Dinîf en Qualen
Glorfindel led Erestor back to his rooms. After closing the door behind him, he steered the trembling Elf to the fire place, where they slowly went down onto their knees. Erestor’s arms came up behind him, pressing him close. Glorfindel returned the embrace, waited for the shaking Elf to rest his head on his shoulder and then rocked him slowly until the emotional storm had passed.
“I… am-m s-so s-sor--ry…” stuttered Erestor, his face buried in Glorfindel’s silken hair. “I n-never…w-wwant-ted t-to f-fall… apart l-like this-s.” He felt ashamed for breaking down in front of the Elda. It was beyond him why Glorfindel continued to put up with him.
Glorfindel drew in a deep, steadying breath. “You need to let go, nîn amdir. You have kept this locked up inside you for so long, and now that it is finally allowed a way out, your pain demands to be heard. Do not feel ashamed or embarrassed, melamin.”
Erestor continued to sob for a few more minutes and then lifted his head, making eye contact with the blond. “Why are you s-still here? Aren’t you f-fed up yet with m-my behavior?”
Glorfindel’s eyes shone with love and understanding. “I am not your father, Erestor. I won’t get cross with you for being upset.”
Feeling caught, Erestor lowered his gaze at once. He had wondered when Glorfindel would be angry with him for the first time, but so far the Elda had only shown patience and understanding. “I am s-sor—“
But Glorfindel interrupted him. “There is no reason to be sorry, melamin. Just allow me to comfort you.” Erestor’s tears stopped and using his sleeve, Glorfindel wiped away the tears still sitting on the dark-haired Elf’s face. “Do you feel better now?”
Erestor nodded reluctantly. It was true; he did feel better. “And n-now what?” He felt adrift on a sea of emotions and couldn’t think straight.
“Now we will take a hot bath, dress you in a sleeping robe and then I will hold you tight for the rest of the night.” Glorfindel smiled proudly, realizing he had made Erestor smile. “I take it you would like that?”
Erestor smiled shyly. “Aye, I w-would.” The Elda got to his feet and pulled him along into the bathroom. Suddenly his nervousness returned. Did Glorfindel plan on them taking that bath together? Shuffling his feet, he watched in amazement as the blond began to take off his clothes. A moment later, a naked Glorfindel looked at him, raising an eyebrow at finding him still dressed. “I…” he stuttered, embarrassed, wondering what to say or how to act.
Glorfindel walked over to Erestor and took the dark-haired Elf’s hands in his. “Do you trust me?” If Erestor said no, his world would shatter into tiny pieces.
“I do,” choked out Erestor, “But…” Biting his bottom lip, he stared at the blond’s magnificently shaped body. “I d-do not compare to you.” And he didn’t want Glorfindel to accidentally see the scars on his neck.
Unexpectedly Glorfindel began to unbutton his tunic, and Erestor continued to bite his lip, shuffling nervously.
To Glorfindel, Erestor looked like a trapped animal, deadly afraid of having to suffer more pain. “Trust yourself to me, melamin. I promise to take good care of you.”
Erestor had lowered his gaze and was now staring at Glorfindel’s hands, which removed his belt, letting his robes fall open. “I am a-afraid I will
d-disappoint you,” he admitted in a strangled tone. He flinched when Glorfindel pushed down the robes. They now pooled at his feet, revealing his trembling, naked body to the blond. His breath caught when the golden-haired Elf knelt in front of him, but then he realized Glorfindel wanted him to step out of his boots, which he promptly did.
Glorfindel got to his feet again and extended one hand to lead Erestor into the pool of warm, scented water. The pool was big enough for both of them and he slowly guided Erestor down the steps until the water reached their waist. “Sit down.”
Probing the ledge, formed beneath the water surface, Erestor slowly sat down and stared at Glorfindel, who reached for the soap. Erestor felt paralyzed when the golden-haired Elf sat next to him, pulling him close. Glorfindel’s legs parted, and the Elda pulled him even closer. His breath caught, feeling the blond’s still lax sex pressed against his buttocks. Overwhelmed, he closed his eyes, but that didn’t stop the tears from rolling down his face.
Glorfindel was unaware of the second emotional storm that was now raging inside Erestor and began to tend to his lover’s hair, washing it gently. His gaze was drawn to the scars and he wondered if he could bring them up. He really wanted to know what had caused them. Cupping his hands, he rinsed Erestor’s hair. Frowning, he realized that Erestor’s shoulders shook and the raven-haired Elf had wrapped his arms around his waist. “Melamin, are you crying again?”
Glorfindel rested his hands on Erestor’s shoulders and turned the other Elf around so he could look at his face. The tears had reappeared, but there was something else that shone from the dark eyes; fear. But no, that couldn’t be! Why would Erestor be afraid of him? “Nîn amdir? Please confide in me and tell me what has upset you!”
Erestor’s lips became a thin line. He knew Glorfindel had no idea what had sparked his fear and he didn’t want the Elda to think this was his fault. “It is n-nothing.” He opened his eyes and hesitantly met Glorfindel’s gaze.
Realizing he had to do something, Glorfindel asked, “Does it have something to do with these scars?” He let one fingertip trace the scars and caught Erestor’s startled gasp.
“Please… do not t-touch me in that m-manner.” Erestor bowed his head and began to sob again. Just when he had thought things were finally looking up, Glorfindel had to ask that particular question.
Glorfindel stopped caressing the damaged skin, but he refused to break off bodily contact and wrapped his arms around Erestor’s waist, forcing the dark-haired Elf to lean into the embrace. Erestor seemed reluctant at first, but then rested his head against the blond's shoulder. Glorfindel released a relieved sigh. “Remember, you can trust me. You can tell me what caused them.”
“But I do n-not want to t-tell you!” Erestor’s eyes filled with sadness and remembered fear. “I do not w-want you to look at me… w-with loathing in your eyes.”
Glorfindel frowned. “Why would I look at you like that?”
Erestor trembled, but realized this had to come in the open. He hoped he wouldn’t lose Glorfindel’s love, but the Elda had a right to know the truth.
“P-put your ha-hand on my n-neck.”
Glorfindel trembled when he followed Erestor’s instructions. His heart skipped a beat when the raven-haired Elf bowed his head. “What are you doing?”
His surroundings suddenly faded. The bathroom was gone and Erestor was back in his father’s house. Eridhren had a tight hold on him, bending him forward. “M-most of the time I br-brought my f-father to orgasm b-by using my hands... or my m-mouth... whatever he d-desired... but in the end… it w-was no longer enough.”
Glorfindel started at Erestor’s continued stutter and realized the Elf was lost in his memories. He quickly removed his hand, pulled Erestor against him and stroked the long hair. Giving his lover the time he needed, he waited for Erestor to continue, already dreading the terrible things to come.
“He was about to f-force himself on m-me and… and I… I ran. I could n-not let that hap…pen.” Erestor needed to see the expression in Glorfindel’s eyes and looked at the blond. Seeing the sadness and understanding in the sapphire eyes slightly reassured him and made him continue. “I knew... I would d-die if I l-let him t-touch me in that w-way.”
“So you ran?” Glorfindel was holding his breath. “You must have been so scared, so confused.”
“But even b-back then… I was d-determined to s-survive... and get away from him... I w-wanted a better life for myself… b-but I did not know how… t-to accomplish that.” More tears escaped Erestor’s eyes. “I r-ran…, but he caught me and gave me the worst b-beating I ever had to endure… I ran again... and this ti-time I headed for Thranduil’s throne r-room… I hid b-behind his throne and w-when he f-found me I knew I was s-safe... I begged him to k-keep my fa-father away from me… and he d-did… Only a f-few hours l-later… I was traveling… to Imladris.”
Glorfindel tightened his hold on the trembling Elf. Erestor looked startled by this maneuver, but eventually returned the hug. Making sure Erestor was tightly enfolded in the embrace, Glorfindel used one hand to lift the trembling Elf’s face until Erestor finally made eye contact. Staring deeply into the dark pools of pain and sorrow, Glorfindel sighed deeply. “Why did you not tell me earlier? I knew your father abused you, but I never realized he actually tried to force himself on you in that way.” But it explained why Erestor had flinched when he had settled the dark-haired Elf between his legs.
“I… c-could not-t t-tell you,” whispered Erestor in an emotional tone. “I could n-not t-tell… anyone. The only one… who k-knew was Thranduil… and… he pr-promised to n-never tell a l-living soul… My secret-t was s-safe… with him.”
“It must have been hard for you to build a life here in Imladris.” Glorfindel now caressed the long, wet strands of dark hair, occasionally pushing them behind a delicately curved ear.
“It w-was... Elrond wanted to send me b-back… when he realized I had not r-reached m-majority… and I do not know what I w-would have d-done… if he had insisted I l-left. I would n-never have returned home… I would probably have fa-faded.” Erestor studied the Elda’s eyes. Glorfindel seemed shaken, but was still holding him. Did that mean the blond still wanted him?
“I will have to thank Elrond for letting you stay then.” Suddenly tired of discussing the past, Glorfindel leaned in closer and touched his lips to Erestor’s. The dark-haired Elf flinched away from the touch and stared at him. “I just want to kiss you, melamin.”
Erestor lowered his eyes. “No one e-ever has. I d-do not know how… What…” Confused, he looked pleadingly at the blond. “I do not k-know what to d-do. I have been alone… for so long.”
“That has changed, melamin.” Glorfindel determinedly tried again, and this time succeeded in bestowing a gentle kiss on trembling lips.
“I will d-disap-p-point you,” repeated Erestor. “E-e-motionally I am a m-mess, and I am not s-sure I will ever be able to r-return your kisses, your touches, and your… l-love.”
Glorfindel immediately soothed him. “Melamin, so many things have happened in these last few days and it is understandable that you feel confused. Give yourself the time to recover.”
“But you cannot… want a lover who fl-flinches at every t-touch! Who clamps up when k-kissed!”
But Glorfindel smiled warmly. “I am not worried about those things, for I am sure you will feel more confident in time, and you do trust me, do you not?” Erestor nodded once, biting his lip again, something which Glorfindel found utterly charming. “Would you wash my hair?” He had to do something to take away the tension that had build between them.
Erestor took hold of the soap, and slowly washed Glorfindel’s long mane. Sitting on the Elda’s lap felt odd and he prayed to Elbereth that his lover wouldn’t grow aroused; he wouldn’t be able to deal with that.
Glorfindel read that very thought in those dark, startled eyes and realized just how fragile Erestor still was. It would take time for the raven-haired Elf to adjust to his new life. “I love your touch,” he said, trying to reassure Erestor, who was now rinsing his hair. Seeing Erestor blush made him smile warmly. “Will you let me comb and braid your hair later?”
Erestor returned Glorfindel’s gaze shyly. “Then the s-scars will show.”
“Does it matter?”
“I do not want anyone to s-stare at them... They will wonder what caused them.”
Glorfindel drew in a deep breath. “Elrond and the twins have already seen them.”
Erestor grew pale. “They have…?”
“When they cared for you. Elrond told me that one of the twins discovered them. And I do not want to worry you, but I think they already figured out that your father was responsible for them. They might not know the details you just told me, but—“ Glorfindel stopped talking, seeing the embarrassed expression on Erestor’s face. “You should stop worrying about these things. Your father is gone and you should concentrate on your recovery.”
Erestor felt nervous. “Why do you want to b-braid my hair?”
“Because I love the way it feels when I run my fingers through it, and I have a particular design in mind for these long, beautiful tresses.” Erestor’s pallor changed into a blush, slightly reassuring Glorfindel. “Wait here for me. I will fetch some towels.”
Erestor was surprised when the blond lifted him effortlessly and placed him on the ridge beside him. Glorfindel then exited the pool and Erestor’s breathing slightly sped up, seeing droplets slide down the blond’s gorgeous body. He panted in surprise when his groin tightened. He was growing erect, but that couldn’t be happening! Ashamed, he wished his erection would go away, but then Glorfindel bend down to pick up the towels and the perfect round globes sent another wave of desire through his body. Quickly, he closed his eyes. /I cannot lust after him like that. It is wrong./
Glorfindel heard Erestor’s sharp intake of breath and looked over his shoulder at the dark-haired Elf. Erestor’s eyes had closed and a panicked expression lay on his face. He quickly hurried back to the pool and searched the Elf’s face. “Melamin?” The blush on Erestor’s face confused him. “Come out of the water. It is growing cold.”
“I cannot… do that,” stuttered Erestor in embarrassment.
Glorfindel frowned. “Why is that?” He unfolded a towel and held it in front of him, hoping to lure Erestor from the cooling water.
“I can… not,” whispered Erestor, panicking now that his arousal refused to fade. Why had he looked at Glorfindel when the blond was bending over?
Realization finally dawned on Glorfindel and he trod carefully, knowing that Erestor’s ideas on sexuality differed from his, which was understandable, considering what the Elf had been through with his father. “Melamin, I am honored that my body pleases you. There is nothing wrong with desiring me in that way.”
“But it is… wrong,” whispered Erestor, stricken now that the blond had figured out he was erect. “I do not want to… to be like my father.”
Glorfindel swallowed hard, dropped the towel and descended into the pool again. His hands now clutched either side of Erestor’s head and he made sure he had the Elf’s undivided attention when he addressed him again. “You are not your father, Erestor. You are a compassionate and caring soul, who deserves to be loved. Please do not be afraid to explore the physical side of our love.” He paused, uncertain if he should address this now, but in the end, he decided he should. “You have never had a lover before?”
“Never,” whispered Erestor, nervously.
“But you did touch yourself when the tension in your body became too much?” Glorfindel knew this topic made Erestor uncomfortable, but it was better to discuss it now.
His arousal was fading now that they were discussing this and Erestor sighed, distressed. “Only when I had to… I tried to do it at little as possible.”
Glorfindel cursed Eridhren for doing this to Erestor. “It is normal to find pleasure in touching yourself, melamin.” Taking the plunge into the deep, he added, “I would like to touch you and bring you pleasure.”
“Right n-now?” Erestor’s throat tightened with tension. His voice sounded hoarse when he added, “Why?”
Glorfindel chose his words carefully. “What your father did was wrong. Forcing you to touch him like that was wrong. He should never have done that, and because of it you never found pleasure in touching your body. I want to bring you pleasure and show you that there is nothing wrong when lovers touch each other in that way. I want to see passion and rapture in your eyes. I want you to pant my name when reaching orgasm. Let me free the passion that you have kept locked away for so long?”
Erestor blushed, hearing Glorfindel’s words. “It is still beyond me… w-why you want me.”
“I know you do not understand,” said the Elda in a saddened tone. His hands dived beneath the water and he entwined his fingers with Erestor’s. “The water has turned cold. Come with me and let me dry your skin and braid your hair.” The sensual moment had passed, and he could tell by looking into the dark eyes that Erestor’s arousal had faded.
Erestor nodded slowly. Glorfindel was right; the water was cold and making him shiver. He followed the Elda out of the water and allowed Glorfindel to wrap several warm towels around his trembling frame. After the blond had rubbed him dry, Glorfindel reached for a sleeping robe and told him to put it on, which he gladly did. Being naked made him feel uncomfortable.
Glorfindel quickly dried his skin and then slipped into a shirt, which barely covered his private parts and buttocks. He took hold of Erestor’s hand and led the Elf back into the bedroom, where he sat him down in front of the mirror, running first his fingers and then a comb through the black, tangled mass of hair.
Erestor still felt nervous, occasionally catching a glance of the half-naked Elf behind him. The fact that certain body parts were still visible unnerved him. Part of him wanted to reach out and touch the smooth skin, but another recalled his father touching him like that, and the last thing he wanted was for Glorfindel to feel pressured.
Glorfindel read the conflicting emotions in Erestor’s eyes and it was the very reason why he refused to cover up more of his body. He hoped Erestor would feel more comfortable in time, maybe even confident enough to actually touch him when seeing him naked. “Would you open the bottom drawer for me?”
Erestor reached forward and opened the drawer, revealing a wooden box. He arched an eyebrow questioningly.
“Take it out of the drawer and place it on the dressing table.” Glorfindel noticed the apprehension in Erestor’s eyes and sighed. The raven-haired Elf said he trusted him, but was that the truth? And could he blame Erestor for being careful and suspicious after everything he had been through? “Now open it.”
Erestor’s fingers trembled when he opened the box. Tiny golden beads in the shape of flowers, and a circlet, with a flower woven into the gold, glimmered in the velvet clad box. Then he remembered; he had seen Glorfindel wear this on formal occasions. The circlet represented the house he belonged to when he had been captain of the Golden Flower in Gondolin.
“Hand me one of the beads?” Glorfindel had braided Erestor’s hair into small plaits and now added the first bead, weaving it into the dark tresses.
“What are you d-doing?” Big-eyed, Erestor stared at the blond, who now told him to hand him more beads. He had never before worn his hair braided and now Glorfindel was also decorating it with golden, flower-shaped beads.
“I want to see you wear these. I think they will suit you very well.” Glorfindel ignored Erestor’s confused expression and reached for the front tresses, putting the same knots in them which Elrond liked to wear, once more adding the beads.
“W-why are you doing-g this?” Erestor swallowed hard. “I have hidden these s-scars my entire l-life, and n-now… you… are…” His voice faded, seeing the disappointed expression on Glorfindel’s face in the mirror. Now he felt guilty for disappointing the blond!
Glorfindel sighed. “Do you want me to remove them?” He had hoped that Erestor was ready to stop hiding the wounds which Eridhren had inflicted on him.
Erestor almost nodded his head, but in the end, he whispered, “Leave them in-n.” Instantly the smile returned to Glorfindel’s face and he couldn’t help smiling back. “But I do think it looks r-ridiculous.”
“Why?” Glorfindel finished weaving the last bead into the dark hair and then checked his handiwork. Erestor looked breathtaking and he swore he saw golden specks in the dark eyes. Bending forward, he wrapped his arms around Erestor. “I think you look breathtaking, nîn amdir.”
A fierce blush spread across Erestor’s features and he quickly averted his eyes. “I do n-not look breathtaking. The s-scars make me look ugly.” Then he sucked in his breath when Glorfindel’s soft lips touched the scars, kissing the damaged skin. He was about to ask the Elda to stop when Glorfindel’s fingers softly stroked the plaits, and that gesture took him aback, rendering him speechless. The amount of love displayed in the kisses and touches nearly brought tears to his eyes.
“I have not finished yet,” whispered Glorfindel into Erestor’s ear. He reached past the dark-haired Elf and took hold of the golden circlet.
“No… Please… Don’t.” Erestor squirmed on the chair, lifting pleading eyes to meet Glorfindel’s determined ones. “Why… are you… doing this?”
“I want you to know how much I love you.”
“But others might see me w-wear it and…”
“Hush now, nîn amdir. I want others to see you wear it. I want everyone to know just how much I love you.” Skilled fingers quickly worked the circlet into the braids until the coronet sat tightly in the long hair. “I have no ring to give you… yet, that is… but I hope this will prove my love to you. I want you as my life partner, my mate, do you understand that? I want to be with you for the rest of my life.”
Erestor moved on the chair until he was facing Glorfindel, who now lowered himself onto his heels so they were level and could look into each other’s eyes. “But you can do *so* much better. I am scarred for life.”
Glorfindel determinedly shook his head. “I refuse to believe that. I understand that you feel like that right now, because your father reappeared, but you will feel more comfortable in time. And I will do my best to prove to you that I love you.” He smiled warmly, wrapped his arms around Erestor’s waist and rested his head in the dark-haired Elf’s lap.
Erestor didn’t know what to make of Glorfindel’s affectionate gesture and slowly raised a hand to caress the golden hair. He nearly froze, hearing the blond purr his contentment at feeling his touch. “What do I do with you…? Why won’t you listen to reason…?”
Glorfindel raised his head and grinned at Erestor. “You want to know what you should do with me? Love me. It is as simple as that.”
“Not… that simple.” Erestor sighed deeply. The night’s events were catching up with him and he was growing tired. He doubted however, that he would be able to sleep.
Catching the fatigue in the dark eyes, Glorfindel rose to his feet and pulled him along to the bed. “We should sleep now. Arien will rise in a few hours and I want you rested in the morning.”
Erestor went willingly, trying hard to avoid looking at the smooth round globes that showed beneath the blond’s shirt. Another pang of arousal swept through him, nearly making him sway. Lying down, he quickly pulled up the covers, hoping the Elda hadn’t noticed the return of his erection.
But Glorfindel had, and when he lay down, he allowed the shirt to move up his stomach, revealing his lax member, nestled in a bed of blond hair. Erestor’s eyes seemed glued to his groin and he easily identified the curiosity and fear in the dark eyes. It would be a while before Erestor would dare touch him. “Would you snuggle up to me? I would love to hold you close tonight.”
Erestor closed his eyes and returned to biting his bruised lip. He slowly moved closer to Glorfindel, rested his head against the blond’s shoulder, and tentatively wrapped one arm around the Elda’s waist. When his fingertips encountered bare skin, he blushed. The sensation sent another wave of desire through him and confusion overwhelmed him. What, in Elbereth’s name, was happening to him? His hand rested on a slender hip and he gasped when Glorfindel draped one leg possessively over his, keeping him in place.
“Please open your eyes and look at me,” requested Glorfindel in a soft tone.
Unable to deny the blond, Erestor locked eyes with him. Did Glorfindel know what kind of confusing sensations were coursing through him? But no, the Elda couldn’t possibly know he was hard again and… Aiya, probing fingers brushed his erection and he wanted to jerk back, but Glorfindel held him in place. “What…?”
“Will you allow me to touch you? I want to pleasure you.” And maybe Erestor would manage to fall asleep after climaxing. Maybe releasing this tension would ease his troubled mind -- or at least Glorfindel hoped so.
Erestor, caught up in his feelings, couldn’t believe he was actually nodding his head, giving the blond permission to touch him. He didn’t know why he longed for Glorfindel’s touch, but he did. He wanted to get as close to the Elda as possible, and when skilled fingers curled themselves around his throbbing erection, his eyes widened impossibly.
“Be at ease, melamin. I love you and want to give you pleasure.” Glorfindel moved a little closer and gently claimed Erestor’s lips. The dark-haired Elf wavered, but then the lips and teeth parted, allowing him to dive into the warm cavern. Moaning into Erestor’s mouth, he stroked his lover’s hard flesh, enjoying the feel of pre-ejaculate that now dripped from the head. Releasing Erestor’s lips, he smiled and teasingly licked the bruised lips.
Erestor couldn’t believe this was really happening. Glorfindel was doing incredible things to him. One hand continued to stroke his arousal, whilst the other gently massaged the sac, bringing him to a shattering orgasm within seconds. His body shook and his mind was barely capable of accepting the pleasure that coursed through his body. Shaking like a leaf, he clung to Glorfindel, riding out maddening waves of ecstasy.
Looking into blue eyes, Erestor found them swimming with tears. “Are you… crying?” His body was still shaking with ecstasy when he gently wiped one tear from Glorfindel’s cheek. “Why?”
Glorfindel smiled through his tears. “Because I am so happy!”
“Happy?” Erestor still trembled, quickly gathering Glorfindel close to him. The hand that had brought him to orgasm now rested on his hip, beneath his sleeping robe, and caressed his bare skin.
“Aye, happy, because you trusted me enough to allow me to touch you in that way. I could tell that you were scared.” Glorfindel wiped away his tears and then grinned impishly. “You made me come.”
Erestor frowned, puzzled. Stealing a look at Glorfindel’s groin he saw that the blond had found release as well. “But how? I never touched you.”
“Seeing you climax, and knowing I was the one doing this to you, made me come too.” The impish smile remained on his face, as he kissed Erestor’s lips one more time. “You have no idea what you do to me, do you?”
Erestor, still mystified, shook his head. “I am still trying to understand why you even want to be with me.”
Glorfindel knew it was the truth and nodded once. “Let me clean us up and then we will try to sleep, agreed?”
Still puzzled, Erestor nodded. He sighed, distressed, when Glorfindel released him to fetch a wash cloth, and curled up where the blond’s body had been, soaking up the warmth that still radiated from the mattress.
Glorfindel found him like that, dozing off already and he quickly cleaned them up. After disposing of the wash cloth, he slipped into bed again and Erestor immediately curled up against him, draping a leg across his thigh. The dark-haired Elf was clinging to him like his very life depended on it. “Sleep well, nîn amdir, and may you dream of our love.” He kissed Erestor’s brow and enfolded the Elf in a warm hug. “I will never let you go again.”
Erestor, who was balanced between sleep and a waking state, still caught Glorfindel’s words. Sleepy, and feeling sated after reaching orgasm, he whispered, “I love you, nîn meril, my golden flower…”
Glorfindel beamed with pride and love, hearing Erestor’s admission. The raven-haired Elf was finally beginning to open up to him and obviously trusted him. “I will never betray your trust or your love,” he vowed, his eyes growing heavy with sleep as well.
Within minutes both were sound asleep.
Beta read by Ilye, thank you!
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