summary: goujun-san does some contemplating, on a certain unruly general...
It's Not Like
It's not like I notice how he always seems to have that certain sway in his walk-- I don't stare, but it's impossible not to notice.
It's hard to ignore, when his face is about an inch from your own.
It's not like I wanted him to kiss me the way he does.. I never asked for it, even if he smirked like I had been the one to surrender.
It's not like I had been the one to start this.. I ignored him and refused him millions of times. Tenpou was more suited to him, he's more tolerant than I am.
It's not like I was the only one to hiss and writhe when he moved in me. I didn't want to know how warm his embrace is, or how he smells of aged wine and smoke.
I didn't want to know that he likes to spoon when he falls asleep, or how he looks more serious when sleep has taken it's hold on him.
It wasn't like I felt any affection when he sneaks me glances during those gatherings, or asked for those mysterious bunches of roses that show up in my office more than once.
It wasn't like I was in love with him. It was a promise between the two of us, that all this was physical pleasure.
It wasn't like he loved me. I never found out who else has long white hair in the Heavens, but it had to be someone else. He couldn't have loved me. Couldn't .
I never wanted any of this. I would've been content with things the way they were.
So why is it that his scent still clings to me so? Why is it that he still looks at me the way he does?
It's not like I wanted to fall in love.
R & R!
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