Author's Notes: This is my first Weib story ever. Never been good at writing Farfie and this is from his point of view so please be gentle. Song-fic to Evanescence's Bring me to life.
My Enemy Within
By Purple Penguin
~How can you see into my eyes like open doors?~
I stare up at the ceiling not really seeing anything. Liquid ran down both my arms, warm, red liquid pooled into the dips of my mattress. The knife lay beside me covered in the same blood, my blood and yet I feel nothing.
~Leading you down into my core~
~Where Iíve become so numb without a soul~
I hold a hand out in front of my face watching it run down and drip between my fingers. Drops fall onto my face and my tongue snakes out to get a taste. Sweet, so sweet. It draw one finger after another between my lips drinking it down. Youíd think Iíd feel something but Iím used to it. Iím dead or at least thatís how it feels, canít feel, nothing matter, well almost nothing.
~My sprit sleeping somewhere cold~
~Until you find it there and led it back home~
The only thing, the only person I donít think about what it would be like to let their blood spill. No one knows of course, I bet he thinks Iím his dirty little secret. Why would he want anyone to know?
Someone moves in the house and I know heís coming, heíll wipe away the blood, say the things he knows I want to hear just to get his own way. All I know is I feel around him and I never feel anything.
~Wake me up inside~
~Wake me up inside~
He was my first kiss in so long; who would want a madman anyway? I turn onto my side and curl my arms up to my chest.
Dark, itís all so dark and I need him to make it bright again. I canít stand being needy, dependent but thatís better than being a walking corpse right?
~Call my name and save me from the dark~
~Bid my blood to run before I come undone~
~Save me from the nothing Iíve become~
The door opens and I donít even look up I know who it is. I hear him sigh and walk up to the bed. He pulls my arms out straight for his inspection.
ďWhy do you do this?Ē He whispered, quiet, so, so quiet.
I close my solitary eye feeling the damp cloth move over my slashed arms, the red being washed away. He didnít stop until I was clean; I looked at my spotless arms. The mattress was the only evidence of what I had done more strains to add to the others.
~Now that I know what Iím without~
~You canít just leave me~
He picks up my knife, cleaning it and then placing it at the foot of the bed. He looks concerned. He looks concerned, sad maybe but itís not real, it canít be. He doesnít care, no one does, he canít, no one can. Who would really care for me? Especially someone as smart and practical as him, heíd see how pointless that would be.
He touches me, my face tracing an old scar. I flinch and turn my head away.
ďAre you okay?Ē He whispers again.
What do you care? You can leave now. But I never say any of this out loud.
~Breathe into me and make me real~
~Bring me to life~
I donít really want him to leave but why stop the inevitable? Better he goes now I donít want to get too attached. I barely nod in reply to his question. He gets up, is he going to leave me now? I close my eye wearily, feeling the bed dip under extra weight and strong arms move me, my head is laid on something, not the bed something warmer, nicer. I open my eye to find us curled up together, he moves my head under his chin, and my arms around his body, my legs tucked up against him and he holds me close. Soft lips brush my forehead. Did he just kiss me? Why? He doesnít try anything else he just holds me. A voice is telling me I shouldnít let this happen, that I should push him away but I donít want to. This just feels... nice.
~Frozen inside without your touch without your love~
~Darling only you are the life among the dead~
Hands move to gently rub my back and I feel myself relax against him. My eye closing, letting myself have this for once. My body surrendering to this moment, sleep comes and I let it. I know heíll be gone when I wake but I donít think about it, I just let sleep take me away.
~Donít let me die here, there must be something more~
~Bring me to life~
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