The Struggle Within
/Come to me, Boromir. I know you desire me. Your father and brother will finally respect you, even admire you for saving Gondor, for saving Middle Earth. Don't let anyone stop you. Your fate and mine are intertwined./
Boromir startled awake; shivers coursed through his body and a cold sweat formed on his skin. Entranced, he pushed away Legolas' arms and rose to his feet. He ignored Legolas' moan of disappointment and sneaked closer toward the hobbits who were resting near the fire. Gimli was out of sight and he reckoned that the Dwarf was standing guard. Aragorn was sound asleep, trusting Gimli to alert him in case of danger.
/I'm here, Boromir. I'm so close; you only have to reach out and put me on your finger. I will give you the power you crave. I will even bestow immortality on you. Serve me well and I will give you what you want./
Boromir gasped at hearing the slithery voice in his head. The Ring knew exactly what he wanted, what he craved. A vision appeared in his mind; he rode in to the White City victoriously. People rejoiced at his return and his name was on everyone's lips. His father and Faramir bowed deeply when greeting him, expressing their gratitude and respect; after all, he had fought the evil forces and freed the lands of Saruman and Sauron's evil. He was their hero and they would worship him as long as they lived.
His father's eyes finally shone with pride and Denethor pushed Faramir aside to get to his oldest son. He politely accepted his father's gratitude and then followed the older man in to the great hall to finally take his rightful place as the new Steward, no KING of Gondor. The Ring was still at his finger and as long as he wore it, he was immortal. Gondor was his for all eternity!
/Yes, I read your heart's desires. I can give you all that and more. Just put me on your finger!/
Boromir stared at Frodo. The hobbit was asleep, curled up against Sam and Merry for body heat. He bowed down and his hand reached for the necklace around Frodo's neck. His fingertips were about to make contact with the One Ring when a soft voice pulled him from the enchantment.
Legolas' voice broke the spell and Boromir blinked. "Legolas..." He spun around and stared at the Elf, who was still asleep near the tree. "I don't understand... I heard his voice!" But the blank expression in the Elf's eyes told him that Legolas wasn't merely pretending to be asleep. A disconcerted moan left the Elf's lips as he searched for the Man's warm body. Legolas shivered and Boromir suddenly realized how close he had come to deserting the Elf. "I am sorry," whispered he, voice filled with regrets.
Quickly he returned to the shivering Elf and he lay down behind Legolas. He pulled the Elf close and buried his face in the long flaxen hair. Deeply inhaling Legolas' scent, his large hands rubbed the cold skin, trying to raise the Elf's body temperature. "We should have stayed at Lothlorien a little longer... You're not yet strong enough to be exposed to the cold of night." And maybe, if they had they stayed, he would have been able to build stronger walls against the Ring's temptation. Maybe Galadriel would have helped him, guided him. Now he had to do it on his own and he was too weak to ignore the Ring's attraction.
Legolas pressed closer to him and a soft, content moan fled the Elf's lips. Boromir instantly felt guilty for abandoning Legolas earlier. What had he been thinking? Why had he acted when the Ring had called? How could he prevent this from happening in the future? /I don't want to lose Legolas... In my heart I crave possession of the Ring, but I can't lose Legolas over it. I won't allow it. I never felt anything like this, this love, and I don't want to lose it./ But was he strong enough to withstand the temptation the Ring presented? Galadriel's mirror had shown his attack on Frodo in an attempt to gain possession of the Ring.
Boromir's fingers tangled gently in the long blond hair and he lovingly caressed the locks. /Legolas will keep me safe; will keep me from falling in to Shadow. When I got too close to the Ring Legolas' voice pulled me back, but I still don't understand how I could hear his voice while he was still asleep./ He sighed deeply, trusting himself to the Elf. As he dozed off, he never realized that the blank expression was gone from Legolas' eyes.
/I barely kept him from falling in to Shadow. In my dreams I walk Boromir's path, hear the slithery words and I also feel the pull of the Ring. Briefly I feared losing him to the Ring. He reached for the Ring and my heart ached with a sense of expected loss, but he returned to me when I spoke his name. This time I managed to pull him back, but what about the next time?
I accepted the risk of losing him when I answered Boromir's call. For his sake I left the Halls of Mandos, but I will return there should I lose Boromir. I can't allow that to happen. I will fight for him until my last breath./
Legolas was unable to fall asleep for the rest of the night and listened closely to Boromir's breathing. His fingers curled around the arm that Boromir had wrapped around his waist and he vowed to keep the Man safe.
Boromir woke with empty arms. Alarmed, his eyes flashed open, scanning his surroundings. The hobbits and Gimli were near the fire, but there was no sign of Aragorn. /He's probably standing guard... But where's Legolas?/ Waking up alone caused a sense of dread. His stomach convulsed angrily, almost making him nauseous. /I can't believe I am reacting like this at waking up alone!/ But the only thing he could think of was Legolas.
"The Elf decided to take a bath. There are warm water springs nearby and the bath will do him good. He looked haunted when he woke." Gimli directed Boromir in the right direction. "Fetch him. Aragorn will want to move out shortly."
"Thank you, Master Dwarf." Slightly reassured, Boromir headed for the water. The sun had driven away the cold of night, and steam and warmth emanated from the hot water in front of him. Hypnotized he stared at the naked Elf, who was now diving under water, disappearing from view. /Absolutely gorgeous.../
Boromir sat on his heels near the water and watched Legolas return to the surface again. A cloud of flaxen hair appeared on the water, followed by pointed ears, a pair of sparkling eyes and eventually Legolas' smile welcomed him. Boromir was relieved to see those blue eyes sparkling, free of panic and doubts. "I missed you when I woke up."
Legolas looked at him apologetically, but Boromir had long forgiven the Elf. The water reached Legolas' waist, hiding the lower part of his body and all Boromir could think about was how it would feel to make love to Legolas, to go all the way. /Too soon,/ he chided himself.
"Why don't you join me in the water, nīn meleth..." Legolas extended his right hand invitingly.
Boromir wished he could comply, but, "We should get ready to leave."
Legolas' face mirrored his disappointment and Boromir almost changed his mind. "Come here..."
Legolas acted at once and left the water. Boromir momentarily forgot to breathe, seeing Legolas fully naked with small droplets of water gliding down his body. Involuntarily he licked his lips. How he wished he could catch those droplets and run his tongue over the smooth flesh. Most bite marks had faded. Legolas' body no longer bore his attackers' marks.
Boromir swallowed hard when Legolas came to a standstill in front of him. The expression in the Elf's eyes spoke of obvious lust.
"Will you pleasure me?" Legolas leaned in closer and claimed Boromir's lips. "I ache for your touch."
Boromir barely believed those words. "I..." For the first time in his life he found himself stuttering. His arms came up behind Legolas' back and he pulled the Elf in to an embrace. "How do you want me to pleasure you?" He refused to assume anything, constantly remembering what had happened to Legolas at the Orcs' hands only a few days ago.
"You may do with me as you please, nīn meleth, I am yours."
Boromir's groin stirred. His erection begged for attention but he stubbornly ignored it. "Just for you..." Passionately, as he did everything passionately, he roughly claimed Legolas' lips. The Elf parted his lips and teeth and he greedily entered, chasing Legolas' tongue in a wild duel. Briefly, he pulled back. "Aren't you cold?"
"Your touch warms me..."
Boromir indulged himself for a moment and took in his lover's body. Perfect, almost too perfect. Not for him... /Stop it! He loves me!/ In an attempt to drive away his doubts, he ran his hands over the Elf's back. They dropped lower and soon he cupped two perfect mounds of flesh in his hands. "I want you as well..."
Legolas' eyes met his and for the briefest of moments remembered fear shone from the depths of those midnight blue eyes. It froze his movements and Boromir forced himself to slow down. It was still too early to fully claim Legolas. "Let me pleasure you then..." He positioned Legolas against the trunk of a tree and sank on to his knees. Legolas' eyes widened as Boromir slowly licked the tip of the Elf's erection. Agile fingers tangled in his hair, urging him on.
He licked down the length of his lover's shaft and squeezed one buttock hard. Legolas bucked, and Boromir relaxed his throat, taking his lover fully. Soft words left Legolas' lips, but Boromir wasn't listening. Gently massaging the full sac, he doubled his efforts to bring his lover to orgasm. Suddenly Legolas tensed and Boromir looked at the Elf. His heart missed a beat at the sight of rapture on Legolas' face.
A moment later warm cream dripped from his lips and he pulled back, watching as spasms of delight coursed through Legolas' body. He showered the Elf's belly with kisses, then turned to suckling the skin and thus leaving his own mark on Legolas. "Mine..." he growled hungrily.
Legolas' eyes revealed nothing but delight and desire. The fear had vanished from the once blue orbs, which had turned black. Boromir wrapped an arm around Legolas' waist and kissed him passionately, letting Legolas taste himself on his lips. The kiss said more than words, affirming their bound. A moment later Boromir pulled away; he removed his cloak and draped it over Legolas' shoulders. "You should dress now..."
"What about you?"
Boromir grinned, feeling Legolas' hand steal down to his groin. "I wanted to pleasure you... A gift. You may repay me in time..." A wicked gleam appeared in his eyes. "In whatever way you seem appropriate."
A grin, filled with mischief and wickedness, appeared on Legolas' face. "I will make you wait..."
Boromir's eyes narrowed. Sometimes he forgot that he was dealing with a two thousand years old Elf. "You're wicked, my Prince."
Legolas nodded once. "I will make the wait worthwhile, nīn meleth," he promised wickedly.
A deep laugh erupted from Boromir's belly. "Don't keep me waiting too long. Now take a quick bath, get dressed and join us." As he watched Legolas drop the cloak and step in to the water again, something inside his soul softened. He was slowly starting to understand how blessed he was by having Legolas in his life.
Boromir watched Legolas closely, ready to catch the Elf in case he stumbled. Legolas' fast recovery amazed him and it seemed that every time they expressed their love the Elf grew stronger. Legolas was now able to walk unaided, but sometimes he would stumble over a tree root or get caught in the branches of a bush. It was as if Legolas could only concentrate on one thing at the same time, either walking or scanning his surroundings.
He felt Aragorn's eyes on them and Boromir returned the gaze. Aragorn was smiling happily, watching Legolas as well. Boromir had to admit that Legolas seemed well. The Elf almost looked like the attack had never happened. The hunting knives, bow and arrows, and sword were back in place and although Legolas still lacked some of his usual grace it was obvious that he was on the mend.
Boromir's grin returned remembering Legolas' vow to make the wait worthwhile. Just what was that Elf up to?
Aragorn pushed the first boat in to the water, and Boromir helped Gimli and the hobbits in to their boat. He then waited for Legolas to sit down and then he pushed the boat in to the water as well. Finally they were on their way again.
Legolas grabbed an oar and Boromir briefly wondered if the Elf wasn't overestimating his strength.
The Prince turned around and locked eyes with him. Boromir swallowed past the lump in his throat, recognizing the naughty look in those sapphire eyes. Unable to stop his reaction, he grew painfully hard. Legolas provocatively licked his lips, then looked away again.
A sigh escaped Boromir's lips. He had the distinct feeling that Legolas was playing with him. Why did he always forget he was dealing with a thousand year old immortal? Legolas could probably teach him one or two things about making love!
/Forget the Elf! None what he can offer you compares to my power. You want respect. You want your father's admiration. How do you think Denethor and Faramir will react when you bring home an Elf?/
Boromir's eyes narrowed at hearing the slithery voice once more. It voiced his most secret fear; what if his father would shun him for taking Legolas as a mate?
/The Elf is using you to stay alive. Without you he will fade, let him! He does not care about you, he merely pretends, but I do care! I want you to ride in to Gondor at the head of your army, returning victoriously from battle. You can have it all if you stop clinging to the Elf!/
Boromir's eyes pierced Legolas' back. He didn't believe that Legolas was using him. If someone was doing the using it was he himself, using Legolas to finally feel wanted and cherished. /You are wrong; he does love me./
/But he will stop you from attaining your goal. His love is selfish! If he loved you he would want to see you happy and being the new King of Gondor will fill your heart with joy. You have to shatter this bond if you ever want to attain your real goal!/
Boromir shook his head, trying to clear his head of the slithery voice. /Leave me alone. You're telling lies./
/It's the truth, Boromir, but maybe it's still too early for you to realize that. Love is fragile, and it will pass with time. Power is eternal. You will need to choose shortly. Pray that you make the right decision.../
Thankfully the voice vanished, leaving Boromir trembling with uncertainty. Suddenly Legolas cocked his head, looked over his shoulder, and the Elf's eyes searched his.
"Is something wrong, nīn meleth? You look troubled."
The lie quickly slipped from his lips. "I merely tired, Legolas." He couldn't tell the Elf what the Ring was whispering to him, not while his head was still full of doubt. The Ring was right; love would perish in the end, power was eternal. He had to choose between Legolas' love and the Ring and he wasn't sure which would win.
Legolas stared at the water, trying to sort out his thoughts and emotions. He had heard the slithery voice as well and it pained him that Boromir didn't confide in him. He felt shut out, like the Man didn't trust him. How was he to keep Boromir from falling in to Shadow when the Gondorian didn't trust him? /I came back from the dead for you and now you are damning me to return to the Halls of Mandos shortly. Please trust me, Boromir!/ But he couldn't speak the words, afraid to drive Boromir away even further.
The day passed uneventful and when it grew dark Aragorn gave the sign to go ashore and to make camp for the night. Legolas felt depressed and upset because Boromir had hardly talked to him since that morning. The distance between them was growing and the Ring was still talking to Boromir. Legolas heard every word it spoke. His heart filled with fear; what if Boromir gave in?
He didn't care that he would die in the end, die of a broken heart, it was Boromir's soul that worried him. Once fallen to Shadow Sauron would command the Gondorian's very soul. Tonight he would try to bridge the distance between them.
Boromir looked up when Legolas finally settled down beside him for the night. The Elf had insisted he took a watch and Aragorn had reluctantly given in. Now that Legolas' watch was over, Boromir wondered what to say, what to do. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't rid himself of the slithery voice and it was gaining in strength, making him doubt Legolas' love for him.
The tension between them was palpable and Boromir even startled when Legolas rose to his feet, extending his hand and offering it to him. "What?"
"Come with me, Boromir. The wait is over."
Boromir wasn't sure how he felt about that.
/Remember, he's using you! He doesn't really want you, he merely wants your strength to draw from,/ whispered the Ring.
Reluctantly Boromir rose to his feet as well and allowed Legolas to lead him deeper in to the forest. "Where are we going?"
Legolas didn't answer, simply continued to guide him. In the end, they reached a small clearing and Legolas dropped to the ground, pulling Boromir with him, pulling the Man on top of him. He parted his legs, wrapped his arms around Boromir and held on.
Boromir tensed in the embrace. Legolas' arms and legs were now tightly wrapped around him and he felt trapped. Legolas' eyes changed expression, but Boromir was unable to tell what emotion was shining back at him. "Maybe this isn't the right time..." It sounded lame, but he didn't know what to say.
"Let me love you, nīn meleth, let me chase away all doubts. Let me show you how much I love you. Let me be the giver for once... Let me give you my love."
Legolas' fingers undid the buttons of Boromir's trousers and his lover's erection bobbed free from its confines. A few deft strokes had Boromir trembling with desire and the slithery voice seemed subdued, but it was still present. Acting on instinct, Boromir clutched Legolas' face between his hands and he kissed the Elf passionately, bruising delicate lips in the process.
Boromir growled hungrily, realizing Legolas carefully stopped stroking him whenever he got to close to orgasm. Eyes filled with lust, he stared at the beautiful creature in his arms. Suddenly Legolas rolled him on to his back and Boromir gulped at their reversed position. Legolas riding him would be a dream come true. He wanted to bury himself in that warm and willing body.
"I want to be inside you... To give you all the love I feel, to show you how much we have become one..." whispered the Elf.
Legolas' words ran down his spine like ice cold water and he grabbed the Elf's wrist, stopping Legolas' caress.
/See? He only wants to fulfill his needs, not yours!/ The slithery voice gained a lot in strength.
Boromir stared at Legolas in disbelief. "YOU want to take ME?" Until now he had been the only who had done all the taking. None of his bed partners had been allowed to turn the tables and he wasn't going to start now. "Nay..."
Legolas' eyes revealed his shock. "You do not want me inside you? You..."
The rejection hit Legolas like an angry blow and Boromir wanted to soothe the Elf, wanted to say something to reassure Legolas, but the words wouldn't come.
"You..." Legolas pushed himself to his feet and the humiliation in his eyes changed to anger. "Is because of what the Orcs did to me, or... or..."
Boromir had never before seen Legolas truly angry. The Elf usually tightly controlled his emotions, but now fury flared from the eyes that had turned dark once more. /How do I explain this to him? I never surrendered to another man. Why couldn't he want me to take him instead? I would have complied instantly, but... I never was on the receiving end before and the thought of giving in doesn't appeal to me./
The slithery voice appeared once more, and this time the Ring made sure the Elf couldn't hear him. The bond between the two men was still strong and the Ring couldn't allow it to deepen even further. /You are supposed to be in control, to be on top. The Elf should bow and surrender to you, not the other way around. He has no right to ask this of you!/
Boromir jumped to his feet and stood opposite Legolas. The Elf's hands had turned in to fists. "Legolas, do not ask for something that I cannot give you. No man will ever possess me, and no Elf either. I do not give myself in that way to another Man. Things would be different if..."
Legolas proudly raised his head and glared at Boromir. "If I were to submit to you? Is that what love means to you? To establish dominance of me in that way? To make me submit to you? You have much to learn, Son of Gondor." Legolas turned about and marched away from Boromir.
Boromir stared at Legolas' back until the Elf had vanished from view. "What happened?" They had both wanted to make love... Why had Legolas' wish upset him that much? It was true that no man had ever taken him, but he would have made an exception for Legolas because he loved the Elf. "What did I say?" He rubbed his brow, and was about to chase after Legolas to beg the Elf's forgiveness when the slithery voice stopped him.
/You did well, my Liege. You made the right choice. A King should never submit to another man. Let the Elf go./
Horrified, Boromir listened to the voice. The Ring! "Nay, I won't let you come between Legolas and I. You won't destroy this bond!"
Evil laughter filled his mind. /Son of Gondor, I already have! The Elf no longer believes you love him! Do not chase after him like a love sick idiot. Be strong and follow me instead!/
"Nay..." Boromir shook his head. "Get away from me. You're full of lies and deception." Legolas... He had to catch up with Legolas and explain, beg for forgiveness.
/Run all you like, Son of Denethor, but in your heart you know you belong to me!/
Boromir broke out in a run, chasing after Legolas and trying to ignore the mocking voice.
Legolas dropped to his knees, buried his hands in the earth and shook his head. Boromir had rejected him, his love! What had he done wrong? Was it so wrong to give love instead of merely receiving it like he had before? Why couldn't Boromir understand that?
Suddenly his head jerked. Or had the Ring something to do with Boromir's rejection? He had heard its voice all day long, trying to manipulate Boromir, but it had gone silent when he had instigated their lovemaking. Had the Ring found a way to shut him out and had it continued to manipulate Boromir?
"Boromir..." Legolas pushed himself to his feet again, feeling weak and angry simultaneously. Boromir's rejection had weakened him and the bond was fading. He would return to the Halls of Mandos if Boromir didn't really love him. He had been a fool to accept the Man as his mate!
Boromir's voice took him by surprise. Why hadn't he heard the Man approach? They called him the eyes and ears of the Fellowship, but he felt blind and deaf right now. "I wish to be alone." The rejection still stung.
" I want to apologize," whispered Boromir in an upset tone. "I never meant to reject you."
Legolas finally made eye contact and was stunned to find Boromir's eyes swimming with emotion and unshed tears. "Boromir?"
Boromir shrugged his shoulders, looking guilty and remorseful. "Your request surprised me and..."
"Why did it surprise you?" Now that Boromir was talking Legolas hoped to keep the conversation going and find out what had possessed Boromir to act like he had.
"I..." Boromir moistened his lips, feeling utterly nervous. "I never allowed anyone to take me... I... panicked..."
Legolas raised an eyebrow. "You panicked?"
"And then there was this voice... That slithery voice..." Boromir's eyes asked for forgiveness. "I don't know what drove me to speak to you in that manner. You...you are the only one I would allow to... to..."
Legolas nodded once. "It was my mistake as well. I assumed you were ready to take this step." He frowned. "What about that slithery voice? Was it the Ring again? I know it's been talking to you. At times I hear it as well..."
Boromir felt shocked. "You can hear it?"
"Yes, when it's talking to you. You shouldn't listen to the deceiver's voice. It wants to control you." Legolas took one step closer to Boromir.
"Will you forgive me?" Boromir raised his hands pleadingly.
"Aye, I forgive you," said Legolas firmly. "But you must stop shutting me out. I can't help you fight the Ring if you push me away."
Boromir sighed relieved, feeling Legolas' arms wrap themselves around him. "I will try harder... If only it would stop whispering to me."
"It knows the desires of your heart and is playing you..." Legolas rested his head against Boromir's shoulder. "I will keep you from falling in to Shadow... If you let me."
"I'll never shut you out again," promised Boromir.
But Legolas knew how powerful the Ring was and it would try to put Boromir under its spell again. He had to remain vigilant or he would lose Boromir. "Let us return to the rest of the company. They might be getting worried."
Boromir nodded and followed obediently.
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