then he laughed. "You vain son - of a bitch. Shit. Yeah, maybe that was part of it, Leonhart." he said. "Yeah, maybe if you had let me fuck you back then this shit would never have happened."
Squall smirked slightly. "Maybe. So are you coming or not?" he said.
"They all hate my guts." Seifer mumbled.
And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me.
And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me, an army of me...
Squall uttered a sound of disgust and looked heavenward. "So? Whatever. Since when did that mean anything to you? Since when did you give a shit about what anyone thought?" he said.
"They don't want me there." Seifer said.
"I want you there, and since I'm active Headmaster of the Garden, what I say goes. You'll come on as either an Instructor or a Consultant. We have room for you." Squall said.
"Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck do I have to teach anybody? Hell, I haven't picked up a Gunblade in months, can't even remember where I stashed Hyperion. You need glasses, Leonhart? I look like shit...I am shit." Seifer said.
"You know what needs to be done to get your body back together. As for the rest of you, Dr. Kowadaki can give you whatever medication you think you need, but I know you're stronger than that. I know you don't need the medicine." Squall said.
"What the fuck do you know?" Seifer whispered.
"I know I need you to be with me Seifer, and I don't want to pity you, because that's not what you need." Squall said.
Seifer was silent. He leaned forward, closed his eyes and pressed his head to the wall. "Why me?" he muttered finally.
Squall stepped forward and wrapped his arms slowly around Seifer's slim waist. He resisted licking a patch of the too pale flesh as he rested his head against the taller man's back. Seifer was surprisingly warm, and Squall moaned slightly as he let that warmth envelope him. "It was you because you were stronger." Squall whispered, his breath dancing lightly over Seifer's skin. Seifer moaned slightly and Squall closed his eyes as he felt the deep sound reverberate from where their skin touched and into his own body. "You were the one who could handle it. Ultimecia would have destroyed me, I wouldn't have lasted half as long as you did. I know what I can handle, and if it had been me I wouldn't have survived when she was done with me. I pretended that I hated it, but it's always easier to play hero. That's why this is bullshit, and why I won't let you do this. That's why I won't sympathize. You're too strong, and you can beat this. I know you can." Squall whispered.
"I - " Seifer began.
Squall squeezed Seifer's waist. "No, I don't want to hear it. Don't give me any excuses, just say yes. Don't let what's past destroy you. That's one thing I learned, Seifer. You can't hide from time, it always catches up with you. Don't try to fight it. Just let it make you stronger. I'm not asking you to forget or pretend that it didn't happen. Just forgive yourself and let time move on." he said.
You're on your own now,
We won't save you,
Your rescue squad,
is too exhausted...
And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me.
And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me, an army of me...
Seifer leaned heavily against the wall and Squall simply stood behind the man, his face still pressed against Seifer's back and his arms tight around Seifer's waist. He had said his piece, what he had been wanting to say for a very long time, and now the decision was up to Seifer.
Several long minutes passed, and eventually, Seifer stood back from the wall. Squall's arms dropped from around his waist, and the brunette's heart beat wildly as he awaited Seifer's decision. Seifer turned slowly and looked down at the brunette, and it was impossible for Squall to resist the smile that curled his pink lips and the sigh of pleasure that escaped his lips. What he saw in Seifer's eyes was what he had hoped her would see, what he had known he would see. There was fear and anxiety, but Squall could also see determination in Seifer's olive colored eyes, that will to live that had kept Seifer alive this long, and Squall knew then that he had won this battle.
Seifer pulled Squall into a tight embrace, and Squall gasped loudly as he slid his arms around the blonde's neck. Seifer kissed him desperately, placing kisses upon his neck and face that made Squall ache and pull the man harder against him. Their cocks dueled one another through the fabric of their clothing as their tongues played a similar game - Squall not minding much the taste of alcohol - and the brunette pressed closer to the blonde's wanting to go inside of Seifer and wash all of Seifer's hurt away, but ultimately Seifer would have to do it on his own. Squall could only give him whatever love and support was needed to help Seifer make it. Squall gasped for air and collapsed against Seifer when it became to much for him. He uttered a sound that seemed both like a cry of joy and moan of pleasure as he held Seifer to him fiercely. Squall glanced at the filthy mattress and smiled, but there would be plenty of time for that. Right now, he wanted to get Seifer back to Garden, cared for and settled in before Seifer could change his mind, because if Seifer even thought about ever leaving Squall again, Seifer really would have something to regret. Squall drew back from Seifer and pulled on the larger man's hand as he moved back toward the door.
"Get what you need. We're leaving now." Squall said.
Seifer inhaled deeply, closed his eyes, and nodded.
Squall went out into the front room and leaned against the door while he waited for Seifer to get whatever it was Seifer thought he needed. It did not surprise him when Seifer finally emerged from the bedroom with nothing except the clothing on his back and a black trench coat. Seifer walked up to Squall and looked down at the younger man, and Squall clutched Seifer's arms as he stood on the tips of his toes to kiss the blonde. Seifer smiled and looked into Squall's eyes.
"You're never leaving me again." Squall said.
"Don't let me." Seifer said.
Squall nodded and grabbed Seifer's wrist. He opened the door and pulled the larger man into the hallway. In the dim light of the dank corridor, the two young men wrapped arms about each other's waists and simply stared at one another, gathering heat and strength from each other.
"When we get back I want you to burn those clothes." Squall said.
Seifer laughed. The first time he had really laughed in a long time. "I like these clothes." he said.
Squall sneered and wrinkled his nose.
Seifer grinned and squeezed the smaller man's waist just a bit tighter.
Squall smirked. "Oh yeah. We'll have you back in tip top shape in no time, Almasy."
Seifer laughed again. "You and what army, Leonhart?" he said, smirking.
Squall looked up at his rival, his lover, blue eyes aglow with a happiness he hadn't felt for a long time. "An army of me." he said.
Wanted to put Lemon in this, but there was really no place for it.
Miss Dincht, completed 03/14/03
Lyrics to "Army of Me" by Bjork from the record Post. Get that CD if you don't have it already! Get all her stuff!