Heaven. The Kingdom of God. The realm of the afterlife, perfect, serene. Paradise, where everything is in harmony and peace . . .
"NO GOD DAMNED WAY!!!!!"
Or maybe not.
In the sakura grove, things were rather . . . heated, to say the least. Kamui was standing on his chair and was giving the Sakurazukamori the most threatening glare he could. Had the assassin not been standing next to Subaru and Hokuto the Dragon of Heaven would have probably blasted him into smithereens.
"Subaru, are you crazy?!" Kamui yelled. He pointed an accusing figure at the man in black and red. "This bastard is a murderer!"
"I know," said Subaru calmly.
Kamui blinked, momentum lost. He tried again.
"Heís tried to kill you any number of times!"
"Heís trying to destroy the world!"
Kamui was looking less and less sure of himself. His gaze fell on the pink-dressed ghost. "A-and he killed your sister!" the boy added.
Hokuto stepped in front of her brother before he could speak. "Now, now, short stuff."
"Wh-what did you say?!" the boy spluttered. Hokuto waved him off.
"Itís not as if Subaruís perfect either," she continued as if the Seal hadnít spoken. "He has a really bad dress sense, he canít take care of himself properly . . ."
" . . . heís always moping about and being angsty and heís obsessive over Sei-chan to the point that its unhealthy." She put a hand to her chin as a thought occurred to her. "Well, maybe that last thing is actually a good thing in this situation, but a-anyway! My point is that they both have faults but who cares?"
"THATíS NOT WHAT I MEANT!!"
"Oh? Then what did you mean?"
Kamui gnashed his teeth. "I mean, that heís the Sakurazukamori, and heís the thirteenth head of the Sumeragi clan!" he yelled, jabbing a finger at both of them. "Plus theyíre both guys. Thereís no way on earth they can get married!"
Hokuto grinned. "Well, weíre not on earth, so they can."
Kamui slumped in his chair and held his head in his hands.
Seishirou shook his head. "Never try and argue logic with Hokuto-chan. Believe me, Iíve tried."
"Can we get on with it?" snapped the priest. "I may live until the end of time but procrastinating at a homosexual wedding is not how I want to spend the rest of forever!"
"Yes, why donít we?" agreed Hokuto enthusiastically, clapping her pink-gloved hands together. "Iíve been waiting long enough. Cue the music!"
Right on cue, a fanfare of trumpets sounded, very loud and very majestic and very brassy to the point it was almost tacky. Subaru winced as Hokuto gestured for him and Seishirou to start walking down the aisle.
"Hokuto-chan, isnít this rather over the top?" he asked.
"Of course not!" shone the ghost, blithely ignoring all the looks the three of them were getting as they proceeded down the red carpet in time with the wedding march.
Yuuto rolled his eyes. "This just gets weirder and weirder."
"Youíre telling me," replied Kusanagi, eyes wide as he watched the procession. Subaruís face was rather flushed, though he had a small smile on his face. Seishirou was also smiling, and it was a rather scary expression. Hokuto looked absolutely content.
"Do you think we should do something?" asked Sorata.
Hokuto heard him. Without breaking pace she gave the Kansai monk a glare. Sorata wasnít sure who was worse when it came to scary looks Ė Arashi or Hokuto.
"Er, maybe not," he said with a weak grin, rubbing the place where Hokutoís mallet had hit him earlier.
The ghost grinned and continued leading Seishirou and Subaru towards the altar. She halted at the step letting them continue up alone then stood off-side with hands folded in her pink skirt. It should be noted that she was positioned so that she kept one eye on the congregation in case any incidents should arise.
"I canít believe this is happening," muttered Kanoe. "I wonder why Hinoto didnít Dream of this."
:Perhaps itís because the person who brought them together is no longer among the living,: suggested Kakyou.
The priest looked between the two men as they calmly stood in front of him. Seishirou was calm anyway; Subaru looked rather uncomfortable with so many witnesses.
"So which one of you is the bride?" the man asked.
Seishirou nodded at Subaru. The Sumeragi blushed.
"Do I have to?" he pleaded with Seishirou.
The Sakurazukamori smirked almost affectionately. "Youíre the pretty one, love."
The entire congregation choked. Hokuto swooned.
"Seme, I take it?" the priest asked Seishirou. The assassin chuckled while Subaru turned the same colour as his sisterís dress.
"I am still trying to come to grips with this," murmured Arashi.
The priest shot one dark look at the whispering mass and coughed loudly as he opened his Bible. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God . . ."
"Perhaps we should stop this," said Seiichiro, making sure Hokuto couldnít hear him. "Maybe the assassinís put Subaru-san under a spell or something."
"I doubt it," said Karen mildly. "Subaru-san looks like heís enjoying himself."
The Seals looked at their ally. Sweat-drops popped out everywhere as they took in the Sumeragiís nervous but serene expression.
"Are you going to let the Sakurazukamori go through with this?" Kanoe hissed to ĎKamuií.
The Dragon of Earth chuckled. "Let Seishirou enjoy himself. I think itís actually quite funny, that those two are getting happily married. Until they have a domestic and kill each other of course."
The priest ignored him. "Should anyone protest to their being joined, speak now or forever hold your peace."
Kamui immediately leapt to his feet.
"I prot Ė"
Hokuto stood over the prostrate Dragon, expertly twirling her mallet while giving the congregation a dangerous look. Everyone intelligently hunched over in their seats and sat on their hands. The priest looked at Kamui over the top of his spectacles.
"Were you going to say something, young man?"
Kamui gulped as Hokuto twirled her mallet so that it made a whistling sound disturbingly close to his head.
The priest straightened and turned his attention back to Subaru and Seishirou. "Didnít think so. Continuing on now." He glanced at the red cushion carrying the two rings and the cushion steadily rose into the air, floating over to hover in between the two men.
"Please let this be a bad dream, please let this be a bad dream," muttered Sorata. "Someone hit me and wake me up right now."
Yuuto heard him. He got out his whip and flicked it so that it whacked Sorata in the back of the head.
"Did that hurt?" Yuuto asked innocently.
Sorata stood up with a painful looking lump on his head and flames in his eyes. "Whaddya do that for?!"
"You did ask."
Sorataís eyebrow twitched. "I didnít ask you to take up the offer!" Fuming mad, he sent a lightning bolt at his opposite. Yuuto ducked and the bolt hit Satsuki, knocking her off her seat.
"Satsuki!" yelled Yuuto.
The computer geek climbed to her feet and rubbed her head. "Iím alright. I spend enough time with electricity anyway."
Yuuto turned on Sorata. "Youíll pay for that!" He flicked his whip at the Kansai monk who grabbed Arashi and ducked. The priestess of Ise looked put out.
"Hey!" yelled Hokuto. "No fighting!"
Karen stood up with a tiny flame dancing on her palm. "Fighting at a wedding, how rude," she clucked. "Let me teach you some manners."
The tiny flame turned into a big flame and the big flame went flaming over the aisle to the Dragons of Earth. The Angels broke ranks and ran, leaving behind a mass of charred chairs. Kanoe took one look at her dress and screeched.
"Now look what youíve done!"
ĎKamuií smirked. "That wasnít very nice." The air around him began to glow ominously. The Seals gulped and scattered as their chairs began to explode underneath them. Bits and pieces of furniture flew everywhere; the priest absently put up a shield in front of the platform and resolutely kept going.
"Sakurazuka Seishirou, with this ring, do you take Sumeragi Subaru . . ."
Kanoe stormed up to Karen. "You bitch! Youíve scorched my dress!"
The Soapland girl shrugged. "It made you look fat anyway."
Seiichiro tried to impose himself between the two and stop a cat-fight. "Now, now ladies, weíre here to watch a wedding not to fight Ė ow!"
Kanoe ignored the man she had just kicked and glared at Karen. Seiichiro hopped around on one foot holding his shin. Karen glared back.
"So. You want to play that way, is that it?"
Kanoe smiled thinly. Yuuto and Satsuki appeared on either side of her spoiling for a fight. In response, Sorata and Arashi came to Karenís aid.
"Looks like your nice suitís gonna get wrecked, pretty boy," said Sorata, cracking his knuckles. Then he glanced at Arashi in her red dress, now with drawn sword and gave Yuuto a pleading look. "Do me a favor and donít mess up Miss here, ok? I want to get a photo later Ė wah!"
Arashi ignored Sorata as he doubled over clutching the place where she had elbowed him. The Dragons of Earth grinned. The two groups of combatants stared at each other. Lots of destructive forces began to appear. Then Sorata got tired of dramatic pauses and shot a bolt of electricity at Yuuto. Yuuto repelled it and flicked his whip at Arashi. Karen blew fire at Kanoe who grabbed a fallen chair and tried to hit the Soapland girl with it. Seiichiroís bruised shin recovered and he quickly called up a wind to blow Satsuki to the side as she came at him with a flying kick, and things went downhill from there. An anime dust-cloud appeared to block the fight, though every now and then lightning bolts and flames and whip lashes could be seen, and of course all the screams and shouts carried quite easily.
"Get away from her!"
The priest had to strain his ears in order to hear Seishirouís reply as the assassin slid the ring on Subaruís finger. "I do."
Nataku looked at the brawl in front of the altar without comprehending. Then it looked at Kusanagi.
"Is this a wedding?" it asked.
The soldier sweat-dropped. "Sort of . . ."
The bioroid stood up and got out its scarf. "Then I shall participate." It walked slowly over to the dust-cloud and disappeared in a midst of screams and various crashes. The dust-cloud got bigger.
Kusanagi sighed. Then he looked down as a wet nose nudged him. Inuki gazed up at him with Yuzuriha by his side.
"Maybe we should sit this one out," the inugami mistress said. "Maybe we can go for ice-cream later?"
The soldier smiled at her. "Thatís a very good idea." He bent down to retrieve two less-than-damaged chairs and brought them over to the sidelines. They found Kakyou already sitting there, watching the brawl with a less than enthusiastic expression.
:Hardly what I expected the Final Battle to be like,: was the Dreamerís only comment as the Kusanagi and Yuzuriha sat down beside him.
Hokuto stamped her foot as no one paid attention to what was happening on the platform.
"I SAID NO FIGHTING!!!" Fuming mad, she got out her mallet and also disappeared into the dust-cloud. The sound of bonking and infuriated yells carried quite clearly.
"You idiot, that hurt!"
"Take that!" *bonk*
"I could use some help here . . ."
"This isnít the Final Day, you jerks!" *bonk bonk*
"Sumeragi Subaru, with this ring, do you take Sakurazuka Seishirou . . ."
Meanwhile, ĎKamuií was going after Kamui looking for some fun. He found the Dragon of Heaven standing in the middle of the grove looking from the brawl to the goings on the platform with a torn expression. "Kamuií grinned as Kamuiís violet gaze fell on him.
"Why arenít you entertaining me? Party pooper." ĎKamuií pouted. "Oh well."
He shot a bolt of energy at Kamui. The Dragon of Heaven jumped to dodge, but miscalculated and fell into the middle of the dust-cloud that was the Final Battle.
"Nice of you to drop in, now please help!"
"STOP IT!" *bonk*
"Kamuií grinned. "Thatís better." Then he dove into the fight. The dust-cloud got even bigger as Kamui-style explosions and power blasts created even more havoc. Oblivious to the goings on below, Subaru put the ring on Seishirouís finger.
The priest glared at the fight. He could see Hokuto being deadly with her mallet as she tried to whack some manners into the Dragons.
"Youíll pay for that!"
"Get back here!"
"I told you no fighting at my brotherís wedding!" *bonk bonk*
"Not you, the other one!"
"How did she talk me into this?" the priest muttered. In a louder voice he continued. "With the power invested in me by God . . ."
"Is anyone listening to me?!" *bonk*
"Ow, my head!"
" . . . I now pronounce you, husband and um . . . husband. Whatever."
"I SAID STOP FIGHTING!" *bonk bonk*
"Watch where youíre swinging that thing!"
The priest did his best to ignore the dust-cloud at the foot of the platform. He looked at Seishirou. "You may now kiss your uke."
Seishirou grinned and pulled the unresisting Subaru towards him.
"HOW MANY TIMES *bonk* DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU GUYS *bonk bonk* TO STOPĖ" Hokuto blinked as she looked up at the altar. She squealed and her mallet disappeared.
"Ganbatte, Subaru! Ganbatte, Sei-chan!"
Perhaps wondering why they werenít getting hit anymore, the fighters stopped fighting. The dust-cloud dissipated revealing most of them rather worse for wear with various combinations of cuts, bruises, lumps, swirly eyes and torn clothes. Seeing a madly cheering ghost they blinked and looked up.
The newly-wed Sakurazukamori and Sumeragi were kissing. The kiss was perhaps a bit longer and passionate than was appropriate for public viewing. Sweat-drops grew on everyoneís head.
Satsuki gagged. "I did NOT want see that."
"I canít believe Iím watching this," muttered Yuuto.
"They look like theyíre having fun," commented Sorata. "Can we do the same, Miss?"
Arashi hit him a bit harder than usual, perhaps in embarrassment from what she was seeing.
Nataku looked confused. "What are they doing?"
Seiichiro sweat-dropped. "Um . . ."
"Why didnít my sister predict something like this?" muttered Kanoe. "Though watching two men kiss is quite a turn-on."
Karen was laughing softly to herself.
"What is it?" asked Yuzuriha curiously.
The Soapland girl sighed as she watched. "All the good men are taken or gay."
"And?" asked Kusanagi.
The priest looked with narrowed eyes between the two men. "Ok, you can stop now."
The newly-weds ignored him.
Hokuto sniffed. "Wah, my little brotherís all grown up and married now," she sobbed on Kakyouís shoulder. "Itís so romantic!"
Kakyou pulled out a handkerchief and offered it to the ghost.
Hokuto smiled. "Thank you." Then she went back to crying tears of happiness.
Finally Seishirou drew away Ė not very far though, from Subaru.
"Youíre mine now," he whispered to the Sumeragi.
Subaru smiled and pulled Seishirou closer. "Youíre mine too." And kissed him again.
The sweat-drops grew bigger. Hokuto applauded. The priest stood beside them getting more and more annoyed by the second.
"Thereís only supposed to be one kiss!" he snapped to no avail. "And neither is it supposed to go on for so long!"
The Seals and Angels were turning red. "Iím getting embarrassed just watching them," muttered Kusanagi, holding large hands over his burning ears.
"Woo woo, Subaru!" cheered Hokuto.
"I SAID STOP KISSING!" yelled the priest. Seishirou and Subaru didnít listen. Finally the exasperated priest threw his hands up in the air. "I give up. Iím getting out of here." He folded his arms and disappeared in a flash of white light. No one noticed him leave when there was something much more erm, interesting to watch.
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