Aishiteru
This is a Blank/Zidane fic. It takes place after the game has ended. I tried to make it really sad, but I’ve never tried to write an angst fic before. Please read and review and tell me what you think of it! It took me about an hour to write. Oh yeah, and I wrote it to the song Toki ni Ai Wa, from Utena. It has to be the most gorgeous song I have ever heard. If you have not heard it, then go and download it! Please enjoy!
Of course, I also don't own Final Fantasy 9 in any way, shape, or form!!
Aishiteru
I sat there on my bed, staring out the window. The rain was coming down even harder now than before. Kind of a gloomy atmosphere for a wedding day. Yeah, Dagger and Zidane, they’re getting married today. Right now, in fact. Why aren’t I there? I don’t want to make a fool of myself. Who knows what I might do when I see them.
Sure. Zidane and Dagger are kind of meant for each other. But why? "Why?!" I shout. Why are you doing this to me right now, Zidane?
I realize that I was standing up. Sitting down, I look back at the window. Rivulets of rain were streaking down the pane. Things were kind of blurry, then I notice that I’m crying.
I thought that we’d always be together. I thought our relationship actually meant something. I should have known though. I wish we’d never gone on that stupid mission to kidnap the princess of Alexandria. Kind of ironic that Zidane would fall in love with her, wasn’t it?
I hadn’t realized it for a while. Zidane always flirted with girls. It’s his nature. After a while I figured he would give up, find someone more interesting, or come back to me…
"Dammit, Zidane! Why are you doing this? Did you even think it through?"
Of course he had. If he hadn’t, then he would be down there saying "I do" to the person he loves. Maybe if I had tried something. Tried to get our relationship back together. But no, I had sat back and watched. Was it all my fault? Was it all my fault for thinking that this girl, the princess, was going to be just like the others?
I stood up and walked up to the window. The sky was dark, covered with clouds. I looked up at the huge sword sticking out of the middle of the castle. Beautiful, you know, the way the rain came down on it. Made it have a certain kind of sparkle.
Memories came flooding back. When I first met Zidane, us as kids, stealing my first loaf of bread and sharing it with him. One instance always stayed firmly implanted in my mind. How long ago was it? Had to be about 8 years. Had it really been that long?
What Zidane had said that day had changed my life forever. Maybe that’s why I feel this way. I don’t remember exactly what we were doing. But his words will echo, echo, echo… "I love you, Blank. We’ll always be together, right?"
Yeah, that’s what it was. That was the first time I had looked to him longingly. I had always wanted to be with Zidane. So had he for that matter. Damn that Cid. Had to give us that mission. Had to ruin my life forever. Sure Zidane and the others ended up saving the world, but what’s the point of saving the world if you can’t save the one you love the most.
I traced one the of the rivulets of water running down the window pane.
How come it always had to end up this way. When the new comes along, you let go of the old. Dagger was the new. Dagger was the one that ruined my life. Maybe if she had just turned him down flat in the beginning, when she didn’t have feelings for him. Maybe then Zidane would have stopped trying. Would’ve forgotten about it. Would’ve forgotten about her…
What was wrong with that girl? Why did she make Zidane so happy? What did she have that I didn’t have?
There was nothing I could do now. What was I supposed to do? Go running into the wedding shouting "I love you"? That would catch his attention. But how would he take it? In front of everybody. In front of Dagger. I wondered if the ceremony was over now. The reception was probably going on now, so there was nothing I could do anyway.
I looked back up at the clouds. Good, I thought. It’s good to be stormy on the day of my love’s wedding. Ha! That will show them how I feel. That will make their spirits go down.
But no. I shouldn’t be thinking this. If I really loved Zidane, than wouldn’t I want him to have a happy marriage? Wouldn’t I want to do everything to make him happy?
Even if he didn’t love me in return?
I shouldn’t say that either. Zidane did love me. He loved me as a friend and as in a brother in Tantalus. But that’s not the kind of love I want. I want something more. Something that’s already been taken away from me.
I kicked the wall. "Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn! Why does it always turn out this way?"
Tears were starting to well up again in my eyes. I didn’t let them come though. I held them back with all my will. I’m not 8 years old anymore. Though sometimes I wish I was. If I was still 8 years old then Zidane would still love me. Then Zidane would still have feelings for me.
"What happened, Zidane? What happened to what you said 8 years ago? You lied to me…"
No. Zidane didn’t lie to me. He wouldn’t kept his word if certain individuals hadn’t pushed their fat asses into the picture.
I turned away from the window. Now even the dark clouds were too bright and cheery for me. Nothing could stop my grief. Nothing except one thing. I longed for Zidane to come through the door. Say he was sorry. Say he didn’t know what he was doing. Say that he loved me.
Deep down inside I knew he never would. He loved Dagger know. He was king, god damn it. He was king! Why would he back down now? For a love long ago? Still, there was no wrong in hoping…
I started to walk towards the door. I had to get out of this room. I felt all bent up inside, like nothing I had ever felt before. "Zidane you shiseiji! Why’d you do this to me?"
I set my hand on the doorknob and slowly turned it. I looked around, walking out from my bedroom. It was quiet. Eerily quiet. Everyone was at the ceremony. Even the guards had left their posts. I was probably the only one that wasn’t attending. Sure, everyone would ask why I wasn’t there. I wasn’t sure what I would say though. Could I tell the truth? Not know. Not that he was married to Dagger. I would have to make something up.
I started walking. Walking along the carpeted hallway that overlooked the grand hallway. All the rooms were up here. Lined up, one by one. Zidane and Dagger’s new suite was up on the top floor. The only room up there. It must take up the entire floor.
I had never really noticed how beautiful the castle looked from up here. I leaned on the railing, looking down. There was usually plenty of hustle and bustle down there. Sometimes making it kind of hard to sleep because of the noise. The quiet was breathtaking. Never before had it been this quiet here. Not even in the middle of the night. You could always hear the occasion guard talking or a tourist asking what each place was.
I got back up and starting walking again. The carpet was soft. They’d spared no expense fixing the castle up.
I didn’t really know where I was going. I kinda’ knew, deep down inside. I knew what I had to do. I knew the only way I could lose this pain inside of me…
I reached the elevator. They’d just put it in a couple of days ago. It was amazing how it worked, you know. No more taking endless flights of stairs and wearing yourself out.
I pressed the button that called the elevator and then stepped into the newly furnished box. I eyed the controls, I’d only used this once before, and then pressed the button that said 4, the top floor. I stepped back and felt the elevator slowly start moving up. When it stopped, the doors flew open and I stepped out before they could close again. I was still kinda’ scared of that.
I walked around the hallway until I came to the only door on that floor. Testing the handle, I found it unlocked. Barely anyone locked their doors here. It was too safe of an environment. No one felt like they weren’t safe here.
I walked inside the room. It nearly took my breath away it was so big. A huge four-poster bed sat in the middle, a bedside table on each side. The bathroom was off to the side. Tables, counters, desks, chairs, you name it. They had pretty much everything. I walked over to the desk. It had to be Zidane’s. I expected that Dagger had her own somewhere else. I sat down in the chair behind it, feeling what it would be like to work in a place like this. There was a pad of paper and a pen sitting on the top, so I guessed that Zidane had been writing something. I picked up the pen and scribbled down what I had always wanted to say to Zidane.
I thought about throwing it away, so I scrunched it up. But then I realized that Zidane might never know why, so I set it back on top of the desk.
I started scrummaging through his drawers. I was looking for something. I knew it had to be here. Where else would it be? He always kept it safe.
I pulled open the last drawer. Aha! I had found it. Zidane’s dagger. He never went anywhere without it. Except to his wedding ceremony of course. I fingered it lightly in my hands, kinda’ making up my mind. Better to let the pain be gone than to live with it forever.
I got down on my knees, holding the dagger with both hands. This should make an impression on him. Maybe this will show him how I really felt all along. I held onto the dagger as tight as I could, positioning it in front of my chest.
"So long, Zidane."
I plunged it into my chest as hard as I could. Pain erupted throughout my entire body. My hands were soon drenched with blood. I pulled the dagger out again. It hadn’t worked. It wasn’t close enough. I was shaking with pain. I willed myself to hurry. I wanted the pain to go away. I position the dagger more to the left this time, right over my heart. Then I plunged it in again. Pushed it in all the way. Just as I felt I couldn’t stand it any more, I blacked out. Then I knew it was the end…
2 hours later…
Dagger laughed as Zidane led her out of the reception hall. He was taking her out to eat at one of the fanciest restaurants in Alexandria. He knew that they couldn’t really go on a honeymoon, as they had to govern the county. But their country could wait a little bit.
They walked into the grand hall and headed for the door. This was the happiest day of his entire life.
Zidane turned around when he heard running footsteps coming from behind him. He quickly turned around. Marcus came running and stood before him, catching his breath.
"Marcus?" Zidane asked. He had never seen Marcus’ face so downcast before. "What is it?"
"It’s about Blank."
"What about Blank?" Zidane asked nervously. What was going on?
"He’s… … dead…"
"What?!"
"You’ll have to see for yourself." Marcus ran off. Both Zidane and Dagger ran after him.
They enter the elevator not saying anything. When they reached the top floor they walked to the door of Dagger and his new room. The door already stood ajar. Marcus led them inside and over to Zidane’s workdesk.
"Oh my God!" Dagger screamed.
Blank lay on the floor, Zidane’s dagger in his chest. Blood was all over the floor.
Tears didn’t come right away for Zidane. He was in too much shock. "Why? Why, oh why?" He ran over to Blank and knelt down. "Blank! Blank, wake up! Why, Blank?"
"He’s dead, Zidane." Marcus said softly.
Zidane stood up. His eyes fell on the crumpled up piece of paper lying on his desk. He carefully picked it up and tried to straighten it out. By now his eyes were so full of tears that he could barely see. He looked down at the words, struggling to make them out. The scribbly writing, the crumpled paper, and his tear-filled eyes weren’t making it any easier to read. But as he laid his eyes down on the words he almost didn’t have to read them to know what they said.
"Aishiteru… Zidane."