Notes: *smiles nervously* I hope I didn't screw everything up. That's the one thing I'm afraid of. Oy...I probably did though! *V*
Pairings: Fuuma x Kamui
Warnings: TWT (Timeline? What timeline?), OOC, sap, lemon
Disclaimer: I do not own X/1999
Impossible to Love
"It is impossible to love and be wise at the same time."
The soft, warm wind of spring blew gently through the streets, wrapping itself around me and tearing slightly at my simple clothing consisting of a white T-shirt and black pants with black boots. There's no point in dressing up, really. Who am I going to impress?
I looked up at the sky and pushed up my sunglasses. It was another peaceful, probably happy day for Tokyo, Japan. What amazes me is how the human race can recover from horrible disasters that have happened to them in the past. It's as if they put everything behind them and push forward, not allowing anything to pull them back. I suppose that might be something to be admired but I find it rather annoying. It would make things so much easier if the human race just stayed down when they were knocked down. But, unfortunately, that doesn't happen. No, they always get back up and try to live a normal life--and continue to destroy the Earth in their harmful ways. Don't they realize what they're doing is killing the only thing they ever knew to be home? Well, that would be taken care of soon enough when the Promise Day came.
People on the street walk past me, ignoring me in their usual human, ignorant fashion. It almost makes my furious. Humans were so simple, so stupid, so *ignorant*. Why couldn't they realize the danger they were in and try to change it? I wouldn't have to fight right now if it weren't for them. If the Earth weren't dying, I wouldn't be bothering with this. But She is and it is time that She got Her revenge and begins Her healing.
Another thing that has annoyed me is the fact that the Dragons of Heaven were trying to stop my cause, my destiny, me. Why wouldn't they just open their eyes and see what a threat the humans were to the Earth? Idiots, all of them!
A child ran past me, squealing happily while her tired mother ran after her, telling her to stop and behave. I wrinkled my nose in disgust and started walking. I didn't have to linger and watch these pathetic human attempts at some semblance of normal life. Haven't they noticed all the strange occurrences that have happened since I had been awoken to take my place as the Dragon of Earth? They should since a lot of people had been hurt and killed when that happened. But now, only so many weeks later, people are trying to forget and continue to forge their way through life and continue to exist no matter what happened to the rest of the Earth. Why should *anyone* allow these ignorant beasts called humans to live? They had no mercy, no compassion, and no love or sorrow whatsoever for the Earth. They were cruel, vicious things. They didn't learn from their mistakes!
I have tried to tell /Kamui/ my reasons for fighting but he didn't understand. He only saw part of the whole picture. He only saw the humans, their lives, and their children's lives. I saw the Earth, the *home* of the goddamn human race and all of the animals occupying it. I saw much more than him and I realized that sacrifices must be made for the better good. Why couldn't he see that? It frustrated me to no end!
The wind picked up a bit and I wondered if I should have brought a coat with me. It was still spring and soon it would be nice and warm in the summer but I knew, also, that spring was still cool enough to have required some kind of extra warmth. I pushed it away from my mind; it wasn't important. Besides, it was already starting to get warm again as the wind died away around me.
I got only so far down the street when I spotted Shirou /Kamui/ standing at the end of the curb, waiting for the lights to change. I smiled a bit darkly as I pushed through the crowd, ignoring the protests and curses thrown at my back. I turned around just before I reached Kamui and glared at all of them. Predictably, they silenced and quickly moved on. Good. At least they realized what one kind of threat were when it looked them in the face.
Moving forward with a smooth lithe grace I am very proud of, I wrapped my arms around his small waist and leaned against him. "Hello, Kamui," I whispered into his shell-like ear. I could feel him stiffen underneath my arms. He tried to pull away but I kept him pressed up against me tightly. "Oh, no," I murmured. "You're not going anywhere right now, Kamui."
"Let me go," he hissed almost viciously. Ooh, I do believe my sweet little Kamui has gotten some steel in his backbone since our last fight. I smiled happily. Good; I hated fighting someone weaker than me. Challenges were always so nice.
"And why would I do that? You feel so nice, a little bony though. You should put on some weight," I tsked.
"Shut up and let me go. Fuuma, you've got to have enough sense to know we can't fight in a crowd like this," he whispered furiously. His eyes flitted to the street light; it still hadn't changed and no one was looking at us. He was trapped unless he wanted to make a scene. I knew he was going to keep quiet though, he isn't the type to make scenes.
"And why not? They're going to die anyway," I purred. I almost laughed. Gods, he was so sweet, so cute. My heart ached for him. He felt so fragile against me. Oh, what a delightful boy...
"Not if I have it my way. Now let me go!" he snapped, trying to pull away. He turned his head and glared at me, his violet eyes dark with something akin to violence...Hate? I hadn't realized my sweet Kamui could hate. He was such an innocent, fragile boy with so much love to offer to everyone around him. Now who else matched that description? Wasn't it that pretty blonde I killed when I first woke up? Probably. Ah, well, it didn't matter. She was just one less human.
I narrowed my eyes. "Kamui, are you so confident you're going to win?"
I smiled indulgently. "Of course. I *know* I am going to win. What are you compared to me, Kamui? You're so weak." I whispered the last part softly in his ear, making sure he heard it.
This time he did try to rip himself violently from my arms but I kept him locked tight against me. He didn't have enough physical strength to fight me and if he tried to use his powers, he'd hurt the innocents around him. I had him caught. He wouldn't dare hurt any innocents if he could help it.
Suddenly, the light turned. The crowd around us began to surge forward as they did their best to cross the street before the light changed again. I smiled as I wrapped a tight arm around his waist and started pulling him forward. He resisted a bit at first but soon his feet were dragging and the only way he could stop from tripping was to move with me.
"Where are you taking me?" he exclaimed in shock as he tried to pull away, but still my grip was too tight and he couldn't do much.
"We're going to get some ice cream. I have a craving for them, what about you?" I asked nonchalantly, knowing it was going to kill him.
"What?!" he demanded furiously, annoyance causing his beautiful violet eyes to snap violently. I reached up and traced his smooth lips with my thumb as my face came dangerously close to his. I could hear his breathing quicken and stumble.
"We're going to get ice cream. It's a bit warm, don't you think?" I asked.
"What game are you trying to play, Fuuma??" he demanded as he tried to pull away from me once again. It was starting to get annoying. I pulled him close, tight, and continued to walk. After a moment, I decided to answer.
"I am playing no game. I am merely inviting a friend to ice cream," I said.
"Friend?" There was clear disbelief in his voice but I also caught a trace of hope in his smooth, yet almost childish voice, which he tried to hide from me. He was only sixteen; still a child. What did he think he could hide from someone with more experience than he could?
"All right," I conceded. "We're not friends. We're enemies. Frankly, I want to kill you and take care of all this Promised Day business. But I'm craving for some ice cream and I don't want to hurt you at the moment." I looked down at him. "Be grateful."
"Be grateful that my impending death is being put off because of ice cream?" He was starting to get a bit hysterical. I suppose he had a reason to feel so awkward, so strange around me. I have hurt him in more ways than one. But there was a war between the Dragons of Heaven and the Dragons of Earth. What else was I supposed to do? Invite him over for some English tea and try to reach some sort of silly compromise? Ah, well, I wasn't exactly inviting him for tea. It was actually ice cream. And we weren't going to do any compromising. I merely wanted to be in his presence, to watch him. He fascinated me with his determination to save the human race and I wanted to know *why* exactly. That and, something about him pulled at my heartstrings. Maybe it was because of the influence from the former Fuuma trapped inside of me or maybe it was really something part of me. I don't know but I was intending to figure it out.
"Yes," I replied simply. We finally reached the ice cream shop. I pulled him inside, I could feel no more resistance, and sat him down on a stool. I came around and sat down across from him. I smiled at him. "You're not going to run, are you?"
He wordlessly shook his head. He was curious. Good, that would keep him around a bit longer and I could continue my scrutiny of him.
"What flavor do you like?" I asked as I picked up the small menu on the table and read it over.
"Ah..." He picked up a menu as well and looked at, his eyes not really reading what was on the menu. It was simply something to do; something to get his mind thinking straight. I glanced back down at my menu; well, I would give him the time to gather his thoughts but not too much. I didn't want him thinking more than needed. He might actually run after all.
After a few moments I broke the silence between us. "I like chocolate chip with peanuts. What about you?"
He started, and quickly glanced at the menu before replying. "Ah...I guess I'll have the cookie dough."
I raised an eyebrow. "Do you like cookie dough?"
"I've never tried it," he admitted.
I shrugged. "All right." I stood up and walked over to the counter and placed our orders. I waited patiently as the girl behind the glass dig out the small bowls of ice cream and hand them to me. I paid her and smiled charmingly before I turned around and headed back to our table. He was staring off at nothing, his violet eyes distant.
"Something wrong?" I asked, almost as if we were the best of friends and there was no such thing as the Dragons and the Promise Day between us. He noticed and visibly tensed with annoyance, frustration and anger. It was so easy to read him when he was caught off guard, which was happening a lot lately...
"No," he bit out.
I ignored his tone and slid the bowl forward. "Enjoy. I hope you like cookie dough." I picked up the plastic spoon and started eating the ice cream. I scooped it up with deliberate slowness and sucked the ice cream off the spoon, licking the spoon free of the sweet leftovers. He watched for a moment and I smiled wickedly at him, opening my mouth and licking the ice cream free of my lips, totally aware of what a picture of seduction I made. He nearly blushed as he abruptly turned his attention his cookie dough. He ate it slowly, not really tasting the ice cream.
We ate in silence for a few minutes before *he* broke it this time.
"Why are we here?" he asked quietly, staring at me with unblinking eyes framed by thick, dark lashes. I could almost imagine those same dusty lashes resting against his pale, ivory skin while he slept. It was a nice mental image.
"Because I wanted it," I answered.
"Does everything have to go your way?" he snapped.
"Yes," I replied simply. "What else did you expect?"
He slammed his plastic spoon down, nearly snapping it in half, and stood up. He glared at me. "I am not going to take any shit from you, Fuuma. I don't know what the hell you want but I am sure as hell not going to give it to you."
I looked down at my ice cream for a moment. Then I raised my eyes, half-lidded. "Are you sure?" I asked in a husky voice.
He clenched his teeth, turned and left the ice cream shop. I sighed heavily and tsked softly underneath my breath. He had such a temper sometimes. I really don't understand why he had to get so angry. Couldn't he just stay calm for once? What a passionate boy. I finished my ice cream and wondered if I should somehow save his but in the end I decided not to. He was probably going to throw it away anyway.
As I stood up from the stool, I smiled at the ice cream girl again before leaving the shop but not before I caught the red blush sweep across her cheeks. Hmm...maybe there was *some* purpose for humans. They were always such fun to play with. So delicate, so easy to manipulate and trick. One little look was all it took to get that girl blushing. I wonder what would happen if I did more? Interesting...
I stepped on to the street and wondered absently to myself just exactly where was my sweet little Kamui, the dear little boy who dared go up against me and the power of the Dragons of Earth. He was so adorable, really. I liked him in a strange sort of way. It would be no difficulty to manipulate him. He was far too easy. How wonderful.
Smiling, I started down the street, whistling a little tune to myself.
I collapsed onto the bench in the park and tried to catch my breath. I had been running since stepped off the curb and disappeared out of sight. I wasn't going to let him know I wanted to run so I walked until I was out of sight before breaking into a run. I wanted to get away so fast!
He frightened me, this new Fuuma. He was evil, nothing like the good Fuuma I used to know...and loved. He was malicious, he enjoyed the pain of others, and he attacked Yuzuriha! She was only fourteen yet he went after her. I was so furious when I felt the kekkai being used and seeing Fuuma blast away at Yuzuriha. I had seen red and went after him. Even after all the fighting, the blood and the anger and hate that seemed to happen between our meetings, I still couldn't hate him totally for all that he had done. Why? Because I still loved him so much sometimes I hated myself for feeling such things. But then, was it ever his choice to become the /Kamui/ of the Dragons of Earth? No. When *my* choice was made, his was made for him. And he forgot everything.
At times I felt an irrational anger and hate towards him for forgetting, for forgetting everything between us. Forgetting how much we meant to each other, how much I truly cared. How could he allow himself to forget such a thing?? But I learned that everything that has happened has been planned by destiny and nothing could go against destiny when she had to have her way. And because of destiny, I lost Fuuma, one of the most important people in my life between Kotori, Aunty Saya, Uncle and Mother. And all four of them were dead and Fuuma had forgotten, swept away into the arms of darkness and erased of his past. My heart cried for Fuuma, cried for my family, cried for Kotori, and finally, cried for me. I missed Fuuma so badly. After so many years, I came to Tokyo only to watch more people I cared about in my life get ripped away. How screwed up was that?
Yes, I was a bit afraid of his new Fuuma. He was nothing like my old Fuuma who would never hurt anymore. But I still loved Fuuma and I swore to myself that I was going to get him back someday, even if it meant risking almost everything. My Wish was to protect Fuuma and that also meant getting him back and away from the Dragons of Earth.
If only it was as easy as it seemed. Getting Fuuma back was not going to be easy at all. I might have to get past all of the Dragons of Earth and then defy destiny. We're going to fight on the Promised Day, Fuuma and me. Everyone knows that one of us is going to die to make sure that one destiny gets fulfilled. Whether it's the survival of the human race or the survival of planet Earth. Both so precious yet couldn't work together in harmony because they destroy each other. What were we going to do? It was all a confusing mess I wish I never had been chosen for. But, sadly, I was and now I'm here, sitting on a bench trying to catch my breath after running away from my best friend, secret heart, and most dangerous enemy.
Deep down inside, I knew that if Fuuma just came up to me and told me that he'd be with me forever if I just gave up my fight, I might just do that. I loved him, plain and simple. I would do almost anything for him. But right now, I also had so many other obligations and I shoved down my affection for Fuuma and fought. I had to shut down my walls every single time I faced off with Fuuma because I knew that if I didn't, I would lose. I could never get enough gut to really hurt him, no matter how important that was. He sure as hell hurts me but I can't seem to return the favor to that extent. I can only go so far before I crumbled. And I believe it might go the same for him. So many times it was far too easy to just kill me off, but he never does. He plays with me, yes, and I hate him for it. But he never kills me and I have this secret hope it's because a part of him remembers.
Or maybe I'm just being my delusional self.
And I probably do delude myself. What reasons does Fuuma have to love me? None. Yet me being me, I'm stupid enough to hope and pray that Fuuma does still care and that we might walk away from this fight, together and alive.
But another part of me also knows that it wasn't going to happen. One of us was going to die on the Promised Day. Until then I could only fight for the lives of those who fight with me and the lives of the human race. I have to shove down my own feelings until one day, when it's most convenient, do I pull them out and give them a good look at.
I sat there, my breath back to normal, and watched as kids played and laughed in the large sandbox where the swings, slides and other fun contraptions lay. Their parents sat in the benches around the large sandbox and watch with soft smiles on their face. I almost smile. This was what I was fighting for. This joy in daily human life. If only I could get the Dragons of Heaven to understand that. Then maybe all this fighting and waiting for the Promised Day would stop. Honestly, my nerves are starting to wear thin from all those damned predictions of Hinoto's. She was one annoying dreamgazer.
I was so deep into my thoughts that the sudden activation of the kekkai took my by surprise--just like the first time. I doubled over and gasped as visions came at my rapidly. Immediately, I stood up after the first wave and started running. Subaru was going at it again with Seishirou. Damn.
I was half way to the location when Sorata, Arashi, and Yuzuriha appeared out of nowhere and ran beside me.
"I hope it's nothing serious," Sorata shouted as leaped into the air with me. Arashi and Yuzuriha followed silently. I merely nodded at him and kept quiet. It was always serious. Those two had some really bad history between them.
We reached the kekkai site just as Subaru was suddenly knocked to the ground by a rather powerful blast.
"Subaru!" Yuzuriha shouted as she ran forward and fell down beside him.
Sorata was already gathering energy between his hands as Arashi pulled out her sword from the palm of her hand.
I glared at Seishirou who stood there as if there wasn't a single thing wrong with the world. His black sunglasses were gone and he had a shallow cut across his cheek. Other than that, he looked fine. It was Subaru who looked a bit messed up. His clothes were a bit torn and there was more blood on him than Seishirou.
"Stay away from him!" I shouted furiously as I started gathering power between my hands as well. Sorata and Arashi looked more than ready to do battle.
"Now, really, is this fair?" Seishirou asked conversationally. "There's five of you against one me. I thought you good guys had more justice than this."
"Not when it comes to killers like you," Arashi said in a deadly quiet voice. It always amazed me how calm she could get in situations like this. It seems the only time she's not calm is when she was dealing with Sorata's flirtation. To my keen observation, she always managed to lose her cool around him. But then, Sorata always did have that kind of affect on people. He was so genki for someone his age.
Seishirou merely smiled and shrugged. "It's a living."
"Bastard," Sorata spat angrily. "Come on! Let's fight!"
Seishirou nodded and pulled out his ofudas.
Then all of hell broke loose as blows were exchanged the area sealed by the kekkai fell around us.
Electricity and power crackled in the air, making it burn. I dodged a blow aimed at me and threw another ball of energy at Seishirou. The ground exploded and concrete flew. A few sharp pieces slashed across my cheek just as I raised my arm to protect myself. I could hear Arashi's shout of surprise and Sorata try not to curse. Yuzuriha screamed and Subaru covered her with his coat from the flying concrete.
When the dust and debris cleared, Seishirou was standing there, looking perfectly fine except for the thin line of blood across his cheek. How did he remain almost totally unfazed by the attacks while we were already sliced up and limping? Damn him! I held my hands together and created another ball of energy. With a shout, I threw it at Seishirou.
There was a loud explosion as another source of power connected with my own. The wind blew fierce and I held up my arm to shield my eyes from any dust or debris. I wasn't going to end up blind during a fight. When the light cleared, I looked up and tried not to gasp.
Fuuma stood there with an amused smile on his lips. Seishirou was looking at him with an almost identical expression. Were they having fun hurting people? Why were the Dragons of Earth so ruthless? So cruel and unmerciful? I didn't understand them at all.
"Coming to join in on the games?" Seishirou asked, looking at his leader with a single eyebrow cocked just slightly. "Or did you actually worry about my well-being and decided to "save" me?"
"I couldn't let *you* have all the fun," Fuuma retorted in a smooth, velvet voice that he has been using since became /Kamui/ of the Dragons of Earth. He turned and smiled at me. I tried not to shake. Gods, why did he do this to me? *How* did he do this to me? I was going insane, yes, I knew that now.
"Hello, /Kamui/," he purred. "How are you? You never did finish your ice cream."
Sorata and Subaru looked at me in confusion. I tried not to growl out loud. Arashi was too busy helping Yuzuriha stand up.
"Shut up, Fuuma, and let's fight," I snapped.
"As you wish." Fuuma smiled and started gathering energy between his hands. I did the same, keeping my eyes trained on my enemy. I couldn't make a single false move or he might actually kill me this time. That was something I couldn't let happen. Not just the fact that I like living just a bit too much, but many people depended on me and I needed to pull through for them.
Seishirou moved off to the side, well aware that this fight was between only Fuuma and me. I didn't turn my head but I knew that Sorata, Arashi, Subaru and Yuzuriha were doing the same. Good. I didn't want them to get caught in the blasts when Fuuma and me started fighting.
"Kamui," Fuuma suddenly sang.
I stared at him, watching as his golden eyes took on a glint of dark amusement. I waited.
"I'm going to kill you," he whispered.
A cold wave of fear washed over me before I quickly shoved it away and attacked. The energy I had gathered up flew out of my hand and met Fuuma's own sphere of power. I held my position, pushing the energy forward just as Fuuma did the same. The two clashing powers held for a moment before exploding. More debris filled the air and the screaming wind surrounded me. I held up my arms crossed in front of me and fought it. I grunted and tried not to fall over backwards from the force of the blow.
When I didn't feel any more pressure against me, I looked up and gasped as I stared right into the eyes of Fuuma. How did he move so fast?
Before I knew it he had grabbed my neck and lifted me clear off the ground. In the back of my mind I mourned my small body. If I was just a *little* bigger maybe I would stop being lifted off the ground every single chance I ended up with Fuuma in front of me.
I struggled and tried to breathe. Fuuma's hand tightened around my neck. I could feel the world go dark and spots played in front my eyes just as the edge of my consciousness slowly started to fade. I couldn't pass out! I couldn't lose! So many people were depending on me surviving this to the Promised Day.
Struggling some more, I finally got some momentum and kicked Fuuma in the stomach. He gasped and doubled over slightly, releasing me as he clutched at his injured stomach. I must have kicked him hard. I fell and rolled away, quickly bouncing back to my feet. Fuuma had already straightened and stared at me with golden eyes that promised something painful. I swallowed and started calling on my power again. It flowed through my body and gathered at the palms of my hands, the energy growing brighter and brighter as I asked for more and more strength from inside myself.
"Now that was a low blow," Fuuma murmured. He held out his hand and a suddenly wall of power rushed at me. I raised my hands and created a force field around me. The energy flared and held as Fuuma's attack flowed over me. I panted and broke the shield when the attack disappeared.
"You have quick reflexes," Fuuma complimented.
"Thanks," I gritted.
Suddenly, a rush of ofudas flew at me. I gasped, this time unable to think fast enough to protect myself.
Subaru was suddenly in front of me, throwing his own white ofudas to slice up the ones Seishirou had thrown. The paper flew into the air and swirled around us. I nodded at him, grateful for the save.
Fuuma looked over to Seishirou for a moment and there seemed to be a flash of anger in them. He didn't want Seishirou to do that? Wonder why...
"Come on. This fight is done," Fuuma suddenly said, shaking his head. He turned and leaped over the side of the building.
"Fuuma!" I ran over to the side and watched as he leaped down and landed gently on a lamppost. He looked up at me and smiled before leaping off.
Seishirou shrugged and followed.
I stood there for a while, forgetting my friends as I tried to ignore the sudden racing of my heart that didn't come from the fight. Fuuma...
"What was all of that about?" I asked later as we walked down Main Street.
"What do you mean?" Seishirou asked, looking at me with a mildly curious look.
"Subaru. Why did you two start fighting?"
"We bumped into each other. Exchanged a few words and before you knew it, he was pulling out his kekkai and we're fighting," Seishirou explained, shrugging.
How helpful. Sometimes I just didn't know what to do with Seishirou and Subaru. They were always dancing around each other. I knew Seishirou couldn't feel any human emotions but I also knew that Subaru loved Seishirou as much as he hated him. What was going to happen to the man after all of this? Who was going to live and who was going to die, I wondered. There were so many things set in the balance.
"What about you and Kamui?" he asked.
I turned and smiled slightly at him. Trust Seishirou to ask that question. He was probably the only one of all the Dragons of Earth that actually understood me, and admittedly, it was nice. Being alone was no fun sometimes and I always liked a little bit a company. Albeit I got plenty of that when Nataku around but I'd rather have someone who can actually hold a decent conversation with me.
"I don't know," I said, shrugging slightly. "He's a nice boy. Very pretty. Almost like your Subaru."
Seishirou smiled. "Really?"
"It looks like we've both got some interests on the other side," he remarked lightly.
"Looks like it," I agreed.
"What are we going to do about it?"
"For me, nothing as of the moment. I have more important things to focus on," I said mildly. "But maybe after all of this I might actually do something."
"The great /Kamui/ falling for his enemy?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
I snorted. "Hardly. He's a good boy and all, fun to play with *and* my enemy. I have no other uses for him other than to kill him and get my destiny fulfilled. But then that doesn't mean I can't have some sort of enjoyment until then," I added as an afterthought.
Seishirou smiled and said nothing. The walk back to the Dragons of Earth headquarters was finished in silence.
Four days later...
I couldn't believe I got sick. I really couldn't. One minute I was feeling fine, just great, the next I was sneezing, coughing and feeling utterly miserable. But I didn't want to stay in the house with Sorata, Arashi and Yuzuriha around the place. I really like them and care a lot for them; they were my friends. But I just couldn't stay home and have them mother hen me anymore. I've been sick before and it never killed me. I didn't need the attention they gave me. I just wanted to be left alone.
So, that's how I ended up outside on the streets of Tokyo. I didn't know where I was going. I just wandered aimlessly with the collar of my coat pulled up and tried to suppress my coughs and sneezing. Ugh, I felt miserable. Maybe I shouldn't have left the apartment. Maybe it would have been better if I stayed home. I would probably feel much better than I was currently feeling. Ah, well, it was too late and I didn't feel like going back.
I wandered around until I finally came to the Clamp School campus. I stared at the gates for a moment before digging into my pockets and pulling out my wallet. I flashed my student ID while going through the gates and headed for the garden where Kotori was buried.
There were still plenty of students and workers on campus even though it was Sunday. I didn't bother going to school anymore than I had to. Honestly, didn't I have more to worry about than turning in my physics project or something? I don't think so. I'm trying to save the world, for god's sakes. Couldn't the teacher cut me some slack when I don't pay attention in class or when I had to miss school to recover from some injuries?
Finally, I reached Kotori's grave. I climbed the limbs of the tree that was sorta like her grave marker and sat there on the thick tree limbs, wrapped in my long coat. I leaned against the trunk and sighed heavily, allowing my eyes to close for a few blissful minutes. For some reason, I always felt comforted when I came here. Maybe it was because I could feel Kotori near me. She always did have a calming affect on me. I missed her. She was so close, just like my sister. I believed I could have loved her beyond sibling love but I guess I'll never be sure.
Without meaning to, I fell asleep.
When I came to it was already dark and I could hear the sounds of the night traffic from the distance. The cool night wind blew and I shivered. I was still sick. In fact, I was probably worse. Great. That meant I would have to stay home more if I actually wanted to get better.
I jumped down from the tree and almost lost my footing. I quickly regained it and started heading for the exit. The night guard was there. It wasn't unusual for students to stay over late. All I had to do was flash my ID again and I was well on my way back home. Or at least I hoped it was the direction of home. In my current condition, I wasn't really sure. Everything kinda tilted and I felt off balanced, disorientated. In fact, I believed I was going to throw up.
I tripped over a raised part of the concrete and almost fell flat on my face when I felt two strong arms catch me and a voice coo inside my ear, "Little boys shouldn't go out at night. All the bad people come out at that time."
Then everything went black.
I smiled as I caught the small boy and lifted him easily into my arms. He weighed so little, his build so small. I could easily break him in half as I held him close to my chest. I stared at his flushed face and listened to his shaky breathing. He was obviously sick. Hmph. When did Kamui allow himself to get sick?
I threw his arms around my neck and started carrying him back to my own apartment.
I ignored the strange looks some pass-byers gave me as I carried Kamui through the streets. Why didn't they just mind their own business? I wasn't going to do anything to him. Or at least I didn't plan to. You never know what might happen as it goes.
By the time I reached my apartment, I was getting pretty tired of the looks everyone gave me. As if carrying an unconscious boy through Tokyo was such a strange occurrence. Humans suck.
I was tempted to kick open the door to my apartment for fun but I just willed it open instead and walked inside. This time I did kick the door closed. I walked into my bedroom and almost gently laid Kamui down on my American bed. Then I turned around and started flipping all the lights on inside of my apartment. Kanoe didn't know about this place since, frankly, I didn't want her to. Sometimes being the leader of the Dragons of Earth took its toll on me and I just wanted to have some time to myself. Thus the reason why I rented this apartment without anyone knowing. Kanoe never questioned me about where I go and even if she did I would have never given her a straight answer so there was no reason to unless she wanted a head ache.
I poured some water into a glass cup and swallowed it all before pouring another cup and grabbing some pills. When Kamui woke up he would need something to fight his cold. Why I was even giving him the pills baffled me. What did I care about him? He was better off dead, wasn't he? Why didn't I just kill him when I found him on the street? Maybe I did actually care for him...
Or maybe I was saving him for the Promised Day. Who knew?
I walked back into the bedroom and found him tossing and turning on my bed. He was tangling the neat sheets on my bed. Great. I would have to smooth them out again later. I placed the glass of water and the pills on the oak nightstand beside the bed and sat down beside him. I helped him out of his jacket and threw it on the floor. Then I unbuttoned a few buttons on his shirt and allowed the cool air of my apartment to wash over the fevered skin. I took him out of all his clothes except for his boxers and tucked him underneath my expensive silk sheets and blankets. Without thinking, I reached out and brushed my fingers across his forehead before kissing him on the cheek. Then I straightened, picked up and folded his clothing, and then went back to my living room and watched TV for the rest of night. I didn't feel like sleeping.
Eventually I did fall asleep on the couch. A person can only stay up for so long before his body gave in on him and dragged him into the dark, velvet depths of the dream world. When I woke up it was morning and I was a bit stiff. I sat up slowly and stretched, my long limbs finally getting some kind of space to relax after being folded up on the couch. Being tall sometimes sucked especially when you couldn't sleep in small places without getting the most uncomfortable cramps in the strangest places.
When I finally got most of the cramps to loosen up, I remembered I had a guest. I smiled slightly as I walked casually into my bedroom. I leaned against the doorframe and watched his sleeping face. I hadn't bothered to close the curtains last night, allowing the morning sunshine to pour into the room and spill across his prone body. He was still sick considering his shaky breathing and the coughs that racked his body ever so often.
I walked over to the bed and grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him. "Wake up, Kamui. Wake up. It's time to get up."
He moaned and tried to pull away from me but I wasn't going to be met with any restraint. He needed to get up and take his medicine so I could talk to him when he was coherent again. He groaned and finally gave up, opening his eyes. I stared into confused, vague violet eyes for a moment. Then he realized exactly *who* he was looking at. He jerked back and almost bumped into the headboard. He would have if I didn't have my hands on his shoulders to keep him from doing such a thing. I doubt it would be nice, especially since he was sick, it would give him a major headache and disorientation for a while.
"Fuuma," he gasped.
I sighed. Ah, well, if he insisted on using that name. "Yes? Kamui, are you thinking straight?"
"What...where...What are you doing here?" he demanded, looking baffled.
"This is my apartment," I said dryly as I sat down and eased him back down onto the bed. I grabbed the water and pills. "Here. Take these. They should help." I handed them over to him. He stared at them as if they were made of poison. I smiled almost evilly. "It's not going to kill you. It's just some pills for your flu or whatever you have. You don't want to be sicker do you?"
"I want to go home," he said, pushing my hand away. "Let me go."
"I'm not keeping you here, Kamui," I told him. "You can leave if you want to." That seemed to render him silent since he just lay there, looking everywhere but me, his face thoughtful.
"...Why are you being so nice?" he finally asked.
I tried not to laugh. "Nice? Am I being nice? I don't know. All I know is that you're sick and I took you home since I don't know where you live. And even if I did I wouldn't go there. Sorata or Arashi might decide they don't like me and try to kill me."
"They already don't," he muttered.
"Be a good boy and take the medicine," I said mildly, ignoring his comment. "It's not going to kill you. Promise."
"How can I believe your promise?" he demanded, violet eyes flashing untrustingly. He had every reason not to trust me, for sure. I suppose I could give him credit for maintaining his mind through this. Most sick people weren't as coherent as he wasn't.
"I haven't killed you have I? I could have easily done so last night when I brought you home. I could have taken the Shinken and run it through your small body, finishing you off and taking care of my problems."
He suddenly began to tremble every so slightly, his eyes wide. He was afraid of me.
I shrugged. "But I didn't. I don't feel like killing you, Kamui. Not yet anyway. I already told you so when we had ice cream. Now, be a good Kamui and take your medicine. We don't want you half-dead if some of my Dragons decide to challenge you."
He looked up at me with suspicious eyes but took the medicine and the water. He swallowed them and handed the half-drained glass back to me. I placed it down on the nightstand and smiled slightly at him. His shaking had stopped but he was unusually stiff, his body filled with tension. He was ready to fight back if I decided to attack him. Hmm...
"Does...does anyone else know I'm here?" he asked hesitantly, his voice soft.
I shook my head. "No. You're...safe. From *them* at least." I smiled slightly at the small, subtle warning my words made. "None of them know of this place." I leaned in close. "It's my tree house, my hideout, I suppose you can say. It's a place I come to when I don't feel like dealing with people and the rest of the world."
He sighed and nodded slightly. "I wish I had a place like that. I just...want it all to go away."
"Don't we all?" I murmured, suddenly feeling melancholy. But it vanished quickly and I smiled brightly, reaching out to pat him on his warm cheek. "Ah, well, don't you worry your pretty head. The war between us is left outside the door."
He looked at me for a long time, and I allowed him. What was going through his head? What did he think of me? I wonder. It would be so nice to get into his head and find out just what goes on through there. It was probably very fascinating.
"Is that the truth?" he asked very, very softly. His voice carried an almost wistful sound to it. What was it that this boy wanted? What made him so wistful?
"What is?" I asked, tilting my head to the side.
"That the war between us is left outside the door."
I shrugged and nodded. "For today at least. You're sick. I am not going to fight someone who's sick. I'll wait until you get stronger."
He sighed. "You still want to kill me, don't you?"
"It is my destiny," was only my reply.
"And it is *my* destiny to kill *you*."
I smiled at his words. "Yes," I answered placidly, not very bothered by his words. People live and die every single day. It was the cycle of life, only difference with me was that I was fighting to stay alive long enough to fulfill my destiny.
"How long will I stay here?" he asked, as if I was the one controlling where he came and went.
"When you want to leave," I replied, standing up. "I'm starving. Do you want something to eat?"
"I don't think I can hold anything down," he admitted honestly.
I nodded. "Just don't throw up on my covers." Then I turned and left the room, closing the door behind him.
When the door closed behind him, I lay there for a long time, staring off at nothing as I replayed our conversation over and over inside of my head. After a moment, I closed my eyes and sighed inaudibly. What was going on? I had no idea. Fuuma was actually being *nice* to me. He wasn't trying to twist my arm off or strangle me. He was actually trying to help me get better. As much as I hoped that it was because he had changed, he was good, I knew it wasn't just from remembering certain parts of what had been said between us. He won't kill me now but that doesn't mean he won't later.
I struggled to sit up but my arms went out on me and I fell back down on the covers. As I did so, a wonderfully cool puff of air surrounded me, filling my nose with his scent. He smelled just like he did when he still had been good. I breathed it in, not really meaning to, and turned on my side. I grabbed one of the many pillows from the other side of the bed and held it close to my face, actually feeling better from the pills. They were pretty strong.
Pressing the soft cotton pillow closer to my nose, I breathed in deeply, my eyes sliding closed. He smelled so nice. For once I was going to allow myself some kind of weakness and stay with him as long as possible. Or at least until he decided to kill me. I wanted to get to know him, I wanted to learn his reasons for fighting. He might be a different Fuuma who couldn't remember anything from the moment he had been changed, but I *knew* there *had* to be some of the old Fuuma in there. A person just can't totally forget who he had been. Or at least I hoped not.
I could hear him moving in the kitchen, making something to eat. I never knew he could cook. But then six years *is* a pretty long time. He probably learned how to do a lot of things during that time. How to ride a bike, how to skate, how to swim...how to kiss.
Suddenly I froze. What was I doing thinking those things? Yes, maybe I did love him since I know I feel very deeply for him. But to go that far? I clutched the pillow tighter and pushed those kinds of thoughts away from my head but it was a bit difficult. Did he have a girlfriend before he changed? How many dates has he been on? How many girls has he kissed? Did he even like guys...?
Quite abruptly I realized what Subaru probably went through and is still going through. It was hard to love--or at least care deeply--for someone who probably didn't love or care for you in return in anyway. Poor Subaru. He had loved--or at least cared deeply--for Seishirou for such a long time. Nine years. I suppose we were not as different as I had thought. I've cared for Fuuma for six years. Not as long but close, ne?
The sounds coming from the kitchen stopped and I could hear the scrape of a chair being pulled out. He was eating breakfast. I wanted to get up and join him. Not eat but just watch him. Was that a strange request? I hoped not. But then, lately I haven't exactly been myself. I've been thinking too much and it's been doing things to me. Mother always told me I was too serious for my own good. She was right. She was always right.
I slowly opened my eyes and met my hand. I stared at it, blinking as I saw the thin scar on the back of my hand that was identical to the one in my palm. I suddenly remembered the day Fuuma changed into /Kamui/. It had been a painful day--literally. I couldn't remember the pain of the glass slicing through my skin, bone and muscle to pin me to the concrete. I had been in too much shock and horror over Kotori's death to really register much of the pain. I had dreamt it when Hinoto came to me. I *knew* it was going to happen but I couldn't stop it. Even though I knew about it, I couldn't do anything to stop it. I couldn't stop Fuuma from killing his own sister.
Tears welled up inside my eyes and I struggled not to cry. Haven't I cried enough? Wasn't it time to stop the tears? Thankfully, I didn't cry. My eyes just stung and were a bit moist but I didn't cry. I sighed shakily and pressed my face even harder against the pillow, allowing the cotton to absorb the wetness around my eyes.
What was I going to do? How was I going to protect Fuuma? I couldn't even protect Kotori. How was I going to protect Fuuma and make sure he didn't end up dead because of me? So many people had been hurt because of me...Aunty, Uncle...Mother...Tokiko-san. So many people...And all because they were close to me and cared for me, they wanted to protect me. They all knew about the Promised Day and they all sacrificed their lives so I could live and fulfill it. Sometimes I wondered why they just didn't let me die. Then, maybe, none of this would have came to be. But down inside, I knew that nothing could have changed my fate. I was /Kamui/. I was the savior the world. It was my *destiny*.
Destiny. What was destiny? Didn't they say a man made his own destiny? Obviously not, I thought bitterly. My whole entire life had been planned out for me, manipulated by my mother and Aunt Saya and every other damn person involved. I could easily get angry at them. Blame them for all my pain, all my torture and loss. Hell, I could blame my mother for ever having me. But I wasn't going to. I was going to fight. I was going to protect Fuuma and get him back.
...Sometimes, getting Fuuma back was the only reason why I kept on going. It was the only thing I felt like I had left connected to the world I had loved and watched be destroyed.
Again, I tried to sit up. This time I actually had some strength in my arms and I was able to support myself long enough to push myself up and back against the wooden headboard. I rested against it, thankful for the pillows that supported me. It was one of the many things that actually kept me in an upright position.
I looked around the room, taking in my surroundings. First off, I was in an American bed. It was nice and soft, full of plushiness. It was much better than the futons on the floor, which were comfortable, of course, but this American bed, were better. Trust Fuuma--or at least this Fuuma--to invest in an American bed.
The room was decorated simply yet elegantly. There was a table off to one corner beside the window with two comfortable looking chairs and a vase full of dried roses. Some of the petals had fallen off and fell around the blue dragon vase, giving it a very nice and romantic touch. There was a TV on a small entertainment center across from me. Underneath the TV in the small entertainment center was a VCR player and DVD player. On the floor beside the small center was a stack of videos and DVDs. Very nice. If I could find the remote, maybe I could watch some TV. I hadn't been able to do that in a while from all the stress I had to deal with recently.
The whitewashed walls were decorated with Japanese and Chinese paintings, as well as some Chinese scrolls that I could read just a *little* bit. I hadn't learned much Chinese since that was left to those in college. But I had picked up *some*. Of course, with my limited knowledge I couldn't make any sense from the scrolls. I wondered if Fuuma knew how to read them.
There were two doors in the room, not including the door out to the living room or whatever part of the apartment. The two doors probably lead to the bathroom and closet, although which was which I had no idea. I hope it wasn't going to give me any trouble when I needed the restroom.
I looked down at the carpets and from what I saw, they looked pretty plush and comfortable. I wondered how they would feel against my bare feet.
I looked down at myself and gasped, my eyes widening. I was...I was only in my boxers! I suddenly turned a bright shade of red. I couldn't see it but I could damn well *feel* it. Oh gods. He had undressed me last night...I blushed even harder at the thought. Fuuma had seen me only in my boxers! But then, recollecting past events, he had seen me without my clothes on before. Like on the night he had taken me home after that fight with Seiichirou's nephew. But, of course, *this* Fuuma wouldn't remember. Just wonderful! I tried not to roll my eyes. Gods, I was probably being such an idiot. So he saw me only in my boxers. No biggie.
I was close to drifting off again when the door opened and Fuuma appeared at the doorway. I looked over at him and pulled the blankets up a bit higher.
He smiled. "How do you feel? Better? Did the pills work?"
I nodded, a bit dazed though I tried to hide it. I couldn't trust this Fuuma, I knew that. It was hard not to. He was my best friend, someone I loved dearly. I *wanted* to trust him so badly but I couldn't. I couldn't trust him if I wanted to live.
"I'm going to go out. I need to take care of some...things. I'll be back before dinner. Until then, you can explore the apartment as much as you want," he said as he walked away from the doorway and to one of the two other doors. He opened one near the upper left corner of the room and pulled out a light jacket. That was the closet. That meant the other door was the bathroom. Good. Now I knew which was which I could take care of business when I needed to.
"Aren't you afraid I might find something you don't want me to find?" I asked in my strongest voice. Which, thankfully, was pretty steady. I would have died if my voice shook.
"Don't worry. Nothing in this apartment is really important," he said lightly as he draped the jacket over his arm. He reached up and ran his fingers through his now longer bangs. I had to admit, as this Fuuma his hair had gotten *much* better.
"All right," I said for the lack of anything better to say.
"Besides," he added with a slightly mischievous look in his golden eyes, "I doubt you're strong enough to even get out of bed. If you need anymore pills they're on the kitchen table with some water. You can eat anything you want and use anything you want. I don't want you to get bored here. What kind of host would I be?"
"A bad one?" I offered.
He smiled but it wasn't genuine.
"Have fun, Kamui." Then he left the room, closing the door behind him. I heard some shuffling in the living room before the door opened and then closed with a muffled click and the sounds of keys being shoved into a pocket.
I sat there, dumbfounded. He trusted me alone in his apartment, in his sanctuary. So many strange and unpredictable things were happening at the same time. I suddenly felt exhausted. I scooted down until I was lying back down on the bed. I closed my eyes and decided to get some sleep before I did anything. I was going to need my energy if I was going to look around and check out his apartment. He had invited me, too, and I was never one to turn down an invitation. It was impolite.
Closing my eyes, I was enveloped in his masculine, cool scent. It smelled of the cologne he used and something else that was purely Fuuma. For the first time in a long time, I actually had a good nap.
When I woke up for god knows whatever time, it was already starting to get dark. Had I been sleeping for that long? I had no idea, seeing as I lost track of time a while ago. I just lay there in the bed, thinking about everything that had happened to me in the past day and a half. It was all so strange and unreal. I didn't know what to think. Maybe, I shouldn't even try and just enjoy what was happening right now instead. It was much easier than thinking about the future. I've found that lately, thinking about the future isn't as fun as it used to be. I couldn't dream about going to college and becoming some famous executive or maybe a firefighter or something. All those dreams are gone now. I had more important things to worry about. Like saving the human race.
My life has never been easy. I never knew who my father was. Aunt Saya had died, ripped to pieces by giving birth to the Holy Sword, Shinken and I had been taken away, separated from my only friends to keep them safe. Later my mother died only a few months before I came back to Tokyo. Then Uncle Kyougo died protecting the Shinken, then Kotori died at the hands of her brother, Tokiko-san died giving birth to another Shinken, and Fuuma...Fuuma was on the other side. The side that wanted to destroy humanity.
What a fucked up life I had. It was amazing I haven't gone crazy. Or have I? There was that time after Kotori died when I was lost in my own mind and couldn't get myself out until Subaru came for me. Which was I very thankful for. What would have happened to me if I never got pulled out? I didn't want to know.
I stared up at the ceiling with a drowsy sort of contentment. I didn't want to get out of bed, I just wanted to stay in it forever. But suddenly, nature called and I knew I had to leave in order to use the bathroom.
Gathering up all my meager strength, I sat up and pushed off the warm blankets. Then I stumbled out of bed and practically crawled over to the bathroom. I hadn't realized how drained I was from dealing with that virus or whatever it was.
I used the bathroom but I didn't go back to bed right away. Instead, I started moving around and got some strength into my limbs. My head cleared and I was feeling better. But also got tired quickly so I soon returned to the bed.
Lying there, I wondered absently what kind of business Fuuma had to go off on. Was he going to attack my friends? Suddenly, a deep panic caught me. What if that was exactly what Fuuma was going to do? Without me there, he could probably hurt a great deal of them. I was the only one who had enough strength to go up against him...And I was sick!
Cursing softly, I started to get out of bed when I heard the door open and close. I sat up and stared at the door, wondering if he was going to come in here. I got my answer soon enough.
The door swung open and he stood there with a bag in his hand and a smile on his face. His sunglasses were still perched on his nose despite the fact that it was starting to get dark.
"Fuuma...?" I tried tentatively.
"I have fast food. Do you like Chinese?" he asked nonchalantly as he strolled into the room and sat down beside me. He dropped the food on the nightstand and smiled at me. I couldn't help but smile back. He reached out and pushed my hair out of my face. "You're looking *much* better. I guess that medicine worked, huh?"
"I've always been a fast healer," I said lightly.
He grinned. "Well, that's good to know." He stood up and left the bedroom. He came back a few minutes later with a wooden tray, utensils and napkins as well as two cans of soda. "I hope you like Chinese. I couldn't think of anything else to buy when I went out. I like a bit of a change, don't you? Japanese food is great, but a little something different is always good, ne?"
I nodded. "Yes, something different is always good. Keeps life interesting."
He laughed. "I'd drink to that." He popped open the cans of soda and started pulling out all the food from the bag. Soon we had a Chinese dinner laid out on the tray over my lap. I smiled as I reached out to pick up the carton of noodles and my chopsticks. It felt *really* nice to be doing something so normal with Fuuma. He was sitting across from me, no shoes, on the bed, munching on the orange chicken. He had taken off his sunglasses and they laid a few feet away from him on the other side of the large bed. He looked so relaxed and at ease. I wondered if he put down his guard in front of others besides me.
I was half way through my noodles when he asked me how was my day. I shrugged. "I slept a lot, actually. I only woke up more than half an hour ago."
He nodded and speared some tofu into his mouth. "That's pretty impressive. I can't think of sleeping for that long. But then I'm not the type to sleep, really. I have a bad case of insomnia."
He shrugged. "I don't know. I just can't sleep."
"Maybe you should take some medicine or something. Sleeping is important," I said as I shoved a bit of beef into my mouth.
He chuckled and reached out to ruffle my hair. "You would know, ne?"
"Hey, I'm sick!"
"Excuses, excuses, excuses. You just like my American bed too much," he teased.
"Maybe," I conceded. "It *is* really soft. A nice change from all those futons."
"You still sleep on those things?"
"I have a bed," I said defensively. "It's just that...Sometimes I sleep on a futon." Or at least I slept on a futon the last time I saw him. It had been a while ago when we first spoke to each other, when he brought me home after finding me hurt from the fight against Seiichirou's nephew, Daisuke.
He smiled and leaned in close, so close that if I lifted my chin just a bit our lips would touch. I felt myself tremble just a *little*.
"Ah, well, my American bed is *much* softer isn't it? Much more comfortable?" he murmured, his warm breath washing over my face and neck. All I wanted to do was reach out and wrap my arms around him and pull him close, to have his warm body pressed against my own. The desire was so strong I could barely think.
"Yes," I managed to breathe, mesmerized by his honey colored eyes. They were truly beautiful, framed by long thick lashes. I suddenly wondered how he would look like asleep, with those same soot colored lashes against his pale skin. I never saw him asleep before...
Then he pulled back and popped a bit of spicy chicken into his mouth. "Finished yet? I'll clean all of this up and then maybe we can watch some TV, ne?"
Feeling a sudden rush of frustration, I wanted to strangle him. He was playing with me! Oh, if only I could just reach out and grab his neck and squeeze...He'd probably end up doing the same to me though. He wasn't one to be overpowered by a shrimp like me.
"Yeah, that'd be great," I said quietly as I watched him gather everything up and leave the room to throw it all in the sink or refrigerator. I just sat there and stared off at nothing, remembering how close he had been and how nice he had smelled. Would he sleep with me tonight? I wondered...did he want his soft bed back instead of the couch outside?
He came back after a few minutes and plopped down beside me on the bed. He picked up the remote and started channel surfing. I watched as he stared at a channel for a moment before changing it if nothing interested him. He had cable so this went on for a while. Finally, after rejecting so many other channels, he stopped at a Chinese horror movie with Japanese subtitles.
"Is this good?" I asked curiously as the woman babbled in some Chinese dialect--Cantonese I believe--to a man who was trying to calm her down.
"I don't know. Interesting though, ne?"
"I've never been one for foreign movies."
"Then just read the subtitles and see if you like it," he urged.
"Ah...okay." I turned my attention back to the TV just as a girl reached up a torn part of the wallpaper and tear it away. Slowly, piece by piece of the wallpaper was torn away, to reveal a picture on the wall that had been drawn with black and red crayons. It depicted a child with a knife in her hand, killing the family currently living in the house. There was a lot of red used for the blood. There was a pregnant silence as the camera went over this picture before the girl screamed and ran off to find her father.
Beside me, Fuuma laughed.
"What's so funny?" I asked, frowning slightly.
"Don't you find that amusing?"
"She was scared out of her mind!"
"So? It was funny!" he said defensively, a crooked smirk on his face. "Did you see her face?"
"You're horrible, Fuuma," I said, shoving him a bit.
"You know it!"
I laughed and shook my head before settling back for the rest of the movie. Somewhere along the middle of it I could feel myself drifting off. Before I knew it was leaning against Fuuma, half asleep. It felt nice to lean against him, to feel his presence beside me as the boy on the screen shriek while the possessed mother killed him with a butcher knife. Fuuma didn't laugh this time and I absently wondered why not. But I was too sleepy to look up and check. I just closed my eyes and lost myself into the sweet darkness waiting for me.
I watched as he slept on my shoulder, not giving a damn for the movie anymore. I was a bit amazed and *almost* humbled by the fact that he felt safe enough around me to fall asleep like that, without worrying I might kill him in his state of vulnerability. To have someone trust you enough to fall asleep in your presence is something that doesn't happen to a Dragon of Earth every day...least of all me.
I turned off the TV and continued to watch him breathe softly and easily while he slept. He sighed softly and snuggled closer to me and I smiled. I slowly lifted him up and slid him lower onto the bed before tucking him in. I reached out and brushed my fingers across his pale cheek before leaning over to kiss the silken skin. It felt so nice to have his powder soft skin against my lips, to breathe in his sweet, fulfilling scent. All I wanted to do was pull him close and kiss the breath out of him before making love to him, to have him underneath me crying out in his pleasure. Ah, what a sweet achful image that made. I was so close to doing just that. It would have been so easy to just tear away at his clothing and claim him for my own. But something held me back. I didn't know what it was...but I wanted him to come to me willingly. I wanted him to *want* to be taken by me. I wanted him to surrender to me.
After watching him for a few more minutes, I got out of bed and went to take a shower. After the shower, I dressed in only a pair of boxers and slid into the bed with him. I wasn't going to sleep on the couch tonight. It damn hurt my back last time. Besides, I had a feeling he wouldn't protest if we shared a bed. I smirked at that thought.
Turning off the lights, I pulled the blankets off and drifted off to sleep.
Sometime in the middle of the night, I could hear him make soft whimpering noises. I woke up immediately and looked over at him, bathed in the moonlight that poured in from the window on his side of the bed. He was twisting around, almost in pain, moaning and whimpering in the throes of a nightmare.
I reached over and began to shake him.
"Kamui, wake up. Wake up, you're having a nightmare," I whispered as I continued to shake him awake. He came around slowly and when he did, he almost screamed when he saw me but he bit his tongue and kept silent. He took a deep breath and relaxed.
"Wha...what happened?" he asked a few moments later, sounding breathless.
"You were having a nightmare. Or at least I think you were. Are you okay?" I asked softly, lying on my side facing him. I wanted to reach out and pull him into my arms but I controlled myself. I reminded myself I wanted him to come willingly, to surrender to me without holding anything back.
"I'm...okay," he whispered almost inaudibly. Only my acute hearing caught that.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes...I just...Nightmares. They come and go."
"What kind of nightmares?"
"It's not important. Go back to sleep, Fuuma. I'm sorry I woke you up."
I shrugged mentally and decided to do what he told me. If he wasn't going to tell me, I wasn't going to push it. Besides, I was tired. I was almost asleep again when I noticed he was trembling. I could feel it. I opened my eyes and looked over at him. He looked terrified. Whatever those dream had been, it had shaken him terribly. I reached out, without thinking, and pulled him into my arms. He moaned softly and pressed his face into my neck, silently thanking me for this small comfort.
I held him all night until we both fell asleep.
The next morning I woke up with a soft, warm body in my arms. He was sound asleep, his face pressed against my neck and his legs tangled in my own. I could feel his heat pressed against my thigh and it took all my control not to take him right there and then, never mind he was still asleep. He was so desirable. I wonder if he knew that. If he knew just how tempting he was, how beautiful and sexy in that sweet innocent way. His whole manner begged to be loved, to be cherished.
I lay there all morning, just holding him until he finally woke up. The whole world could screw itself over and I wouldn't care. All I cared about at that moment was how Kamui felt in my arms, Kamui's soft breath against my neck, Kamui's seeming trust in me to make sure he would be safe from his nightmares.
I was about to fall back asleep, so at ease I was, when I felt small, gentle kisses being pressed on to my neck. I stiffened and I could feel my eyes widened. He wasn't doing what I thought he was doing...Was he? I remained still; wondering if it was just my imagination until I definitely felt kisses being pressed to my neck and shoulders. I smiled and pulled back, to see Kamui was half-awake, his violet eyes half-lidded, the picture of sweet seduction.
"Kamui," I whispered in a singy-song voice.
"Wake up, Kamui, before you do something you'll regret," I whispered. Or something *I* would regret. Maybe. Sorta. Okay, so maybe I really wouldn't regret taking his sweet ass. Happy? I told the truth. Hmph.
"But what if I don't regret this?" he whispered, and I knew he was awake.
"Don't play games, Kamui," I warned. "Don't do anything you'll regret later."
He looked up at me with clear, violet eyes. "And what if I don't regret it?"
"How will you know?" He pressed.
"Are you a virgin?"
"Do you really want to give your virginity to me?" I asked point blank. If he was going to do this, he had to sure. I wasn't going to have a lover whom as unsure; who would complicate things with his doubts. I wanted a certain lover who would open his arms and legs to me without hesitance.
"Yes!" He looked me straight in the eye before leaning in to gently press a soft kiss to my lips. It was an unsure kiss. Had he never been kissed before? He was so beautiful, surely someone would have tried to teach him how to kiss at one point of his life. But if no one did...I would have been more than happy to teach him.
I reached out and touched his face, bringing him close. Then I pressed my lips against his own, kissing him gently, slowly yet passionately. I showed him just exactly how nice a kiss could be, not a soft brush of the lips. I was going to show him a real kiss.
His lips were warm and soft and oh so willing. He sighed and slid his arms around my neck. I rolled on top of him, still kissing him yet not pushing anything. After a few more moments, I opened my mouth and swiped my tongue across his lower lip, giving him a taste of what was to come. He gasped and stared at me in amazement, but I could feel his small body tremble with desire. Smiling, I urged his mouth open and slid my tongue inside.
"Oooh..." he sighed as I deepened the kiss, tasting his sweet, moist cavern. My hands rested on his sides, caressing them gently as I kissed him. It wasn't long before he shyly began to twine his own tongue around mine. I smiled and taught him how to put his tongue to better usage.
Soon, I knew we needed to breathe. I broke away and smiled down at him, still tasting him in my mouth. He was breathing heavily; his eyes misted over with lust and desire. I leaned down and pressed soft, moist kisses to his bare chest. He was, after all, only wearing a pair of boxers. He gasped and moaned, leaning up to the kisses.
"Do you like that?" I asked as I pressed a kiss to his neck and shoulder.
"Yes," he hissed as my wandering hands found the waistband of his boxers. I tugged at them playfully before wandering even lower to find his growing erection. I gathered it into my hands and began to slowly caress it, warming it even further with my powerful tugs. He cried out and arched against me, pressing his erection into my hands. I laughed lightly and kissed him soundly.
"Do you know how beautiful you are?" I murmured.
"No...Oh gods, Fuuma! Don't stop," he pleaded, lost in the overwhelming pleasure that assaulted his mind and body. This was the first time he had experienced sexual pleasure and it was taking him over.
"I won't. I'm going to take you before the end of this morning, Kamui," I told him. "Will you let me? Will you open your legs to me?"
"Yes! Gods yes!"
I could feel he was ready to come but I wasn't going to let him come the first time in his boxers. I ripped off the flimsy cloth around his hips and moved down until my lips brushed against the beautifully erect penis. I buried my face against the soft silky strands of hair around it and breathed in deeply. He moaned and sobbed, begging for release. I smiled and swiftly took him into my mouth, fighting the gag reflex and swallowing him whole.
He screamed and immediately came into my mouth. I swallowed, my throat milking him of everything he had. I tasted the bittersweet semen in my mouth, loving it. He was absolutely delicious.
Soon he was spent and his penis was limp in my mouth. I pulled away, sucking deeply and causing him to scream again, before the sweet member fell from my mouth and against his thighs. He lay there, breathing hard and looking dazed. He then looked at me.
"That was wonderful," he whispered, his breath barely carrying his voice. He was exhausted and was now going through the sweet warmth of pleasure.
"It was supposed to be," I said teasingly as I leaned over and kissed him deeply, letting him taste himself on my lips. He moaned and rested his hands against my chest. I could feel the warmth through those small hands. I reached over and caught them in my own, breaking the kiss to bring them to my lips. I kissed each long digit and smiled as I could feel the very slight, very delicate tremors going through his body. His desire, passion and lust were pretty obvious.
"Aren't you...? You haven't taken your pleasure," he whispered, blinking. He flushed. "I'm sorry."
"Why should you be sorry? This is your first time. Hush and let me do the work, all right?" I leaned over and brushed a gentle kiss on his lips. Leaning back, I stared down at the beautifully pale body before me. His long, silky legs were spread and I was sitting in the middle of them. He looked so vulnerable, so easily broken and shattered. I reached out and began to caress the delicate, sensitive skin on the insides of his thighs. He gasped and moaned as I touched him.
"Fuuma..." The way he said my name almost made me come. It was low, husky and laced with so much wanton desire. "I want...I want you..."
"I know," I murmured, smiling mischievously. I grabbed a pillow and slid it underneath his bottom, lifting it. He stared at me questioningly but I said nothing as I lifted his legs and hooked them around my shoulders. Then I leaned over and licked at his spread entrance. He screamed and clutched at the sheets, his hands finding nothing else to grip as the pleasure tore through him. I smiled softly and pressed a kiss to the darkened pucker before I licked at it again. When he was wet enough, I slowly slid my tongue into him, fucking him with my mouth.
"Fuuma! FuumaFuumaFuuma..." he screamed over and over again as I 'tongue fucked' him. It was music to my ears as I continued to assault his sweet entrance. I pushed in deeper and deeper, tasting his warm velvet depths.
When he was wet and stretched enough, I lowered him back down onto the pillows, listening to his soft, desperate moans.
"Are you ready?" I asked huskily.
"Take me! Oh gods, do it before I die..." he whispered, gasping and whining in unfulfilled pleasure.
I nodded and grasped his hips, then I snapped my hips forward and buried myself in his hot, virgin entrance.
"Fuuma!" He sobbed as he arched and took me in deeper. I grunted and leaned over to kiss him again before I snapped my hips forward, causing him to scream again. I took a deep breath before I began to slowly fuck him, taking him slow and deep, my thrusts becoming harder and harder with each passing one. He just lay there, clutching at the sheets as I fucked his entrance, stretching it further with my cock. There was no blood spilled though because I was very careful in my motions.
I closed my eyes and buried my face in his neck as my hips continued to snap forward. I was starting to lose my control. It was hard to maintain it with his hot muscles wrapped tightly around my erection, the natural pull of his hole taking me in so deep I was afraid I might have hurt him. But he just sobbed and begged for more, which I gave him. I was soon slamming into his one sweet spot, the cluster of nerves that sent him spiraling into the heavens. His cock was being rubbed raw between our flat stomachs and I knew he wasn't going to last very long. And neither was I. The friction was almost too much and I couldn't take it anymore. He was so tight! I had never had a lover who was so tight before...It was pure torture not to come right away in his body, to spill my seed in his dark depths.
Then, I could no longer hold it, and I came, my hot seed slamming into his body as I thrusted harder into him. He sobbed and came, splashing his semen across our stomachs and chests, dripping down onto the sheets.
"Fuuma...gods, Fuuma..." he whispered, his voice cracking. He was clinging to me and I was still buried oh so deeply in his wonderful entrance. We were both so spent.
I lifted my head and stared into his violet eyes, darkened by the pleasure. I pressed a tired kiss to his lips and fell back down against him, never pulling out as I fell asleep inside of him. I felt him pull the blankets over of us and soon we were both sound asleep.
I woke up to find the bed empty. I panicked for a moment until I heard some noises outside in the kitchen. He was only making breakfast. I breathed a sigh of relief and slid out of bed. My legs were a little unsteady and I could feel a nagging soreness between them...
I tried not to blush as I realized exactly *why* I was sore. I grabbed the robe that had been hanging off the edge of the bed--clearly Fuuma had put it there--and slid it on. I walked into the bathroom and decided to have a much-needed shower.
As the hot water washed down my back, I could feel my muscles ease and relax, as well as the rest of my mind. I didn't think about anything, didn't regret anything. I just indulged and lost myself into the wonderful heat of the water.
Eventually, I had to get out. I discovered that I had no clothes. I had no idea where Fuuma had placed the clothing I had worn when he brought me to his apartment so I had to make due with the robe.
I slipped out of the room and across the living room to the kitchen. The windows were open, allowing the bright sunshine to pour into the small kitchen, lighting it up. A little bit away from the kitchen was the dining table. It was small, meant for only one or two people. Fuuma was at the stove, making breakfast. He was dressed in only in a robe as well and I dared not to imagine whether or not there were any clothing underneath the robe. Instead, I concentrated on the food. The rice had already been laid out on the table with the tea and he was making the vegetables and meat.
"Ah, yes, I am." I smiled. "Do you need any help?"
"No. Just sit down and wait while I get this done."
I nodded and sat down, staring out of the window at the clouds. We were pretty high up in his apartment. I could see almost all the tops of most of the buildings in Tokyo. Amazing. I wondered why he had picked such a high place to live in. Tokyo was famous for all the earthquakes. It wouldn't really be safe to live so high up.
"In fact, Kamui, I think you might be able to help me. Here, keep stirring this while I find the soy sauce," he laughed.
I turned and smiled at him. I rarely heard him laugh so easily as this Fuuma. It was so nice to be relaxed around him, to love him like the way I had always wanted to love him. I stood up and went to do as he said, stirring the food in the pan as he searched for the soy sauce. I stared off at nothing, just doing my work when I suddenly felt his arms encircle my waist and his tall, strong body pressed against my own.
"Hmm...you feel nice. And, look, you're only wearing a robe," he murmured in my ear before licking it.
I laughed and turned my head to catch his lips. We shared a deep, sweet kiss before he finally broke it.
"I need to cook. We'll do this later." He then gently pushed me aside and went back to his cooking.
I smiled and hopped on to the counter. I sat there and watched him work. It was better than sitting at the table. This way I could be closer to him, and I could watch him. I think I've found a new hobby. Fuuma watching. I couldn't help but grin as I sat there. I never felt so happy or free in my life. It was such a wonderful feeling.
I had been so lost in my thoughts I didn't even notice it when he turned off the stove and walked over to me. I smiled when I felt his shadow cast over me and looked up.
"Hello. I thought you were cooking," I said, looking over at the food cooling on the stove.
"I was...But I think I've found something better to do," he murmured as he reached out and played with the belt of my robe.
"And what is that?" I asked teasingly.
"Mmm...this." He undid the belt and parted the robe, leaving me bare to his eyes. I blushed and tried to pull the robe together but he kept it open, being stronger than I am. So the only thing I could do was sit there and allow him to watch me, all the while blushing so hard I was probably going to explode. I could already feel myself getting aroused under his stare.
He smiled up at me and kissed me gently on the lips. "Do you know how sexy you are?" I smiled and merely pressed my lips against his own, tasting them. He kissed me back and soon we were locked in a passionate kiss that stole my breath away.
"Oh, Fuuma!" I suddenly gasped as I felt his hand on me, tugging playfully. I blushed harder and shook my head. "Fuuma...don't...the windows..." I was losing my mind from the wonderful sensations of his warm hand around my cock. I could barely think straight as I sat there on the counter, allowing him to jack me off in the kitchen in broad daylight. I should have felt embarrassed or shame at least, but I didn't. I just moaned and placed my hands on his shoulder, urging him to do it harder and faster.
"Do you like that?" he whispered in my ear, his voice low and husky with sex.
"Yes...oh gods, yes..." I moaned and wrapped my legs loosely around his waist, throwing back my head and gasping as the pleasure overwhelmed me, taking me to the sky before dropping me into the ocean below, the rush causing me to cry out as I came hard in his hand. I slumped against him as my orgasm slowly ebbed to a much more tolerable pleasure that didn't destroy all thought. I was breathing hard, my heart pounding in my chest as I leaned weakly against him. "Fuuma..."
I looked up in surprise when I felt him lift my off the counter and into his arms. I wrapped my legs tighter around his waist and stared down at his face. He was smiling and I knew that he was going to do something that was going to surprise me. And yet, I had no idea what. I just held on tightly and waited.
Then I felt it. A single slick finger sliding into my hole. I gasped and stared down at him wildly, unbelieving at the sudden intrusion. He merely smiled and pushed his finger in deeper. I moaned and clung to him even harder.
"You know, semen makes the best lubricant," he whispered as he pulled his finger out only to enter me again with two.
"You...you used..." I couldn't speak anymore as I felt his long fingers brush against that one secret spot inside of me. I cried out and trembled in his arms, feeling the shocks of pleasure taking me over and causing me to become hard again, and I had only just had an orgasm a few moments ago!
I could feel him stretching me, his fingers spreading me so I could accommodate him when he came into me. He hadn't done this last night, I thought hazily through the blanket of pleasure. But then I remembered what he had done with his tongue and blushed. Yes, that was *one* way of doing it.
Without warning, he lowered me and I was suddenly impaled on his hard cock. I cried out and gasped, throwing back my head and arching against me. I was saying something but I couldn't remember what as he slammed into me, hitting that spot over and over again. Colors and lights danced in front of my eyes as he continued to fuck me standing up. I buried my face in his hair and moaned, as the thrusts became even harder and more desperate.
"Gods, Kamui, you're so tight!" he gasped in my ear as he continued to thrust and push inside of me. I merely moaned deeply in reply, unable to talk as his rock hard cock assaulted my prostate so deliciously.
Then, after one more hard thrust inside of me, he came. The feeling of the hot seed rushing into my body caused me to come only a second later. I slumped against him, my arms wrapped around his neck and my cheek against his shoulder. I was completely drained, now left in that warm fuzzy after-sex feeling. Sated. That was it. I felt absolutely sated.
My eyes slid closed and I nearly fell asleep. But then I noticed I was being carried somewhere and that Fuuma hadn't pulled out of me yet. Without opening my eyes, I felt myself being lowered down onto something. It wasn't until I felt the cool leather on my back did I realize I was on the couch and that Fuuma was on top of me, pressing soft kisses across my face and neck.
"I think we should get up and eat breakfast. It's getting cold," he whispered after a few minutes.
"Maybe..." I agreed, feeling drowsy and content, happy. I opened my eyes and smiled up at him. "That was incredible. I never knew you could do it standing up..."
"Yes, well, you learn something new every day," he murmured wickedly. "Come on." He slowly pulled out of me and stood up, grabbing my hands and pulling me to my feet. He pulled the sides of my robe--I still had it on--and tied the belt neatly, thus covering my body. "Better. I can't be tempted to take you again. It won't be good for either of us."
"Really?" I inquired curiously.
He smirked and reached up to run a finger down the side of my cheek in a slow, erotic arc. "If I gave into temptation, you wouldn't be able to sit for days, Kamui."
I blushed furiously and nodded. He did have a point there. I *did* feel sore. I felt him grab my hand and pull me towards the kitchen. I sat down at the table, being careful about it, and waited as he served breakfast. It was very simple but very good. I never knew Fuuma could cook so well. But then I hadn't seen him in six years...A person can learn a lot in six years.
We made small talk as we ate, always making sure not to touch the subject of the Promised Day. We both knew if we raised it, it would ruin the peace we had. Besides, didn't Fuuma say something about the fight being left at the door? I was more than ready to agree with him. It was just easier to pretend that we weren't enemies, leaders of two different dragons who were responsible for the decision of the Earth and the human race. It was a burden better left unsaid for.
I was helping him with the dishes when he *did* raise a subject that, while didn't have to do with the Promised Day and Change, was something I would have not bothered with.
"Do you think it's time to go back to your friends? It's been three days since you've come to my home and I know they're probably looking for you," he said quietly as he dried the last of the dishes and put them away.
I stared at my hands, clenched tightly at the edge of the kitchen counter. I took a deep breath and looked up to find him looking at me with unfathomable golden eyes.
"I don't know," I admitted reluctantly. "I...like it here, Fuuma. Here we're not enemies anymore, we're friends...lovers. I hate everything outside of this apartment because it means we can't be together."
He reached out and cupped my face in his hands. "You can't hide forever. You have to leave, eventually, and face the world again instead of being here all day. I know this has been very nice and...relieving. But we have to sensible."
I looked at him, knowing there were tears in my eyes. "Don't...Didn't you like it?" I had to know, I really did. I had to know that all of this...*all* of it was naught for nothing. That there had actually been *something* there. Maybe then, when I leave, it wouldn't be so hard. It would be easier to know that I hadn't wasted my time trying to get him back.
"Of course I liked it. If I didn't, I wouldn't have taken you just now." He leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to my lips. I immediately returned the kiss, craving the feeling and affection between us. Even if it was about to end.
"Then that's all I needed to know, that it meant something," I whispered, as the soft kiss was broken.
He chuckled and pressed his face into my hair. "You always looked for a meaning in everything, always had to have a purpose," he whispered into my ear.
"It's what keeps me going," I said honestly. "If I didn't have anything, there is no point in going on. No point at all..."
"And what is your purpose now?"
"To have you. To have you back with me...to have everything okay again."
He pulled away and looked me in the eye. I knew he was going to say something I didn't like. He didn't disappointment me.
"Nothing can ever be 'okay' again, Kamui. Don't you know that?" he whispered almost harshly, gripping my face. "Nothing will ever be all right. Nothing will go back to the way it was before. You have to realize that and adjust. You can't keep living in this fantasy of yours."
"Fantasy?" I repeated, getting angry. I shoved him away. "Fantasy?? Is that what you think I live in?" I shook my head. "How can *this* be a fantasy? Losing everyone I have ever *loved* to 'destiny'! Losing everything that meant something in my life to something I never wanted part of! I only wanted to be normal... I only wanted to love and be loved like a normal boy. This is no *fantasy*, Fuuma. This is a nightmare!"
"You *are* living in a fantasy, Kamui. A fantasy where you think you'll get the old Fuuma back, where we would both survive the end of all this Change and Promise Day crap, where everything will go back to that perfect world of yours with that girl in sunshine." He shook his head and smiled cynically at me. "Don't you realize things will never be the same? You'll never get the old Fuuma back and you're going to keep losing everything." He paused for a moment. "Just like I have lost everything and will keep losing..."
I shook my head and fought back tears. "I *will* get you back, Fuuma. It's my Wish. And Wishes are strong, very strong, because it comes from my heart. I will get you back. I'll fight the whole way through to get you back!"
He laughed and shook his head. He seemed sad, yet...the bitterness was too much and I couldn't see past it to find the true emotions behind it.
"You're so naive sometimes...She really does play a game on you. Hinoto only shows you what you *want* to see so she can have you on her side. She has never showed you the other side of the coin, Kamui. That is probably why you're so deluded and lost in this world of yours where everything will be fine. You will never see the full picture if you don't open your eyes."
"Shut up! Gods, just shut up! Who are you to judge how I see this world?" I demanded angrily. How could he be doing this to me? How could he be hurting me like this? Why was he denying everything that would make my life better? Was he so cruel? "I have seen too much! Too much death, too much pain, too much sorrow. I want it to stop!"
"Then open your eyes, Kamui, and *see*," he whispered in a hard voice.
I stared at him, wondering at his words. See. What did he mean by 'see'? Of course I saw! I saw what this whole Promised Day business was doing to the world. It was destroying lives, families, hearts. It was hurting *everyone*. I wanted it to stop. I had to win and make the pain stop for everyone. That was what counted. Human life. Why couldn't Fuuma see that human life was so much more important than anything else in the world was? That things like love, life, happiness mattered a *lot*? We both saw the world differently. We would never come to an agreement of how the world works. Or at least not while he was like this. I knew, deep down inside my heart, that once I had the old Fuuma back, he would know how important human life was. The old Fuuma had compassion, kindness and so much love for those around him. He would understand me. Not this person in front of me, never this person. As much as I loved him, he would never understand my view and I would never understand his. That was why I wanted the old Fuuma back, he would understand and know and I would know I wasn't alone.
"I'm going to go get my clothes and leave," I finally said, grateful that my voice didn't break. I walked past him and back to the bedroom. The whole time, it took all my will and dignity not to crumple and cry. I was hurting so bad inside but I wasn't going to show him. I was dressed in my clothes again, clean and warm, when I heard the door open and shut. He had left.
I swallowed hard and grabbed my jacket before, I too, left.
He was utterly impossible! He refused to see everything at once. He only saw what he wanted to see. The suffering and the threat to the human race. That was all he cared about. But what about the Earth? What about the very *home* of the human race? She was dying, suffering because of their pollutions and overpopulation! Couldn't he see that once the humans were gone and the Earth would be purified, cleaned and finally free of the very creatures destroying Her? The world would once again be healthy again. Not contaminated by the foul presence of Her children.
I walked down the street, my hands shoved in my pockets and my steps angry. I was so angry at him, angry at his narrow point of view. All he saw was human life. Human life was nothing! It was just another existence on the Earth that hadn't even made a *dent*. What about the dinosaurs and the creatures before the human race? They were just a residence that had outlived their lifetime and moved on when time came. Well, it was time for the humans to move on because their time was up!
And once the humans were gone, the Earth would be okay again.
Then there was the other thing that had angered me. He had actually thought his Wish would do some good. He actually believed he would get the old Fuuma back. He didn't understand that he'd never get that Fuuma back. He had died the minute Kamui made his choice. He couldn't live, not while his destiny waited and beckoned for him. He had to change and the change was permanent. He would never come back because he was truly dead. Why couldn't Kamui see this? I *am* him, I would know!
I felt a deep sadness settle in my heart. I cared for him deeply, probably even come as close as love, but he couldn't accept me for who I was. He was dreaming of someone else, someone I could never be. It was hard and it hurt. I couldn't be that Fuuma anymore...I couldn't. He wasn't there anymore. Instead, there was me. Maybe this persona is even the *real* me. Who knew? I didn't. But what I did know was that old Monou Fuuma was dead and buried.
When I turned the corner, I took to the sky. I had to go someplace quiet where I could clear my head and *really* think. I couldn't go back to the apartment to do that. Not while his presence lingered so heavily it would suffocate and kill me.
I was sitting quietly on the edge of some random building when I heard someone land behind me. I turned slowly and smiled slightly when I saw Arisugawa Sorata standing there, glaring at me as if he wished he could tear me apart with his bare hands. What has got him so ticked off he'd actually go out and *find* me? I thought none of the Dragons of Heaven wanted anything to do with me except kill me when there was a fight. They were never ones to actually start a fight.
"Hello, Sorata," I said calmly. "What brings you here?"
"What have you done to him?" Sorata spat out angrily.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, genuinely baffled until I realized he was talking about Kamui. "Oh. Him. I don't know. Why don't you go look for him instead of bothering me? He's probably wandering around somewhere." If he has left the apartment by now, I added silently. Ah, well, no point in telling him Kamui had been staying with me for the last three days and that I fucked him last night and this morning. I doubt he would appreciate the fact that I "defiled" his sweet Kamui.
"He's been missing for the past three days!! If you've done anything to him--" He threatened.
"What? Are you going to 'beat me up'?" I asked, laughing. "What makes you say I have had anything to do with him these past three days?"
"He wouldn't just leave like that! I know you've done something to him! You and your sick fascination with him! Now tell me where he is!" he shouted angrily, taking a step forward.
I looked at him, my eyes narrowing to almost slits. "Don't talk to me like that, boy. You might be older than I by age but I am damn well stronger than you and more powerful. You don't want to mess with me." I stood up and regarded him coolly.
"It is my destiny to protect Kamui! And I am going to do just that. I know you have him somewhere! Where else would he have been these past days? Tell me!"
I was ready to rip him apart with one of my blasts when Kamui leaped down in front him, shielding him from my attack. I pulled it and waited until it disappeared from my hands before I said or did anything.
"Ah, there you are. Sorata has been worried sick about you. I suggest you take him home and give him a good talk about daring to challenge me," I said coldly. Then I turned and left. There was no point in staying. He would have to deal with Sorata on his own. Besides, what help could I have been? I would have just made things worse.
"Kamui, where have you been! You've got all of us worried and Yuzuriha has been *very* upset. Where did you go?" Sorata asked, grabbing me by the shoulders and looking me over as if he expected any kind of injury on me. I suppose anyone would. I *have* been missing for a while.
"I...I just needed to get away for a little while," I murmured, not necessarily lying.
"Get away? Well, you sure got away! We looked all *over* Tokyo for you and not one sign! Where have you been hiding? And why did you leave without a note?"
I shook my head, suddenly very, very weary. "Can we talk about this when we get home? I'm very tired, Sorata."
He looked at me and nodded. "Yes, you're right. You do look tired. Well, Yuzuriha will be happy to find you're okay and Miss will also. Subaru was especially worried. You have to put their minds at ease." Then he looked me in the eye that said no excuses. "Then you will tell us what you have done with yourself these past three days. And we want the truth! You can't just disappear like this and expect us to react okay to it."
I nodded, not really hearing anything he was telling me. I was just so tired, mind, body and soul, as well as heart. All I wanted to do was go to my room and fall asleep, maybe sleep forever. It was better than dealing with reality. Better than dealing with Fuuma and my hurt heart.
I stared up at the ceiling of my bedroom, playing everything over and over again in my head until I thought I would die from the memories.
The welcome I had gotten when I returned to the mansion had been one of immense relief and ire. I got one helluva lecture on running off without telling anyone before being fed by Arashi and smothered by Yuzuriha's hugs. Subaru had even hugged me and told me he was happy to see I was okay. Seiichirou and Karen had been quiet and understanding, merely happy that I was okay. I hadn't realized how worried I had made them while I was gone, away in my own little world with Fuuma.
At the end of that train of thought I suddenly felt the cold touch of realization that Fuuma might have been right. Did I actually live in my own little world? My own *fantasy*? No...he was wrong. I lived in reality.
Sighing, I turned onto my side and decided to stop thinking. It was upsetting me and I could feel myself falling away into the ocean of pain I was so familiar with. I didn't want to deal with that right then. I reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the bottle of sleeping pills Karen had given me when I told her of my insomnia. I popped a few pills into my mouth and swallowed them dry. Then I settled back down onto my bed, pulled my blankets over and tried to fall asleep. I was grateful when the darkness came soon, easing my mind and body for at least a little while.
When I woke up, it was around four o'clock in the morning. The whole place was silent save the crickets outside who still sang their song all night long until the morning came to drown them out with the song of the birds and of the city awake and alive.
I just lay there and stared up at the white ceiling of my room. Sometimes I wondered if I should have something painted up there so I could have something more than a white ceiling to stare at when I was lost in thought. It might distract me enough so I didn't have these kinds of thoughts. Thoughts that haunted and tortured me, that tore away at me inside and dropped me into a deep well of depression.
That was how I felt. No control whatsoever over my life and myself. I just kept on falling, falling, falling...I could find no purchase, no handhold to keep me from my descent from the safe world I loved so dearly. I couldn't stop! I couldn't...I just kept going and there was no one and nothing that could stop me from plummeting to my end. I was going to keep falling till I was gone.
But someone had caught me, if only for a little while. He had caught me and held me for three days before letting me go and allowing me to continue my fall. He didn't care enough to keep holding, to make sure I stopped falling and that I finally find my peace, my home, my heart. But could I blame him for that? No one loved me...if they did they died. He was probably smart enough to let go before I pulled him down with me. It still hurt though.
I was drifting away, back into the dark world of my subconscious to sleep again when I thought I felt hands on my body, lips on my face. I breathed deeply and opened my eyes, expecting to see nothing there but a figment of my overactive imagination at this hour. I was surprised out of my mind when I met warm golden eyes.
"Fuuma..." His name slipped from my name in a soft whisper and I could feel his smile against my skin. What was he doing here?
As if reading my mind, he answered. "I couldn't stay away from you. Besides, I had to make sure you were okay and safe."
"How did you know about this place?" I asked, slightly panicking. Was he going to go and hurt the others? He must have followed us home when Sorata took me back.
He must have felt me stiffen in his arms for he started soothing me with gentle rubs of his hands and whispering softly in my ear. "Don't worry. I'm not going to hurt them. I don't care about them. I only care about you."
"I thought...I thought we ended it when I left the apartment," I murmured, unbelieving that Fuuma was actually in my room and I was actually enfolded in his arms. It was too good to be true!
"Who said that?" he demanded softly, holding me tight. "I only told you that you needed to go back but I didn't say anything about ending this."
"It sure felt like it..."
He sighed and buried his face in my neck, breathing me in deeply as if he was going to devour me whole. "I'm sorry if I upsetted you but our views *are* different and they're always going to clash. We can put them aside when we're together but you have to know that it can't last forever. There will come a day when we have to make a decision and it might either strengthen our bond or break it. You must realize that."
I wrapped my arms around him and nodded. "I do. I do realize that, but I still want you so badly! Fuuma...I...I..."
"Sssh. Don't say it. It's better if it's left unsaid," he whispered.
"Because if it's said, I'll never be able to let you go and it will kill me and hurt you."
I suddenly knew how dangerous those three little words were. I clung to him even tighter and nodded. "I understand."
He smiled against my neck. "Good. I need you to understand. I want you, too, Kamui, but we must be careful and we must be prepared for any complications and...Anything else the future has in store for us. Our union is forbidden yet we have taken the fruit anyway. We're going to have to learn how to live with the consequences."
"That was...ah...poetic." I struggled not to laugh. It was stupid and out of place, but he was being so poetic. It was new and strange and seemed to tickle something inside of me.
But he laughed. He held me tighter and chuckled. He pulled back and looked me in the eye and I knew--without a single doubt in my heart or mind--that he loved me even if we were never going to say the words that would bind us in the most horrible yet sweetest way ever.
I relaxed in his hold, letting him support me as we stayed in each other's arms until the sun touched the floor of my bedroom, telling us that it was time for us to separate until another time. As I watched him leave my room with a single kiss on my lips, I knew that I wasn't going to fall anymore. He had caught me--and hopefully--this time it was going to be forever.
Okay, this thing had been going for faaar too long!! It reached 34 pages and I _knew_ it was time to stop it! Gods above, I hadn't realized I wrote that much till I checked! *falls over* It's crazy! *laughs hard* I was like..."No way! I couldn't have wrote _that_ much!" But I did and I knew I had to stop.
Oh, and if you hadn't noticed, all of this takes place in a space of 8 days and a half. *sweatdrop and laughs*
 You would not believe what kind of trouble I went through to find this word. *sweatdrop* I had no idea what those slips of magical paper stuff were and I had to go through so many fics where I _knew_ there were battles to look for it. *falls over*
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