I Need It Back to Hurt
By Altricial
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Notes: I wrote this ages ago as a diary entry thingy and decided to Potterise it and so it is rather OOC but what the hell, it fits as a lost scene from Dragons exist only in fairy tales so there.
I Need It Back to Hurt
By Altricial
This is the Knowing faery.
There are no secrets from her.
She knows where all things hidden are.
She can find all things that we have lost.
But most of all,
She knows what we have hidden
in our hearts.
"Can you feel it? My heart... It's broken."
-- Great Expectations
Dearest Harry,
This is one letter you'll never get to read.
I'm sealing it with a kiss and burning it to yesterdays.
In this one letter, I am writing it straight from where it hurts most,
straight from my heart.
No more polite "how are you", no more lies of "fine, what about you".
This is where I ask you the one simple question that has been burning inside me,
pushing me to the edge of sanity,
ever since our last goodbye.
Do you still love me?
Please lie to me.
Let me hear what I need to hear
and I'll tell you how my heart slowly heals with each call you don't make,
and how it breaks all over again with each call you do make.
How I can still taste your kisses every night, deep in my dreams.
How I wake up sobbing in my bed, all alone, without you to hold.
Just lie to me, sweetheart.
Won't you make me smile again?
I read a quote from somewhere today and it reminded me of you.
"One day you make a wrong turn, or take a detour, and you end up in some crazy place you can't even find on the map, doing something you never thought you would do. Maybe you feel a little lost while it's happening, but later you realize that was the best bit of the trip."
That was how it was, falling in love with you.
I'm learning how to read the map now.
Maybe one day I'll find the way right back into your arms again.
Will you wait for me?
Will you still want me?
I still remember that day, I was late meeting you and you owled me a note I still keep.
"Don't worry, I'll wait." That's what you said.
Promises keep me warm.
Especially yours.
I'm sure you don't remember that anymore, but I do.
I remember.
Since the day you left, that's all I've been doing.
Remembering.
That's all I have to keep me breathing since you've been gone.
Memories.
Is that enough for you?
Do you remember that game we once played?
To teach each other a new spell a day?
You taught me how to change my eyes the shade of emerald green.
I taught you how to block out the sense of smell.
The other day, all by myself,
I saw the after-shave you've always use, sitting on the shelf.
The bottle was beautiful green, kind of like your eyes.
I sprayed a little on my throbbing pulse
and brought a little bit of you with me to bed by moonshine.
Did you hear me crying that night?
Once upon a fairytale,
Or maybe, just upon a dream,
I held onto something special,
Something called you and me.
But as fairytales are likely to end,
Or maybe, as dreams are likely to die,
There was nothing left to hold onto,
Nothing left of you and I.
Once upon a faded picture,
Or maybe, just a faded rose,
A faded love is still remembered,
Something only you and I know.
But as memories linger with the picture
And fragrance with the rose,
I'll remember what we had,
Even if you don't want to know.
Remember that night? Under the starlight?
You held me in your arms, ever so tight,
and promised me everything was going to be all right.
That night, I gave my heart to you.
My one and only. Pure and true.
Now that you are gone, can I have it back?
Do you still have it?
Cause I'm finding it a little hard, staying alive without it.
And I'm finding it a little painful, being all right
without you.
still yours,
Draco.